I don't normally have a lot of dreams. There are times where I will not have a single dream for years and suddenly I will have rapid fire dreams in a short period of time. Most of the dreams that I can remember were very strange dreams, doing seemingly impossible things, saying things that I wouldn't normally, seeing strange animals and their unusual behaviour. Needless to say that when I wake from these dreams, I feel very puzzled sometimes almost stunned. Gone are the days where I sometimes have nightmares, the kind that scare you shitless, wake up in sweat.
However, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I've had a dream unlike any I've had. It wasn't a nightmare nor was it the regular strange dreams nor the kind that makes you feel like you don't want to wake from that dream (this is extremely rare for me). I was emotionally drained from a dream that seems to last forever. Woke up to a gloomy day which kinda matched how I felt when I woke up. It took me several minutes longer to recuperate from such a dream than usual to examine and reassure myself that it was just a dream.
It described a situation of loss, regret and hopelessness. The futility of my actions in dream world, to try and change something that I've already lost. My stupidity in front of my peers in dream space further highlights my desperation to try and save something that I've conceded. Even though the events that took place in the dream were deemed to be ridiculous, far-fetched at best in the real world, I still felt as though it really did happen. It really was heart-aching both in the apparent and reality.
If you believe that dreams are a manifestation of the subconscious, perhaps there is something to it. Perhaps it is to leave me in a position where I must decide to either gamble and possibly win or to be pre-cautious yet again and lose. Nearly all my dreams never relate back to me this full on until today. Perhaps it's just a fluke, a stroke of coincidence. That it was just a dream after all. But the heart ache felt might mislead me to think otherwise. Or maybe, like a dream, the manifestation of the subconscious idea is just an illusion.
I need to lie down.
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