I was born in the year of the rat, sneaky little creature according to the story of how the zodiac was formed. But rather than identifying myself as the sneaky little one, I'd take the quietness and low key behaviour of a rodent. For the many years that I have cleaned the church, I've always told people that I'm the church mouse, wandering around church at night when no one is around, squeaking at...cleaning the church? A timid creature that runs aways whenever the spotlight is on it, occasionally getting myself into trouble by not recognising the mousetrap behind that block of cheese.
Needless to say, I don't handle attention very well. So when recently there was a kaya fest after bible study and they wanted to pit my kaya against others, I naturally felt uneasy and fidgety. There's a number of things that are slightly undesirable about mine which leads me to think that the first response is "meh". In fact that was one of the reactions prior to this but that's another story. Well the result just faded into silence which restored me from my feelings of uneasiness. Then I went back into mouse mode and nibbling on toast and eggs.
When I do things for people, I generally do it for a few select people, some group that stays contained or under a huge veil of anonymity. Having too much attention leaves me uneasy and if it's a question you ask me, I will just deflect it somewhere else or just not answer at all. It's the same thing with approaching a mouse, you don't run after it to catch it. Like mice too, my actions are low key as well.
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Watched The Producers yesterday and it was a further reminder on what I have missed in the musical theatrical world when growing up. The first musical I watched was Starlight Express way back in 1996 in London. A trip where I went through 90% of the trip with no glasses. So I didn't understand the theatre production simply because I couldn't see it and I didn't understand music in theatre (or rather I was ignorant about music then). It was still a nice atmosphere but I didn't get the whole deal. Not to mention that Malaysia lacks good musical production.
It is one thing to love the Disney Renaissance animated films that had musical value but it is an entirely different thing in real life. And so because of this I get annoyed at myself whenever I watched/listened to great musicals shouting deep down "WHICH ROCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER?" Remember, you are talking to the guy who didn't watch The Sound of Music or Mary Poppins in it's entirety until about 2009. The final nail in the coffin was when I listened to the soundtrack of Wicked, the greatest musical I have never seen. I remember when I got the soundtrack it was on loop every day for a good two weeks. My sister was even complaining about it.
I'm friends with people who live and breathe musical theatre and it's hard because I want to be part of that conversation but have zero input (relative to them). No chops man, no chops.
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At some point, I'm going to do. I don't know how or when but I will do it.
I might regret it. Good God what am I doing.
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