What makes things awkward?
It's a question that I have been thinking about for the past couple of months. The motivation for this was because I might soon be living in a situation that breeds awkwardness, more than the usual. I have long skimmed awkwardness aside because I thought it was just a phase and it shall pass. But lately I have been thinking that it is not as simple as it being a "phase".
Let's start with a classic example, a couple. Regardless of who you are, there is always at least one, that one couple you know where virtually everything they do generates awkwardness around them but they are completely oblivious because they are lost in their own world. The awkwardness sometimes even spills over to the individuals that make up the couple. At this point, this scenario still falls under the category of it being a feeling as a by-product of some action. In the case of couples, this action can come from a long list of actions; PDAs, speech, conversation topics, conversation replies and so on. I would call this direct awkwardness, where the source of the awkwardness comes from person(s) generating it. What makes it awkward is the skewed ideology/feeling of what a couple should do around others.
But it also seems that awkwardness can be generated by other people and places it squarely at the couple, even if there was no action that would provoke awkwardness. In other words, making things more awkward than they actually are. Again, I would dare to say, we know of at least one person who can make any situation (even more so around couples) feel awkward. A bit like Joey from the TV sitcom Friends where he can make anything sound dirty. Side note: a friend tried to make "aioli" a dirty word because apparently the orange aioli I made for steak sandwiches is so good that it should illicit some sort of innuendo. I have crazy friends. Anyway, this would then be indirect awkwardness. Things become awkward because of a person's personality, that weird friend of yours who eats awkwardness for breakfast.
Both direct and indirect forms are on the macro scale ie. it affects everyone in the same conversation circle (possibly those who are eavesdropping too). There is a micro level description as well where it is a lot more selective. This happens where when interacting one-on-one with the individuals that make up a couple, nothing happens. But when interacting with both of them, some form of awkwardness emerges. Even if you were to ask the same questions, you'd still feel awkward with the couple than with the individuals. This form does not make any sense at all as to what makes this awkward, at least on the conscious level.
That is my problem.
It has come to my attention that there is a growing number of people in my circle of friends that I show this micro level behaviour. Some of whom I have known for a very long time and has never had a shred of awkwardness in all those years but yet it appears when I'm talking to a unit that consist of two people. It is something I don't understand and when I don't understand something I don't know how to fix it and so the problem just sits there causing a ruckus. On some occasions I do know what might be the cause of it but am never really sure that it is the root cause. I remember when I was at a friend's wedding recently where the pastor was sharing a few words before the solemnisation that people will see the newly wed couple in a different light, that we can never really go back to looking at them the same way we did when they weren't a couple. I think to a certain extent this is true for couples in general, whether the relationship was 2 days old or married with kids. Perhaps this new perspective is causing me this awkwardness though I'm not exactly sure what this perspective is.
Maybe the idea of awkwardness is the cause. I've told many people that I was particularly scarred after a week long trip to Tasmania a couple of years back. I cannot think of a more awkward stretch of time than this. And since then I have been very compulsive about the number of people and who is going when there's an event. Like anyone who has a genuine phobia, even just the thought of it scares them. I think it may be the case with me and awkwardness.
I want to fix this. With a record breaking 19 engagements this year alone, if I continue to have nothing to do with awkwardness, I will run out of people. And that's not good for this ageing man. I will try and start tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
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Had a great conversation about family with some friends. It's amazing what kinds of stories you get from friends talking about their own family. I guess I should have realised it earlier but when hearing things from other families, you know that your strange family tree is not so strange after all.
Also a friend talked about being stuck at a particular age as you grow older. And I wonder, am I still stuck? Or am I maturing?
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