It was perhaps no coincidence that my role and circumstance in this year's July Camp was exactly the same as back in 2009. Doing the things I love in the hopes of distracting me from something else. And in both cases, the outcome was also exactly the same, limited success. Again, I am now left to searching for something, someone or some group to confide in. As usual, I may find it but as history has shown me, it is most likely a temporary solution. There are many descriptions I can give to describe my current state and how I feel but let's not go there.
There are other limited successes that I've come to enjoy in camp and that would be my very slight contribution to one of the Bible studies when I had some free time. I hope the result of this contribution will lead into something that the next generation of Bible study leaders to bear in mind. Because I think we've never really tried stepping into the lives of the members when we are doing Bible study. General widespread answers yet unwilling to share our struggles with one another which I think creates a deeper impact. Whatever happened to edifying God's people? I certainly hope that we do this more often, I didn't understand this when I was Bible study leading last time and so I hope that others will learn it while they still can. It's not a book club meeting, it's a support group meeting.
While I continue to search, it may very well be the case that what I am called to do is like that of a friend I recently got to know. He has uprooted himself many times for short periods of time to go to different parts of the world making some kind of an impression during that short time and repeat. Whatever the answer is, may I see it with such clarity in the days, months or years to come and not to feel insecure every once in awhile. Everyone has a choice of at least two lifestyles (and I'm not talking about the good vs bad, holy vs unrepentant), this would be one of them. I'll leave it as an exercise to figure out the other lifestyle. It is either one or the other.
Thus, I am making a decision to give myself one more chance before I close the door myself. I might as well try and save my energy for something else. Because it is becoming absolutely tiring to be in this state, waiting. Absolutely. Tiring. After this, no more*.
It is well.
*Unless the Almighty intervenes. God's sovereignty always comes first.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
0 comments