Very eventful weekend with so many things to do and leaving me very very tired by the end of the day. A big plus was a couple of friends popping by over the weekend for a visit, having a ball. Despite the seriously rubbish weather on Saturday, it was still great to hangout the whole day indoors. Moved most of my stuff out to the new place and took about an hour to complete everything.
Went to see Eddie Izzard live and he is just genius. I think the thing that I like about him the most is that there is always an overarching line of thought that he wants to present but every now and then goes off in a tangent. Most comedians that I've seen have blocks of content and there isn't really much continuity between the blocks. He just has one huge block he needs to go through. If you have seen any clips of his comedy and notices his posture, expression in words and in action, he is still all that and probably more on stage. The other thing that I like about him is that he does quite a fair bit of word play in his jokes. It's one of those that are borderline smart and lame, not too lame that just make you go "ARGHHHH!" but it's actually very witty. Love it! The first 20 minutes or so was quite a bit irreverant as he professes to be an atheist and gave some evidence for his belief (or lack thereof) so it is a bit hard to laugh at jokes no matter how funny it was. But soon after it became funnier and funnier till the end of the first half we have been sufficiently warmed up. When the second half came in, he totally killed us. Well timed recurring jokes, very clever word play, a little randomness, had us all in stitches. It's so scattered that by the end of the show when we are trying to remember the really funny bits, we struggle to remember them. And of course we don't quite have the same delivery as he does. But it was so good. So very good.
Another thing that we did was a lot of shopping. I, of course, did not buy anything. But watching friends shop, look at things they like, criticise other things and the likes is very interesting. Coming from a person who knows next to nothing about shopping I can only stand back and observe. Perhaps I'm too analytical in trying to discern what makes one thing nice compared to something else even though they seem to be almost similiar. Enough exposure and I will usually be in the same direction with my own choices then I've come to learn that there is a lot of things that I have to unlearn in order to look good. My friends are generally very excited about anything style related (which I again know nothing of) and even got to the point where they got even more interested to know what I would look like had a had surrendered myself over to them and had a pile of cash stuffed inside the pockets of my baggy jeans. I'm sure if I did that they would do the best job and I'm sure I would like it because they are that good with this knowledge. This geek behind the keyboard is very interested and impressed with their kind of knowledge. Perhaps it is the environment that have been immersed in before coming to Australia that gave them this wealth in knowledge that I do not possess.
I've always had clothes that are rather big or have the appearance of big, maybe it is because of the Asian mentality. Buy shirts two sizes bigger so can last longer when you are growing up. But what it fails to teach us (or at least what I fail to learn) was that there is a point where you stop growing and you cannot follow the same mantra as before. You'll get carded by the fashion police. It is further exaggerated by the fact that I'm a geek, a nerd and a dweeb. And so at 27 years old, I finally understood it. Very typical.
This was all to make one look good and perhaps radiate some self confidence. I've never really understood where the line was between aiming to look good and being vain, or between self-confidence and arrogance. So in another typical move, I aim to play it safe, don't bother to try and look nice and lower yourself. Because really, I don't want to give any of that impression to other people. So having this paradigm shift is a scary thought, thinking twice before trying, say a new pair of jeans. Almost crippling.
I sometimes wonder how on Earth do these awesome friends of mine are still friends with me. It amazes me that a person with zero style with too much faux science in my head, with no culture and no class is able to mingle with people that have a refined sense of style for longer than a week. Details, the marketing and advertising ethos, the vocabulary and all that jazz boggles my mind. In the words of Eddie Izzard, "Oh...my brain is getting hot.". Highly interesting, even exciting but something I cannot fully grasp or comprehend. Perhaps I never will. But that's OK. I've been fine up to now and I'm sure I'll be fine despite the T-shirt, baggy jeans, seriously worn out shoes and a brain that is chock full of internet memes especially cats.
That $575 jacket is starting to taunt me.
--------------------------------
"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn" - Gore Vidal
Perhaps it is because I don't know/do any of these.
---------------------------
Perhaps, I am seriously doing it wrong. Who am I kidding?
Spring Cleaning
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
at
11:36 PM
The past couple of days I've been spending time clearing my stuff around the house to be packed neatly and to start living off a suitcase soon. I'm usually very lazy when it comes to regularly cleaning my stuff so it is no surprise that I find very ancient documents. Some of them are pleasantly surprising, bringing back some kind of memories of years gone by. Others though are like skeletons in a closet you forgot ever existed. Finding them reminds you of a time where you'd prefer not to remember anything.
Apparently I still kept my conditional offer letter to Cambridge and whatever thick booklets they have sent to me. That was probably my most proudest moment, that I finally got accepted into the university that I'd wanted to go for years, to be amongst giants in the mathematical society. Although I didn't go eventually (and after much hindsight, kinda regretted that move) it was definitely one of the best things to come out at that time. I think since I've been mixing around with more Singaporeans than my fellow countrymen, I came across a pamphlet for international students that are about to commence a postgraduate study in the United Kingdom to obtain an Academic Technology Approval Scheme (ATAS) certificate prior to entering the country. Reading that document was pretty funny in Singlish. Hehe.
Coming from the same year, I found some other things that greatly contributed to my insecurities and to some extent, my cynicism. After reading a letter from the past, it reminded me of the poor choices that I have made and have paid quite a price for it. There were some positives, as any of these will have, but deep down I somewhat knew it wasn't the best choice. This makes me sound a bit of an ass but I was right. But it doesn't matter any more. Because of many occasions like this, I constantly beat myself up for not doing the right thing from the very start. Actually I just beat myself up.
It's funny for me to think that these two events happened in the same year. One terrifying high and low. For a person who isn't too fond of taking the emotional roller coaster, it's not a surprise that that year was probably the least favourite of them all. What's even more interesting is that even though these two events seem completely independent of each other, I cannot remember one without the other. It's like a mental monument erected as some kind of a milestone for me to remember this year even though I'm not terribly fond of it.
So where does all of this lead me to? Your guess is as good as mine.
------------------------
Three songs on loop
Apparently I still kept my conditional offer letter to Cambridge and whatever thick booklets they have sent to me. That was probably my most proudest moment, that I finally got accepted into the university that I'd wanted to go for years, to be amongst giants in the mathematical society. Although I didn't go eventually (and after much hindsight, kinda regretted that move) it was definitely one of the best things to come out at that time. I think since I've been mixing around with more Singaporeans than my fellow countrymen, I came across a pamphlet for international students that are about to commence a postgraduate study in the United Kingdom to obtain an Academic Technology Approval Scheme (ATAS) certificate prior to entering the country. Reading that document was pretty funny in Singlish. Hehe.
Coming from the same year, I found some other things that greatly contributed to my insecurities and to some extent, my cynicism. After reading a letter from the past, it reminded me of the poor choices that I have made and have paid quite a price for it. There were some positives, as any of these will have, but deep down I somewhat knew it wasn't the best choice. This makes me sound a bit of an ass but I was right. But it doesn't matter any more. Because of many occasions like this, I constantly beat myself up for not doing the right thing from the very start. Actually I just beat myself up.
It's funny for me to think that these two events happened in the same year. One terrifying high and low. For a person who isn't too fond of taking the emotional roller coaster, it's not a surprise that that year was probably the least favourite of them all. What's even more interesting is that even though these two events seem completely independent of each other, I cannot remember one without the other. It's like a mental monument erected as some kind of a milestone for me to remember this year even though I'm not terribly fond of it.
So where does all of this lead me to? Your guess is as good as mine.
------------------------
Three songs on loop
|
0
comments
|
Plus One
Sunday, November 20, 2011
at
1:29 AM
Another year gone.
So many things to be thankful for but as usual I still think I'm just the same 17 year-old boy in high school except with two degrees, many litres of alcohol later and a decaying body. Will things change? Probably not but I'm sure you'd say otherwise. I've learned to be a little more selective in a slightly reclusive way over the years. Perhaps it's my age showing or maybe that's really how I roll. With little, I enjoy much more.
I appreciate those who have bothered to ask me the deep questions in the past, something that I tried avoiding or have little appreciation for. Perhaps it is because of the many occasions of self-reflection (cleaning church contributed to most of those occasions) that made me realize that these questions are subtle checks to make sure that your head is screwed on tight. Keep those questions coming. And you don't have to wait for that day to ask. Just don't expect me to give you an answer straightaway. You just have to ask.
The next one is going to be different. So very different.
So many things to be thankful for but as usual I still think I'm just the same 17 year-old boy in high school except with two degrees, many litres of alcohol later and a decaying body. Will things change? Probably not but I'm sure you'd say otherwise. I've learned to be a little more selective in a slightly reclusive way over the years. Perhaps it's my age showing or maybe that's really how I roll. With little, I enjoy much more.
I appreciate those who have bothered to ask me the deep questions in the past, something that I tried avoiding or have little appreciation for. Perhaps it is because of the many occasions of self-reflection (cleaning church contributed to most of those occasions) that made me realize that these questions are subtle checks to make sure that your head is screwed on tight. Keep those questions coming. And you don't have to wait for that day to ask. Just don't expect me to give you an answer straightaway. You just have to ask.
The next one is going to be different. So very different.
|
0
comments
|
Relatively Speaking
Sunday, November 13, 2011
at
11:17 AM
Been hearing a lot about relatives of friends of mine, about the things that they do and the things they say to them, I find quite fascinating. But the thing that fascinates me the most is that most of my friends still have this developed sense of closeness with their relatives, be it cousins, uncles and aunts despite some of their occasional peculiar behaviour. It kinda saddens me a bit because that is something that I used to have with my relatives. As I ponder on the what and the why, I think about how would I look like had I still had that same closeness with my relatives as I did when I was growing up.
I used to love the pilgrimage back to Penang over the school holidays (or even Chinese New Year) because I really look forward to playing with my cousins and talk to my uncles and aunts and some of the elders who are able to speak English. I was (and still am) a horrible Hokkien descendant so whatever little I knew about Hokkien is not enough to sustain anything, not even a cry for help. I see them once, maybe twice a year, but every time it is always a happy time for me to go there and spend the week. Oh and the food. Oh the food.
The pilgrimage to Penang was to see my father's side of the family. My mother's side on the other hand was a bit more complicated. Unlike my dad's side where almost all of his side of the family are in Penang, my mum's side are spread between 3 countries. The closest was JB/Singapore. When I'm not going to Penang over the school holidays, I would travel to JB/Singapore to play with my other cousins. I used to be very close with them because for most of the time we literally had the whole house to ourselves to play (and this was a BIG house). We could do anything like we had a care in the world. Needless to say, I also enjoyed that time where I was there spending the week. The rest of the mum's side I would not see for years, sometimes a decade, but that never bothered me. Not yet.
Slowly but surely, things changed. The pilgrimage felt different during my teenage years, mainly because most of my cousins (most of them are considerably older than me) started bringing in their plus ones or that they decided to start a new family tradition by going on overseas holidays during Chinese New Year. My grandmother losing her memory and not to mention my inability to speak to her aggravates the growing distance. Suddenly I felt lonely at a time where it is supposed to bring family back under one house. My cousins from JB/Singapore then migrated overseas and it would years before I see them again. Not to mention that I started seeing cracks within my own family as well. This realization of course never really came to me until much later and it really saddens me, not only for the situations that led to this distance between myself and my extended family but for me as a person.
My teenage years could be described as rather reclusive. I was only really known for 3 things back then; science, math and chess. It took me a long time before I came out of my shell and even then I questioned myself on whether it was a stupid thing to do. It doesn't surprise me that the time when the distance between myself and my used-to-be close relatives coincided with my rather reclusive nature in high school. I was a lot more social in my childhood days partly because of the nature of play. Perhaps it was the hormonal engine kicking in that started the decline.
Whatever the reasons are for causing the distance, it is clear that that shaped me as a person to a rather large degree. Looking at my other friends and how they are like only adds to my theory. So, I wonder how would I be had I had the same closeness as I did back then. Perhaps more bold, confident. Perhaps more sociable, greater approachability. Maybe no change at all. Trying to rebuild a bridge with this kind of distance now is an extremely hard task, my previous post is a testament to that albeit not doing a very good job, if any.
Right now, I've had friends that shaped me to who I am now, largely. We had some crazy fun times together (and still do). But I think it cannot completely take over what close relationships with the extended family bring. Of course things like personality are significant variables to take into account but generally this is how it is. Which, very badly of me, I am trying to do that very same thing.
--------------------------
More than a decade since I have watched this movie and nearly two decades of hearing this, but I understand and feel it more now than ever. Perhaps I should go through some of the old romance movies again.
I used to love the pilgrimage back to Penang over the school holidays (or even Chinese New Year) because I really look forward to playing with my cousins and talk to my uncles and aunts and some of the elders who are able to speak English. I was (and still am) a horrible Hokkien descendant so whatever little I knew about Hokkien is not enough to sustain anything, not even a cry for help. I see them once, maybe twice a year, but every time it is always a happy time for me to go there and spend the week. Oh and the food. Oh the food.
The pilgrimage to Penang was to see my father's side of the family. My mother's side on the other hand was a bit more complicated. Unlike my dad's side where almost all of his side of the family are in Penang, my mum's side are spread between 3 countries. The closest was JB/Singapore. When I'm not going to Penang over the school holidays, I would travel to JB/Singapore to play with my other cousins. I used to be very close with them because for most of the time we literally had the whole house to ourselves to play (and this was a BIG house). We could do anything like we had a care in the world. Needless to say, I also enjoyed that time where I was there spending the week. The rest of the mum's side I would not see for years, sometimes a decade, but that never bothered me. Not yet.
Slowly but surely, things changed. The pilgrimage felt different during my teenage years, mainly because most of my cousins (most of them are considerably older than me) started bringing in their plus ones or that they decided to start a new family tradition by going on overseas holidays during Chinese New Year. My grandmother losing her memory and not to mention my inability to speak to her aggravates the growing distance. Suddenly I felt lonely at a time where it is supposed to bring family back under one house. My cousins from JB/Singapore then migrated overseas and it would years before I see them again. Not to mention that I started seeing cracks within my own family as well. This realization of course never really came to me until much later and it really saddens me, not only for the situations that led to this distance between myself and my extended family but for me as a person.
My teenage years could be described as rather reclusive. I was only really known for 3 things back then; science, math and chess. It took me a long time before I came out of my shell and even then I questioned myself on whether it was a stupid thing to do. It doesn't surprise me that the time when the distance between myself and my used-to-be close relatives coincided with my rather reclusive nature in high school. I was a lot more social in my childhood days partly because of the nature of play. Perhaps it was the hormonal engine kicking in that started the decline.
Whatever the reasons are for causing the distance, it is clear that that shaped me as a person to a rather large degree. Looking at my other friends and how they are like only adds to my theory. So, I wonder how would I be had I had the same closeness as I did back then. Perhaps more bold, confident. Perhaps more sociable, greater approachability. Maybe no change at all. Trying to rebuild a bridge with this kind of distance now is an extremely hard task, my previous post is a testament to that albeit not doing a very good job, if any.
Right now, I've had friends that shaped me to who I am now, largely. We had some crazy fun times together (and still do). But I think it cannot completely take over what close relationships with the extended family bring. Of course things like personality are significant variables to take into account but generally this is how it is. Which, very badly of me, I am trying to do that very same thing.
--------------------------
More than a decade since I have watched this movie and nearly two decades of hearing this, but I understand and feel it more now than ever. Perhaps I should go through some of the old romance movies again.
|
0
comments
|
Udang Di Sebalik Batu
Thursday, November 10, 2011
at
11:48 PM
I've recently met up with a relative of mine after numerous attempts of having a meet up. Partly because I have been avoiding it. But I have to say that it was rather odd that my relative sounded pretty hyped up about having a meet up. Previously, this was not the normal behaviour. In fact any mentioning of a meet up is very rare and rarer still is the actual meet up. Experience tells me that this sudden change in behaviour often comes as a result of an agenda. But like most of the time when experience tells me one thing, I'd do the complete opposite just to see if I'm wrong. True enough, experience was right again.
Within less than 5 minutes of sitting down in a restaurant, one-on-one, the agenda got out. Starting with the usual "how are things with you" talk, he announced that he had quit smoking. Great! Then I noticed a slight shift in tone, to a tone where I can almost hear a sales pitch coming from a mile away. The reason for this new found smoke-killer was an "investment" that promises butt loads of cash for seemingly little work. And sure enough pretty much the whole dinner was just talk about the sales pitch. Nothing more, nothing less. Here I was sitting at the restaurant feeling pretty stupid listening to a sales pitch that I have heard a thousand times from "friends" and acquaintances. The numbers may have changed a bit here and there but overall it's the same principle. The same dodgy principle.
The sales pitch itself was actually the thing I was least annoyed at, surprisingly enough. It was the attitude that my relative had taken on from this semi-religious, pseudo-philanthropic pyramidal scheme company. Claiming that most of the successes of the company were Christian, that they train their members to be a better person and all while they pursue money like dogs chasing a thrown stick is just not right. For more than half the time, the sales pitch included the scenario of wouldn't it be great if you can earn a 6 figure sum of money while doing virtually nothing, sugar-coated with Christian jargon and values sounds almost repulsive. I'd actually would feel better if the sales pitch had zero mention of Christians. Considering the drive and enthusiasm from my relative (he was pretty on about this company's beliefs and principles) and all in the name of making huge amounts of money while being a better person, this is almost hypocritical. Sounds too good to be true. Giving the illusion of hope that I can be one of those people in the company that literally earn millions, this sounds pretty toxic to me.
I really want to believe that my relative has changed for the better, I really do. He has had quite a rough life and lately he has been doing good. But with his latest immersion into this company, reminds me that the pursuit of money will grip anyone and will channel one's time and effort away from God. The whole idea that we should be doing as little work as possible while reaping as much benefits as possible, I don't think, is even biblical. Remember that work was given before the fall of man, that work is supposed to be a good thing given by God. It was the frustration of work that came with the fall. Work in itself is not a bad thing, actually it's the contrary. So thanks for the pitch on the prospect of no work but earn money but no thanks. I'd rather keep my programming job, earn whatever little that I earn and be content.
------------------------------
She left on a Monday.
Some good advice there.
------------------------------
A wise man once said that being a bachelor for too long is sometimes a bad thing, makes you set in your ways. *squint eye*
Within less than 5 minutes of sitting down in a restaurant, one-on-one, the agenda got out. Starting with the usual "how are things with you" talk, he announced that he had quit smoking. Great! Then I noticed a slight shift in tone, to a tone where I can almost hear a sales pitch coming from a mile away. The reason for this new found smoke-killer was an "investment" that promises butt loads of cash for seemingly little work. And sure enough pretty much the whole dinner was just talk about the sales pitch. Nothing more, nothing less. Here I was sitting at the restaurant feeling pretty stupid listening to a sales pitch that I have heard a thousand times from "friends" and acquaintances. The numbers may have changed a bit here and there but overall it's the same principle. The same dodgy principle.
The sales pitch itself was actually the thing I was least annoyed at, surprisingly enough. It was the attitude that my relative had taken on from this semi-religious, pseudo-philanthropic pyramidal scheme company. Claiming that most of the successes of the company were Christian, that they train their members to be a better person and all while they pursue money like dogs chasing a thrown stick is just not right. For more than half the time, the sales pitch included the scenario of wouldn't it be great if you can earn a 6 figure sum of money while doing virtually nothing, sugar-coated with Christian jargon and values sounds almost repulsive. I'd actually would feel better if the sales pitch had zero mention of Christians. Considering the drive and enthusiasm from my relative (he was pretty on about this company's beliefs and principles) and all in the name of making huge amounts of money while being a better person, this is almost hypocritical. Sounds too good to be true. Giving the illusion of hope that I can be one of those people in the company that literally earn millions, this sounds pretty toxic to me.
I really want to believe that my relative has changed for the better, I really do. He has had quite a rough life and lately he has been doing good. But with his latest immersion into this company, reminds me that the pursuit of money will grip anyone and will channel one's time and effort away from God. The whole idea that we should be doing as little work as possible while reaping as much benefits as possible, I don't think, is even biblical. Remember that work was given before the fall of man, that work is supposed to be a good thing given by God. It was the frustration of work that came with the fall. Work in itself is not a bad thing, actually it's the contrary. So thanks for the pitch on the prospect of no work but earn money but no thanks. I'd rather keep my programming job, earn whatever little that I earn and be content.
------------------------------
She left on a Monday.
Some good advice there.
------------------------------
A wise man once said that being a bachelor for too long is sometimes a bad thing, makes you set in your ways. *squint eye*
|
0
comments
|
Epiphany
Sunday, November 6, 2011
at
10:56 PM
It has been some crazy week where there has been some rapid fire beta releases to fix bugs that crop up. Some of them were due to my stupidity, others were bugs that were always there only that they had just been found and some just appear because we are moving to different OS versions. But work has been good and as a result made me enjoy other things that I otherwise would have taken it for granted.
For one, getting rest at the end of the day (unless of course there is a looming deadline) is that much sweeter. During uni days, "work" and rest are so interleaved that we barely take the time to enjoy it. Sure this puts constraints on what we can do or cannot do but I think it is better to be in a situation where you fully appreciate something, whether it is the work you do or the rest at the end of the day/week, than to have absolute free reign of your time to dictate what you should be doing with your time. Perhaps it is just me who likes it this way. I used to work in a bookshop and it can get pretty hectic right up to closing time but when I come back home, I feel satisfied. Another reason why I am probably well suited for low to mid level type jobs. Or perhaps it is my age showing.
Another, also related to rest, are the weekends. I have done quite a lot of stuff during the weekends (but mostly pre-planned and then start firing up the spontaneity engine). Feels so much better than just lazing around at home. And yes, I finally get what you working people think about the weekends. The past couple of weekends has just been filled with many things outside the house especially this weekend with the lovely sunny warm weather. Also manage to smash a friend with alcohol.
And of course the issue of work itself. Work has always had a word-of-mouth marketing scheme of promoting itself as a soul-sucking thing that voids you of all things good in the world. But it is not so with me, maybe not yet. Perhaps it is something about being a low/mid level worker who have a "just follow instructions" mentality or have the patience to sit down and plow through the work that helps us in the resistance of the soul-sucking side of work. And when it is done, there is a genuine form of happiness/satisfaction from it and not the negatively slanted "Oh thank God this thing is over!" response.
I don't know, perhaps I might change my tune several months down the track. That I might fall into the category of millions of other people mumbling and grumbling about their work, stressed about the amount of things that they have to do, feeling numb as the months go by. I hope I don't go down that path. But I do hope that I do not complain, continue to give it my all in my work and most importantly, work is a God given thing. Work without God in mind is meaningless.
-----------------------
Closing time. Moving time. A new time.
For one, getting rest at the end of the day (unless of course there is a looming deadline) is that much sweeter. During uni days, "work" and rest are so interleaved that we barely take the time to enjoy it. Sure this puts constraints on what we can do or cannot do but I think it is better to be in a situation where you fully appreciate something, whether it is the work you do or the rest at the end of the day/week, than to have absolute free reign of your time to dictate what you should be doing with your time. Perhaps it is just me who likes it this way. I used to work in a bookshop and it can get pretty hectic right up to closing time but when I come back home, I feel satisfied. Another reason why I am probably well suited for low to mid level type jobs. Or perhaps it is my age showing.
Another, also related to rest, are the weekends. I have done quite a lot of stuff during the weekends (but mostly pre-planned and then start firing up the spontaneity engine). Feels so much better than just lazing around at home. And yes, I finally get what you working people think about the weekends. The past couple of weekends has just been filled with many things outside the house especially this weekend with the lovely sunny warm weather. Also manage to smash a friend with alcohol.
And of course the issue of work itself. Work has always had a word-of-mouth marketing scheme of promoting itself as a soul-sucking thing that voids you of all things good in the world. But it is not so with me, maybe not yet. Perhaps it is something about being a low/mid level worker who have a "just follow instructions" mentality or have the patience to sit down and plow through the work that helps us in the resistance of the soul-sucking side of work. And when it is done, there is a genuine form of happiness/satisfaction from it and not the negatively slanted "Oh thank God this thing is over!" response.
I don't know, perhaps I might change my tune several months down the track. That I might fall into the category of millions of other people mumbling and grumbling about their work, stressed about the amount of things that they have to do, feeling numb as the months go by. I hope I don't go down that path. But I do hope that I do not complain, continue to give it my all in my work and most importantly, work is a God given thing. Work without God in mind is meaningless.
-----------------------
Closing time. Moving time. A new time.
|
0
comments
|
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
