Another weekend gone, another two days where I should be doing other things but end up not getting them done. Super lazy and procrastinating a lot in addition to the new Worms game that I have been playing. Did I mention that I also haven't been getting much sleep too?
This was one of the few rare occasions that I had a meal with some of the *much* younger OCFers. A nicely sized group of 6 people all with an age gap of at least 4 years. And I think I am quite happy about it. None of those 20+ people gatherings where all you pretty much get is silliness, rarely anything of substance. Oh and the noise too. Discussions were made about various things that you'd probably will never get in big group settings. Makes you know more about a person and perhaps in an efficient matter too.
In fact, I can't remember when was the last time I had a decently sized conversation where no one was attached or had some "weird" dynamics between a few people (myself including). This might not seem to be like a big deal to most but given the circumstances in the past couple of years and how terribly lost I felt, this small simple meal together was something very refreshing. Also, given a person of my age, you start to "lose" a lot of your friends who you used to have these same types of conversations years ago by virtue of being attached, getting married or raising a family. You can still have fairly decent conversations with them but it is not the same anymore. How and why is it not the same, I lack the vocabulary to describe it. But being able to relive that moment for a short while, has been worth while.
For a person in my position, "losing" friends extend beyond the realm of relationships. Things of stereotypical status value like a job and a decent income, years of work experience, cars, property ownership and many others are also grounds for this phenomenon. I once describe this to a friend that it is like being into an exclusive club where membership starts by ticking the right boxes as described above. As though you were treated like a proper adult and no longer a student which seems to have a level of immaturity stigma attached to it. Once you've made it into this club, a whole range of events and activities are right at your doorstep for you to choose from. Or maybe it's because I'm just boring.
But like most of the time, I have to put up a front that say everything is peachy and I don't care about such things (but actually do, a bit) while deep down there are many things that need fixing. I've also mentioned to some close friends of mine that events in the past 3 years have shaken me pretty badly. Even closer friends tell me that they can see through me and one has gone to the extent of saying that the change of my blog background theme and how I write on my blog were reflective of my changes in response (never really thought of it that way. I thought it was just cool to use this theme). These friends are the ones who keep me sane whether they know it or not. They make me feel that none of these meaningless things that I have been thinking or worrying about matter and it soothes the soul of this aging man. The best part? They are a very small group of people, around 6 of them.
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Even more generic poking! This time by the "kids". Deploy deflector shields and evasive maneuver beta. Engage!
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To the 6 people who have filled in my Johari window, thanks for your input. Most of them I am not surprised by except for one or two. To the two of you have haven't filled in my Nohari window yet, it must have been difficult to narrow down my negatives to 6 choices but please do try. I think I know all of you.
To the rest of you, refer to the previous entry and please complete your analysis of me and let me know. I think it's about high time that you criticize me in 6 words or less online. Links are here again if you need it: Johari and Nohari.
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