The Carlton Community Cookbook launch a couple of days ago was good, featuring a number of recipes from people around the neighbourhood. Also a good time catching with people that I haven't seen in a long time. Of course there was food and I was fortunate enough to bring mine in as well. I think the most interesting comment about the cake I made came from a friend who said "I don't like green tea but shit...it didn't put up a fight against me". Classically funny stuff.
After the launch we went out for some drinks which then turned into bar crawling. It was all to do with the person who we had drinks with. It was also funny because during the whole bar crawling I didn't have enough cash on me and I was traveling with an expired debit card, so I can't withdraw money either. Fail. Met some interesting people along the way and it is probably the first time in a very long while that I've spoken to more Caucasians than I have fingers in one night. And then came the last stop (at least for some of us) which had a DJ going and virtually everyone is dancing. Friday retro night it seems. And the group I came with all started dancing and I've got no backup. I tried to stall the immense awkwardness by pushing for drinks at the bar but that was not to last. A Jager bomb later and I tried blending into the environment and frankly speaking I'd rather start a fight than do this. Thankfully, like any bar crawls, the stop at that place wasn't very long and soon a few of us went out for supper.
Refueling started a whole conversation on being self-aware in various situations. Naturally, it started I told them that I felt like this (Asian) elephant in the room at the last bar. They reassured me that no one really cares and I'm sure they are right but I'm just too aware of my lack of movement. Then it moved on to other things like saying stupid things to a person they like online, over the phone or even face-to-face. Some have stated that they have sent a message without really thinking about it and later finding themselves wondering why did I do that. I think it is safe to say that I haven't done anything stupid because again I am all too aware of the things that I am going to say and what might look like if I sent that rash message. It seems that I'm the only one who has the problem of not saying anything as compare to them being on the other end of the spectrum. I (over?)think and analyse things and often times the magic 8 ball in my head comes with "Can't decide. Ask again later". Aside from that, many other things came up on the table like MSG and creepy/weird pick-up tactics. All of which I would like to have nothing to do with.
This is the last time I'm ever going to a bar with dancing even if the DJ was awesome (which he mostly was).
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I am starting to dislike "grilling" or at least how we make it out to be now. There is no initial slack given to the persons in question. I don't know, it seems there's a lot of pressure from the get-go from a large number of friends (this is an important note: large numbers) because, you know, news travels really fast these days. And it is not a gradual sort of thing, it's just *pow* smacked with this giant wave of questions generated by pure excitement and I think has gone past the level of comfortable. And all in the name of we-really-want-to-know-the-details fun? It's like suddenly you are being "married" to this big group of friends. Except not really.
I was under the impression that it should be gradual, small groups and at least a couple of weeks into it. They've just taken that big jump and I'm pretty sure most of the time, they are still scared shitless about it or still suffering from the repercussions of it. The least we all can do about it is to give them a little breathing space and let things settle a bit. There is a point in time after which can be treated as public information and how we act about it will change appropriately. Even though status-wise, like a switch is either on or off, in reality I think for the people in question it rarely feels that way apart from an official question and answer. Cut them some slack please.
Perhaps I'm over-romanticizing this in the same way that I over-analyze things. Perhaps I'm a little bit old-fashioned. Perhaps it's just the very introverted me. Perhaps I'm just disappointed. One of the things that got me down the last time was peer pressure and certainly with the way things are now, it is only adding to that. Suddenly out of nowhere external expectation collides with them head on and though they say that it is no big deal but does it really not creep up on you in the long run? I have had the unfortunate incident of being labeled as a "bad" person just because I failed to meet the external expectations dictated by a collective. Don't tell me that doesn't affect you the slightest bit because it does on some level. To this day, I'm still haunted by this concept of the added external pressure that it paralyzes me. The pressure might be virtual in that it isn't actually there but like anyone who has a genuine phobia will tell you, even thinking about it scares them.
At the end of the day, it is really up to them. If they are fine with it, so be it. I'm just saying I don't think how we are approaching situations like these to be helpful or encouraging. You may or may not agree with what I say, it is just an opinion. An opinion that, I think, does not carry much weight. I'm just a lowly worm who eats coffee grounds and leftover food, pops up from the ground to say "O Hai!" and burrow back down, or get pecked by the birds of scrutiny. Feel free to discuss this further.
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I find it funny that people have more confidence in me than I do. Either they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about or I don't. It's funny either way.
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If there were such a thing as a past life, I would most definitely be a China factory worker. I would totally own my job.
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