And so 2009 has passed by (or at least this time zone) and what has happened over the past 365 days ago? I've talked to quite a number of people about how was the year like and a lot said that it was a crap year. I couldn't agree any more. But for the other group of people who had like a brilliant year, most of them are because of relationships. The year 2009 was the epic year of marriages with more than 20 friends getting married (some of course to each other). EPIC. And it was also the epic year where new couples are formed as well with more than 10 friends got attached (again, some to each other). Doubly EPIC. Few would classify 2009 a good year based on anything else. Some achieved something in their work or their passion beyond what they can imagine before, others just generally feel like it was a good year.
2009 was a year of failure for me. Failure in nearly all aspects of life possible. And in some cases these failures are further exacerbated by the circumstances around me. I failed my course that I was almost convicted to be in, I failed to find satisfaction in my work, I failed in taking actions for myself, I failed in a relationship, I failed to connect with the OCFers (well, that's debatable) and a long list of failures that I probably have known but lost it at the moment. And of course there are some things that only I know that I am still beating myself because of my inabilities or my failed attempts at it.
What has changed as a result of my failures? Whether people know it or not (that's a test on whether you really know me), a lot of things have changed. I have become more emotional (in a suppressive manner), I have become more reclusive, I have become more cynical, I've developed an attitude of I-don't-care-about-<insert object>, I have less confidence in myself and other people and so on. You know, things that are normally bad to have in a person.
But a year of failures is generally not without a silver lining, if only one looks hard enough. That is certainly true for me. I've suddenly improved on my bass and everywhere I go there is always a tune in my head, I've had the best Bible study group a leader can ever ask for, I've rediscovered another area for work satisfaction, I've had the opportunity to shoot for a friend's wedding but the most important of all, I've rediscovered hope and grace. Without those two, I have no reason to believe that 2010 would be any better than the previous year. I would be wandering through life being in a sheer state of pessimism, annihilating every apparent good thing with my newly acquired cynicism.
So what do I think 2010 holds for me? No one has the ability of foresight but I am hoping that I reconnect with OCF but if that is not the case, then I hope that God would open the doors to another group that I can be a part of. I am hoping that I would be able to let go of my past experiences of 2009. I am hoping that I would be more Christ-like in my relationships with my friends and for my mind to be continued to be Christ-filled. I admit that 2009 hasn't been a good year in terms of my Christian walk but if there is one thing that I learned from the failures of 2009 is that God has never left me despite my stubbornness.
So, in closing I look forward to the new year because there is no use to dwell in the past failures of yesteryears. Like how Jesus deals with our past sins (and those that are yet to come) and makes us look forward to time when there is no death, sorrow or regret. It is now time to go out with the old, in with the new.
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we all have our ups and downs, but God will eventually bring us through whatever it is.
Happy New Year! ;)