Tuesday, December 28, 2010
at
2:46 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
What a year it has been! So much has happened in this year alone that it's just mind blowing. The people I've met, the things I did, the memories. All that jazz. At the beginning of the year, I was hopeful for what this year is going to be after what I regard the previous two years to be rather turbulent (of course, it did have its upsides as well) but I think it was safe to say that I did not expect a year like this to come out as a result. Not in a million years.
Just a mere short list of things that I think are worth mentioning and keeping:
Shot a few pre-wedding shoots + one on the actual day
Did a minor thing for the first Singapore Film Festival
Roadtrips
Massive cook offs and heavy food experimentation
Witnessed the process and launching of an EP album, a macaron business, a few epic orchestral performances and of course the Singapore Film Festival, all done by friends of mine
Many many many crazy late nights, most involve some sort of alcohol and/or greasy food in the mix
Meeting the many cool and crazy people along the way with enormous talent
I truly believe that I do not deserve to be in any part of these things mentioned above and more. For starters, I don't think that a person of my capabilities should be able to even stand next to them. The people that I've met or at least got to know more of have so much drive, passion, enthusiasm and of course pure raw talent that I didn't think that a person of such limited skills, experience, knowledge and the lack of the qualities mentioned in these friends such as myself would even last 5 minutes with this group. They have honed themselves to be the best in what they do with their God given talents that sometimes it's amazing to see them work their magic. I, on the other hand, dabble in a lot of things but never gotten down to such detail and level of focus. I change direction wherever the wind blows. Everything is mish-mashed into a single incoherent entity that should just be burned. Yet, they do not measure friendship by their capabilities but treat me as equal. They have included me and it's in those times that I have given the opportunity to do things that I'd never dreamed off a year ago. And out of these times, there were moments of brilliance (not always on purpose) that come out of my little dabblings. And that is really something to behold.
Another aspect is that I think I am incredibly boring, relatively speaking. I don't do many things outside my normal routine. I don't go out much outside the city, because of transport problems. I don't go out and try new places to eat much, because I'm worried about my finances since I'm still here in Melbourne under "borrowed" money and even when I'm back home in Malaysia I don't know many places. I don't know a lot about music and other forms of entertainment. I don't buy a lot of clothes and stuff, because of finances again but mostly because everything here is just too damn big for me. Also, because I'm a science/math geek. That alone is enough reason for being incredibly boring. The wonderful people that I hang out with are very much in the opposite side of the spectrum. Music, design, art, social networking, writing and all. How on earth did I go from a bunch of geeky math classmates a couple of years back to a 180-degree turn to a bigger bunch of art-related/savvy friends is something that confounds me. I try not to talk too much about geek stuff but at least they'll listen if I do...for the first 5 minutes...if I'm lucky =P
Also, I don't think I'm a very funny person. I say a lot of lame stuff although I have to say I have toned down a bit compared to the yesteryears (I know at least one person would not be happy about this). Only few people will actually entertain these kind of things. While the bunch of friends, on the other hand, come up with so much improvised humour that is just amazing. Exaggeration, hyperboles, lightning fast and often extended associations, all contribute to the crazy funny things my friends can come up with. I think I'm like a parrot on a pirate captain's shoulder that just repeats some of the rather brainless humourous things they say. Very little originality and slow to respond. But I guess humour is the great leveler, as long as we laugh with each other (and occasionally at each other), many barriers are broken down and we realize that we are all the same.
In many of the situations I've been in over this year (if not all), I've played a mainly supportive role. Not many times in my life where I take the lead and charge head on and that is certainly true for this year. I guess you can say it is quite possibly the greatest ability I have. I've developed this affinity to always linger behind the scenes, always doing the things that most people who complain or refrain from doing plain, menial, repetitive tasks. I let other people enjoy outside while I handle the rest of things inside, wash, clean, prepare, cook, move stuff. I say, "Better for them to enjoy/relax than me". Because I think things will go horribly wrong if I take the lead. Seriously. I do enjoy being behind the scenes. I guess it's for me to keep me humble, to make sure that I do not go wanting myself to be in the limelight, to let it go to my head in the slightest way possible. That's not to say that I'm never tempted but I'll bring myself right back down to earth and not push and shove to do it my way.
It is the time where friends contemplate on what are their 2011 resolutions. Most resolutions can generally be placed in a few categories such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, obtain certain skills, better time management etc. I don't normally do resolutions (another reason why I'm pretty boring) because I've never really had the drive or the urge to accomplish something within the year (more reasons...). But for 2011, I'm going to make it an exception. I am going to set my resolutions and to try and stick to it like every other person who does their resolutions. I only have one resolution and that is 1920 x 1200. Ok seriously, I've decided to set only one for 2011. But I won't mention this resolution for this is also an experiment but you can find out about it on 31st December 2011, assuming I actually kept it. But I guess you can say it is something that I've been meaning to do for a long time and I think it is high time for me to do it now.
So, what's my prediction for next year? I don't know though I think it might possibly be another volatile year, even though that there is so much good that came out of this year. You know, to try and make me feel better about the 2 years before that. Next semester is going to be my final semester and is going to be another world of pain as I take on 4 programming heavy subjects with the possibility of tutoring on the side. And then there is the uncertain event of job hunting. What if I can't get a job here or cannot remain? Does that mean that my 2 years of doing a masters in something that I am pretty sure that I'm not going to be in in the long run goes to waste? All these different questions coming to mind. Then there is the issue of OCF. Should I pull back completely or should I still go except drop all the heavy involvement? So many questions and uncertainties, just like back in 2008. Obviously, I would like the outcome for 2011 to not look like 2008. Please. May God continue to guide me through yet another crossroad next year.
I thank God for bringing me through this year. It has been a tremendous blessing just being alive and kicking, even more so that he has given me all these experiences for this year. I'm still amazed at how many wonderful people I've gotten to know and to the friends that I've already made, to know them even more. Which reminds me, I'm also thankful to God for this tiny group of friends known as "a906" who I've spent majority of the year hanging out and doing stuff with them. Food and drink brings us together and is usually a catalyst for something more than just to satisfy our basic needs (yes, some feel that the consumption of coffee and alcohol is a basic need =P). Thank God for my sister for providing the occasional dose of insanity and randomness and meaningless "bickering". Thank God for my family for still supporting me even though I should be way past the financial support expiry date. Thank God for the rest of my friends spread out far and wide throughout the globe for still keeping in contact and offering encouragement every now and then.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
at
2:16 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
In our modern day and age, we don't see anything like the Charlie Brown Christmas anymore. Even if we do realize that the commercialism of Christmas is totally missing the point of Christmas but many substitute that with messages of family, love and forgiveness without Christ as the centre piece of these messages, which we are really trying to love and forgive with our own strength. And that, my friends, is still missing the point of Christmas.
Granted that this could have been further expounded or crammed in more material on the meaning of Christmas but it is still light years ahead of where we are now where the biggest message this year was Oprah's Ultimate Favourite Things Christmas giveaway.
Friday, December 17, 2010
at
2:21 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
From bottom to top in order of viewing:
Breakfast at Tiffany's- How can you not like Audrey Hepburn in this classic? Super quirky girl. I want to get a vintage poster of her.
Persepolis - Excellent storytelling with a historical/political slant
2046 - Lovely visuals
Babel - One international event weakly links 4 other stories. Must watch.
Chungking Express - Love this! Faye Wong is very likeable. Except when she goes into stalker mode. Only slightly creepy. But still likeable.
A Clockwork Orange - Interesting issues presented, if you can see past the violence and heavy sexual references. Might turn off a lot of people from the first 20 minutes or so.
881 - Ah lian-ness. Very very extravagant costumes.
Singing in the Rain - Oh. My. Goodness. This is the best! Too many things to say about this. Just too awesome.
Donnie Darko - I so did not understand this at all. It's like Butterfly Effect except waaaaay too subtle in what's going on. So not obvious.
In The Mood For Love - I actually did not know that this was a "prequel" to 2046. Which explains a lot. Love the old film grain feel and Maggie Cheung is ever so elegant.
La Chinoise - Waaaay too much political theory and so not understand most of what they are talking about. Interesting cinematography though and there was one conversation that resembled a lot of the confrontation seen in Lei Yuan Bin's White Days, the clash of two ideologies, which I like.
おくりびと (Departures) - Wonderful soundtrack and pieces written by none other than Joe Hisaishi. Paying respects to the dead has never looked so meaningful, even if you are just the encoffiner. Somewhat predictable but still good to watch. Plus eye candy that is Ryoko Hirosue.
Beneath Clouds - The Australian outback looks really good here. Pretty slow movie and takes a little getting used to the heavy-ishly thick Australian accent.
4 days. Taking a break.
News! Want to stop eating so much? Eat food in your head and put down that cake and walk away.
Our online social community is driven by trash talking, venting and ranting. No wonder we have no self control when we go offline.
Speaking of social circles, are we going to church to only meet God's people and no more or are we going the to meet both God and his people?
Takes huge smarts to come up with a crossword puzzle, but it's something spectacular if you can create a crossword puzzle and incorporate a magic trick into it.
Wedding shot entire on the iPhone 4. With video too.
Who says blood test results and what nots not be visual. We're all moving in the data visualization scene anyway.
Cool visual representation on how we are connected on Facebook with respect to the whole world.
Oh ho. We have the first rail gun in operation. Cool and yet scary.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
at
5:26 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
Such a simple concept and one that everyone has generally, whether you think so or not. We have them as soon as we talk and will continue to have them until the day we die. Some may have them in the thousands, some may have a handful and the differences make up a whole spectrum of the human behaviour. We enjoyed and bonded over our similarities but we have fought, joked, debated over our discrepancies. Some string seemingly limitless words together and others say but a few choice words. Every good and evil person have their own.
But as anyone who has observed life long enough would realize, simple concepts do not necessarily imply simple dynamics. Even more so when our level of interconnectedness among ourselves have reached levels never before achieved. Just as how complex our brains are, so too are the complexities of our interactions. So many factors can cause different outcomes and can be as trivial as one makes it to be or something far too convoluted to break down to its individual components.
Which makes me wonder, with all the potential pitfalls out there, how difficult is it to actually be one?
Say for example, we are at the default position. Then, somewhere somehow, we wanted to be more than the default with another person. First the initial stages will be at the very least be slightly awkward (which in itself is something which is difficult to navigate as a person in the default position) and if it is not successful, then it is even more awkward and even more landmines to avoid. Secondly, there are moments of uncertainty which can lead to two possible scenarios, that both move forward or they part ways. The former will continue on until it hits the next moment of uncertainty and will continue to do so until the inevitable parting of ways for both. Now for parting, how does one approach it? Some just separate altogether and a rare few who do manage to do so in the best possible way, back to default position.
What about the opposite? That we want to be less than the default? Another big can of worms is opened and more things to watch out for so that we do not get our belongings torched or the other way round. And where do you draw the line between enduring and "I've had enough of this"? The more important question, or at least for me, is what exactly is this position of less than the default? It's not enemies, that's for sure and it's certainly not an acquaintance. Does it matter?
I've been asking these questions because I've had people ranting/emo-ing about both these situations before in their own lives. Which strikes me as odd because if this is how a normal person should have experienced, then I can safely say I have not had normal experiences. Well, only ranted/emo-ed over the former. But are both equally important? Have I unknowingly stumbled across the Holy Grail of resolving any conflict mentioned above or am I just very accommodating that I just cruise between the default and an acquaintance? Is that a good thing?
Friends are difficult creatures. But they make life very colourful.
------------------------ Am I too nice? Too naive? Too passive? Too cowardly? Too safe? Too scared?
------------------------ Sorry. Brain asplode post. O Hai! Ders finks to reed! Kthxbai!
Kicking it with Your Girlfriend. Awesome shots of couples with their pants, socks and shoes.
Really now. A Porsche santoku chef's knife. That thing looks nasty.
Music piracy is so old school. Television show piracy is the new thing.
Think your house/apartment is small? Try this one for size.
Monday, November 22, 2010
at
12:57 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
A great many things have happened since finishing my exams. Mostly good, at least externally.
Got myself into a summer project
There may be a possibility that I may start work immediately after I finish next semester
Had a crazy cookout for a bunch of friends
Yet, I keep feeling like there's a void that I'm constantly trying to fill. And it's fairly depressing. Perhaps I should just do work. Or watch penguins.
Many things to read here: Blond cheerleaders? Dumb you say? Think again.
Maybe this is the reason why I have pretty good scores...
All part of the capitalization of China. And they seem to be outdoing everyone.
Hilarious entries here and here on why you should/shouldn't date a writer. And written by writers themselves.
Long overdue but the sad story of local film legend, P. Ramlee.
I would love to be super geeky in physics. So many interesting breakthroughs lately like anti-hydrogen,the invisibility cloak and spacetime cloak. Time to search for a good book in Quantum Mechanics.
Here's a flowchart on how your mortgages are owned.
So we should be fat because we might potentially be saving someone's life? I'm confused.
KPMG on the happiest companies in the States list? I think my accountant/auditing friends might want to contest that.
Perhaps we should do away with the whole daylight savings thing.
In the deluge of social media sites and services, we need to think on how we as Christians use these sites and/or services. Interesting read.
Perhaps this is something that will come in handy as Christians on atheism. But do so with grace for there is a very thin line between healthy conversation about God amongst believers and unbelievers and name-calling, Bible-bashing or anti-Bible bashing arguments.
Monday, November 8, 2010
at
11:02 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
The one and only Marcus Miller, one of two people who inspire me to take up bass. This guy is a legend in the bass playing world and watching him perform and sharing his often hilarious stories with us was an experience only very few things can compare with. One thing to note, he has got biceps the size of boulders and with that little eye squint of his (see pic above), reminds me of Popeye. Only thing missing was a pipe and an anchor tattoo on his bicep (he might already have one).
Saturday, October 30, 2010
at
8:57 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
I'm going to try something here but I doubt that I will get many responses.
Have you ever watched a movie where in the midst of trying to track the general storyline of the movie, reading the characters as they play out their interpretation of the script that you had a light bulb moment and think to yourself "That looks a lot like me"? Whether the character (or rather some characteristic of the character) is a reflection of you somewhere in the past or in the present, you felt like that was what you went through or how you felt. And I don't know about you, but no matter how bad the plot was or how poorly developed the characters were, you come out watching that movie saying/thinking it wasn't that bad. Because you saw a part of yourself being portrayed by another person who may just see it as another script. You suddenly don't feel alone anymore.
Sometimes movies make you think about questions on morality, philosophy, ethics and other such deep issues (unless you're not into that kind of thing, which I would say get up and use your brain a bit more). But sometimes, movies make you think about yourselves. In that light bulb moment, it is saying to you "This is who you are/were" and sometimes in times where we don't know what to do with ourselves in our current situation or circumstance, the movie in question is telling you to think about what you should be doing. And here is where answers diverge depending on the movie. If it is one of those happy ending ones, you might suddenly forget all of the above because you come to the conclusion that nothing is this perfect or swing to become cynical and shoot down everything in sight. Which is why I love open endings (not the ones that hint at a sequel). Most of the time you're not being deluded with all the airy-fairyness of happy endings which gives me more attention to tackle the questions are being asked to me silently. What should I do? That is me right there, in that character, and he/she is giving me a possible answer or glance at an answer. Is that what I should be doing? Why and why not?
So, my question to you "stalkers" here, name one movie and the character that you saw a part of yourself that had the most impact on you. It doesn't necessarily have to be something that says about you now, it can be a distant past you. Whatever. But it should strike accord with you when you watch it. But it would be great if it is about the present you. Tell me by commenting here or the cobweb filled chatbox on the right of this blog. If you are shy, DM/PM (depending on what you use) me in whatever way you know how. Last I checked, it's still a federal offense for someone else to open your snail mail directed to me. If you are extra bold, tell me why you picked that movie and specifically that character.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
at
12:33 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
Who on Earth reads my long boring rubbish here?
Anyway, the most boring exam just ended even though it's the first paper. Which means I can relax a little bit more than usual.
Had a wonderful weekend, it was awesome from front to back. Friday after playing for OCF I went for dinner at a friends' place and just have nothing but good times there. And a whole lot of Take Two and Grabble. Then Saturday, a bunch of us went out shooting because there was this Shoot The City thing where we have a list of 20 items and we are supposed to present those items in photographs however we choose to interpret them. Didn't go off to a great start because it was raining and a number of other things. But more importantly we all got sidetracked a lot and mostly took photos of stuffed toys (long story) and before we knew it we decided to not submit at all. Went for badminton for an hour and then suddenly we all decided to cook dinner at a friend's place. Even more impromptu was that we decided to make lemon tart for dessert. So a quick grab of a change of clothes from home, grocery shopping and off we go to cook. Made pizza with tons of toppings and a lemon tart. The plan was that there was enough time for it to set before we went for a gig. But it didn't. In fact after we came back from the gig, not only did the lemon tart didn't set, the base was burned. Which was a pity because that was probably one of the best tart base I've made in awhile. Fortunately, there was barely enough tart base and other ingredients to quickly whip up another batch. 40 minutes later, tart came out all nice and stuff and just for kicks, we decided to brulee the top. o. m. g. Best idea in awhile. While I knew that the base was a bit dodgy (didn't bake it long enough), the filling was pretty good. The best part? I did it all from the top of my head, measurements and all. Someone said it was like taking a test. Nearly true except I was using someone's oven which is a bit hard to predict. Sunday had dinner at another friend's place and we stayed for quite a bit and the bunch of us actually went on to finish a litre of tequila. And we're still fine. I think.
Really really great time.
Time to do a news dump. Student hides Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up in his assignment. Win.
Psychology majors are least happy with their majors. Ironic isn't it?
You can't argue with data. Panasonic > Canon > Nikon =P
Dog is a man's best friend. And when a best friend is going to die, you lament. Powerful stuff.
Science can answer questions about morality? Are you absolutely sure?
Cooking and baking are kitchen science. Like all science, there's a process, a reason for why they behave the way they do. Something that should be taught it more cookbooks rather than recipes.
God works even in the toughest of human conditions and circumstance. North Korea is no exception.
Bees can solve the traveling salesman problem? This is HUGE!! If we can break it down to an efficient algorithm, pretty much there's no such thing as a "hard" modeling problem. Which also means that computer security might go down the drain soon. I think it's a pretty good time to go into physics.
Be grateful for that sister of yours. She's one of the major factors that you are not depressed.
Think you are great at light painting? Try light painting an entire city...
I'd like to have 1/2,000,000,000,000,000th of a slice of pie please.
Apparently you can buy your way into the US. Is it just me or does this sound a bit off?
The Christian beliefs are not to be assumed but to be thoroughly convicted in to the point where we see everything through these beliefs. Very interesting. For those of us who come from a Christian family, this is what we sound like. We assume the Christian belief (in our case, via our parents) which actually on hindsight for me is a pretty dangerous thing to have. But there's the other side of adhering so strongly to the beliefs that we have been so convinced of that we act in a very un-Christian manner. Hitting that balance is something we all struggle with.
This is very interesting and VERY tricky. From a former Christian missionary, how does one preach the gospel when they want actual physical evidence or physical witness that Jesus was a real person, nothing more, nothing less? This tribe from the Amazon live in the present, they do not talk about things several generations ago nor several generations in the future. And they are genuinely happy about their way of life. So, given that they already find it hard to accept anything without physical evidence or witness, how do you tell them that they have sinned (ala Adam and Eve), that Jesus came over 2000 years ago to save sinners and finally that we can look forward in the future where we will be with God and all the pain and suffering will be gone. All of these events are largely out of their scope of their physical verifiable belief system. To make things even harder, as a by-product of their belief system, they do not have a creation story. Of course, this is something that only God can deal with but it is one heck of a challenge to bring the gospel to these people. You can't help but feel the frustration of the missionary in trying to bring the gospel to these group of people who want no part in it because they literally cannot see or hear Jesus himself. Brings another dimension to the term spiritual blindness. Watch both the videos. Very interesting stuff.
How can you not want a hedgehog after seeing this picture? By the way, the photographer is awesome stuff.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
at
2:16 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
I've always loved the sciences as far as I can remember. I remember when my parents got me my first encyclopedia that utilized Disney characters to describe just a small subset of the general knowledge there was available for a 4 year-old, I was overly estatic. I would read the encyclopedia over and over again until I could memorize scientific facts and regurgitate on the spot. I didn't really care so much for the colourful and familiar Disney characters though that did play some part in stoking my interest, which is pretty odd for a 4 year-old to behave I guess. Years gone by and my parents decided to up the ante a bit by getting me another set of encyclopedia, this time utilizing the characters from the Peanuts comic strip. Again, I didn't really care so much for the colourful Peanuts characters but I reread the encyclopedia from front to back and spitting out even more scientific facts about the world we live in (and in the solar system).
At some point my parents might have felt annoyed because I was bugging them with a lot of "Did you know that...?" facts from these two sets of encyclopedias. And somewhere down the line, they probably began to worry about me not having any artistic ability whatsoever, or at the very least an appreciation of it. I was too fixated on science. So they slowed down my craving for more and more information and started me on the path of cultivating some sort of artistic expression in me. For most Malaysians/Singaporeans, this means one thing. Piano lessons. I didn't really make it that far in my piano lessons (less than 5 months if I remember correctly), I kinda enjoyed it but was pretty lazy in practicing although according to my piano teacher, I seem to get away with it. On a side note, I've heard many many stories about how fierce piano teachers are to their students in their posture, style etc. but I have like the nicest piano teacher ever. Perhaps I could have gone further had I not take her for granted.
There were many other attempts in installing the arts in my brain, most of which failed. There was this very VERY futile attempt in sending me to an art class. I hated it for two reasons, I had to miss my Saturday morning cartoons and I felt so lost in the class because everyone was painting well while I barely had a pencil line on my paper. I barely made any friends in that class and after lamenting how I really didn't want to go my mom finally let me off. My sister on the other hand, thrived in that area. She easily whoop everyone's asses in the art class. Digressing again, there was another bad attempt at learning languages. Again for most Malaysian/Singaporean Chinese, it's of course Mandarin. For me, there's also my mother tongue, Hokkien. I actually enjoyed learning them until I lost interest because the teachers either became very useless or that they themselves lost interest.
So there we have it. 18 years of my life not knowing music, art and languages. I didn't mind it then although it's a pain when your friends start switching to Chinese and not knowing a single thing. But other than that, I didn't care.
Then in a remarkable turn of events, I started getting into those. Only this time the mode of learning was drastically different. I started learning music, another language and more recently some sense of artistic expression.
At 18, I picked up the bass because I loved jazz and I knew that it was fundamental to jazz music. So the opportunity presented itself and I took it up. My bass teacher was pretty good but the difference between him and all the other teachers was that he taught me the technicality of bass playing. I soaked it up like a sponge, just that my motor skills couldn't keep up with the technical information coming in my brain. I didn't realize it then but he pretty much taught me everything I knew now in 2 months because the technical explanations stuck with me and it made soooo much sense.
At 19, I picked up Japanese because a friend asked me and I just said yes. It was probably due to my interest in anime that I said yes. So I went for classes. Compared to Mandarin, Japanese made a lot of sense to me and it is remarkably technical. There are very few exceptions to grammar rules (unlike English) and there's almost a formula for constructing sentences once you break things down. Again, I soaked up everything and before I knew it, I'm just one step to being averagely fluent in Japanese. If you read Japanese outside the context of anime/manga, the language is utterly beautiful and expressive. You can describe a lot in a haiku written in English because of the nature of the English language, but a haiku written in Japanese is more profound and using less words.
At 24, my ex-housemate "brainwashed" me to take up photography. My dad has always had the latest camera gear and frequently shoot. He tried to explain the fundamentals of photography but failed. Once the rise of DSLRs started, I shunned it completely. Once I had been brainwashed, I started shooting. It took awhile before I started developing my own constructs on what I think photography should be like. Then I started shooting on film, more likely because of the "brainwashing" by my ex-housemate =P And all of the sudden, my own artistic expression starts to surface and I'm liking every minute of it. I got into photography because there were a lot of aspects that boil down to technique and technical aspects of the fundamentals. With that, photography made sense to me. The funny thing is that after knowing all of these things, I cringe at my dad's photo-taking skills. So. Painful. To. Look. At.
I always thought I am a pure, hardcore science person. Which in some sense is still true. I like the reasoning that comes with science. Science has always been about applying specific sets of technical details to the world around us but it's this same love of technicalities that made me learn the arts as well. This might be strange for some people but this makes a lot of sense. The downside is that, after only picking these things up so late in life (relatively), I have to fight harder in order to do something that is second nature to a lot of the friends that I have now, be it photography, music or language. Also (and this is the one that will hurt me the most) I will have to admit that there are some things I will never be able to comprehend or replicate no matter how hard I try. Because technicalities can only bring you so far. Unless you are, so to speak, wired to process art, no amount of algorithmic techniques can fully reproduce pure brain-fueled inspired artistic power. And that sucks.
It is also interesting to note, that the biggest expansion in my knowledge and understanding of the arts come from the downfall since my attempt at a Phd. I lost the opportunity to be at the pinnacle of technical achievement, to be at the forefront of science but gained an understanding of the arts that I never knew when I was a kid growing up with my encyclopedias. Worth the trade? Perhaps. Is God teaching me something here? Too soon to tell. Is it a coincidence that the timing of such lessons in art matches my halt in my forte of science? I think not.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
at
4:33 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
The final push. Omg-it's-week12-I'm-gonna-die week starts now.
I've had a rather interesting week of talks with friends. I'll highlight two such talks in particular. First, a friend that I've met recently reminds me a lot about my ex. Mannerisms, thought processes, everyday type behaviours, all very much alike. It was kinda scary to hear and see all of this happening right before my eyes. But I try not to reveal anything and see how this casual talk will turn out. We had a great conversation but I think it kinda solidify my silent opinion that it was probably not meant to be with a person like that. This may come off as somewhat harsh or a really-stupid-thing-guys-say-about-their-exs opinion to some/all people, but I think in the long run I wouldn't come off as completely happy with a person like that. There are people who would be much better suited for which is the case for my ex. I'm happy for the both of them, and knowing the guy as well, he easily trumps me and that's a good thing. I guess you can say it was a win-win situation.
The second was a rather strange line from a conversation that started off from a comment about my scrawny look, that I've never evolved much out of the usual few looks I have. It then went off into a question that said, I'm surrounded by many beautiful people that it's a wonder that I don't have a girlfriend (This person doesn't know that I did at that time). The strangeness continues on with my friend commenting on an extrapolated observation that (beautiful) girls tend to gravitate towards me. I thought I was in the twilight zone because clearly this does not happen or any evidence to show any significance of these claims. Which lead me to believe that I think too many people regard me too highly based on a few seemingly "great" achievements and/or behaviours. No one knows the rubbish that goes on nor do people know about ordinary/mundane I am. Which sometimes all I hear is just lies and I know they are lies as they are too good to be true. It all feels very very fake. And I hate it. While I'm sure these things are said with the best of interest, I think care has to be exercised to not exhort another (no matter how down they are) to heights with no strong foundation. Otherwise the fall will hurt more than when left alone.
Time to off load news, and see you all on the other side. How can one not feel sad for your own country? Call me naive or blindly patriotic, but it is very sad.
Need EQ instead of IQ when in a group of friends. I'm low on both of those in my group.
Hate your life? Don't be so quick to write that off as being angsty or emo.
Scientists can be religious. People have a hard time about it.
Are we meant to download TV episodes so liberally for the sake of keeping up with the latest sitcoms and dramas and not consider whether is it right or not?
Nobel prize in physics comes from creating a material with the help of sticky tape.
Rocket-propelled flotation device. The word Awesome is slightly inadequate to describe it.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
at
4:26 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
Where is the line that divides between humility and false humility? Until recently, I've no clue as to where you'd draw such a line or if such a line ever existed. For example, I've a friend whom I've always blasted, whether verbally or mentally for being excessively "humble". This friend has always done well in anything and everything this person has done, as far as I know. This person has had little confidence in being able to perform despite the common knowledge/evidence that everyone holds about this person. Now being the rather naive person that I was back then (still am now, in my opinion) I offered wagers in order to bring some kind of "solace" knowing very well, with 99% certainty, that I will lose that wager. Which indeed I did. Which makes me very annoyed about the whole thing. I mean, we all like to stay away from arrogance but I would think that I would equally stay away from being excessively humble. The reason for this excessive humility was grace, that it was graciously bestowed upon my friend. In my head, grace does not equal excessive humility or belittlement. And that made me even more annoyed.
Now, I've been getting the feeling that I'm now in my friend's shoes (several years later). I have no confidence in some of the things that I do, in which some people have praised. Every time I set out to do something, I will lament about how bad things are going to get and that it will be a total disaster and all that rubbish. And when my friends finally see the fruits of the labour, they questioned why on earth was I so hard on myself. And I'm pretty sure that at some point they got a tad bit annoyed at my behaviour. The only difference between now and back then with my friend is that no one has offered wagers to me. Perhaps I'm not worth the loss. But that's not important. The other difference, and this is the difference that I think matters most, is the reason for my excessive belittlement. It is not grace. It's something else, I don't know what but it is something other than grace. Obviously, I've yet to comprehend the full weight of the meaning of grace which is rather sad actually. Grace that I've taken for granted in so many ways and yet I'm still standing here, still doing the things that I have absolutely no confidence in but for some reason, occasionally, deliver something of substance.
So, had I understood grace and told my friends that that was the reason for the excessive humility, would everything be better? It probably would, unlike how I reacted many years ago. Whatever the projected outcome be had I understood, the point being is that someone played the "so is your face!" card and I'm learning heavily from counter.
I know it's rather strange posting this at 5 in the morning with another 3 hours before I head off to church, but it's something that has been bugging me for awhile now. I like night time. It's the time where you have the chance to wrestle with yourself, with God, in the hopes that you learn something before you learn it under very different and possibly hostile circumstances.
There are only a few such people where I've had this sort of conversation in my head. Guess I'll never know if the feeling was mutual. Brilliant stuff I must say.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
at
2:32 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
Today was a rather mad rush of just trying to get everything organized. Had to ship off ton load of film from my place and fill in the paperwork for those films. Rather hectic considering that I made the call to make a booking for the films to be picked up 2 hours before they close. But it was all good. All I have to say is that DHL is very awesome. More awesome than UPS and FedEx. Period.
So I went to the new member induction for the Golden Key International Honour Society after that mad rush. Rather uninteresting one hour of sitting through speeches from various people in the university and other Golden Key committee members. One thing I noticed though about the speeches given is that there is a huge encouragement to take pride in our achievements, academic or otherwise. But mostly academic. Somehow, after that set of speeches, I finally understand how it is very easy to lose sight of God in the academic circles. It is where achievement is celebrated very highly and is even encouraged to build your own legacy around your achievements. All throughout the talks, the idea on how we should strive for academic excellence as well as strong leadership and community involvement. While those are good things on anyone's books, the ultimate aim, it seems, is that we can look back and say " Look! Look at what I have achieved". Surely we are missing the point here. But this is exactly how easy it is to forget about God in uni, especially if you are working in uni. We strive in the research in order to be known to all mankind on what great research we have done, what great leadership we have shown in a body and what great community service we have performed. So much so that that is the only thing we long for. Surely we are missing the point here. Now there's nothing wrong in all the above qualities I mentioned, but there is a line where it is going too far. No matter how subtly you put it, or how you justify it, that is not the end point in our careers. I find it funny that the universities from the western world have creeds or mottos that reflect God or have God in the picture but sadly is very lost in our secular universities of today. Surely we are missing the point here.
After the induction, I went to a friend's house for dinner and play with some lanterns. Although I think it is safe to say that we don't quite feel it like when we did as kids, but there's still some element of playfulness even in our adult state. We don't cry as easily (although that is debatable) or run around as much as kids but we certainly had our fun. As an aside, a friend who went for the dinner told me that he saw the pre-wedding photos I did recently and he say that he liked it. Liked it so much that, according to him, inspire him to do more photography. Whoa. I don't think I've ever get that comment. Ever. While you may think that may not be a big deal but this guy has a full frame camera plus one or two very high grade lenses to boot. It goes to show that people with equipment may not necessarily have all the answers when it comes to photography, and I don't claim I have either without equipment. To the "true" photographers reading this blog, you probably already knew the previous statement already and still say what's the big deal. Yeah, there's no big deal. Just surprised for this lowly amateur photographer to hear such things. By the way, I'm not dissing in any way or form. Just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Two assignments on Friday and a major class test on Monday. Rawr.
Monday, September 20, 2010
at
12:44 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
A common sermon illustration to serve as a motivation to live out Christian lives is the question on how will people be remembered when you die. Our lives, like the apostle Paul, should be overflowing with the gospel, something that I think many many of us lack. While the point is not about how you are to be remembered in this world, it is about how the gospel should be filling up every single aspect of our lives and the impact it has/is having/will have on other people as a result of having the correct application of the Bible.
Consider this a sermon illustration, to a much lesser degree. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what would happen if I died now? What sort of impact did I have on my friends while I was around? Will it be a loss to my friends because of who I am or will I just be another surprised look on people's faces when I'm gone? Now this is where the similarity ends as above. I've asked myself that question for a couple of years and the answers that I've been getting isn't very encouraging. Of the many people that have come and gone since my schooling days (and to a certain extent I still am), what are things that I've done? Well, there's endless amount of gaming, endless amount of debates/clashes of worldviews/conflicts in opinions/whether-that-blue-jacket-looks-good, endless amounts of stupidity and of course, lots of churchy stuff. At the end of the day, when the people I've met have packed up and left for their next stop on their road of life, I'm guessing that is all I am to them. Nothing more, nothing less. And most of the time, the feeling ends up being mutual, leaving a rather large void that should be filled with the stuff friends are made of.
So, who's fault is it? I can't say with absolute certainty that I'm in the wrong nor can I say that they are. I can't say that I haven't tried hard but I also can't say that I've tried hard enough. But in the end, does it really matter? Does knowing whose fault is it give some sort of closure to wondering "What happened to us? We used to do so much."? It is utterly frustrating when this cycle goes on repeat. It makes it even harder when people have moved on to better things while I am still stuck in whatever present day scenario, moving in all directions but a net motion of zero. The more I think of it, the more I think there should be a new class of friendships that will encompass me, the outlier. I call it the "disposable friendship". All the joys and conveniences of friendship but with the added advantage of "no real strings attached". But please, feel free to discard but do so in the appropriate bins.
There's got to be a fundamental starting point from which all of these frustrations started and there has got to be a fundamental lesson to be learned here. But for the life of me, I can't figure out what are they. Many times, I am tempted to implement a solution to my problems without trying to understand what went wrong first. It just saves a lot of the heartache and frustration which I think I've had a lot of it already. It's like starting to program from scratch because your previous program was too screwed up and debugging will take a lot of time, more time than rewriting everything. The flaw in that analogy is that you sometimes do that but that is assuming that you knew what went wrong in the program in the first place. But I digress. One such solution is to start with a clean slate. Uproot myself, ship whatever insignificant belongings I have and myself to some other place in the world, reformat the friendship database and hit the "execute" button. Realistically, that will be in the form of re-pursuing my PhD. What's that I hear? Escapism you say? Well I guess so, but it's more like restarting in hoping that whatever mistakes I've made in the previous base will not crop up again. It's holding down the "Esc + Power" buttons (I'm not quite sure what that will do to you machines).
The other one is give myself an ultimatum. For several years now, I was pretty close to committing in an ultimatum of x amount of years, that if they goals of the ultimatum are not achieved then I will just not care anymore. But I know that this is like threatening God to do something or else I won't care. And I know this is just wrong. The temptation is very real and while there's nothing wrong in the temptation itself (succumbing to it makes it wrong), it's just damn hard not to do it. We all like to be able to control everything in our lives, including the lessons that are to be learned. It's this control freak nature of being human (so to speak) that brought sin into this world and let's face it, who hasn't been a control freak in their own way. I like to be able to decide what is good for me. And that is a bad thing to have. So I'm just praying that I don't do brash things like these.
I ask myself the question, what good will come out of me still being in Melbourne after that failed attempt at my PhD. I'm glad to say that a great many good things came out of those years, which makes me think that God is really working behind the scenes. But for some of the hardships that I've faced, I am still waiting for the lesson to come. Many times, I ask God to just show me the lesson already so that I can move on and just be less of an ass. Or like just tell me what to do, God, so that I can put all these things aside (of course, in asking God to just tell me what to do, the hard part is that He might actually tell me to do it). God is teaching me something, I just don't know what it is yet. And while that is pretty annoying at times, a lesson will be learned.
Ok, enough of the emo/angsty/slightly morbid post. Oh...and I'm not suicidal. Not to my knowledge at least. I think.
Two tales of love. One of how they got together and the other on how they were separated.
To get into a relationship, two friendships are sacrificed. I'm guessing I'm one of the two. Disposable friendships I tell you.
Physics and soccer. Still can be used to write a paper.
This can't be good. If I do go back home after failing to remain here due to my mum's wishes thanks to stricter visa requirements, I'm just going to say to her "I told you so"
I wonder if this works the other way round Nah, I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Been there, done that.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
at
1:55 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
It's been awhile now since the last post and so many things have happened that I should say something before I'm thrown to even deeper levels of work. Since the wedding, there have been two events that just swamped me to high levels of work. One are the assignments. Painful for one of them as stuff keeps changing and not to mention how annoying it is to implement some algorithms, the amount of debugging time, the test cases and stress testing our programs. Not fun. But, the other event is one where I've invested a lot of man-in-the-middle energy to, the first ever Singapore Film Fest in Melbourne. Just the week before the event, everyone was kicked into overdrive, tying up loose ends, making sure that we have all (if not most) of the components for the fest. A friend and I help cater a food item for the fest and just general setting up for the event have been my primary roles albeit off the record. Even though I'm not directly a part of the team that organizes the fest itself, it's quite hard to not feel a sense of pride in not only that your friends who are doing this for the whole year and that they have done an excellent job but also for yourself for having to be a part of this inaugural event.
It's a shame that I couldn't get to watch the films that I really wanted to watch. For example, Singapore Dreaming was the film on the opening night but that I was clearing up from the opening event. The short films on Monday and Tuesday were a miss because I had class on those days. The ones that I did manage to watch were the ones on the last day. One was an experimental film and the other were a series of short films by Boo Junfeng. It was great to see some fairly insightful films from Singaporean filmmakers on various scenarios and topics on friendship, hardship, oppression and many others.
That said however, I don't think a lot of people share how I thought about some of the films despite me not being an avid film buff (indie or mainstream). Just because one doesn't see a point, doesn't mean that the director doesn't have one when he/she made the film. And I think some of us tend to be overly critical about it that we treat the director and his film as though we were playing poker. If we realize, by reading the cards, that a player has got nothing, we punish him severely for it. Similiarly, if we read that the film has nothing to offer, we will release all hell in the form of reviews, complaints and sometimes crude spoofs. Unlike poker though where it is probably more clear cut on whether you have good cards or not, films are gray. Makes it even harder that behind every film, there are possibly several ideas that give rise to film and is most likely presented in one form or another. Does that classify as offering substance to a film? Maybe. Can a grotesque film offer insights about the world? Perhaps. Can a 5 minute silence offer more than 5 seconds of speech/action? Point being is that while it is great that we form our own opinions about why we like a film or not, there is such a thing as going overboard with the negativity and to go as far as having "call the director's bluff". Reading too much into things goes both ways.
Alright, time to off load tabs here: Great idea! Should do this some time.
Who or what is to blame here? Lack of teaching or lack of understanding?
Melancholy. Powerful force that if harnessed correctly makes great thinkers.
Is that seriously what the Australian Iron Chefs are wearing? Sorry, you've lost my vote there.
We guys suck. And I tend to agree because I suck too.
Many people have suggested or try to implant the idea that I should work in Singapore. But I feel bad that I will be contributing to the existing problems of Singapore. Plus I will need to own a boat sometime in the future.
Scott Pilgrim may not be for everyone, but like this film critic says "What is wrong with you people?". For the record, pretty much any film that I've watched that he has reviewed, he's spot on. For me at least.
I've posted this 10 page article in the last entry and since reading it, it has been quite insightful. I am soon-to-be a 26-year-old adolescent.
What this means is that I can now shape my daughters (if any) to my ulterior motives. *evil snicker*
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
at
11:35 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
And so the biggest photography project that I've done has now come to a close (short of processing the photos that I took). It was an epic whole day event that just demanded every ounce of creative energy out of me. Frankly speaking, I don't think I am cut out for the impromptu stresses and pressures of doing the actual wedding day. It is so so soooo hard just to get the moment down, let alone make it look nice. And for some reason, the facial expression that happened to be engraved in my SD card were all not particularly nice. Although I have to say that I'm exercising the flash unit I bought from my former housemate. I think the thought of regret for selling the flash to me has crossed his mind because I used it so rarely. It's been good that I'm kinda practicing some of the techniques that I've learned from a professional wedding photographer that I've been following for quite awhile now.
But enough about the crappy photographer talk. The venue was nice and the chapel was even nicer. Though it was small, it was very cosy once filled up with people all waiting to celebrate the union of the two people they've known and love. I've never been the best man or anyone who would see through the entire wedding procedures, so being the (secondary) photographer gives me a whole new appreciation for the many things that go on leading up to the actual ceremony itself. It's hard not to have fun, I tell you. There are times where I just wanted to put down my camera and just join in. Then I remembered, I have a job to do. I think it is also doubly fun that I've known the bride and groom waaaay even before they were an item and how they each behave. They were certainly a fun couple and I think that makes a lot of difference for something as big as a wedding. Really really fun day but it's super tiring. How can anyone be moving at the end of the day, especially the bride and groom who by then would have been awake since the crack of dawn? And how is it possible that there's this expectation that the newly wedded couple would have *ahem* done stuff that same night? I remember some of us were joking about this at another friend's wedding a few years back and someone said "Later when they will sleep together, I mean they will literally sleep on the same bed". And not some other connotation.
On a separate note, I've seen how God work just to bring some encouragement into one's life at a seemingly random time. After class one day I went to some grocery shopping. There I saw someone who I recognize but have no idea of the name. She on other hand did. So we started talking at the checkout and ended up chatting outside the checkout for about an hour. We then moved to my place since it's just across the road and talked for the next 3 hours. We talked a great deal of things but mainly intellectual stuff. Any normal person who have died in that room for the sheer amount of brainy talk and analyzing many things. Turns out that's what she needed at that time, good intellectual talk. So she left with this refreshed mind to face the world. And that was it. It just seemed so random that I will be talking to this person and so happened to give what she needed. I don't think that was mere coincidence. Just so that you people don't get the wrong idea (yes, I'm looking at you Sie Ming. Especially you.) nothing else happened after that.
Digitizing our cars may not be such a good idea after all.
If this is true, to be comedic is human. As in a sinful human. Maybe that's pushing it a bit.
I've yet to read this in its entirety (because it's 10 freaking pages long), but I do believe I'm in this category. Only thing missing is to move back in with my parents.
Like I've always treated blogging, it's like a diary. Micro-blogging on the other hand seems to be very transient.
I've always thought about what would it be like to be a father. Yet at every time, the conclusion that I will arrive at would be that I will be terrible at it. Seems like according to this, I won't know the real answer until I actually become one.
Moral of this story: Don't let your child watch Iron Man.
Isaac Azimov was correct in predicting our future lives that is today. Have we lost the meaning of friendship in our semi-futuristic today?
Fluidic motion of a glass juggler. And I love that song. That song is here. Too bad that song is not available on iTunes Australia. Rats.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
at
2:28 AM
| Posted by
Juwen
A great deal of stuff has happened lately but I'm not exactly sure of the potential of things to come. So many new opportunities has been popping up like mushrooms which seems to detract me from what I wanted to do originally. Whether it is a good thing or not is yet to be determined. At times, it is very exciting and can't wait for me to jump into it but at the same time scared because of the whole long list of Asian tradition and conservatism that goes against some of the things that I want to do. Plus everything that I've studied up till this point might have been all gone to "waste". So hard to think of what to do.
Last Saturday was one of the craziest days I've come across in a long time. Quite random actually but at least we had a good laugh at it in the end. At least for me. It started off with a bad sleeping start Friday night/Saturday morning when I couldn't sleep until around 6:30. Woke up two hours later to go for a friend's graduation. It's been a long time since I've caught up with this friend of mine so it was a good chat plus photo taking. I thought my graduation had a bad turnout (Ok, to be fair, I kept it to a low profile), but her's was less than mine. But I'm sure it doesn't really matter as long as there are friends and family on this occasion. Went back and tried to start on my work when a rather desperate request for help from a friend who is involved in doing an event here in Melbourne. Basically, we had to transport drinks and instant noodles from point A to point B. Sound simple enough until I saw 51 cartons of packet drinks and about 20+ cartons of instant noodles. That was no joke. On top of that, because we couldn't find a vehicle from friends big enough to transport all of this stuff in one shot, so we had to rent a car. Not the most spacious of cars but it will have to do. In the end, we had to make two trips because the drinks alone put so much weight on the car that the back tires were starting to touch the underside. Fierce man. Each trip takes half an hour one way. It is a good thing that I had my friend company/keep me awake when driving. 2 hours of sleep plus warm late afternoon sunlight facing you are prime factors for putting me to sleep while driving. Not something you'd mess around with. Thank God we managed to get everything together in one piece. Along the way I met some pretty cool people involved in the event which is always good.
Had dinner outside the city since we had the car for the day and ended up going on a random drive around. We were pretty much turning at a whim until someone noticed that I was really driving to my friend's workplace despite never driven there at all. Quite fail but still fun. Came back home at around 10 something and just as I entered my apartment, another call came for hanging out. Since I've been out like literally the whole day, I might as well make the most of it. Hanged out while some friends have food before I still decided to be crazy enough to go and perform my church cleaning duties. At this point I'm like super tired and when I entered church, there's rubbish everywhere and bins were filled to the brim. Great. Finished cleaning before I realized that it's another 4-5 hours before I have to come to church for music practice. So tempted to sleep in church but I didn't.
And there you have it...the craziest day so far. I hope not to break that level. Ever.
The other good thing is that I'm looking forward to my friend's wedding next week. I guess it is because that I've poured in effort in doing my part for their day (or the days leading up to this day) that it is natural to just look forward to it. I think it is also the accumulated expectations from various things that contribute to how it is all going to be. It is also the first time that I will be taking the photographs for one side of the wedding party. Plenty of things to get excited about but like all things related to my photography, I'm just going to be scared shitless. This is THE big day, miss something and you won't be able to recreate it. While the last two weddings that I've shot, I was merely the ninja shooter where there's not much of that kind of pressure going on, now I will be going into the nitty gritty things of the photographers that do this for a living. Not something I'm comfortable with first time round. Also not helping in the self-confidence issue (I've always not have any but it can still make it worse). Will see how it goes.
And now the piled up news on my ApiMusang browser... Awesome photos of New Orleans post-Katrina
Judge Judy earns more than David Letterman? Seriously?
Why is there a research like this, I have no idea. That means I should be getting a lot of it. That's clearly and obviously far from the case.
So it seems that the American education system, in some sense, is no different from our "lowly" Malaysian/Singaporean system. Ultimately, we still suffer the same thing. The funny thing is that my mom keeps praising the States or Australia for having a much better system than the crappy system back home. Reality is that we are pretty much on a level playing field. Ish.
I'd never noticed the rather dark themes of Mary Poppins even though I've only watched it just this year. Interesting. And I should have a look at the musical here. Hope it's not like Wicked, I loved the music but never got to see the actual show.
Why are people so stupid? Just because there's a lot of people on Facebook doesn't mean that you can hide behind the numbers.
So wrong on so many levels. And this is seriously not the way to do it man. What is wrong with you?
I've always been on the side that photos have to taken with deliberate intent to convey a story. Lighting, facial expression, framing etc all taken into account by the photographer to produce one photo that tells more on the image than words can do. This however makes me rethink that strict policy. It's not enough to abandon my core beliefs of how I approach photography but rather be more open to the idea that the deliberateness of intent of the photo is not so much in the photo but what surrounds it, before and after the shot. And that may be enough reason and consideration to take a photo of a potted plant.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
at
2:31 PM
| Posted by
Juwen
There's been some talk lately on relationships, in particular about what is your criteria/non-negotiables for the person you are interested in. Ask that question to any other person and they would give some sort of a list (long or short) and it would be a rather varied bunch of answers with some overlap. Ask this question to any Christian however, you will get a rather set list of criteria. A person who loves God, loves other people and loves me. That's more or less the answer you are going to get. While I'm glad that an answer like this comes out, I'm actually not sure whether this is a list that they would actually keep at the back of their pocket to pull out in instances like this or truly seek these qualities in a person. Upon further prying (much prying I might add), will they only release any practical hints/criteria of a person. Some might not release it at all and just simply try and dodge it. Is it really that difficult to voice out a criteria? I mean everyone has their own preferences and there is no way that one does not have some form of negotiable criteria (as Christians, the non-negotiables are mentioned above, everything else can be changed. Somewhat). I wonder the responses I get are the person's way of saying "Mind your own business, this is between me, myself and God". Either that or I'm just very curious. Almost kay-poh. Whatever the reason, it is rather frustrating to not know how a Christian friend ticks especially in the area of relationships.
What about mine you may ask? Besides the above, I seem to have a liking for very intellectual, rational, collected, sharp, humourous (relative to me) people. Looks? For some reason, they are just right. They know how to dress nicely without breaking much of a sweat (or wallet). Which most of the time, they are the opposite of me. Especially dress sense because I am self-proclaiming myself as a middle-class hobo =P Of all the people that I've liked (secretly or was publicly known) I have deduced two things about my chances. One, is that they are waaaaay out of my league and two, I know there's another person nearby who would better match them. So far, I'm right. But do I care about it? I think as the years are passing by ever so quickly, I'm beginning to not care. Which is probably a good thing. But that doesn't mean that I will never suffer secret crushes like everyone else does because everybody wants to settle with someone, including myself. Even more so that the little number of friends I have are getting married. For now, .cpp and .h files are my loves *twitch*.
And to detract you all from thinking too much about relationships, the news: So interesting how important it is to help the war veterans to not try and kill themselves.
Generally true. I suck at planning to go to places.
My dysfunctional group of friends are good for me.
Music has a much bigger effect on the brain than we thought. But we're not talking about stuff like the Mozart effect. Apparently that's rubbish.
Anchors are good. This anchor on the other hand just screws with your brain.
Some people way too much time with math. And I bet these people are lonely too.
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