Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 1:56 AM
First things first, a little shameless advertising. I just realized that my blog posts are going straight to Facebook so for those reading this on Facebook, this blog address is www.ju-wish.blogspot.com. It's not much but hopefully there's more stuff to fill the blog with, since I've moved from Xanga.

I've gone from bad to worse now that I have a much higher chance of going home. It's not that I don't want to go home, that's besides the point. I'm nervous about going back because there are little jobs that I can secure and that makes me very fidgetty. After having long talks with my mum, it seems that studying here is 1)slim 2)detrimental to finances. Although we have established that studying will kill 3 birds with one stone, it is a very big stone to throw and it seems that we might not be able to throw that stone. Mum wants me to go into overdrive in applying for jobs here in Australia but without a residency it is close to impossible to get one and that's my ticket to staying here. Been looking at other studying and working options elsewhere but things aren't looking so good. This period of time has definitely been the hardest I've been through. It's sort of like a major personal recession much like the current financial recession, equally as grim. The other thing about this "recession" is that if I really want to stay/work here, I'm going to have to sacrifice a lot of things. Friends, church/OCF, personal opportunities, self-esteem etc. and after evaluating what that amounts to, it is very daunting. So much so that it's too much for me to give it that all up. Which makes me more adamant on studying but at the same time I know demanding this is very selfish of me. I'm stuck...God help me...

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