Came back from the Word in Song conference for this year and it has been a humbling experience to see so many people being passionate about being in the music ministry in their respective churches. Met a number of people there that are still serving in the music ministry that are well into their 50s, 60s or even 70s. There were a few folks who are like in their late 50s or early 60s in the bass workshop and some have been playing bass for as long ago as my first memory. I also feel honoured that I can offer up some pieces of advice to some of these folks trying to improve their bass techniques. We are all coming together to learn from one another and learning how to serve more effectively in the music ministry.
I thought that the sermon was very good though could use a little more time to package it up nicely but the gist is there, which is on the topic of God's glory in the Old Testament and in the New Testament. It really put's a lot of things into perspective when we learn that the primary purpose is to glorify God and having a proper understanding of what does it mean to glorify God. Not to mention attitudes corrected just simply by understanding God's glory and it has certainly provoked me to examine my attitudes towards the music ministry.
The thing that I don't understand is that no one else from church came for the conference. Though it was publicised some time ago among the musicians, apparently there were very few responses and decided that it was not worth it to come in as a group. It baffles my mind even further that there was a whole contingent from our church who went to last year's conference. Even more baffling was that everyone who went to the previous year's conference all thought that it was really good and it is really worth thinking about or even implementing some of the said things learned at the conference. And with one of this year's seminars was Playing in a Group of Three or Less, which is directly applicable to the current church setting, how is it that no one wanted to go? I'm not going to even mention the heaps of other topics that are of great use to us, like Evangelism in Song, Song Writing, Picking Excellent Songs etc. Why is that? Are we not proactive enough? Are we not passionate about the music ministry?
Thinking about what has changed from this time last year to now, how has the music ministry changed in light of the conference. To be really honest, not a great deal once past the post-conference stage. I feel really sad that it has come down to this. I'm not expecting for church to become like the next Hillsong or Planet Shakers, but it's got to say something when we still have the same lukewarm attitude towards approaching music. If the music team is supposed to be helping the congregation to sing praises and given the lukewarm behaviour, what does the congregation think about the one aspect of worship that is singing songs? Do we lack discipline to hone our craft that we can serve better in the music? Do we lack preparation?
It is perhaps that I am overreacting to it all. Perhaps I do not know the whole picture or reading too much into things. Maybe my vision has been clouded with bias. You tell me. Because after two years of conferences and meeting the many people who are much more passionate about serving in the music ministry than I am and looking at our ministry, I can tell you that something doesn't add up. It's not about comparing between other churches and ours because some of these people on fire come from churches smaller than we, but the hearts of service should be on the same page with one another.
So what am I going to do about it all? After the conference, I am humbled by the message and listening to the suggestions and struggles of others. And really the only thing that I can bring is to extend encouragement to those who are in the team that I am serving with. But I can only go so far if people still do not want to change.
And of course, above all, to pray.
Smash
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
at
1:03 AM
On a more positive note, I really love my new mechanical keyboard. It's loud but the feel is very nice and typing actually feels better now. Not only that, the sound it makes when typing is also quite satisfying. For a lack of a better phrase, I might call it crunchy. The slightly better word would be in Malay, slightly "ranggup".
Best of all, I am now rest assured that all the keys that I press registers. Perfect for the times that I need to type with my face ahlskdhfnlaweuyxqwuioymuxajumxfhslkuhcfq78iyr bo7atxnadyfugaksmefoqwgiydufxntmnfytealoxysmfyjfgsayjalEGTCWYURfhalnxajdh....
Best of all, I am now rest assured that all the keys that I press registers. Perfect for the times that I need to type with my face ahlskdhfnlaweuyxqwuioymuxajumxfhslkuhcfq78iyr bo7atxnadyfugaksmefoqwgiydufxntmnfytealoxysmfyjfgsayjalEGTCWYURfhalnxajdh....
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Well That Escalated Quickly
Sunday, April 28, 2013
at
11:27 PM
Today has shown even more evidence that I do not feel happy about anything anymore. I have been presented with very wonderful news from a good friend...and nothing. Obviously I show the signs of external elation but deep down, nothing more than a fizzle. I must say that I feel very honoured and privileged to be one of the few people to know about it. Either that or I am just very lucky to hear of it. Despite hearing this, I show all the signs of being extremely happy but I know that I am just plain lying.
Why is it that I cannot feel happiness for others any more? My only guess is that I am actually unhappy about myself and I cannot translate that self-unhappiness into happiness for others. Perhaps in my subconscious level that I am struggling with something and that this struggle is inhibiting me from not focusing on myself. Well actually that is a lie too, I do know what I am struggling with but that is subject for another conversation.
Thinking about all of this and how I have felt in the past several years, I think my main sin is self-pity. That may come across as something strange to most people but self-pity is actually a very comfortable if not slightly miserable place to be in. There is nothing good about me, nothing special that I have. Which I think is a bit funny because before God broke me back in 2008, he was dealing with my sin of pride. That everything can and will be achievable by my efforts, I have planned everything out because I know it was the most natural thing to do. I was good at it. Now it seems that I have swung in the complete opposite. Perhaps what I am experiencing is God's hand at correcting me of my self-pity and I feel it is just the beginning.
Who knows how long this correction might take. If it is anything like my last correction, it will take years. All I do know is that my prayers have become, for a lack of a better phrase, more desperate, more fervent. Because no one likes to be in this position and there is got to be something better than this.
Why is it that I cannot feel happiness for others any more? My only guess is that I am actually unhappy about myself and I cannot translate that self-unhappiness into happiness for others. Perhaps in my subconscious level that I am struggling with something and that this struggle is inhibiting me from not focusing on myself. Well actually that is a lie too, I do know what I am struggling with but that is subject for another conversation.
Thinking about all of this and how I have felt in the past several years, I think my main sin is self-pity. That may come across as something strange to most people but self-pity is actually a very comfortable if not slightly miserable place to be in. There is nothing good about me, nothing special that I have. Which I think is a bit funny because before God broke me back in 2008, he was dealing with my sin of pride. That everything can and will be achievable by my efforts, I have planned everything out because I know it was the most natural thing to do. I was good at it. Now it seems that I have swung in the complete opposite. Perhaps what I am experiencing is God's hand at correcting me of my self-pity and I feel it is just the beginning.
Who knows how long this correction might take. If it is anything like my last correction, it will take years. All I do know is that my prayers have become, for a lack of a better phrase, more desperate, more fervent. Because no one likes to be in this position and there is got to be something better than this.
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9,192,631,770 Swings
Saturday, April 27, 2013
at
12:51 AM
Hanging out with some friends during ANZAC day was something that I haven't truly done a long time. Just having lots of laughs, playing games and eating junk food all day. I can remember 3-4 years ago when this was pretty much happening every week but due to the course of lives being played out over the years, I'd be fortunate to have it once every two months. And yet, despite the fun that I still had, it still doesn't feel the same anymore. It's becoming harder and harder to have hangouts anymore for somewhat obvious reasons. Everything becomes so transient and, at the risk of sounding very self-centred, not feeling valued by people around anymore. My personal pursuits have been diminished and often feels very meaningless, like my current phase of finding the right mechanical keyboard. Time grows slow during the weekends and fast during the weekdays. Everything just feels so...bleh.
But I have to hope that something good will come my way and try and take on whatever opportunities that have been presented. I just have to. Because otherwise it's just too depressing.
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At a conversation recently, I was asked whether I find couples boring. I thought it was such a strange question to ask. It sounds as though I am some kind of a thrill seeker, something that will grab my attention like a hyperactive dog or a cat trying to chase a red laser dot. All I want is just to be comfortable and in good company. The trouble I find with couples is that I'm never in both states at the same time, and sometimes, in neither. For the record, there are very few things that I find boring. Yes, not even cricket.
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If there were such a thing as a biological clock for guys, I am definitely feeling it now. All thanks to that little hangout with some friends during ANZAC day. In the meaning time, it is worth while pondering the line that comes from the current Most Awesome Woman on the Intertubes, Jane:
Apologies for the interleaved Malay and English in the video above.
But I have to hope that something good will come my way and try and take on whatever opportunities that have been presented. I just have to. Because otherwise it's just too depressing.
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At a conversation recently, I was asked whether I find couples boring. I thought it was such a strange question to ask. It sounds as though I am some kind of a thrill seeker, something that will grab my attention like a hyperactive dog or a cat trying to chase a red laser dot. All I want is just to be comfortable and in good company. The trouble I find with couples is that I'm never in both states at the same time, and sometimes, in neither. For the record, there are very few things that I find boring. Yes, not even cricket.
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If there were such a thing as a biological clock for guys, I am definitely feeling it now. All thanks to that little hangout with some friends during ANZAC day. In the meaning time, it is worth while pondering the line that comes from the current Most Awesome Woman on the Intertubes, Jane:
It is better to be single for stupid reasons than to be married for stupid reasons.
Apologies for the interleaved Malay and English in the video above.
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The Greatest Bass Player In The World
Thursday, April 18, 2013
at
12:32 AM
After reading the biography part of the book Standing In The Shadows of Motown, I've grown to respect James Jamerson even more. Not only was he a person with extraordinary talent on the bass, but he was also quite a character. He is a character that I can totally identify with, a little weird, generous, a family man, a behind-the-scenes man, a forgive-and-forget bass player. And then there are other attributes that I'm not, short fused, severe alcoholic (maybe just a little bit for me on this one) and few more. In short he is a well rounded character.
But one person that I think should deserve more credit than what is stated on paper is actually his wife. Most people generally credited her (and their children) as the anchor to the sometimes turbulent soul that resides in James. Given the history that James have had over the course of his career, her support really deserves a lot more mention. And unlike lots of celebrity stories, James never divorced and still loved his wife until he passed away. Often they would have disagreements or sometimes worse but they still somehow manage to hold the fort together.
You don't hear that very often these days. People get very cynical about marriage considering the how common it is to hear people getting divorced due to "irreconcilable differences". More stories like this needs to be out there and not just the genius that comes with people like James.
Oh, and the reason why James deserve that title are for bass lines like these back in a time where it is inconceivable to think of something like these:
But one person that I think should deserve more credit than what is stated on paper is actually his wife. Most people generally credited her (and their children) as the anchor to the sometimes turbulent soul that resides in James. Given the history that James have had over the course of his career, her support really deserves a lot more mention. And unlike lots of celebrity stories, James never divorced and still loved his wife until he passed away. Often they would have disagreements or sometimes worse but they still somehow manage to hold the fort together.
You don't hear that very often these days. People get very cynical about marriage considering the how common it is to hear people getting divorced due to "irreconcilable differences". More stories like this needs to be out there and not just the genius that comes with people like James.
Oh, and the reason why James deserve that title are for bass lines like these back in a time where it is inconceivable to think of something like these:
Darling Dear - Jackson 5
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Joy
Saturday, April 13, 2013
at
11:59 PM
One of those times where you were almost sure that some events can't be coincidences. Wrestling about what joy looks like as stated in the last post, a new insight just came while jumping on the Youtube train from one song to another in preparation for playing music in church tomorrow. I will leave it to the video below and an excerpt to explain.
Warning: this is a seemingly contradictory, very emotionally heavy song most Christians would have been familiar with that you are going to wrap your head around. I urge you to watch it, but prepare yourselves.
Joy for me is no longer a feeling but an attitude and it is something that I have to fight for in the midst of my grief. And some days I'll fight and I'll succeed. And other days I'll fight and I won't. I think God really understands that process and that He is ok with that, He grieves with us in our sadness, but He also comforts us.
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Existential+
Sunday, April 7, 2013
at
5:32 PM
It's hard for me to be happy about anything these days. It's a very weird state to be in, especially in the midst of an existential crisis. Besides the questions of identity and purpose, the question of what should I be happy about also come to mind. I'm not depressed though some form of depression do creep in from time to time nor am I grumpy but I'm not happy about anything either. I just, am. Just the thought of that drives me insane.
They say happiness rides on human emotion and is about as stable as ocean waters. And what really matters is contentment where I have enough for my daily needs and does not depend on the inherent instability of emotions. But there must be a kind of joy experienced by someone who is content, one that does involve the emotions but not based on it. It is precisely this joy that I lack or have not fully come to terms with it.
I am somewhat glad that I am not the only one in this household that is going through this phase. Also because we are the only single ones in the house, which is about right given our age. Singles, or in the words of a friend, "kesian singles", hit this phase pretty early on and pretty much all of them do. The married people experience it much later, if at all, during the so called mid-life crisis or after retirement. It's good to know that someone else is in the same, often reclusive stage as myself.
At the end of the day, I just want to know what does happiness in contentment look like, what does it feel like. Because I am certainly content, I'm just not very happy about everything including myself. Or rather I'm just very neutral on the angry-happy scale. And I know this is not quite right.
They say happiness rides on human emotion and is about as stable as ocean waters. And what really matters is contentment where I have enough for my daily needs and does not depend on the inherent instability of emotions. But there must be a kind of joy experienced by someone who is content, one that does involve the emotions but not based on it. It is precisely this joy that I lack or have not fully come to terms with it.
I am somewhat glad that I am not the only one in this household that is going through this phase. Also because we are the only single ones in the house, which is about right given our age. Singles, or in the words of a friend, "kesian singles", hit this phase pretty early on and pretty much all of them do. The married people experience it much later, if at all, during the so called mid-life crisis or after retirement. It's good to know that someone else is in the same, often reclusive stage as myself.
At the end of the day, I just want to know what does happiness in contentment look like, what does it feel like. Because I am certainly content, I'm just not very happy about everything including myself. Or rather I'm just very neutral on the angry-happy scale. And I know this is not quite right.
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