Big Fish with Issues

Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 1:53 AM | Posted by Juwen

It's been awhile now since enjoying my holidays for the time being. Then there's July Camp. Really nice campsite albeit a bit small. But for the size of our campers, it's just right. Friday and Monday were some of the saddest days in terms of number of campers, probably no more than 30. Other than that, it is actually a nice to know that I'm doing anything for camp like Bible studying or cooking (although I somewhat secretly want to cook). The last time I was in camp that I didn't have to do anything was in my first year. I forgot how it feels like when you just went to camp just to attend camp and to learn from God's word. Of course an interesting thought was that back then in my first year, I was a guppy but now, 7 years later, I'm now one of the dinosaurs.

The experience is of course very different when I was surrounded by my peers 7 years ago and now surrounded by guppies. The gap that I have been feeling a couple of years back is starting to grow again, and rapidly accelerating I might add. Though I've had my fun with the guppies, it is only a matter of time before the realization that I've past my use by date, so to speak. It's time for me to move on but my circumstances (presumably branches from my failures) has continued to retard me. It is not a good thought to keep when I can't name a single peer of mine that is going through a similiar course in life as my own. All have got jobs, more and more are getting married, and some have evolved into their own families. The natural progression of life somehow doesn't really like me very much, but do I want to be in it?

The only thing that is keeping me sane amidst the depressing environment that I am in are the friends that are signified by one apartment number. We've had crazy times together, wholesome talks among us, great food, plenty of alcohol etc. You name it we've got it. But at the same time I'm also preparing myself for the fact that this is not going to last. Heck, I think give it one more year and things among us will drastically change. One year. That's all it takes. As much I cannot change this fact, I don't like it.

On another ranting, I think people don't take me seriously at what I do. For example, it is utterly annoying when taking the group pictures in July Camp that just as I am about to take a group photo, suddenly 7-8 other cameras flood in front of me taking them. After shouting and yelling to get them out of the way, they keep going. And once they are done the group disperses and the 7-8 other cameras move on to the next group whoever they are. Normally that isn't so bad but try facing that for every. Single. Group. Just as my blood boils from all of this, people can still dare poke fun at how I'm trying to get the group shot. I had to muster every single ounce of restraint to not do anything stupid and just to stare coldly at the offender and nothing more. This is on top of the hundreds of people who have attacked me for studying mathematics, saying that it's useless and has no point or even ignoring me from conversation. And the thousands of people who are asking me why I'm still studying. What. The. Hell. Man. Is it that hard to listen and not be judgmental towards me? Oh wait, yes it is hard...

Ok enough depression and angst. Read teh niuz:
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