I initially had a different title and direction for this blog post but things have recently changed the tone and the things that I want to say.
TL;DR
Reflections on failure and success of WhatsApp and me. Say what?
***
How many times that you have stopped and think that two events, one internal to your world and the other external to your own control, are bound by apparent coincidence? Or maybe something that is more than just mere coincidence? Whatever your predisposition, one thing would have been clear. You would at least stopped to think about the possibility that it was no mere coincidence. What happened after the initial thought is another story.
I say this because of my recent interview that I have just gone through. I knew that there is nothing that is going to come out of that, right from the first interview (out of four). And I was right. It was an eye opener just sitting in the interview itself, the kinds of questions that are asked are of another level from what that I am used to. I kinda have an idea how difficult it was going to be but this just made it even clearer that the standard is much higher that previously thought. Whatever it was, I knew that I was doomed but in a good way.
Just after I was on the plane back here to Melbourne, they had already sent the mail of the outcome that I didn't make it through. Later probably around the same time, the big news that is on everyone's lips is that Facebook bought WhatsApp for a head-dizzingly large amount of $16 billion. With a B. But there was another big news that came out at the same time that this one came out. And that was the co-founder of WhatsApp, Brian Acton, who Facebook rejected him when he was looking for a job. Not long after, he and Jan Koum started WhatsApp. 5 years and 450 million users later, that company has been bought out by Facebook. I can imagine all possible scenarios of the founders of WhatsApp being complete jerks to Facebook ala American comedy style along the lines of "Look who has come crawling back to me...". But that was far from it. Some of the most humbling and dedicated words come out from him.
So there is a reason that this made it as the next big news apart from the buyout. You cannot deny the inspirational effect that came out of this. In fact, the tweet that Brian sent after finding out that he was rejected by Facebook suddenly got retweeted like crazy. This serves two purposes, one is that people who have been looking for jobs regardless of their industry see it as a means and the motivation to keep moving. Hack more, build more, design more in the meantime. Success can and will come just not in the way that you expect it. The second thing (and perhaps the more subtle) is that this is cause for companies to rethink their interview process. And I have been through it, twice in fact, and it is a very difficult to put it lightly. Many people are criticising that the current interview process of trying to get the brightest and smartest of the lot is ultimately flawed and something needs to change. The story of WhatsApp is the one that is causing people to rethink that. "We could have gotten him, he would have been great!" and now he has made something that we actually want.
Had Brian Acton got the job at Facebook what would have happened? Would there still be WhatsApp? Would Facebook have developed a feature similiar to WhatsApp in house? We don't know. Perhaps it is the very act of Facebook rejecting him was the catalyst of developing the idea of WhatsApp. Many people say that this is the case, if he wasn't rejected, there would be no WhatsApp. Whatever the cause or effect, this has been very positive for people. You can see success, just not the way you want it to be.
Now I don't know whether the timing of such things are of mere coincidence or something more than that. I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Also to make things clear about this, I am not implying that the failure of my interview will signify the rise of my soon-to-be-set-up company. I am not implying that I will ever be that smart. Brian Acton and Jan Koum used to work for Yahoo and together they had a ton of experience and of course the smarts when they started WhatsApp, I just have brain that barely functions. If anything, this whole news thing just convey one message, "Keep calm and carry on".
Psalm 96
Sunday, February 2, 2014
at
11:48 PM
Recently, a friend unknowingly introduced me to a site called The Good Christian Music Blog. The name certainly caught my attention mainly because of the bold name it has chosen to present itself. With a lot of scepticism, I went in anyway. I mean who would have the audacity to claim something like that.
What I found there was nothing short of amazing. So many genres of music covered from the usual styles that we are used to in church to some raise-eyebrow entries as well (80s Christian power ballad anyone?). When was the last time you heard a Christian hip-hop song besides Kirk Franklin? Or Christian electronica? Or even a soulful 60s/70s R&B Christian song? There is some really good stuff if you would open your mind about what constitutes a Christian song.
Pretty much all the entries in the blog are easy on the ears even the genres that I don't normally listen too. Things like hip-hop are not something I listen to because of what we are normally used to listening on the radio or on Spotify. Not only that, these songs have content, perhaps not as theologically fulfilling as some of the songs that we sing in church but they do sing of our God. If anything, this has made me more curious of what other people are doing, providing Christian content yet with the same sort of quality like that of the "secular" music.
One of the things that I am constantly amazed at the people in my church is how vast their areas of ministry cover. I remember that when I first came into this church, I heard about a ministry where people reach out to those in the electronic and dance music scene. At first that was strange, but after hearing some of the testimonies of some of the people serving there, it made a lot of sense. There's is this drummer in the band that also DJs at bars and does his own remixes on the side on his SoundCloud account. It further emphasises the church's mission statement, to know Jesus and to make Him known as well as a better understanding of the Great Commission and Romans 10.
Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) to most of us Christians just mean the songs people like Chris Tomlin, Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Ginny Owens, Sara Groves, Third Day etc. dish out and we cover in church as part of the service. CCM should really be called Contemporary Church Music because of this. It is like hymns sung in church in the 1800s. I'm sure that at that time it would be considered contemporary. If we want to use the phrase Contemporary Christian Music, one must be open to a much broader view of Christian music, even if it means that it is not "suitable" to be covered in church.
"Sing to the Lord a new song"
What I found there was nothing short of amazing. So many genres of music covered from the usual styles that we are used to in church to some raise-eyebrow entries as well (80s Christian power ballad anyone?). When was the last time you heard a Christian hip-hop song besides Kirk Franklin? Or Christian electronica? Or even a soulful 60s/70s R&B Christian song? There is some really good stuff if you would open your mind about what constitutes a Christian song.
Pretty much all the entries in the blog are easy on the ears even the genres that I don't normally listen too. Things like hip-hop are not something I listen to because of what we are normally used to listening on the radio or on Spotify. Not only that, these songs have content, perhaps not as theologically fulfilling as some of the songs that we sing in church but they do sing of our God. If anything, this has made me more curious of what other people are doing, providing Christian content yet with the same sort of quality like that of the "secular" music.
One of the things that I am constantly amazed at the people in my church is how vast their areas of ministry cover. I remember that when I first came into this church, I heard about a ministry where people reach out to those in the electronic and dance music scene. At first that was strange, but after hearing some of the testimonies of some of the people serving there, it made a lot of sense. There's is this drummer in the band that also DJs at bars and does his own remixes on the side on his SoundCloud account. It further emphasises the church's mission statement, to know Jesus and to make Him known as well as a better understanding of the Great Commission and Romans 10.
Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) to most of us Christians just mean the songs people like Chris Tomlin, Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Ginny Owens, Sara Groves, Third Day etc. dish out and we cover in church as part of the service. CCM should really be called Contemporary Church Music because of this. It is like hymns sung in church in the 1800s. I'm sure that at that time it would be considered contemporary. If we want to use the phrase Contemporary Christian Music, one must be open to a much broader view of Christian music, even if it means that it is not "suitable" to be covered in church.
"Sing to the Lord a new song"
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Perfect Storm
Sunday, January 19, 2014
at
11:15 PM
TL;DR
I talk about the significance of this year; I become old, squatted for longer than expected and thinking about whether I should squat longer.
***
This year is a very significant year for me. It became significant by accident actually. In fact, if I were to have it my way (and God knows what a disaster that would be) this year wouldn't have been significant at all.
This year is the year that I have been in Australia for 10 years. It is one thing to say that you have spent 18 years of your life in the country growing up, but it is another thing to say that you have lived in another country for a decade. So many things have happened in those 10 years, both good and bad, periods of growing in maturity and times of just pure foolishness. I have never expected to stay here this long. To think that I would stay here for 4 years, max 8 years, is exactly what I was expecting. But it turns out that life had other plans and has initially dragged me, kicking and screaming. But here I am nonetheless, at a place that I wouldn't have seen in coming in a million years. And I have to say that I like where I am now. As I have said to some people, the last 6 years was necessary for the development of my character. I needed to be broken into, to get through the thick skull of pride and immaturity. My extended stay here has taught me a great deal of things and I am glad for it.
This year is the year I will be as old as when Jesus began his ministry. My peers have called it a milestone, much like when one has turned 18 and 21. As I pondered on this, I think I am afraid that I do not see it as a milestone. We use the word milestone in our lives the same way we use it for what it was originally intended as, a measurement of distance, as if there is some fixed distance to some event in this thing we call life. I think a more meaningful way is events. Or if we go by things that we see on the road analogy, one of those "You are now entering" signs. Going to school is a milestone and so is getting your first job, getting married, having your first child, your children leaving home and so on. Entering different regions in life can take different paths, some will take the highway and others the long winding gravel road. You may even end up detouring to somewhere else. And that's fine. The milestone concept has the idea that you should be reaching some goal in a certain amount of time and if you don't, well then something is wrong. Coming to grips with this has been very liberating and in some ways has made me care less about a lot of things and sometimes people. Being this old is an event no doubt, but it is far less significant than getting a job (which was my last "You are now entering ...") and I've even took the long way round. Peers say that I should have a big bash when I do turn another year old this year but I say no. It's just another day. I will, however, accept celebrating when I would have lived for 1 billion seconds (which apparently is on 23rd July 2016 at 1:53.40 PM Malaysian time, ±1 minute)
This year is the year that my temporary visa will expire at the end of the year. It has also been impressed on me that I should decide what should I do with it. A big part of me wants to go to some other place, somewhere I can start again. But the rational me thinks that it is too risky to put all my hopes in one basket and should look to nesting here for a little while more, or at least the possibility of it. It's like signing a contract for another few years and this is not something that you would take lightly. This has moved up the prayer list significantly as well as intensity. I can trust where God will be leading me to, I just need to know where am I going.
It would be almost poetic if I did get what I want for this year because that would hit all of the significance I have outlined this year, but I wouldn't count on it. It would be awesome though. I suppose one can dream...
I talk about the significance of this year; I become old, squatted for longer than expected and thinking about whether I should squat longer.
***
This year is a very significant year for me. It became significant by accident actually. In fact, if I were to have it my way (and God knows what a disaster that would be) this year wouldn't have been significant at all.
This year is the year that I have been in Australia for 10 years. It is one thing to say that you have spent 18 years of your life in the country growing up, but it is another thing to say that you have lived in another country for a decade. So many things have happened in those 10 years, both good and bad, periods of growing in maturity and times of just pure foolishness. I have never expected to stay here this long. To think that I would stay here for 4 years, max 8 years, is exactly what I was expecting. But it turns out that life had other plans and has initially dragged me, kicking and screaming. But here I am nonetheless, at a place that I wouldn't have seen in coming in a million years. And I have to say that I like where I am now. As I have said to some people, the last 6 years was necessary for the development of my character. I needed to be broken into, to get through the thick skull of pride and immaturity. My extended stay here has taught me a great deal of things and I am glad for it.
This year is the year I will be as old as when Jesus began his ministry. My peers have called it a milestone, much like when one has turned 18 and 21. As I pondered on this, I think I am afraid that I do not see it as a milestone. We use the word milestone in our lives the same way we use it for what it was originally intended as, a measurement of distance, as if there is some fixed distance to some event in this thing we call life. I think a more meaningful way is events. Or if we go by things that we see on the road analogy, one of those "You are now entering
This year is the year that my temporary visa will expire at the end of the year. It has also been impressed on me that I should decide what should I do with it. A big part of me wants to go to some other place, somewhere I can start again. But the rational me thinks that it is too risky to put all my hopes in one basket and should look to nesting here for a little while more, or at least the possibility of it. It's like signing a contract for another few years and this is not something that you would take lightly. This has moved up the prayer list significantly as well as intensity. I can trust where God will be leading me to, I just need to know where am I going.
It would be almost poetic if I did get what I want for this year because that would hit all of the significance I have outlined this year, but I wouldn't count on it. It would be awesome though. I suppose one can dream...
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8th Day of Christmas
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
at
11:01 PM
So the first post of the year is about...Christmas?
Yes, I am still listening to Christmas songs just to wring out every bit of the Christmas cheer. Think about it, you won't hear these songs again until Christmas time this year. People doing different arrangements of age old Christmas songs and carols always excite me around Christmas time.
There is nothing wrong with some of the traditional arrangements of these songs but when some of the songs demands the spirit of joy and celebration, sometimes the way these songs are played, especially in church, tend to not draw it out as much as I would like to be. Chris Tomlin's version of Joy To The World where he adds the extra lines about unspeakable joy really hits it home. And the arrangement of that song is a reflection of that joy; big, loud, and for a lack of a better word, very much like Chris Tomlin.
There is one song that currently sits in the category of "it needs more joy" in our arrangements. This is quite possibly my most favourite Christmas song ever and that would be Hark The Herald Angels Sing. A very close second would be Mariah Carrey's All I Want For Christmas Is You, but I digress. So far I haven't found any arrangement of this song that I found to be fitting of joy. There are some interesting arrangements out there but they don't quite fit the bill. Only once that I've heard a worthy arrangement and that was done in my church back home years ago. Unfortunately, that arrangement is undocumented and I don't really know the people in the music ministry to get a hold of a recording, if there is any at all.
And then, I found this.
Boy was I happy to have found this. In true Citizens style, they have created something good. I immediately jumped on my bass and just jammed with it. There's nothing like a good brass section in any band. It's currently on loop because I just can't stop the groove. This also means that I really want to learn a brass instrument really badly, like a trombone. If I would have my way, I'd want all songs to be like this but that would make it boring. This is just gold.
Of course I am biased to say it because it has a Motown feel to it. Whatever.
Yes, I am still listening to Christmas songs just to wring out every bit of the Christmas cheer. Think about it, you won't hear these songs again until Christmas time this year. People doing different arrangements of age old Christmas songs and carols always excite me around Christmas time.
There is nothing wrong with some of the traditional arrangements of these songs but when some of the songs demands the spirit of joy and celebration, sometimes the way these songs are played, especially in church, tend to not draw it out as much as I would like to be. Chris Tomlin's version of Joy To The World where he adds the extra lines about unspeakable joy really hits it home. And the arrangement of that song is a reflection of that joy; big, loud, and for a lack of a better word, very much like Chris Tomlin.
There is one song that currently sits in the category of "it needs more joy" in our arrangements. This is quite possibly my most favourite Christmas song ever and that would be Hark The Herald Angels Sing. A very close second would be Mariah Carrey's All I Want For Christmas Is You, but I digress. So far I haven't found any arrangement of this song that I found to be fitting of joy. There are some interesting arrangements out there but they don't quite fit the bill. Only once that I've heard a worthy arrangement and that was done in my church back home years ago. Unfortunately, that arrangement is undocumented and I don't really know the people in the music ministry to get a hold of a recording, if there is any at all.
And then, I found this.
Boy was I happy to have found this. In true Citizens style, they have created something good. I immediately jumped on my bass and just jammed with it. There's nothing like a good brass section in any band. It's currently on loop because I just can't stop the groove. This also means that I really want to learn a brass instrument really badly, like a trombone. If I would have my way, I'd want all songs to be like this but that would make it boring. This is just gold.
Of course I am biased to say it because it has a Motown feel to it. Whatever.
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Retrospective
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
at
12:08 AM
TL;DR
Everything looks clearer on hindsight, that includes my life for this year.
***
As the year draws to a close, as cliche as it is, there's bound to be some sort of reflection of the year that is about to pass. I shall carry on that cliche in 4 parts.
Self
This is the year that I have finally read the whole Bible from cover to cover. I have to ask myself why haven't I done this earlier because it has been really good. Got to find out a lot of things that I have never really known, including some particularly funny and strange passages in the Old Testament. And in many ways, I have grown a lot even from just briefly reading through the passages in my commute. I've even been challenged right there and then when reading the passage and it has been an uncomfortable feeling but that is a good thing. To know that you have to change in light of reading the Bible for its truths.
I've also taken the time to say less and to think more as it is evident in the amount of posts I've written this year. Ever since I've started blogging, I've said a lot of things which, now looking at it in hindsight, is just a lot of noise. To the usual readers would note that a lot of the things that I write these days are things that just stirring in the heart about something ,either emotionally or rationally, or something that requires saying something about. I think that this is something that is going to continue on for the next few years. I am slowly sinking in the feeling in what I write, that sometimes less is more.
I've also tried to change things up a bit by learning a new keyboard layout. Probably one of the most difficult thing I have ever tried. It screws around with everything, your productivity drops by like 80% and you get utterly frustrated. It also makes you doubt whether it is a good thing or not despite some of the major pros over the current keyboard layout. You just got to persevere. That quality in itself is probably worth it since it is transferable to other areas of life.
I would like to think that I have grown lots personally, or at least in a biased view of myself. It's a bit like a self help book, you feel really good after reading it and apply some of the things to your own self but whether or not you actually as a person in relation to others is another question (see Relationships)
Work
This year at work has been an amazing time, lots of crazy good projects and our team is totally kicking butt. We've created some very novel ideas about apps and services that is shaping how we use the smartphone and having the opportunity to use some of these crazy new things.
I've also written my first tool that helps a lot of what we do a lot simpler. It is nothing fancy but it does help lots. And now I'm thinking on how to grow what I have created to make things even more helpful. To think that 4 years ago, I wouldn't have thought of myself as a person who makes tools. I would have written equations and equations that only a handful of people would only know.
I also feel that this is a particularly strange year for the company. We've hyper inflated in the past two years that I think that it is only this year that we are experiencing the growing pains of the company. Lots of new people are coming in and very quickly they are subjected to some major stresses that brand spanking new people shouldn't be having. Though we are improving our processes and trying to prevent these sorts of things from happening, I don't know whether the damage has been dealt to some of us. I feel that to those who will stay on in the next year or so will see a big improvement.
Also there is a lot of old code that is in real need of a revamp (or even culled out completely). I think that there are better ways to do the things that some of these old code lying around are currently doing. 2 years of unchanged, or rather unaudited code, is a bad smell in my opinion. We just need the time to be able to do all of this, which we currently do not have.
Overall, it has been an exciting time to work at where I am now. And the people there are just about as crazy as me, if not more crazy. I like crazy.
Relationships
This year has been a strange one for that. In some respects, it is a repeat of 2010. In 2010, there was a small core group that I have rather frequent hangouts with and it was a great joy having that around. But by the end of the year, people started leaving the country and having other commitments, the group suddenly does not feel like the group anymore. This year has been pretty much like that although we didn't hangout as frequently as the group before that. The other difference is that I knew that the end result is going to be exactly just like in 2010. It was pretty much a ticking alarm clock. And so I've decided to make the most of it. The outcome of that has been great, got to know some people very well and some surprising things about people that I didn't expect.
Also lots of old wounds are healing well. Scars are still there to remind me of my foolishness for years to come.
It is also a year where my sphere of church friends have been moving from one church to another. And it is a weird thing to have that. Because there is a rather high turnover at the other church, this is the point where the old guard begins to fade away. While in my current church, I am only beginning to get to know people. The net effect is that I am like an acquaintance to both. I would put this as the hardest thing to handle this year, followed by learning a new keyboard layout as a close second (see Work).
I think that I haven't been a good friend, at least in the past couple of years, due to a lot of internal struggle and subconsciously shunning people because of it. Even now I am trying to find out how can I deal with the many people around me who are getting attached or getting married. It almost seems as though that there is no space for the single soon-to-be 30 year old in their lives, you know, because birds of a feather flock together. Though I think that I have improved as a person (see Self), I'd still get a D for being a friend.
But I thank God for the Bible study group that I am currently in. I've gotten to know a lot of them in the past year and a place that I can be myself again. If anything, this is an incubator for me to be a better friend. I can only hope that I can raise my friend score card to at least a B from this.
Future
Everything looks clearer on hindsight, that includes my life for this year.
***
As the year draws to a close, as cliche as it is, there's bound to be some sort of reflection of the year that is about to pass. I shall carry on that cliche in 4 parts.
Self
This is the year that I have finally read the whole Bible from cover to cover. I have to ask myself why haven't I done this earlier because it has been really good. Got to find out a lot of things that I have never really known, including some particularly funny and strange passages in the Old Testament. And in many ways, I have grown a lot even from just briefly reading through the passages in my commute. I've even been challenged right there and then when reading the passage and it has been an uncomfortable feeling but that is a good thing. To know that you have to change in light of reading the Bible for its truths.
I've also taken the time to say less and to think more as it is evident in the amount of posts I've written this year. Ever since I've started blogging, I've said a lot of things which, now looking at it in hindsight, is just a lot of noise. To the usual readers would note that a lot of the things that I write these days are things that just stirring in the heart about something ,either emotionally or rationally, or something that requires saying something about. I think that this is something that is going to continue on for the next few years. I am slowly sinking in the feeling in what I write, that sometimes less is more.
I've also tried to change things up a bit by learning a new keyboard layout. Probably one of the most difficult thing I have ever tried. It screws around with everything, your productivity drops by like 80% and you get utterly frustrated. It also makes you doubt whether it is a good thing or not despite some of the major pros over the current keyboard layout. You just got to persevere. That quality in itself is probably worth it since it is transferable to other areas of life.
I would like to think that I have grown lots personally, or at least in a biased view of myself. It's a bit like a self help book, you feel really good after reading it and apply some of the things to your own self but whether or not you actually as a person in relation to others is another question (see Relationships)
Work
This year at work has been an amazing time, lots of crazy good projects and our team is totally kicking butt. We've created some very novel ideas about apps and services that is shaping how we use the smartphone and having the opportunity to use some of these crazy new things.
I've also written my first tool that helps a lot of what we do a lot simpler. It is nothing fancy but it does help lots. And now I'm thinking on how to grow what I have created to make things even more helpful. To think that 4 years ago, I wouldn't have thought of myself as a person who makes tools. I would have written equations and equations that only a handful of people would only know.
I also feel that this is a particularly strange year for the company. We've hyper inflated in the past two years that I think that it is only this year that we are experiencing the growing pains of the company. Lots of new people are coming in and very quickly they are subjected to some major stresses that brand spanking new people shouldn't be having. Though we are improving our processes and trying to prevent these sorts of things from happening, I don't know whether the damage has been dealt to some of us. I feel that to those who will stay on in the next year or so will see a big improvement.
Also there is a lot of old code that is in real need of a revamp (or even culled out completely). I think that there are better ways to do the things that some of these old code lying around are currently doing. 2 years of unchanged, or rather unaudited code, is a bad smell in my opinion. We just need the time to be able to do all of this, which we currently do not have.
Overall, it has been an exciting time to work at where I am now. And the people there are just about as crazy as me, if not more crazy. I like crazy.
Relationships
This year has been a strange one for that. In some respects, it is a repeat of 2010. In 2010, there was a small core group that I have rather frequent hangouts with and it was a great joy having that around. But by the end of the year, people started leaving the country and having other commitments, the group suddenly does not feel like the group anymore. This year has been pretty much like that although we didn't hangout as frequently as the group before that. The other difference is that I knew that the end result is going to be exactly just like in 2010. It was pretty much a ticking alarm clock. And so I've decided to make the most of it. The outcome of that has been great, got to know some people very well and some surprising things about people that I didn't expect.
Also lots of old wounds are healing well. Scars are still there to remind me of my foolishness for years to come.
It is also a year where my sphere of church friends have been moving from one church to another. And it is a weird thing to have that. Because there is a rather high turnover at the other church, this is the point where the old guard begins to fade away. While in my current church, I am only beginning to get to know people. The net effect is that I am like an acquaintance to both. I would put this as the hardest thing to handle this year, followed by learning a new keyboard layout as a close second (see Work).
I think that I haven't been a good friend, at least in the past couple of years, due to a lot of internal struggle and subconsciously shunning people because of it. Even now I am trying to find out how can I deal with the many people around me who are getting attached or getting married. It almost seems as though that there is no space for the single soon-to-be 30 year old in their lives, you know, because birds of a feather flock together. Though I think that I have improved as a person (see Self), I'd still get a D for being a friend.
But I thank God for the Bible study group that I am currently in. I've gotten to know a lot of them in the past year and a place that I can be myself again. If anything, this is an incubator for me to be a better friend. I can only hope that I can raise my friend score card to at least a B from this.
Future
- Starting to serve in a new music team and I am super excited about these bunch of crazy good musos. It is only in serving along side a group of great musicians can one improve in a band.
- Starting to help out in another church with their music team to help train them to be better band members.
- Major opportunities in the horizon for work, terribly excited about it and terribly scared as well
- Be a better friend
- 4 more years until I shut the door
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It's Beginning To Look Like Christmas
Thursday, December 26, 2013
at
12:08 AM
I am apparently not alone to say that this year's Christmas feels the least Christmas-y ever. There are less people than usual on the streets, it feels less festive and certainly not something to look forward to. And yet I can see that there lots more people out there who feel that it's the most joyous Christmas. This is probably the first Christmas that I've been in where I didn't celebrate with family nor belong to a family-like presence.
As a kid, I had my ideals about Christmas, ideals that still stuck with me many years later. I absorbed American culture so much as a kid that I often wonder what would I give in order to experience that, including Christmas time. The beautifully decorated Christmas tree (that is not made by plastic), fireplace going, thick blanket of snow outside, large family gathering under one roof and so on. At that time the only thing that was close enough to that description was actually Chinese New Year. The only differences were that the tree was a kumquat tree, the fireplace replaced with a dinner table and snow for thick humid air.
Nowadays, Christmas seems just like any other day, whether it is Independence Day or September 13th. What joy has already left in my heart, what spring is there in my step. Everything feels so sterile now.
Of course that I haven't forgotten what Christmas is meant to signify and I am very thankful for that. In fact there is a great deal of things that I am very thankful for this year, perhaps even the most thankful that I have been in years. But the thing that I seem to be losing my memory is what does it feel like to be part of a family again. I am largely to be blamed for this and I wish I can do things differently, but I guess the damage has been done. And now I am in a time where my peers are having their own families now (or soon to have), it has further highlighted the feeling of not being in a family even more. My actual family are miles away and its been harder and harder to stay as a family.
And you know, I think that that is the main reason that my personal emotional well being has taken a toll on.
For the few of you who are reading this, may your Christmas be one that is full of the sense of belonging, be it with others or your own. May you are able to share that joy with others even to that weird little guy down the corner. Also may you know that this is when a man came into the world and he is called...
God With Us.
And in these last hours of Christmas left, have yourself a merry little Christmas.
As a kid, I had my ideals about Christmas, ideals that still stuck with me many years later. I absorbed American culture so much as a kid that I often wonder what would I give in order to experience that, including Christmas time. The beautifully decorated Christmas tree (that is not made by plastic), fireplace going, thick blanket of snow outside, large family gathering under one roof and so on. At that time the only thing that was close enough to that description was actually Chinese New Year. The only differences were that the tree was a kumquat tree, the fireplace replaced with a dinner table and snow for thick humid air.
Nowadays, Christmas seems just like any other day, whether it is Independence Day or September 13th. What joy has already left in my heart, what spring is there in my step. Everything feels so sterile now.
Of course that I haven't forgotten what Christmas is meant to signify and I am very thankful for that. In fact there is a great deal of things that I am very thankful for this year, perhaps even the most thankful that I have been in years. But the thing that I seem to be losing my memory is what does it feel like to be part of a family again. I am largely to be blamed for this and I wish I can do things differently, but I guess the damage has been done. And now I am in a time where my peers are having their own families now (or soon to have), it has further highlighted the feeling of not being in a family even more. My actual family are miles away and its been harder and harder to stay as a family.
And you know, I think that that is the main reason that my personal emotional well being has taken a toll on.
For the few of you who are reading this, may your Christmas be one that is full of the sense of belonging, be it with others or your own. May you are able to share that joy with others even to that weird little guy down the corner. Also may you know that this is when a man came into the world and he is called...
God With Us.
And in these last hours of Christmas left, have yourself a merry little Christmas.
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Thank Providence
Saturday, December 21, 2013
at
1:27 AM
As you can probably tell, I've read it. And I have to say that I finally get why you loved that darn book and her so much. Even more so through the lens of hindsight. I'd say that apart from physical characteristics and a few details, I'm even inclined to say that it is really a story about you except in an alternate universe.
I can even see myself in a few of the characters, and I'm sure that you would already know who they are. Everything including my flaws are in scattered throughout all the characters, like I am really seeing myself through the looking glass.
Lots of emotions were brought forth. Emotions that I am glad to be reminded of. But there are also plenty of them that I would like not to be reminded of. As a whole, she provided a lot of empathy to me, at least up to a certain point in her life.
For the time being, she has given me something for the road ahead of me though gloomy, lifeless and void of any comforting presence as it is already. There is scope for imagination. And perhaps that is what I need to be able to entertain the idea of it being thrusted upon me, or maybe achieved, as Mrs. Lavendar would have put it. What happened to her in the end is not for me as yet and is subject for a distant time and place, if Providence were to allow the course of history to flow through it.
I can even see myself in a few of the characters, and I'm sure that you would already know who they are. Everything including my flaws are in scattered throughout all the characters, like I am really seeing myself through the looking glass.
Lots of emotions were brought forth. Emotions that I am glad to be reminded of. But there are also plenty of them that I would like not to be reminded of. As a whole, she provided a lot of empathy to me, at least up to a certain point in her life.
For the time being, she has given me something for the road ahead of me though gloomy, lifeless and void of any comforting presence as it is already. There is scope for imagination. And perhaps that is what I need to be able to entertain the idea of it being thrusted upon me, or maybe achieved, as Mrs. Lavendar would have put it. What happened to her in the end is not for me as yet and is subject for a distant time and place, if Providence were to allow the course of history to flow through it.
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