Calling One's Bluff

Monday, April 14, 2014 at 11:39 PM | Posted by Juwen
Lately I've been reminded of a rare and long conversation that I had with a friend yonks ago. It was quite possibly the longest conversation I've had with this friend and quite possibly the last real conversation I've had with this friend since, I think, my memory might be playing tricks on me.

 That conversation stuck with me for a number of reasons, mostly because of contextual reasons but also because it was a unique conversation, one that I never have the pleasure of having with this friend again nor anyone else in my tiny circle of friends. This was the first time that a friend called out what was really going on in my life, straight to the point and gave the no nonsense look. Now normally, I would have given a vague canned response to such questions and sometimes even go to the extent of denying that there was something going on. But this was the first time that I let myself go and see where it leads me. In short, I let myself be vulnerable. But I know that I feel safe, because it took years of friendship to get to this point.

 The conversation took its various turns as a conversation should and at the end it was summarised in four words, "You can do it.". The optimism in this friend of mine for others is incredible, always believing in the ability of others but not of own ability. I've even tested that optimism time and time again. Every time the answer was the same, Friend's ability - 1, Mine - 0.

 As it turns out, I almost did it but as the greatest philosopher of our time, Jedi Grand Master Yoda, once said, "Do. Or do not. There is no try.". Every ounce in my being wanted to say I told you so but that would be in poor taste. And so, nothing was recorded in history and left to a few fading memories where time will work to and for the destruction of those memories.

 Since that conversation, there have been several times where those four words came back to haunt me and in different contexts as well. It has caused many sleepless nights. Conversations like the one that I had with my friend are like a double edged sword, there is great potential for joy but also a great potential for burden. 

 I wish I could remember everything about that conversation except those four words. But then, it wouldn't have made the conversation particularly interesting. Nor made me remember that this is the only person who saw right through me and called it and I really appreciated that. Nor made me think that all these sleepless nights is going to be useful somehow someday.

 Rats.

 PS: This has been incredibly useful on my Ikea-hacked stand up desk.
PSS: To all of you, DFTBA!

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Experiences

Sunday, April 6, 2014 at 9:55 PM | Posted by Juwen
As part of my usual 2 year downward spiral cycle of thinking how incredibly stupid I am, thinking why on Earth did I do that and smacking my head on the wall (or something solid nearby) and wallowing in my own self depreciation, which starts right about now actually, it is only fitting that I am made to think about my past experiences or lack thereof and how that has affected me as a person.

 I have to say that I live a very non-happening life because mainly I have been focused on one thing and one thing only in my younger days, to get a PhD and to start teaching in universities. Because of this, I took of classes on advanced math, set myself up on track to be doing research. Coupled with the fact that I am a poor international student, everything was subject to scrutiny if any money was to go out of my pocket. So very little things I have done, spent many days in my room travelling the far corners of the internet (mostly about cats) and my ridiculous blogging (it's still ridiculous, by the way). I thought that I could endure all of this in order that I may get what I came here for, then I can enjoy the things that Melbourne can offer. At the rate I was going, I thought I was invincible and it was a matter of time that I will achieve what I set myself out to do.

 Then in a twinkling, everything departed from me. The career that I once sought after that I thought I was so sure that I was going to do it disintegrated before my eyes. Relationships cracked, fractured and eventually caved in to the pressures of saving the thing that I wanted the most. I once had a conversation with a high school friend visiting Melbourne at that time and after telling him about my experiences, he promptly rebuked me and of course I didn't really listen. I had everything rationalised and while some of it was definitely my fault but surely not this thing that my friend rebuked me for. Years later, I finally realised that he was right, but that is for another story.

 But I went on, now trying this new field and again saving what was left of a chance to be doing something meaningful. And of course be paid for that. But that came at a cost of 2 years of being a poor international student again. But even after that, I still stayed the same, not going out and explore the outdoors, go on adventures, trips to see various parts of the world and so on.

 I am now beginning to feel the effects of that now. I've been talking to a friend and she is really living the life. Despite the fact that she is busy finishing her specialist training and thinking about whether she is going to continue to do her PhD in the area, she has done precisely the opposite of what I have done. Well traveled and well explored locally, the wealth of experiences that she has accumulated is just amazing. And that has a very deep impact on how she lives and views life. She has made time for enjoying the things that are around while still keeping a great career.

 Basically this is me saying that I have the FOMO syndrome. I wonder, would I be a different person had I done what she did early on? I suspect not because I would still be a jerk and an idiot, just less of it. And now that I am approaching the next version update to 3.0, quarter life crisis #3 is well on the way, and now thinking about what have I missed. What am I to do? You know, all part of being 30. Maybe just the singles. Maybe just me.

 On the bright side, if the trend is right, I will only have to endure another cycle after this one is over. Yay to being 33!

 PS. Expect that there will be more incoherent blog posts in the future. It's just a phase.

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Deadline

Sunday, March 30, 2014 at 7:13 PM | Posted by Juwen
We've all had them. We need this feature done by so and so date. We need to ship this by the end of the month. Your assignments are due in a week. Often we deal with things that are required to be done and the due dates are beyond our control. And we all dread them.

 Yet the more I talk to people about how they got something done for their own personal use, the more it seems that setting your own due dates becomes a good idea. The very thing that we all dread becomes very powerful for getting something done or wanting to do something. This is something that I didn't realise that I was actually doing when I decided to read the Bible front to back in a year. I set myself out to read the Bible in a year after for time and time again that I've been hearing that you can do so from the pastors at my other church. And so I did. I didn't quite finish it in a year but it was pretty close.

 The point is that setting yourself a due date and committing to that can have great results. I've asked a colleague how he decided to get his tattoos. He said that he saw a design that he like to have as a tattoo but he decided that he was going to wait for a year and if he still liked the design as a tattoo that he would like to have then he will get it. Sure enough, after a year, he still liked the design and got the tattoo. He did the same thing for his second tattoo only he waited 18 months before he could decide. He never regretted any of them.

 This only serves to validate some of my decisions for this year. As this year is a fairly significant year for me with lots of plans in conjunction with this year, I will wait until the year is over. If I still like the plans when I revisit them at the end of the year, I will commit to that. It will cover everything from getting myself something nice all the way up to church ministry. I think it also helps you learn to make the decision, as the song goes "Let it go", and take the consequences of those decisions. Once you have ruminated on something for sometime, it removes the impulse of having to make that decision and weighs up on the pros and cons. But at some point, a decision needs to be made and what better way to GSD than to set a due date. And you stick with it, for all the good and bad that comes with it.

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Git Yourself Together

Tuesday, March 11, 2014 at 11:07 PM | Posted by Juwen
TL;DR

 Source control your life!

 ***

 It was one of those rare conversations that I take part in maybe twice a year about church but it is often valuable to me because it usually says something about my habits even though I am not as active in this church anymore. It is disappointing to know that some of the problems faced now are almost the same problems as 5 years ago with some minor changes, maybe even a little frustrating. I've come to understand that what is lacking is open channels of communication between the church board and the congregation, a clear and measurable vision and action on both parts.

 Having said that, I am an outsider for all intensive purposes so I am not sure that is the full picture of the issues at hand or that I am completely misread  the situation altogether. But what I find that is lacking in the church I often find those same problems in me. It's one of those things that micro problems are often the causes for macro problems. Kinda stating the obvious but we all need reminders every now and then. The fingers have been pointed back at me, so it is time for change before I become an old hag.

 Which reminds me of the lessons I learnt from other parts. I find that the techniques for using different tools can offer solutions to problems that are beyond the scope of those tools. My case in point: source control.

 To those who do not know what on earth source control is, it is a way to track changes of files that are in a repository in a manner that is consistent so that everyone who is working on the file can get the changes remotely. You can revert changes and do other funky things with it but that is the basic gist of it. Having dived to the deep end of source control since I first started, you immediately pick up lots of dos and don'ts that I find are becoming more and more applicable in life as well. Some examples

  • Commit stuff
    • If you are going to do something, do it with purpose and conviction. Not committing anything means that nothing is moving which leads to stagnation followed by decay followed by square one. Let it show up on the radar.
  • Commit small changes often
    • Basically this is analogous to the Malay proverb "sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit" (literally translated as a little bit at a time eventually becomes a hill). With the added bonus that if you screw up on something, it is easy to fix it because the commit is small. Whether it is committing to playing your scales on the guitar or put two dollars in the savings jar or restructuring how the music team works, do it in small increments. Most of the problems in church can benefit from this but the assumption is that you need to commit something (see #1). 
  • Don't wait too long before pushing your commits
    • Storing up all your changes without telling others that you have/are working on something will mean that something will come along and screw everything up because nobody knew that you were working on something that they are working on as well. Sometimes fixing them are easy but there will be a time where it will just be disgusting. Working on a vision for the church or a new team is the same thing, people outside need to know what you are doing as often as it is possible and not keep it to within the team.
  • Fixing mistakes locally are easy and people often don't need to know but once a mistake is pushed, it's not so easy to stop people from seeing it.
    • When planning or implementing something, one should plan and make the best changes towards the goal. But when a mistake occurs, it is best to fix it right there and then before it goes out in the open. Do it wrong and put it out in the open and everyone is going to find something to blame, which leads to...
  • There is a paper trail to everything you do
    • Break something in the project and your colleagues are going to stare at you once they find out that something is broken. There is always someone watching your moves. Don't screw it up.
I'm sure that there are more examples than these but I haven't really thought it through. I'm not even sure that what I said makes any sense or just plain stretching it. It certainly sounded a lot better in my head than on print.

But I have committed to it. Hurhur.

Because of this, I have learned to commit to other things as well. I am committed to cease further development of this blog at a predefined time, buying myself something nice when I have upgraded to version 3.0, shutting the relationship door in 4 years and decide where to spend my energies solely. At any point in time, there may be other changes introduced that might disrupt my commits and I will be compelled to fix them in light of new changes. But until then, they are on the list to be carried out on the way to being pushed out.

Product manage yourself!

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Premium

Monday, March 3, 2014 at 10:32 PM | Posted by Juwen
I could stare at these all day.



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Timing

Saturday, February 22, 2014 at 9:55 PM | Posted by Juwen
I initially had a different title and direction for this blog post but things have recently changed the tone and the things that I want to say.

 TL;DR

 Reflections on failure and success of WhatsApp and me. Say what?

 ***

 How many times that you have stopped and think that two events, one internal to your world and the other external to your own control, are bound by apparent coincidence? Or maybe something that is more than just mere coincidence? Whatever your predisposition, one thing would have been clear. You would at least stopped to think about the possibility that it was no mere coincidence. What happened after the initial thought is another story.

 I say this because of my recent interview that I have just gone through. I knew that there is nothing that is going to come out of that, right from the first interview (out of four). And I was right. It was an eye opener just sitting in the interview itself, the kinds of questions that are asked are of another level from what that I am used to. I kinda have an idea how difficult it was going to be but this just made it even clearer that the standard is much higher that previously thought. Whatever it was, I knew that I was doomed but in a good way.

 Just after I was on the plane back here to Melbourne, they had already sent the mail of the outcome that I didn't make it through. Later probably around the same time, the big news that is on everyone's lips is that Facebook bought WhatsApp for a head-dizzingly large amount of $16 billion. With a B. But there was another big news that came out at the same time that this one came out. And that was the co-founder of WhatsApp, Brian Acton, who Facebook rejected him when he was looking for a job. Not long after, he and Jan Koum started WhatsApp. 5 years and 450 million users later, that company has been bought out by Facebook. I can imagine all possible scenarios of the founders of WhatsApp being complete jerks to Facebook ala American comedy style along the lines of "Look who has come crawling back to me...". But that was far from it. Some of the most humbling and dedicated words come out from him.

 So there is a reason that this made it as the next big news apart from the buyout. You cannot deny the inspirational effect that came out of this. In fact, the tweet that Brian sent after finding out that he was rejected by Facebook suddenly got retweeted like crazy. This serves two purposes, one is that people who have been looking for jobs regardless of their industry see it as a means and the motivation to keep moving. Hack more, build more, design more in the meantime. Success can and will come just not in the way that you expect it. The second thing (and perhaps the more subtle) is that this is cause for companies to rethink their interview process. And I have been through it, twice in fact, and it is a very difficult to put it lightly. Many people are criticising that the current interview process of trying to get the brightest and smartest of the lot is ultimately flawed and something needs to change. The story of WhatsApp is the one that is causing people to rethink that. "We could have gotten him, he would have been great!" and now he has made something that we actually want.

 Had Brian Acton got the job at Facebook what would have happened? Would there still be WhatsApp? Would Facebook have developed a feature similiar to WhatsApp in house? We don't know. Perhaps it is the very act of Facebook rejecting him was the catalyst of developing the idea of WhatsApp. Many people say that this is the case, if he wasn't rejected, there would be no WhatsApp. Whatever the cause or effect, this has been very positive for people. You can see success, just not the way you want it to be.

 Now I don't know whether the timing of such things are of mere coincidence or something more than that. I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Also to make things clear about this, I am not implying that the failure of my interview will signify the rise of my soon-to-be-set-up company. I am not implying that I will ever be that smart. Brian Acton and Jan Koum used to work for Yahoo and together they had a ton of experience and of course the smarts when they started WhatsApp, I just have brain that barely functions. If anything, this whole news thing just convey one message, "Keep calm and carry on".

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Psalm 96

Sunday, February 2, 2014 at 11:48 PM | Posted by Juwen
Recently, a friend unknowingly introduced me to a site called The Good Christian Music Blog. The name certainly caught my attention mainly because of the bold name it has chosen to present itself. With a lot of scepticism, I went in anyway. I mean who would have the audacity to claim something like that.

 What I found there was nothing short of amazing. So many genres of music covered from the usual styles that we are used to in church to some raise-eyebrow entries as well (80s Christian power ballad anyone?). When was the last time you heard a Christian hip-hop song besides Kirk Franklin? Or Christian electronica? Or even a soulful 60s/70s R&B Christian song? There is some really good stuff if you would open your mind about what constitutes a Christian song.

 Pretty much all the entries in the blog are easy on the ears even the genres that I don't normally listen too. Things like hip-hop are not something I listen to because of what we are normally used to listening on the radio or on Spotify. Not only that, these songs have content, perhaps not as theologically fulfilling as some of the songs that we sing in church but they do sing of our God. If anything, this has made me more curious of what other people are doing, providing Christian content yet with the same sort of quality like that of the "secular" music.

 One of the things that I am constantly amazed at the people in my church is how vast their areas of ministry cover. I remember that when I first came into this church, I heard about a ministry where people reach out to those in the electronic and dance music scene. At first that was strange, but after hearing some of the testimonies of some of the people serving there, it made a lot of sense. There's is this drummer in the band that also DJs at bars and does his own remixes on the side on his SoundCloud account. It further emphasises the church's mission statement, to know Jesus and to make Him known as well as a better understanding of the Great Commission and Romans 10.

 Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) to most of us Christians just mean the songs people like Chris Tomlin, Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Ginny Owens, Sara Groves, Third Day etc. dish out and we cover in church as part of the service. CCM should really be called Contemporary Church Music because of this. It is like hymns sung in church in the 1800s. I'm sure that at that time it would be considered contemporary. If we want to use the phrase Contemporary Christian Music, one must be open to a much broader view of Christian music, even if it means that it is not "suitable" to be covered in church.

 "Sing to the Lord a new song" 

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