Into The Lion's Mouth

Friday, January 8, 2010 at 1:30 AM | Posted by Juwen
I've had a very good time meeting up a primary school friend in the afternoon. One of the few primary school friends that I still talk and keep in contact with. Had lunch at Asia Cafe (or rather I had lunch) before we adjourned to Pyramid to hopefully catch a movie. Unfortunately the movies we wanted to watch are a bit too late for me as I had dinner plans later. So we slowly walked around, had some things to nibble, quench thirst with a lychee and watermelon drink (awesome by the way) and checked out the arcade and had some archery done. Completely impromptu but on hindsight, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dinner with some of the OCFers at Murni and to celebrate some past and upcoming birthdays. But given the recent events of which I only just found out days ago, most of the attention is directed towards one person. I find it surprising about it because I only knew the step before this only weeks ago. Says a lot about how I'm not in the loop anymore. Again I did a small head count at the table and again I still find the same proportion as I saw in OCF lately. 50%. Then it gave me a theory, give it a few more years and that percentage will soon approach the Golden Ratio (conjugate), about 62%. Maybe it will stabilize at that ratio. That would be soooo geekily cool but at the same time a tad bit depressing.

Speaking of geeky, a friend gave me this brain teaser out of nowhere because he is stumped on solving it. So he gave the problem, thinking that I should be able to solve it off all people being a "former" mathematician. So I looked at it and immediately I know what to do. "Sweet! It's a sudoku type problem. I know how to solv...wait, how many variables are there?...........Sweet! I know how to solve it". Right there, I knew my third year Operations Research subjects have not gone to waste. A few hours later, I solved it with the help of the computer. Felt quite happy which leads me to believe that I have chosen the right second course to do. I love the thrill of a solved problem.

Anyway, short update. Kittehz of Singapore! Ai iz coming to teh Big Kitteh Citi!!!1! Form 15th til 21st Januaree. Clear thos daets plz? Kthxbai.

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Dream a Little 'Dream'

Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 1:09 AM | Posted by Juwen
One odd thing that I've noticed since I've came back from Melbourne is that I've been dreaming a lot lately. In fact, I've had more dreams since I came back than the entire year in Melbourne. These dreams have a wide variety but they all have a common factor in that they are all pretty random. Other than that, my dreams differ widely between one dream and the next. I've had dreams about friends doing seemingly bizarre things (nothing sexual or violent. I'd be freaked out), pleasant ones though really random and some occasional nightmares that have really weird occurances. There must be something in the water or food here that's causing all these dreams. I can even have 2 or more dreams in a day, during napping, dozed off in front of the TV and of course normal sleep. How strange.

I've bumped into some of my A-levels friends yesterday and I was surprised that they still remember me and likewise. These people, I haven't seen them in over 6 years and they still look the same and act the same with some minor changes to their habits. It is good to see them all doing very well indeed which kinda makes me feel bad about my whole situation but that's the green eyed monster talking. It was great meeting them although it was just for about 10 minutes or so. Amazing isn't it? Even though we were all studying in the same class for just 1.5 years yet we still remember each other like it was just any other normal day in college. And after 6 years of absence. Certainly puts a lot of things into new light.

The more I think about it, the more I think we should do it. I was joking around with a few friends on how we should have an Air Apostrophe/Quotation Day. It just another random day just like Talk Like A Pirate Day, Caturday, Pi Day and so on. Think of all the social chaos and misunderstanding that would happen as a result. It would be funny, awkward and the occasional fights would break out. For example, meeting with a cousin you only meet once a year, "Hello, 'cousin'.". Or "I'm in so much 'pain' right now" or "You're 'fired'!". Probably one of the worst things to say, especially if the significant other is unaware of this day's existence, "This is my 'girlfriend'/'wife'." I think it would be so much fun 'fun'.

Yeah, Air Apostrophe/Quoation Day would be cool.

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Emo-tional

Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 5:24 AM | Posted by Juwen
My cousin's wedding dinner wasn't as epic as I thought it was partly because a lot of the epic parts were either scaled down significantly or removed altogether. It's not a dinner that I would enjoy for a number of reasons. One, I'm not that close to my cousin. Two, some of the singing performances were ear-shredding. Three, old people (aka. parents) dancing to 70s disco music. Enough said. Although I was quite curious how they would react if I just secretly put in a request for the Village People's YMCA. They literally danced their asses off to every major hit 70s disco music so it should be pretty epic to see them do YMCA. The request did come but not from me and it was just a little too late because there were a lot fewer left on the dance floor. Me? I just drank more vodka and looked away. It's better that way.

For the first time in a few years, I got to meet up with 2 brothers together. We had beer and chatted for a good 4 hours and I have to say that was the best. I wished that moment didn't end because I feel happy and all my problems and frustrations with myself and other people just vanish or dealt with appropriately. They're just pretty good at that. Like I said, it was good while it lasted which got me thinking while cruising down the highway at 2 in the morning with the radio turned off. Things these days are so transient, nothing ever stays the same no matter how much you try. Of course I know this the hard way. Anyway, how long can this last? In the age where virtually everyone is getting married, attached or friend dynamics revamped, change between us is inevitable. This is the kind of support that I need now (in wake of 2009) just to keep me sane, so what happens when it's finally gone? Or when I go back to Melbourne?

I got the comment that my recent blog posts have been very emo. Great! And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way. Part of my problem is people thinking that everything will work out fine. Or in the words of a friend who always use this "You'll be fine". Rubbish. While we are at it, let's throw in a few other things. I also start to be depressed, low self-esteem, the whole package. It's a great wonder and miracle that I didn't become an alcoholic (by the way, the mention of alcohol here does not reflect that I am one. I just like it like how I like apple juice with aloe vera bits. I don't abuse it.) or a songwriter or both.

What a rubbish thing to say! But this is the world we are talking about.

That Korean drama series that I got for Christmas looks mighty tempting right about now...

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OWTOIWTN

Friday, January 1, 2010 at 4:55 AM | Posted by Juwen
I was going to do this in two posts, one on the Eve and the other on New Year's Day itself. But thanks to the unbelievably long tea ceremony for my cousin, that was all shot to bits. Oh well.

And so 2009 has passed by (or at least this time zone) and what has happened over the past 365 days ago? I've talked to quite a number of people about how was the year like and a lot said that it was a crap year. I couldn't agree any more. But for the other group of people who had like a brilliant year, most of them are because of relationships. The year 2009 was the epic year of marriages with more than 20 friends getting married (some of course to each other). EPIC. And it was also the epic year where new couples are formed as well with more than 10 friends got attached (again, some to each other). Doubly EPIC. Few would classify 2009 a good year based on anything else. Some achieved something in their work or their passion beyond what they can imagine before, others just generally feel like it was a good year.

2009 was a year of failure for me. Failure in nearly all aspects of life possible. And in some cases these failures are further exacerbated by the circumstances around me. I failed my course that I was almost convicted to be in, I failed to find satisfaction in my work, I failed in taking actions for myself, I failed in a relationship, I failed to connect with the OCFers (well, that's debatable) and a long list of failures that I probably have known but lost it at the moment. And of course there are some things that only I know that I am still beating myself because of my inabilities or my failed attempts at it.

What has changed as a result of my failures? Whether people know it or not (that's a test on whether you really know me), a lot of things have changed. I have become more emotional (in a suppressive manner), I have become more reclusive, I have become more cynical, I've developed an attitude of I-don't-care-about-<insert object>, I have less confidence in myself and other people and so on. You know, things that are normally bad to have in a person.

But a year of failures is generally not without a silver lining, if only one looks hard enough. That is certainly true for me. I've suddenly improved on my bass and everywhere I go there is always a tune in my head, I've had the best Bible study group a leader can ever ask for, I've rediscovered another area for work satisfaction, I've had the opportunity to shoot for a friend's wedding but the most important of all, I've rediscovered hope and grace. Without those two, I have no reason to believe that 2010 would be any better than the previous year. I would be wandering through life being in a sheer state of pessimism, annihilating every apparent good thing with my newly acquired cynicism.

So what do I think 2010 holds for me? No one has the ability of foresight but I am hoping that I reconnect with OCF but if that is not the case, then I hope that God would open the doors to another group that I can be a part of. I am hoping that I would be able to let go of my past experiences of 2009. I am hoping that I would be more Christ-like in my relationships with my friends and for my mind to be continued to be Christ-filled. I admit that 2009 hasn't been a good year in terms of my Christian walk but if there is one thing that I learned from the failures of 2009 is that God has never left me despite my stubbornness.

So, in closing I look forward to the new year because there is no use to dwell in the past failures of yesteryears. Like how Jesus deals with our past sins (and those that are yet to come) and makes us look forward to time when there is no death, sorrow or regret. It is now time to go out with the old, in with the new.

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Real Slim Shady

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 1:37 AM | Posted by Juwen
We are fast approaching the new year and it is amazing how fast time flies. One day it is Christmas and suddenly the next day feels like it's the Eve already. With so much things going on, it seems oxymoronic to say that there is nothing much to do. But in fact that is what has been happening the past week or so. Probably the only thing that worth mentioning is the meet up with a few A-levels classmates. In many respects I am far behind in terms of what they are doing (read: work) but it is also good to know that I am not alone in what I am going through. Good times.

Since I got back, there have been numerous comments that I've looked skinnier since the last time they saw me. And not only did I get this from my family but also from fellow friends as well. But strangely, all these comments of my lack of meat on my body all came from one day but not any other day. It was the day where I went to a friend's birthday lunch and my family's dinner. Despite the fact that I still remain the same weight as before, they still say I look skinnier. So I analysed everything that I have on me and I think I have figured out the secret for looking deceptively thinner while still maintaining your weight. It buys you time to actually lose the weight, not that it applied to me. It all boils down to the clothes. I'll demonstrate...

1) I wear black. Black is the universally known slimming colour.
2) The T-shirt fits-ish with a skeletal imprint. Gives the illusion that you're smaller in build than you actually are
3) Semi-grown shaved hair. Like you came out of the army. Or at least that's what they say.
4) Accessories: Apple headphones, Swatch Skin. All things "cool" and "small".

Follow these steps and it almost guarantees a few kilos off by perception and suggestion. Maybe.

I guess this is just going to be a filler post before the obligatory reflection on the year that is 2009 and of course what I think or predict for the coming 2010. Until then, time to unload the news.

20 million useless gifts for Christmas. I've got most of them. Meh.

Triple the alcohol intake. Yeah!

Effectively, they said that gamers are like on the same level as physicists, mathematicians etc to the lay people. Well put.

Two Apple related articles, one that sounds a bit like the cast of Genesis 3 and the other for a $1 salary take.

A blue moon is going to be the end of the year. Cool.

It is amazing what a roasted bird can do among people.

The least understood function in mathematics yet has profound effects on the environment. 8 part series and try to follow them. It is quite worth it.

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Musical Musings

Saturday, December 26, 2009 at 3:23 AM | Posted by Juwen
Merry Christmas to everyone!

Nothing much went on for Christmas day apart from the dinner at my aunty's place on the eve. Was pretty bored most of the time because nothing interesting ever happens at dinner here. Good thing I had my iPod company and my camera.

Went to SIB KL's Christmas musical production and the first thing I have to say about it even before all of it started is that the props and the background scenes were pretty epic. I don't think I've seen any church having props/background as epic as this. And they look pretty good too. But what about the substance of the musical? Surprisingly, it was actually not bad. The lyrics were pretty interesting and the singing were alright. The band was nearly epic in its style with the drums and bass really putting in the groove for most, if not, all the songs. The choreography of the dances with singing and all were pretty tight although there was really random dance-off about half way through the musical.

Now the rest of the criticisms. The main guy character's tone during his dialogue sounded very unnatural and at times didn't seem to fit in with the rest of scene. He did manage to pull it back together after some time but it could have been better. Most of the songs have like a million key changes which I thought was a bit unnecessary. Most of the songs were sung alright with a few off keys thrown into the bunch. Nothing too serious except for the last song. I think the parts were too high for all of those who were singing so it was pretty excruciating to hear that song. That song was pretty much butchered.

I think overall it was a pretty well produced musical with most of the songs being originals, maybe just a little too much for them to chew. Had they have another 2 weeks to refine everything, it would have been stellar. Either that or I should go back in time and prevent myself from not listening to the Wicked soundtrack because after listening to that, I cannot drop my level down to semi-pro level musicals.

Next few days I shall contemplate on the year that has gone by for myself and maybe some reflections of the coming year. But as a heads-up, it is not going to be good. Expect rantings, cynicism and the lot.

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Nostalgic Musings

Friday, December 25, 2009 at 4:49 AM | Posted by Juwen
So I didn't manage to get the pictures up on the blog but anyway they are up on Facebook. Though their compression has virtually killed the pictures.

So what has happened since I've been back home? Mostly nostalgia. Shopping in a supermarket to buy food stuff for the Christmas Eve dinner brought back some taken-for-granted memories. It feels like so much have changed but yet so little actually did. More drama from the family as my cousin's wedding on New Year's Day unfolds. This wedding is apparently going to be epic. I don't like where this is going. I really wish I can not go for the wedding. Anything else is better than mixing with cousins that you hardly know, uncles and aunties that tell really bad lame jokes. Oh, and I really wanted to go for my school's CF reunion on New Year's Day. I need an exit plan.

Christmas has been on a steady decline since I can't remember when. Christmas dinners or opening Christmas presents these days aren't the same anymore compared to the days of old. I feel more distant from family, much like the way that I feel about OCFers. But who are we kidding? Christmas is all about remembering that Jesus came to Earth as a man who will eventually deal with the problem of sin. I mean that is the more important thing for us Christians to remember. But everyone has their own cultural family traditions that we all remember and love as a result of this momentous occasion. Mine has left the building a long time ago.

Oh and as an aside, today we celebrated a friend's birthday. It was good to see a long-time-no-see friend and frankly one of the few people that I can talk to with ease regardless of the situation. There is no such thing as awkwardness or anything conflicting when we talk and I say that very few people can do that. I wish I had more friends who are like that. Anyway, everything was fine until she had to leave early and suddenly I feel like a stranger in the table. I retreated to my iPod, half listening to distract myself and half scanning the conversations for information that I can use if they were asking me a question. On a tangent, though on shuffle, the music seem to come a lot from Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch, two singers that I haven't heard in a long while. They are awesome.

Merry Christmas everyone.

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