Reminders of regrets come in many forms, some in an object like a bad deal of a house. Or the lack of an object like an empty bank account because we went all in for a "sure thing" that went south. But I think, the worst of them all comes in a form of a person. Whether it was a friend, a partner or a lover, just their very presence evokes so much feelings of regret. As much as you have move on from that regret, nothing short of the disappearance of the person will make the thoughts of regret go away.
(Ironically as I'm writing this, there are a bunch of drunk guys outside my house singing and I'm thinking whether they might regret their big night out on a Sunday)
I encounter people like that almost on a daily basis, one that resurrects my regrets and like clockwork, I go into the whole alternate reality role-play. What if I had done things differently? What if I did tell? What if I got terminal cancer (this one's my favourite)? And I would play them all like a recorded TV show simultaneously. I'd play them all to its logical end and I'll snap back to my own reality, feeling crappier than I was before my regrets surfaced.
Then I usually come to the conclusion that there is nothing likeable/loveable about me or anything good in the skills I have or in me. Then I will think about if the multiple universes theory is true, there must be a version of me that I would have not that regret. But will I be happy in this version of me? I suspect not, for there are many more regrets stored up for me in whatever version of me there is out there.
Regrets or rather the thought of regrets being evoked can only be resolved in one place and one place only. This is something that I must learn to do and rely on everyday. It is also the series that we are going through at church on happiness and the Beatitudes.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:3-4
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I've first heard of Lecrae when I was heading out to badminton and my friend introduced me to this artist since my knowledge of Christian hip-hop/rap is a bit lacking. And after listening to the interview with him on how he has personally terminated the life of his unborn child and how that led him to writing a song about it. Some of the things he says during his reflection were things that I can identify with and feel that it is possible for me to the same thing had I have been in his shoes then and leads me to a more complete understanding about the issues of abortion, that there is no easy answer.
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