50/50, like some of the movies I watch, starts with a very superficial reason for wanting to watch it *cough* Anna Kendrick *cough*. Little did I know the point of the movie would soon work its way into my reality. And my recent talks with my mouse housemate on the topic of cancer brings to light even more of the complexities with dealing with some forms of aggressive cancer, both medically and psychologically. 50/50 is one of those movies that are inspired by true stories, in this case, the afflicted one was one of the writers. It captures some of the lighter side of things while not skimping on the weight of staring at the face of death. More often than not, the movie informs me how to handle cancer when a friend is the one going through it.
There is one scene in the movie where it speaks so strongly, where Adam found out that his some what jerk of a friend (but best friend) Kyle was reading a book on how to deal with a friend having cancer, out of sight aka. in the toilet. I would rather have that one friend who can be and sometimes is a total ass but wants to walk the walk in secret than it is to be surrounded by friends who are only there show that they care but not act like they do. I think that was pretty moving. Also the part where Adam finally snaps and stares face to face at his own mortality. That was amazing.
Just today at BSF, as an ice breaker question, we were asked if we would rather know the exact time of our death or the cause of our death. I think most people would have chosen the cause of their death so that they can try to avoid anything that will lead to their death. I, of course, chose the former. If I were asking the question, I would have asked a slightly different one. Would you rather die a quick but lonely death or a slow painful death with friends and family around you?
Now all of these questions are only teasers at best on what are we going to do when facing our own mortality when we still view our lives as nowhere near dropping dead. Most of the time we think about it for awhile, dwell on it and its ramifications and then continue on with living the lives that we were living as if the question had not been asked. Some experiences or thoughts about death can only be realised when the one closest to you or, God forbid, yourself starts playing a game of chess with Death. There is a hint of that while I was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when Luna explained to Harry that he could see Thestrals because he had seen death.
What do you see about death? Do you try to extend your mortality only to know later that it is not a chase you can win, or do you take the words "carpe the hell of the diem", or do you take the Ecclesiastical stance of knowing what your duty is while you are living a life that is merely a thread on the time-space continuum.
***
I think my two year cycle is winding down to an end. Sad but not that it was entirely unexpected.
***
On a lighter note, just found out that one of my new colleagues is a Christian when she showed up for BSF through a mutual friend of ours. Pretty random.
Multiverse
Monday, February 16, 2015
at
12:01 AM
I am constantly amazed by how debilitating it is with "What if?" scenarios. Every once in awhile, one goes through this, whether it is deciding on a career move, a dive in the relationship pool, financial planning, theological uncertainty or an exercise in scientific rigour. We can be so paralysed by these scenarios, not even factoring in the decisions that come with these scenarios that it affects you for a long time, if not, the rest of your life. Either that we fear we make the wrong choices that ultimately leads to our undoing or live long enough to regret the tale.
Reminders of regrets come in many forms, some in an object like a bad deal of a house. Or the lack of an object like an empty bank account because we went all in for a "sure thing" that went south. But I think, the worst of them all comes in a form of a person. Whether it was a friend, a partner or a lover, just their very presence evokes so much feelings of regret. As much as you have move on from that regret, nothing short of the disappearance of the person will make the thoughts of regret go away.
(Ironically as I'm writing this, there are a bunch of drunk guys outside my house singing and I'm thinking whether they might regret their big night out on a Sunday)
I encounter people like that almost on a daily basis, one that resurrects my regrets and like clockwork, I go into the whole alternate reality role-play. What if I had done things differently? What if I did tell? What if I got terminal cancer (this one's my favourite)? And I would play them all like a recorded TV show simultaneously. I'd play them all to its logical end and I'll snap back to my own reality, feeling crappier than I was before my regrets surfaced.
Then I usually come to the conclusion that there is nothing likeable/loveable about me or anything good in the skills I have or in me. Then I will think about if the multiple universes theory is true, there must be a version of me that I would have not that regret. But will I be happy in this version of me? I suspect not, for there are many more regrets stored up for me in whatever version of me there is out there.
Regrets or rather the thought of regrets being evoked can only be resolved in one place and one place only. This is something that I must learn to do and rely on everyday. It is also the series that we are going through at church on happiness and the Beatitudes.
***
I've first heard of Lecrae when I was heading out to badminton and my friend introduced me to this artist since my knowledge of Christian hip-hop/rap is a bit lacking. And after listening to the interview with him on how he has personally terminated the life of his unborn child and how that led him to writing a song about it. Some of the things he says during his reflection were things that I can identify with and feel that it is possible for me to the same thing had I have been in his shoes then and leads me to a more complete understanding about the issues of abortion, that there is no easy answer.
Reminders of regrets come in many forms, some in an object like a bad deal of a house. Or the lack of an object like an empty bank account because we went all in for a "sure thing" that went south. But I think, the worst of them all comes in a form of a person. Whether it was a friend, a partner or a lover, just their very presence evokes so much feelings of regret. As much as you have move on from that regret, nothing short of the disappearance of the person will make the thoughts of regret go away.
(Ironically as I'm writing this, there are a bunch of drunk guys outside my house singing and I'm thinking whether they might regret their big night out on a Sunday)
I encounter people like that almost on a daily basis, one that resurrects my regrets and like clockwork, I go into the whole alternate reality role-play. What if I had done things differently? What if I did tell? What if I got terminal cancer (this one's my favourite)? And I would play them all like a recorded TV show simultaneously. I'd play them all to its logical end and I'll snap back to my own reality, feeling crappier than I was before my regrets surfaced.
Then I usually come to the conclusion that there is nothing likeable/loveable about me or anything good in the skills I have or in me. Then I will think about if the multiple universes theory is true, there must be a version of me that I would have not that regret. But will I be happy in this version of me? I suspect not, for there are many more regrets stored up for me in whatever version of me there is out there.
Regrets or rather the thought of regrets being evoked can only be resolved in one place and one place only. This is something that I must learn to do and rely on everyday. It is also the series that we are going through at church on happiness and the Beatitudes.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:3-4
***
I've first heard of Lecrae when I was heading out to badminton and my friend introduced me to this artist since my knowledge of Christian hip-hop/rap is a bit lacking. And after listening to the interview with him on how he has personally terminated the life of his unborn child and how that led him to writing a song about it. Some of the things he says during his reflection were things that I can identify with and feel that it is possible for me to the same thing had I have been in his shoes then and leads me to a more complete understanding about the issues of abortion, that there is no easy answer.
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