Settling back to routine after a one month crazy holiday feels a bit weird. It is like you are neither here nor there. For the last two weeks at work, I am constantly frustrated at how unproductive I am at work. In fact, I think that I am counter productive at work. All I have been doing is continuous integration work and not really much coding, much to the dismay of my already rusty coding skills.
Not only that I am counter productive at work, but I've become a terrible procrastinator as well. Last Saturday, I spent the whole day in my room and only venturing out for water and the bathroom. And all I did was sleep, read some stuff, play some games and rinse and repeat. By the end of the day, I was already sick of myself. Just to rub a little more salt on the procrastinating wound, when I went to church the next day and caught up with a friend that I haven't seen in awhile, she told me that she's basically got a million and one things to do and by the time that she was ready to go to church she had already smashed a lot of things down. On the plus side, there was a "the grass is greener on the other side" look on the both of us which I think was pretty funny.
But the thing that is slowly dawning upon me is that while settling back to the normal routine of work and all, settling back on dealing with my personal issues is much harder. Think of it as the one month escapist answer to the problems. Of course I didn't really think that my problems will be gone if I just leave it all behind while I go galavanting around in another continent. But I effectively thought it will be gone. Coming back and seeing all the pieces on the floor just the way I left them is a little disheartening and frankly don't really know what to do with them. I probably had more of an idea on how to handle it before I left and now I just don't know what to do. At times like these, I wish the "git reset --hard" command would work now, which by the way is an immensely useful tool at work.
I just feel so stupid for all my actions.
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