Post Mortem

Monday, November 18, 2013 at 8:39 AM | Posted by Juwen
I've had coffee with two friends after a seriously hard week, both of them getting ready to go into the next phases of their lives. Watching them talk about their respective journeys was interesting but also made me think about my own. Where am I going and what am I getting myself into, I have no idea. Hearing their conversation, it is pretty evident what those questions look like and I'm sure that they too have their fare share of uncertainty as well. But there is a natural progression to these things and it is good to have them. 

It was then that I started to become really emotional. I don't think I showed it, but I definitely felt it. You know, the usual the grass is greener on the other side kind of deal. But I think it is more than that. I want to experience what they are going through. I know that it is tough, there is no doubt about that, but I still want in. It may be that God will grant me the experience later or that it shall be my cross to carry and to give my life to mentorship. But right now the feeling I get is that is to take a good look at them because that kind of life is not for me. And this saddens me greatly. For now.

I still share with them in their joy for being granted to go through their new phases in their lives. And there is a place for being happy/content with where you are now yet at the same time longing to be something or someone. Those are the two states that I am in now in this phase of my life. And it is a very hard to hold these two things in tension without slipping into something worse.

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I think general morale in the company is low and I say it is the result of the growing pains that we are having. I think that to those who persevere through these times will see good sweet light at the end of the tunnel. How many of those who persevere on is another question.

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