TL;DR
Food can be associated with the good memories, sometimes the bad too. I make a few of those that are both.
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I think most of us have very strong memories when it comes to food, particularly the events around partaking food. Who we were with, what were we doing and what were we eating get solidified into long term memories that when we think of food, we are immediately transported to that first event. It is often the good times, laughter with friends and amazing food that makes us close to impossible to forget.
Of all the deserts I've ever tried, none can bring me close to the first time I've tried cheesecake, a very specific cheesecake. Blueberry cheesecake. To be exact, Sara Lee's blueberry cheesecake that's freely available in the frozen food section of the supermarket. It's not the best cheesecake I've ever had but when I first had it, it was a mind blowing experience. And I remembered it clearly, mum bought this cake because we wanted to give it a try and I have never tasted cheesecakes nor blueberries back home at that time. After one slice became two and three, suddenly I was almost asking for it every time my parents went grocery shopping. Till this day, no desert can really take that place of the almighty blueberry cheesecake.
It is also a very special cake to me. It was the first one that I have made from scratch in a crappy little oven, in a crappy student accommodation during my first year in uni. I decided to make it after buying a magazine that had this wonderful shot of this delicious looking cake on the front cover. It was also the magazine that started to bring out the foodie in me. So really, I owe it to this cake that I became interested, passionate even, about cooking and baking.
I don't know about the rest of you, but there are some food items that are strongly related to experiences in the past that reminded me about my regrets and to some extent, my despairs and failures. The blueberry cheesecake is one such item. It was only the other day that I've made blueberry cheesecake in more than 5 years because I was craving it. Well actually, it was an idea implanted in me a few days before that when I was passing by the frozen food section and see that there are frozen blueberries. I was happy that it still turn out as I remembered it to be (maybe a bit better), taking photos and sharing it on the usual social circles and was elated when taking my first bite.
And then I remembered.
I remembered the other events that I had with blueberry cheesecake. Events that I later regretted because of who I was at that time. It was a very strange feeling, how is it possible that can I feel both extremely happy and yet regretful at the same time. And at that time, I was alone in the house, the housemate has gone back to Malaysia for a funeral and the other housemate is still not back from holidays. The silence just amplified whatever that I was feeling that night. It dawned upon me that there was a reason why I had not want to make blueberry cheesecake for so long.
I wanted to forget. Forget that it ever happened. Forget that I ever felt that way.
And so for the next few nights, I take one slice of cake, partake in silence and take it in. When the cake has been fully devoured, I think I might not make it again for a long time. I've had enough.
In the same way how I have always joked about if there were such a thing as a spirit animal, it would be the hedgehog because of similiarities in behaviour between this cousin of the shrew and me, my experiences with this confounded cake represents a lot of who I am. As much as I try to make myself presentable to others though there is nothing really special about it, I will end up disappointing myself. This cake is also a closely guarded secret of mine, not because I have stumbled upon the holy grail recipe for this cake, all about the why this cake.
Blueberry cheesecake is not the only food item that brings this double edged sword into my life though it is still invokes the strongest emotion of them all. Other such items are Milo with drinking chocolate, tuna with corn and capsicum and soon to be added, mango cheesecake.
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I can relate a lot to the film. I just wish that I can have the same ending. But it may be that take whatever baggage I have and keeping moving, just like Sue Lynne.
Fiction
Sunday, August 18, 2013
at
9:21 PM
TL;DR
Games can be like books, good environment and a good story.
***
My general philosophy on what are the kinds of games I usually play are very simple. One that either has a very immersive environment where you are just so captivated by the universe is created by the game where you can spend hours on hours just looking around or one that has a very well crafted story and pays very good attention to detail. I reckon that the kinds of games that I choose to play and how I treat it is very similiar to how people choose fictional books to read. Two very seemingly different things but have the same sorts of experiences when consuming them.
Over the past month, I've played two such games, games that have completely taken over my Saturdays, having never ventured out to get some sun, coffee or friends. The first one was Fez, a 2D puzzle platform game in a 3D world. The background music, the picturesque worlds and the incredibly hard puzzles makes you just want to get lost in this kind of environment. A lot of the game play emphasises a lot of exploration of different areas (and of course to solve puzzles to get to those areas) adds the experience. It's just like a good narrative. Even though I have finished the game, it was clear that there is actually more to the game than what is necessary to complete the game. Many more secrets that are hidden throughout the different areas that you have explored.
The other game was Bioshock Infinite. There are many things that I like about the Bioshock universe, many things that I think people (Asians in particular) might find a bit weird for me to get into. But one thing that the Bioshock games have always had was a good plot. A well crafted story one that will grab your attention from beginning to end. The other thing that it has done well was incorporating themes like the fallenness of man's efforts when they have elevated their achievements to God like levels, the sins people commit, the regrets or the moral issues that a man faces. This is no different in Bioshock Infinite. The character Elizabeth deserves special mention. They have put so much character into this person in the game that she seems almost human. It is very hard not to be captivated by her, not just how she looks but in the character that she portrays in the game. I can't remember when was the last book that I have read that has all these things in a book that I just simply cannot put down. Then again, it was a long time since I have read books to that level.
What's next? I'm tempted to go back to Bioshock Infinite just to have a second pass at the story. There are some bits that are missing when I first played it through and also to reinforce what was going (the story was quite involved and need to have a think about all the things that were said. A bit like Butterfly Effect, Donnie Darko and other such films).
Games and films are in a way like substitute for books for me. When they are done well, they can tell a whole different story without words. Mainly because that I prefer to see non-verbal communication.
***
The loneliness continues.
Games can be like books, good environment and a good story.
***
My general philosophy on what are the kinds of games I usually play are very simple. One that either has a very immersive environment where you are just so captivated by the universe is created by the game where you can spend hours on hours just looking around or one that has a very well crafted story and pays very good attention to detail. I reckon that the kinds of games that I choose to play and how I treat it is very similiar to how people choose fictional books to read. Two very seemingly different things but have the same sorts of experiences when consuming them.
Over the past month, I've played two such games, games that have completely taken over my Saturdays, having never ventured out to get some sun, coffee or friends. The first one was Fez, a 2D puzzle platform game in a 3D world. The background music, the picturesque worlds and the incredibly hard puzzles makes you just want to get lost in this kind of environment. A lot of the game play emphasises a lot of exploration of different areas (and of course to solve puzzles to get to those areas) adds the experience. It's just like a good narrative. Even though I have finished the game, it was clear that there is actually more to the game than what is necessary to complete the game. Many more secrets that are hidden throughout the different areas that you have explored.
The other game was Bioshock Infinite. There are many things that I like about the Bioshock universe, many things that I think people (Asians in particular) might find a bit weird for me to get into. But one thing that the Bioshock games have always had was a good plot. A well crafted story one that will grab your attention from beginning to end. The other thing that it has done well was incorporating themes like the fallenness of man's efforts when they have elevated their achievements to God like levels, the sins people commit, the regrets or the moral issues that a man faces. This is no different in Bioshock Infinite. The character Elizabeth deserves special mention. They have put so much character into this person in the game that she seems almost human. It is very hard not to be captivated by her, not just how she looks but in the character that she portrays in the game. I can't remember when was the last book that I have read that has all these things in a book that I just simply cannot put down. Then again, it was a long time since I have read books to that level.
What's next? I'm tempted to go back to Bioshock Infinite just to have a second pass at the story. There are some bits that are missing when I first played it through and also to reinforce what was going (the story was quite involved and need to have a think about all the things that were said. A bit like Butterfly Effect, Donnie Darko and other such films).
Games and films are in a way like substitute for books for me. When they are done well, they can tell a whole different story without words. Mainly because that I prefer to see non-verbal communication.
***
The loneliness continues.
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Sabbath
Sunday, August 4, 2013
at
11:43 PM
TL;DR
Hermit Saturdays. Big company is big.
***
I think I have gotten used to the idea that my rest day is Saturday. Staying at home, lazing around at home in bed, either playing games or doing reading (but mostly playing games). No going out, no brunch, nothing. Which I think is very strange for most people in Melbourne considering it is brunch capital, where there is an expectation that you should feel dirty if you haven't visited a brunch place at least once or twice a week. In fact, I can't remember when was the last time I went for brunch or a cafe this year. I think it was in April but I can't be sure of that. Am I missing much? Probably but doesn't really matter.
I think this is the introverted side taking charge. Monday to Friday you're busy at work, having to interact with people all day and by the time you are home, there are lots of other things to do. Then there is Saturday. The self decides to say "OK, you are not going out and instead you stay at home while everyone else is out there and you are going to find something to do and you will like it". And then Sunday comes around where I usually spend most of the day around church people.
I largely attribute this Saturday alone time to the fact that I am becoming older, much more picky about things and people (and maybe grumpy and cynical). Having less friends to hang out with and other people spending time with their significant others is also happening at an increasing rate. This is probably just me trying to make the most out of the situation.
Basically I need to have a third group of friends, one that is outside the work and church environment. Maybe I should take up stitching.
***
I find it amazing that a little under two years ago, I started working for this small company of 10 (I was #10). And since then, I have watched about 45 people walked through the doors of our office and become whom I call as colleagues. From a team that consisted of a few iOS developers, just one Android developer and three directors to now a full stack app development company and having everything in house.
And now I am pondering what is going to happen in the next two years of my life. It's that time again.
Hermit Saturdays. Big company is big.
***
I think I have gotten used to the idea that my rest day is Saturday. Staying at home, lazing around at home in bed, either playing games or doing reading (but mostly playing games). No going out, no brunch, nothing. Which I think is very strange for most people in Melbourne considering it is brunch capital, where there is an expectation that you should feel dirty if you haven't visited a brunch place at least once or twice a week. In fact, I can't remember when was the last time I went for brunch or a cafe this year. I think it was in April but I can't be sure of that. Am I missing much? Probably but doesn't really matter.
I think this is the introverted side taking charge. Monday to Friday you're busy at work, having to interact with people all day and by the time you are home, there are lots of other things to do. Then there is Saturday. The self decides to say "OK, you are not going out and instead you stay at home while everyone else is out there and you are going to find something to do and you will like it". And then Sunday comes around where I usually spend most of the day around church people.
I largely attribute this Saturday alone time to the fact that I am becoming older, much more picky about things and people (and maybe grumpy and cynical). Having less friends to hang out with and other people spending time with their significant others is also happening at an increasing rate. This is probably just me trying to make the most out of the situation.
Basically I need to have a third group of friends, one that is outside the work and church environment. Maybe I should take up stitching.
***
I find it amazing that a little under two years ago, I started working for this small company of 10 (I was #10). And since then, I have watched about 45 people walked through the doors of our office and become whom I call as colleagues. From a team that consisted of a few iOS developers, just one Android developer and three directors to now a full stack app development company and having everything in house.
And now I am pondering what is going to happen in the next two years of my life. It's that time again.
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