For the past couple of weeks, we've had a miniseries on men, women and marriage at church. It was very good though possibly may be a little controversial for some people. But for me it was all good reminders of things that I have already known before.
However, when finishing up the miniseries on the topic of men, I have had one of the strongest rebukes I have heard from the front of the church. It was a rebuke that was harsh, stern and dare I say one that shook me up a lot. It was right there and then that I realised that I am still not a man but boy, one who lacks maturity and ownership of responsibilities. I remember walking home after church praying because it had so shaken me up that there was nothing else left to do but to pray. I can't remember when was the last time I did that but it certainly was about time.
And if that wasn't enough, the rest of the week demonstrated that I am far from being that person of maturity and responsibility. The need to not want to be tied down with responsibilities such as at work, pushing them away by using some lame excuse, not owning up etc. just seems to rear its ugly head out every time. Now that I am examining my past decisions and what the outcomes were, it was no wonder that I have been constantly disappointed by how it turned out to be because of my attitude. The past became so much clearer and a lot less rose-tinted.
The art of manliness as it turns out, is just more than just what you wear or how you wear it or how you interact with other people. I think all of these things are secondary to how you respond to a call. Whether it is a call to do the work, a call of confession, a call to ministry and possibly the call to arms, the right response to these calls is what defines a man.
Needless to say, that I am in a pretty tough situation personally but I can only hope that I will learn something out of this, and learn it before spiral down even further. Acknowledgement of the problem is the first step. Hopefully I don't stay there.
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I have been so tired over the past few weeks because of all the work that I have to do that Saturday has really been my Sabbath. As it was back in the old days. Does watching videos of corgis count as work on the Sabbath? Great mystery indeed.
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