Lots of things flooding my head over the past couple of weeks. Some good but mostly self-reflective.
During a recent trip with a couple of high school mates to Sydney for a very short stint, it still amazes me that though most of us went on our own separate way, we still act as though we are still in high school. I don't think that many would still be in contact with their own high school mates a decade down the road especially with a whole class. I think it is because we came in at the right time where the internet kicked off with a blast and various social media and messaging tools were available at our disposal. This is on top of the fact that most of us were in the same class for at 4 years in high school, which means we were pretty much are our own little village.
I can't help but wonder when I go back at the end of the year, will I still be accepted back into the group? For too many years have I missed out on the lives of these wonderful bunch of people in pursuit of my own agenda. Yet there is folly in my pursuits and all the things I have set out to achieve since I've left high school has failed to bear fruit. And many people thought that I have the necessary skills and the willpower to achieve something that most people wouldn't dare dream of. But it's those very things that will prove to be my undoing.
I'm sure all of these things will not matter in the grand scheme of things, perhaps I will be accepted in the end. That as time goes by, I may once again get to know the friends that I once knew.
Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season for rediscovering friendships and relationships.
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On another recent trip to Rye, I am once again in good company. But it also was a time of great reflection not only as an individual but as a whole group. It was brought up that our group is very quiet, which I would beg to differ considering some of the previous groups that I have been in. But when a friend stated that we still lack the sense of ownership to the group, it suddenly made sense. In fact it was kind of a piercing statement when I heard it. Many times that I was physically present but not there and sometimes I can see others do that as well. And because of this lack of ownership with the group that a number of issues came up that has been going on that I was not aware of ever since I've been in the group.
Perhaps I didn't understand what community meant. I've always thought that at least we should be doing stuff together, which I do, but it's not sufficient. Community implies relationship and not simply a gotong-royong (working bee). Pro-activeness has never really been a strong attribute of mine but based on the discussion that we've had at Rye, it's about time I do something about it.
Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season to be pro-active.
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I sense another tectonic scale movement in the lives of others. Which means I'm going to set a timer before I channel my energy elsewhere. Nothing personal, just that priorities have been shifted and it's most likely not mine.
Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season for packing up and move elsewhere.
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