A Christmas Musing

Sunday, December 30, 2012 at 6:00 AM | Posted by Juwen
I wonder how many of us have spent Christmas alone. Or at least with people who you don't know. Most of us, I think, dread at that very idea of spending what is deemed to be the most joyous of all holidays alone. Some can't even fathom what that must be like.

This was the only time that I actually did that. No Christmas with family, no Christmas with friends. Nada. Instead I randomly appeared at a stranger's place, whose invitation flyers were set out on a table outside church, with zero expectation on who is going to be there. Though there were few of us, it was a good experience for me. In fact, it has given me a lot to think about.

The Christmas meal was simple, mostly store bought food. The people came from different backgrounds, with different experiences. One who clearly has lots of questions about Christianity, a couple who met each other literally on the other end of the world and the host who is a volunteer, part time software developer and single in his 60s. Lots of fascinating things thrown around the table as we moved from being strangers to acquaintances. Their life experiences have given me lots to think about.

"God knows that you are not ready" was the one that struck me the most and the most humbling. Of all the head knowledge I have accumulated that would have told me to trust in His timing, it hit me the hardest coming from a stranger. In fact, I believe that it has been the theme throughout my life this year. God's timing. I'm beginning to see more of that.

Life long community service was the other thing that struck me. At some point in time, I should really be preparing myself for this. It used to be lurking at the back of my head but as time goes by, it has been beginning to place itself in conscious thought. Maybe not serious enough but given enough time, it will have to be. 

These two things are somewhat coupled to each other.

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Very well done short, which also makes a good intro to starting church, as did mine.


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The Forgotten Man

Thursday, December 6, 2012 at 2:30 AM | Posted by Juwen
I was at a friend's wedding and when I arrived it was about the time when the bride was going to come out of the venue (it was an outdoor wedding). You see everyone chit-chatting, looking all smart and sharp for the guys and the women were all looking wonderful in their bright dresses. Everyone was waiting for the main event.

 And then the announcement was made. The bridal party is ready and the ceremony is about to start. Everyone took position and stood up to welcome the bride. The music begins to play and as the bridesmaids slowly walked to the altar, eyes are staring at the door patiently waiting. I stood at what I would describe as the best position for this particular wedding. Way at the back, the tree branches stooping low, relatively shorter people in front of me. Framed by the branches and the people is the groom and he smiles at the bridesmaids knowing what is to come next. Finally the bride enters and everyone starts whipping out their cameras, iPhones and the rare iPad and starts taking photos of the bride. This man here did no such thing but instead took a mental image that would be etched in my memory.

 The groom's face shone with delight.

 I was first introduced to this idea of watching the groom at a wedding after I watched the film 27 Dresses. I've only really watched it for the eye candy that was Katherine Heigl but I've also brought back a concept that I did not consider at all from the film. Watching my friend beamed as his wife walked down the aisle was magical, as stated in the conversations in the film. And like the film, just when everyone looks at the bride, I turn to look at the groom. And true enough, just like what Jane said, I saw pure love.

 In the three weddings that I have been to since watching that film, I did just that, to stare at the first reactions of the groom as the bride walks in. All three of them were wildly different but they all say the same thing. I may have been desensitised by almost being surrounded by dresses while living with my sister and have her bride-to-be clients come in and out for fittings. I would like to see, in being a groomsman, what sort of things the groom goes through in the weeks before the wedding or even the day itself though I never was a groomsman. There's always been a lot of care around the bride which is fine but I would like to see some sort of the same care for the groom as well. We seem to have this idea that the groom will be fine, that he is "man" enough even in the face of his own wedding, whatever that means. But if it is anything like the last three weddings I've been to, the man is hardly tough as nails but a deeply emotional person who weeps in joy at the sight of his partner.

 Dusty Springfield and Nat King Cole speaks of the look of love is in the eyes. And I think you don't have to look further than the way the groom watching his bride walking down the aisle. It may be that I may never experience this myself but at least I know what it looks like. And that's perhaps all I'll ever need to know.

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Also, there is no way a groom will not get teary when this is playing as the entrance music. My friend certainly did. I mean I would bawl my eyes out too if I were in his shoes. Excuse me while I curl up in a corner somewhere...

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Discover. Act. Forward.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012 at 2:30 AM | Posted by Juwen
Lots of things flooding my head over the past couple of weeks. Some good but mostly self-reflective.

 During a recent trip with a couple of high school mates to Sydney for a very short stint, it still amazes me that though most of us went on our own separate way, we still act as though we are still in high school. I don't think that many would still be in contact with their own high school mates a decade down the road especially with a whole class. I think it is because we came in at the right time where the internet kicked off with a blast and various social media and messaging tools were available at our disposal. This is on top of the fact that most of us were in the same class for at 4 years in high school, which means we were pretty much are our own little village.

 I can't help but wonder when I go back at the end of the year, will I still be accepted back into the group? For too many years have I missed out on the lives of these wonderful bunch of people in pursuit of my own agenda. Yet there is folly in my pursuits and all the things I have set out to achieve since I've left high school has failed to bear fruit. And many people thought that I have the necessary skills and the willpower to achieve something that most people wouldn't dare dream of. But it's those very things that will prove to be my undoing.

 I'm sure all of these things will not matter in the grand scheme of things, perhaps I will be accepted in the end. That as time goes by, I may once again get to know the friends that I once knew.

 Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season for rediscovering friendships and relationships.

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On another recent trip to Rye, I am once again in good company. But it also was a time of great reflection not only as an individual but as a whole group. It was brought up that our group is very quiet, which I would beg to differ considering some of the previous groups that I have been in. But when a friend stated that we still lack the sense of ownership to the group, it suddenly made sense. In fact it was kind of a piercing statement when I heard it. Many times that I was physically present but not there and sometimes I can see others do that as well. And because of this lack of ownership with the group that a number of issues came up that has been going on that I was not aware of ever since I've been in the group.

 Perhaps I didn't understand what community meant. I've always thought that at least we should be doing stuff together, which I do, but it's not sufficient. Community implies relationship and not simply a gotong-royong (working bee). Pro-activeness has never really been a strong attribute of mine but based on the discussion that we've had at Rye, it's about time I do something about it.

 Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season to be pro-active.

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I sense another tectonic scale movement in the lives of others. Which means I'm going to set a timer before I channel my energy elsewhere. Nothing personal, just that priorities have been shifted and it's most likely not mine.

 Perhaps what's left of this year and the next is the season for packing up and move elsewhere.

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