It seems that most of my content these days are almost solely generated by conversations with friends. More interestingly it's from friends who I've hardly talked to or have distanced myself due to whatever personal reason I had in recent times. This is probably a good thing and at the same time perhaps stoking the fire a little bit.
After a long conversation on a crummy weekend, busy trying to explain the economics of my actions and feelings, uncovering old wounds and unveiling plans of a seemingly uncertain future, I really am more complicated than I portray myself to be. I am also more brutal than I think I am when it comes down to cost-benefit game. Too many variables, probabilities and weightages to consider. Trying to make the most rational decision based on current trends is my goal because that is how you play the cost-benefit game. What I have seem to gather from a long string of conversations is that often times it's the one irrational decision that actually give rise to the benefit. I cannot and still cannot stomach this because that is not how it works, or so I thought. How can doing something irrational bring the desired benefit instead of the rational? Ironically I have been reading books from a behavioural economist who sees some inherent good in being irrational while nodding my head in agreement.
Also from my conversations, it made me recall all the people that I have talked to, who at one stage or another, said that they could see themselves live the life I live now. With the exception of people with a degree of separation greater than 2, I remember I've never believed they could. I was right, not a single one of them did. For a kind of sanity check, I look to the few people who have never said anything and living the life, though I admit their reasons are quite different to mine. Although it is not really the case, but they give me some glimmer of hope that though I may not get everything I want (last time I checked, not even one) but I trust that something good will come out of it still. This includes not owning a hedgehog. This. Is. A. Big. Deal.
In short, I am safe and afraid with a dash of pathetic. In the words of the Lethal Weapon series, "I'm getting too old for this shit".
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I'm still not used to like hearing the phrase "It's good to see people doing well and moving on". It implies certain things.
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4 more DVDs to finishing 28 films in 28 days. And it is only fitting to end it with, you guessed it, 28 Days Later.
Though a lot of friends don't like it but I think Julie & Julia is a rare kind of film. I would even go as far as advocating engaged couples to watch this during marriage preparation. The reason should be pretty obvious. Plus French cooking.
I really should start cataloguing my watched films.
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