Another round of conversations led to another common theme albeit a little on the depressing side. This one is hardly talked about because there are so few of us who actually experience it on a non-trivial scale, unlike how the interwebs portray it. Also I don't think people think that such things will ever happen to them, but if it does, it often becomes catastrophic.
Had dinner with some friends and like all conversations, one thing led to another until we arrive at the question, would you rather live a long life but mostly faced with solitude especially towards the end of your life or live a short life but have your better half/family/friends by your side all the way to the end? Like any kind of stop-you-in-your-tracks question, we have our initial beliefs and then list the pros and cons and see if our initial beliefs is the best compromise. Initially, I would have voted for long lonely life any time. In fact I even stated that if I had a say in how I would die, I would go alone. But now I am not so sure of that any more.
Exhibit A: the peer. Being the only child, this friend of mine accurately stated that once you get past a certain age, the time that you can spend with other friends become less and less. For one, you do not make friends as fast as you used to. Two, friends move around, change relationship statuses, increase family size and so on; priorities have been shifted on a tectonic scale. Three, work? And four, in the case of my friend, family will wither away just as time with your established friends wither away. And so effectively, living a short life is essentially "cutting your losses" or taking the deal from the bank in Deal Or No Deal. I've always been a fan of the cutting-your-losses technique and so it doesn't surprise me that this had me gravitating towards a shorter life.
Exhibit B: the never married aged man. After hearing stories of a man who has found himself down the lonely narrow path, showing all the signs of mild depression, I can't help but wonder that that is what I might look like when I am that age. With no family left (that I know of), close friends gone distant (both physically and relationally), there's very little that's left on offer. He was thinking about uprooting to a quieter place and my guess is to escape the environment where there's so many people but no one there. There was a brilliant film I watched, though the name escapes me now, that throughout the course of the film you can see how he slowly but methodically loses it, like a train wreck in slow motion. Very scary thought. I'm not saying that the man in question really is losing his mind, it just makes it more susceptible. Even that's scary.
After the conversation, I've been somewhat challenged by my choice. But of course the question that I brought up in the first place is a silly one to begin with. It's not like after I made a choice that my wish will be instantly granted. It's just a hypothetical question. But what should come out of this is how do we deal with loneliness especially to those who are suffering from the harsh reality of loneliness more than others. For some, it is a cross that they will have to bear for the rest of their lives and for others, will be a temporary thing to be exchanged for something else. Some will require more external sanity checks and it is important to figure out who actually needs them.
On a related note: Besides the benefit of current experiences and questions, I wish knew how to speak Hokkien then so that I can talk to the elderly in my family, particularly my dad's side. There were so many women who had lived well past 80 years, some outliving their husbands by more than 2 decades and most of their children have moved interstate or overseas etc. and I would like to ask them how did they do it. One of the many things I regret to this day.
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