I was talking to a friend today on one of those once-a-month (or two?) brief catchups. One of the few things that was different about this talk was the revisiting of old ideals of mine. Given that I have more or less secured myself in the mobile app making business instead of living the ideal life that I have carved out for myself for years since my A-levels days, what has really change? Did I change?
It is a very simple question yet I do not know where to begin to find the answer to that. I still want to teach but what is to become of my current career as a code monkey? As I have said to my friend, I still want to do. I don't know when or how but I'd still like to do it. There is definitely a way to marry my profession with the thing I want to do the most but I lack the vision or foresight to do it. Which leads me to one question, am I really just holding on to old ideals and not learning to let go? If you'd ask me whether I'd work as a programmer three years ago and I would have said no way but yet here I am working for a great startup-ish company programming and am tremendously blessed just being here. Am I really willing to throw this all away if or when an opportunity comes knocking at my door to live the humble, noble, seriously underpaid teacher's job? I cannot answer that.
I was further reminded about a blog post early last year about the use of Youtube videos for science and math purposes from our conversation. And I am delighted to hear that there is apparently something being done back home that might try to mimic this system. Though I am fairly convinced that an education revolution back home is unlikely to happen overnight or in 5 years but say for argument sake that it did happen. Would I jump to be a part of this revolution? I cannot answer that.
There have been many good things here in Melbourne, things I wouldn't have believe it even if I went back in time and tell my past self that it is going to be nothing short of spectacular. All the friends I'd meet, all the things that I would be doing with my friends, the whole schbang. And now this. A place of satisfaction. Finally. Is it time for me to let go of teaching? Perhaps it's just me being in the state of a sunk cost fallacy. I don't know.
I hear distant speeches saying at least I can teach my children the right way in the background. That is assuming I'm in the position of having kids, which may not be true, and as it stands at the moment, beginning to be unlikely. Whatever. I guess this will all unfold in due time but for now I've got to learn to not expect anything and certainly preparing myself to letting it go if it is time for me to do so.
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People behave strangely when they are starstruck. I was at a friend's performance yesterday and another friend of mine was ridiculously shy about meeting the guitarist. He also happens to be a really good singer-songwriter. And I mean really good. So when the gig was over and there was a short meet and greet session, we all encourage her to go talk to him. This was particularly frustrating for all of us and nothing short of gently leading him to her actually got something going.
I don't have a problem like that meeting my personal stars like Marcus Miller late last year. I do have a problem talking to the people I like. Two totally different things. Srsly.
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I actually saw a sign that reads 'Made from a combination of 100% "arabica" beans'. There's so many things wrong with that sentence I don't even know where to begin. Darebin sports centre, you're funny.
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maybe continue programming and teach it too? =)
in any case, i am just glad for you that you're doing well in your work, enjoying it and gaining fulfilment from it. it's a good place to be, whether it's just for a season or for a longer term. =)
and... because i know that you know God, i know that He will lead you and guide you. whether it's programming or teaching, i'm sure that you've committed your life to Him and you're glorifying Him by doing all things with excellence. and that's cool. =D
That is a mindset that I am very slowly learning to be in.
By the way, nice of you to drop by here. There's barely any readers left here, or at least according to my analytics.
i linked over here after the birthday wish. terrible of me to only keep in touch when people say 'happy birthday' to me, but better than nothing i guess! =)