9,192,631,770 Swings

Saturday, April 27, 2013 at 12:51 AM | Posted by Juwen
Hanging out with some friends during ANZAC day was something that I haven't truly done a long time. Just having lots of laughs, playing games and eating junk food all day. I can remember 3-4 years ago when this was pretty much happening every week but due to the course of lives being played out over the years, I'd be fortunate to have it once every two months. And yet, despite the fun that I still had, it still doesn't feel the same anymore. It's becoming harder and harder to have hangouts anymore for somewhat obvious reasons. Everything becomes so transient and, at the risk of sounding very self-centred, not feeling valued by people around anymore. My personal pursuits have been diminished and often feels very meaningless, like my current phase of finding the right mechanical keyboard. Time grows slow during the weekends and fast during the weekdays. Everything just feels so...bleh.

 But I have to hope that something good will come my way and try and take on whatever opportunities that have been presented. I just have to. Because otherwise it's just too depressing. 

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At a conversation recently, I was asked whether I find couples boring. I thought it was such a strange question to ask. It sounds as though I am some kind of a thrill seeker, something that will grab my attention like a hyperactive dog or a cat trying to chase a red laser dot. All I want is just to be comfortable and in good company. The trouble I find with couples is that I'm never in both states at the same time, and sometimes, in neither. For the record, there are very few things that I find boring. Yes, not even cricket.

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If there were such a thing as a biological clock for guys, I am definitely feeling it now. All thanks to that little hangout with some friends during ANZAC day. In the meaning time, it is worth while pondering the line that comes from the current Most Awesome Woman on the Intertubes, Jane:
It is better to be single for stupid reasons than to be married for stupid reasons.


Apologies for the interleaved Malay and English in the video above.

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The Greatest Bass Player In The World

Thursday, April 18, 2013 at 12:32 AM | Posted by Juwen
After reading the biography part of the book Standing In The Shadows of Motown, I've grown to respect James Jamerson even more. Not only was he a person with extraordinary talent on the bass, but he was also quite a character. He is a character that I can totally identify with, a little weird, generous, a family man, a behind-the-scenes man, a forgive-and-forget bass player. And then there are other attributes that I'm not, short fused, severe alcoholic (maybe just a little bit for me on this one) and few more. In short he is a well rounded character.

 But one person that I think should deserve more credit than what is stated on paper is actually his wife. Most people generally credited her (and their children) as the anchor to the sometimes turbulent soul that resides in James. Given the history that James have had over the course of his career, her support really deserves a lot more mention. And unlike lots of celebrity stories, James never divorced and still loved his wife until he passed away. Often they would have disagreements or sometimes worse but they still somehow manage to hold the fort together.

 You don't hear that very often these days. People get very cynical about marriage considering the how common it is to hear people getting divorced due to "irreconcilable differences". More stories like this needs to be out there and not just the genius that comes with people like James.

 Oh, and the reason why James deserve that title are for bass lines like these back in a time where it is inconceivable to think of something like these:


Darling Dear - Jackson 5

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Joy

Saturday, April 13, 2013 at 11:59 PM | Posted by Juwen
One of those times where you were almost sure that some events can't be coincidences. Wrestling about what joy looks like as stated in the last post, a new insight just came while jumping on the Youtube train from one song to another in preparation for playing music in church tomorrow. I will leave it to the video below and an excerpt to explain.

Warning: this is a seemingly contradictory, very emotionally heavy song most Christians would have been familiar with that you are going to wrap your head around. I urge you to watch it, but prepare yourselves.
Joy for me is no longer a feeling but an attitude and it is something that I have to fight for in the midst of my grief. And some days I'll fight and I'll succeed. And other days I'll fight and I won't. I think God really understands that process and that He is ok with that, He grieves with us in our sadness, but He also comforts us.

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Existential+

Sunday, April 7, 2013 at 5:32 PM | Posted by Juwen
It's hard for me to be happy about anything these days. It's a very weird state to be in, especially in the midst of an existential crisis. Besides the questions of identity and purpose, the question of what should I be happy about also come to mind. I'm not depressed though some form of depression do creep in from time to time nor am I grumpy but I'm not happy about anything either. I just, am. Just the thought of that drives me insane.

 They say happiness rides on human emotion and is about as stable as ocean waters. And what really matters is contentment where I have enough for my daily needs and does not depend on the inherent instability of emotions. But there must be a kind of joy experienced by someone who is content, one that does involve the emotions but not based on it. It is precisely this joy that I lack or have not fully come to terms with it. 

 I am somewhat glad that I am not the only one in this household that is going through this phase. Also because we are the only single ones in the house, which is about right given our age. Singles, or in the words of a friend, "kesian singles", hit this phase pretty early on and pretty much all of them do. The married people experience it much later, if at all, during the so called mid-life crisis or after retirement. It's good to know that someone else is in the same, often reclusive stage as myself.

 At the end of the day, I just want to know what does happiness in contentment look like, what does it feel like. Because I am certainly content, I'm just not very happy about everything including myself. Or rather I'm just very neutral on the angry-happy scale. And I know this is not quite right.

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Half Full/Half Empty

Sunday, March 17, 2013 at 5:14 PM | Posted by Juwen
Optimism and pessimism can be a pain sometimes. I am naturally pessimistic about anything I do or my abilities (no confidence) and I am naturally optimistic about the future of anything or anyone (confidence) but my own. I get panic fits just thinking about whether should I be optimistic or pessimistic. Even worse is that I oscillate between one or the other and feeds back into the anxiety that I already hold and amplify it. It's hard to just see things objectively about the unknown. That the glass is just half. No mention of being empty or full. Just half.

 I like it that way.

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Waiting Game

Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 11:47 PM | Posted by Juwen
It's not everyday that a once in a lifetime opportunity comes knocking at your door. Rarer still if you did absolutely nothing for that. Now it is at the final stage where I wait for a simple answer, yes or no. And when I stop and think about it, it is nothing short of amazing how on earth I got into this position. It was the smoothest process I've had to endure, many things that could have gotten wrong or the door slammed shut simply did not happen, yet. But whatever the outcome, that was one heck of a ride.

 And so I wait.

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Tales from Not-So Afar

Thursday, January 24, 2013 at 6:00 AM | Posted by Juwen
50-50

 The 9 days I spent in Singapore was a heck a lot of fun. During those days, met up with a lot of people, both former high schoolmates and former OCFers. All of them gave me my dose of comic relief. I seriously think that Singaporeans are the funniest people whether they know it or not. Or rather, Singaporeans say and do the darnest things. The best was an incident regarding a slow cooker. So good was the laugh that my friend who was with me had to apologise on behalf of Singaporeans. 

 The other common theme was the constant "nagging" of coming to Singapore to work from friends. There are a lot of things that I like about Singapore. In many ways they are playing catch-up with the Melbourne culture which is great. Many times I thought to myself that I can get used to Singapore. It feels comfortable. But I know that there are other problems lurking beneath as mentioned by my fellow Singaporean friends. In the line of work that I am looking into if I do decide to come here and work, there are plenty of issues that I may not want to get into. Work culture is another turn off. It kinda made a little bit of sense that Singapore regularly shows up as one of the unhappiest nation.

 And so I still remain divided. It's another one of those cases whether the grass is greener on the other side. More often that not, it's still the same shade of green except a different kind of grass.

 Geography and History Lesson

 First visit to a South East Asian country apart from my home country and Singapore. Phnom Penh was an interesting city in that it kinda reminded me of old Penang mixed with a rural town. After going to the sites made famous during the Khmer Rouge reign in the mid-70s, it is very hard to not be moved by it. War sets back the progress of a nation by at least a generation, Cambodia is no exception. Much has progressed since the end of the war but you still see many of the consequences of war still present. 

 After visiting the killing fields of the Khmer Rouge, one can't help but think that this is a more heinous act of genocide than the Holocaust. I am not trying to water down what happened during the Holocaust, it's still a brutal act. But it's one thing to eradicate people of a different nation but it's another thing to eradicate your own people. It is said that every person in Cambodia has known at least one person within the family who have died at the hand of the Khmer Rouge during its 3 year reign. The many ways in which these people died seem to be more brutal and savage than what the Third Reich did to the Jews. The seemingly greater injustice was that when the Khmer Rouge were eventually toppled, most of the Khmer Rouge including the leader Pol Pot, lived to ripe old ages. They even died of old age, free from wrath of a nation persecuted from one of its own. 

 Angkor Wat was everything I've heard and more. It was massive and even more amazing when seen in person. The detail in its architecture was nothing short of phenomenal. And Angkor Wat is just the most well known of the temples around. There are hundreds more of varying size with the same kind of attention to detail. One can imagine what it must have felt when the first explorers stumbled upon this area centuries after it was abandoned.

 Tonle Sap Lake appeared in much of our geography textbooks in Form 3 and seem to provide everything. A visit there turns out to be rightfully so. It may not look like much but fish caught here are sold all over the country. You may even mistake it for an ocean because doesn't appear to be surrounded by land.

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