I am not awesome. Really.

A string of conversations with people (some with copious amounts of cocktails) has given me more insight about the struggles of living a Christian life. Many are in a position that I have been in for years and still looking for answers. Many of my concerns also brought out in the open, showing me that I'm not the crazy one. But more importantly, I've learned to ask the right questions to others, which in turn are questions directed at myself as well. I think it is about time that we actually learn to set aside time to talk about how's the spiritual life going. I think that many of my concerns, whether it is my own or towards others, come from the fact that we/I don't exercise the "support" in being a supportive Christian group. I also think that sometimes we like to think of the illusion that we are supporting but really it's just to cover what is above the surface. I know this is a problem of mine (among many), which I can say I've been quite convicted of, and based on my conversations with others, it is also a problem of theirs. I also know that the solution cannot come 100% from my own will to make things better because history has a track record of this not happening. It's fine balance to find but even just the act of trying to find that balance without swinging to resort to our/my own willpower is half the battle won.

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Portal 2 co-op mode is like a huge trust exercise with some bits of confusion and hilarity thrown in for good measure. Highly recommend playing it (with a friend of course).

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It's very much worth watching the actual video. It is awesome.

My favourite song in the album.

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You know what? It's still hard. Very hard to do.

I had lunch with a good friend of mine and it was a seriously overdued catch up session. We meant to do the usual catch-up-y things, like asking how are things, how's work etc etc. Which we did but it quickly moved into conversations with another common ground. Over the next 1.5 hours we went on essentially asking the same question, "What happened?". Various areas were covered under that question like ministry, our personal lives and so on. Even though it has been a long time since the last time I saw my friend but I feel that we've pretty much gone through the same experiences, with a slight difference in flavour between us.

I can't really say much but the things that I got out of our conversation was that it was ok to show anger as long as it was for legitimate reasons and that there is a time to know when to cut our losses. Oh and I should really meet up with my friend more often. We say the darnest things sometimes.

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...maybe a Martian.

2012 is turning out to be a great year for science. Earlier this year we found the Higgs boson, further sealing our understanding of the standard model of particle physics (plus more in the future perhaps) and now an incredible Mars rover landing on a planet that takes twice as long for a signal to come back to Earth than it is to enter Mars atmosphere and land. Many people back in the 60s remember the space program and anyone who has a decent working memory back then and is still alive today can tell you exactly where they were when we landed on the moon. Some will even tell you that it was those events that led them into science. Today is one such day for the younger generation. Never before since the late 60s has there been a truly remarkable feat of space exploration until today. I hope that people will look back to this moment to finally realize that this was the sole event that stirred up the young people to go back to science and why the hell it took us so long to get there.

If you didn't know what was the big deal about this Mars landing, we basically sent a mini laboratory complete with a mass spectrometer, a drill, a frigging laser that vapourises rocks, a nuclearized version of a car battery, enough sensors to make your futuristic car look like a cheap oven thermometer and all this within the size of a Mini Cooper. Into space and on Mars. And we landed that lab using a parachute, retrorockets and a skycrane. With everything fully automated because by the time we get a signal that it has entered the atmosphere, the rover would have been on the ground (either in one piece or several thousand) for 7 minutes already. And it only cost less than a movie ticket per American resident. If your 5 year old kids don't think this is super cool, God knows what is. I don't need to emphasize this any more but we badly need something like this. I hate to see science and math being dumbed down further knowing that it is because of those two things that got a laboratory to travel more than 350 million kilometres for eight months and land it within a 12 by 3 kilometre area virtually without human guidance.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constraint to be
Let thy goodness, like a fetter
Bind my wandering to thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, O take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above

Lately, I have been listening to a lot of speeches and interviews from a scientist who has been gaining a lot of my respect, Neil deGrasse Tyson. You may recognise him as the guy in the Badass Meme. He speaks a lot about how I felt about science when I was a kid growing up and how the space program inspires many to be scientists, engineers and mathematicians and why the NASA space program is so influential in this area. He also sometimes speak about the education of children to develop the skills necessary to be interested in science, which of course goes right up my alley of promoting STEM education.

I was clearing out my room when I decided to look through all the cards that I have accumulated since I came to Melbourne from the box that used to house my iron. Still remember most of the people who gave me those cards though most of them too have grown distant from me either because they have moved back to their home country and/or gotten married and have their own family.

Three observations from these cards:

1. I have received more cards from one person than any other in the box. I think of the many times that I have distanced myself from this person in light of the thoughtful things that were embedded in these cards makes me feel bad. Perhaps I should do something about it. Who knows, perhaps it might also point me to the right direction when it comes to other people in general.


2. Even though majority of these cards essentially say the same thing, there were a small handful that steps out of the normal. One had this to say:
   

   As you continue to find your feet in this world, I hope you won't forget the inherent benefits of being a jack of all trades: versatility. Sometimes it's an advantage, and paired with your diversity of knowledge, I'm sure something good will result. Take a compliment and bask in its warmth once in a while, hey?

   
   This always makes me feel a little better because as some of you may know, I am extremely harsh on myself, and still am even now. This is the only card I have received from this person but it's pretty high up my treasured list. There are very few friends who see the uglier sides of me but say things that, firstly aren't mere sugar coating or sweeping under the carpet type statements and secondly with honest and truly encouraging. Person in observation 1 is also another such person.


3. Some of my bad habits are also shown without people thinking that it's a bad thing. Another card had this to say:
   

   Really really grateful for all your help. And for your inability to say "NO" =)

   
   That was probably my biggest weakness next to being incredibly self-critical. I have, since then, learned to say No more often though sometimes with much pain. I'm sure when I read this when I received the card I didn't care too much about it. I can't say the same, reading it again now.


4. Bonus: the key cards mostly came from what I would label as my most glorious year, the year I killed myself in honours. 

O God, keep my tongue from evil and my lips from deceit
Help me to be silent in the face of derision, humble in the presence of all.

Open my heart
Open my heart
Open my heart to Your Torah

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart
Be acceptable to You, O God, my Rock and my Redeemer

This is just part of a Hebrew prayer. The full translation of the prayer goes like this:

O God, keep my tongue from evil and my lips from deceit
Help me to be silent in the face of derision, humble in the presence of all
Open my heart to Your Torah, that I may hasten to do Your mitzvot
Save me with Your power, in time of trouble be my answer
That those who love You may rejoice
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart
Be acceptable to You, O God, my Rock and my Redeemer
May the Maker of peace in the high places make peace
Descend upon us and upon all Israel, and let us say: Amen.

How often do we pray like this? We read prayers like this all over Psalms and yet we don't really know how prayers like this were prayed. This song just might give a glimpse as to the attitude of a Jew who constantly look to God, asking God to keep him holy and to be receptive to God's word. Briefly looking through other Hebrew prayers and you can find lots of things to learn about prayer in general, how to pray and the inward attitude towards prayer. There's lots of things that we can learn from the Israelites and I suspect one of them is prayer.