I am not awesome. Really.

Lunchtime Philosophy

2012-02-15T02:00:00.000+11:00

I don't know if this is something everyone will go through at some point in their lives. That you are out with friends/colleagues for some noms and out of nowhere comes a serious discussion about life, consciousness, religion, free will etc. And the worst part is the realisation that you are completely unprepared to talk it out. Even more so if you are a Christian.

This of course happened to me not once but twice in the same week over lunch with my colleagues. I am pretty grateful that they are not hostile towards the general idea of religion, some of my friends may not be so fortunate. As we throw our ideas back and forth, it became very clear to me that this is the kind of conversation that I am lacking in participation simply because of the absence of such rock-the-boat events. As I ponder quietly upon the walk back from lunch, do we as Christians not talk about these things anymore? The things that we so ignorantly sweep under the carpet or avoid altogether? Maybe even take it for granted. It is my current gripe that we as Christians do not wrestle with these things anymore. Are we really compartmentalising our "spirituality" to within the four walls of church?

I will admit that I'm not a person who would go about instigating conversations like the ones I had with my colleagues, but that doesn't mean I don't like talking about it. Better that than not talking or thinking about it at all. Perhaps it is time to be a little more proactive.

Two things I learned from my highly thought provoking over-the-table talks with the colleagues. One, there is a greater need/urge to equip myself to speak confidently on matters like these. You cannot be lukewarm and expect your words to carry weight. Two, there is at least one person whose thought processes and reasoning skills are not far off from the truth. Take comfort in that and press on.

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I'm still not used to living here. Feels a little too temporary, occasionally a little odd. Quieter than when I first came to Australia for studies.

Perhaps I've gotten used to my sister's sewing machine running in the middle of the night. Dammit.

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It's amazing what kind of opportunities come knocking at your door due to a very random question.

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It's about high time for me to make kaya.

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5 Centimetres Per Second is another great Makoto Shinkai film but probably the wrong film to watch today. Of all days.

Little Monster

2012-01-28T15:00:00.000+11:00

So it's been some time since I did a bar crawl. Even rarer was doing a bar crawl while having an empty stomach. But my bar crawls are unlike most people, where I'd go to places where quality cocktails are mixed and talk the night away. But in my tipsy (but still functioning) condition of mine, after bar crawling to 5 different basr, it turns out that I am more aware of my flaws than when zero alcohol in my bloodstream.

Over just about half an hour I've engaged myself with a debate with one of my friends on, of all things, food. Or rather the approach to food. This little exercise proved to me that I am more stubborn than I actually am and reminded about the dinner that I had with my friend not too long ago. In fact I've written a post on it as well, detailing how I was essentially shot down by my friend's frank and blunt analysis. This debate proved to me once and for all that I am incredibly stubborn. Worse still, is that I am incredibly stubborn on the things that I claim to know a lot about.

I am of the opinion that a person who loves food and enjoys making it cannot confine his/her self to one set of techniques, similiarities in flavour, contrast in flavour and so on. Appreciating food while at the same time not wanting to cook in that direction to me feels very contradictory. Finding that less is more in food usually works but that doesn't mean that it is the be all and end all. Simplicity in food can be highly regarded, focusing on the freshness of a few key ingredients and that is it. Which is fine, but to appreciate bold, complex flavours and not be the least bit curious on trying it out for yourself makes me very puzzled.

But what do I know? I'm just a simple monster in disguise.

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First time hosting Australia Day barbeque. Have had loads of fun even during the earlier part of the day when there was just three of us. Very chill. And I have to say I am very happy with sorbet #4.

Too bad Federer lost.

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Roger Federer is one of the few people that makes a sport look beautiful. Every return he makes is very graceful and if you watch the slow motion replays, he is one of the few people who, not only does not make funny faces in slow motion, has a very zen expression, almost effortless. Or that of a classical pianist feeling through a piece. This is a prime example where gracefulness does not equate to weakness. Watch his backhand returns, while it looks almost artistic and gentle but the speed he can generate off his backhand is incredible. He also does not plough through a game through brute strength but with cleverness, a tactician. His personality off court as well is something to be desired. Couple these few qualities together and you'll see something wonderful.

He can be categorized under 3 words that make up the Dunhill slogan back home. Gaya. Mutu. Keunggulan. (Non Malay speakers: Style. Quality. Excellence.)

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Sigh.

7 Habits of Mediocre Leadership

2012-01-21T17:00:00.000+11:00

I would say that most people struggle with the principle that good leaders should be born out of servanthood. That these people have done the time and rise through the ranks by their acts of service and performance to then finally be in a position of leadership. They didn't get there by bossing people around from the very start (though people may act like it). And all that jazz. I understood all of that quite well for a very long time. However, it dawned upon me that I had a very different struggle from most people, another misconception about leadership, at least personally.

Yesterday I had one of those late night conversations with a couple of friends and the in passing statement about leadership came up. The context is irrelevant, but needless to say it kinda struck me even though nothing much about leadership was mentioned again. For the longest time, I kept thinking that there is no difference between a person who serves and a person who is in a position of leadership born out of service. The person of leadership is just a label, a title that gives the illusion of a higher power/calling/whatever but fundamentally, both look exactly the same. To be good at both, you need to serve well. It's just that one has a cubicle with no name on it while the other has a shiny office with an engraved plaque with your name on it. All very exterior.

But thanks to my unbeknownst friends of mine, it caused me to think twice on my misconception. The actions of the leader are, in my opinion, slightly different from the role of a servant. I'm not exactly sure how to put it down in words but their actions show and carry more weight, that their eventual act of service in leading carries more meaning, have the initiative. Ok, sounds a little wrong but for a lack of a better description that will have to do for now.

This of course has implications about my current situation. There are some things where I cannot sit there and expect things to happen. I need to step up to the plate. This is so not in my comfort zone but I think the time has come for me to just do it lest I will continue to ponder on the "What if...?"s. To show some kind of an attempt at leadership. If it in due time that a position of leadership does not work out for me, then fine. I learn better when I make one mistake, especially if it is a big one.

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I think it is also time for me to stop dodging questions.

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Is it just me or when some fairly close friends who just got together with someone or just got married that they'll start the whole pay it forward thing? That they try to pick your brains and try to set you up with someone or at least, in my terminology, start poking you? Why do they do that?

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Pardon the language, but when a friend was describing about how he used to think, he called himself a wanker. Which is funny because that is how I am thinking now, like him then. Strong words for me to change my thinking.

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There is still hope.

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Making Milo can be a very messy and slightly dangerous process. I may need a hazmat suit and lab goggles when I make Milo the next time.

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Last one, based on my analytics, I've concluded that there only 6 people who regularly read this blog. All of which I suspect they've bookmarked this on Google Reader or . And I think I know all of these readers. Maybe I should start putting it up on Facebo...nah, too boring for the regular masses.

A Side Of Cold Hard Truth, Please

2012-01-16T21:30:00.000+11:00

Recently I had dinner with a friend from my undergrad days. It has been about two years since the last time I saw my friend and it was good being able to catch up over a meal. This friend of mine has had it tough, especially the couple of years before the last time I met up with my friend so it is good to know that everything is well.

Our conversations strayed from side to side, covering the usual basics of catching up to random things to even avoiding some people in the place where we had our meal. It's like uni days all over again. Goodness I miss uni.

Then the real conversation began. It started with a new year resolution from my friend and quickly spread to other related areas, in particular relationships with friends and of course being the very kay-poh person my friend is, relationships. For one and a half hours, we've debated, questioned and wrestled with countless issues on this matter. And I have to say I was struggling to keep up with maintaining a coherent line of thought, harder still was to be able to convey my thoughts which I suspect is on the decline as I get older. Stretching over dinner and bubble tea, we just talked and talked that time just went by so quickly. And the bubble tea was getting warm.

Then finally, as the closing argument, my friend made this statement that shook me in a very unexpected way. "Juwen. You are a stubborn, over-thinking person, you know? Always thinking and acting the way you want it to happen. And when it doesn't, you freeze.". I was stunned for 5 seconds just in shock from what my ears were hearing. This is the part where I would start talking nonsense like in those cartoons. Here is a friend who hasn't seen me in over 2+ years and within a dinner session, saw right through me. Saying to yourself that you are stubborn and over-thinking and hopeless when things don't go your way is one thing, it is a completely different thing when you are hearing it from someone else, more so from someone whom you see as formidable. If any other normal person said this to me, I would gladly admit it. But when you get shot down like this, you admit it with a heavy burden. The two feelings are not the same, in fact the impact from the two are worlds apart.

So as we parted ways (and apparently accepted an interesting proposal), I reflected on all the relevant things that I have done and the actions I have taken and I have to say my friend is right. What my friend said about me transcends the scope of the conversation even though that's all my friend knows during that dinner session. That is how I act.

I wish I had more friends like this one, one who's not afraid to tell you that you are weak but in a totally non-judgmental, holier-than-thou way. As they say, iron sharpens iron.

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I'm usually about half a decade behind the games scene but humour me. Mass Effect is so good.

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We all have lists of people who are cute, pretty and hot, whether you know it or not. But the one that trumps them all is elegance.

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I'm really itchy to make noodles from scratch. Perhaps it is because of my ever growing desire for chilli pan mee. Like nao.

How To End The Year In Three Dishes

2012-01-01T16:08:00.000+11:00

Capping off a year that's been great, I've decided to end it with a bang. Flying solo, I attempted to cook a three course meal for 8 people and the secret ingredient is.....MMMAAANNNGGGOOO!!! And I think I barely pulled it off. Kudos to Charles for the photos (too busy to take any)

Starter: Prawn salad with mango vinaigrette

Main: Sous-vide duck with mango sauce

Dessert: Mango and ginger sorbet with lemongrass and lime jelly, topped with peanuts and palm sugar

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It is going to be an awesome 2012. I can feel it.

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

2011-12-31T01:00:00.000+11:00

2011 is drawing to a close. Many good things have happened and I'm sure there are really good things for all of you. For some, it is the signalling of transitioning to a new phase in life, others are just simply enjoying what life has thrown as us.

It is a time to celebrate with family and/or friends for the good things this year. I know a lot of people are.

So, what are you doing New Year's eve?

Hope

2011-12-28T19:00:00.000+11:00

Hope is something that is essential in our daily lives whether we realize it or not. Hope gives us the strength to face the future even when the present (or sometimes the past) is rubbish. Whether it is looking forward to the weekend or pay day, it focuses our attention on other things than the rubbish day we are having and to forget about the past once we have arrived at the place of hope.

We constantly hope for better things because it's the things that we wish to possess, be it material goods or a lifestyle. We want more money, we want happiness, we want contentment, we want a partner, we want to try new things, visit new places, experience different cultures. I would dare say that no one of a sound mind has never hoped for something because we all want whether it is a saviour or an extra zero on your annual salary.

For some people, they hope not just because they want it but also because to see that some good things has to happen even when they have failed to retain those good things. In other words, some form of sanity check, that some form of the understanding of the world is right again. We fail many times over the course of our history, some more severe than others. When we fail badly and see others on the brink of success, we wish that they would succeed not just because it is the right/nice thing to do but also for us to hope against all hope, that we too may find that success someday. Even this is a pretty hard thing to do. Hope is usually never an easy thing to do because we are surrendering ourselves to (presumably) uncertain future in which we have little control of. Hope that others find success when you have not requires some level of humility. But perhaps the hardest thing about this kind of hope is that you may not get that success ever. It may be that you will have your successes elsewhere, just not this particular one. While we might have to resign to this fact at some point, to hope against all hope does make us feel better for the time being. Perhaps that's all we really need to get up and keep going. Perhaps that is what matters.

I saw this drummer at a really nice restaurant and on his bass drum had these words printed on it "Hold to the now where the future plunges into the past". If this was true, there would be no use for hope. We wouldn't want to wish for better things in the future because now is about as good as it gets. Depressing isn't it? While it is probably written as a means to forget our troubles but reality is that this would be just plain ignorance. Nothing truly good can come out of being in a state where we live for the now.

It's actually a good thing to hope even if you think it is for the weak, a crutch. I think hope is one of those things where emotion and intellect meld into one. It expresses human-ness probably more than anything. So keep hoping but on one condition. Hope for the right things.

The Art of Awkward

2011-12-26T05:00:00.000+11:00

What makes things awkward?

It's a question that I have been thinking about for the past couple of months. The motivation for this was because I might soon be living in a situation that breeds awkwardness, more than the usual. I have long skimmed awkwardness aside because I thought it was just a phase and it shall pass. But lately I have been thinking that it is not as simple as it being a "phase".

Let's start with a classic example, a couple. Regardless of who you are, there is always at least one, that one couple you know where virtually everything they do generates awkwardness around them but they are completely oblivious because they are lost in their own world. The awkwardness sometimes even spills over to the individuals that make up the couple. At this point, this scenario still falls under the category of it being a feeling as a by-product of some action. In the case of couples, this action can come from a long list of actions; PDAs, speech, conversation topics, conversation replies and so on. I would call this direct awkwardness, where the source of the awkwardness comes from person(s) generating it. What makes it awkward is the skewed ideology/feeling of what a couple should do around others.

But it also seems that awkwardness can be generated by other people and places it squarely at the couple, even if there was no action that would provoke awkwardness. In other words, making things more awkward than they actually are. Again, I would dare to say, we know of at least one person who can make any situation (even more so around couples) feel awkward. A bit like Joey from the TV sitcom Friends where he can make anything sound dirty. Side note: a friend tried to make "aioli" a dirty word because apparently the orange aioli I made for steak sandwiches is so good that it should illicit some sort of innuendo. I have crazy friends. Anyway, this would then be indirect awkwardness. Things become awkward because of a person's personality, that weird friend of yours who eats awkwardness for breakfast.

Both direct and indirect forms are on the macro scale ie. it affects everyone in the same conversation circle (possibly those who are eavesdropping too). There is a micro level description as well where it is a lot more selective. This happens where when interacting one-on-one with the individuals that make up a couple, nothing happens. But when interacting with both of them, some form of awkwardness emerges. Even if you were to ask the same questions, you'd still feel awkward with the couple than with the individuals. This form does not make any sense at all as to what makes this awkward, at least on the conscious level.

That is my problem.

It has come to my attention that there is a growing number of people in my circle of friends that I show this micro level behaviour. Some of whom I have known for a very long time and has never had a shred of awkwardness in all those years but yet it appears when I'm talking to a unit that consist of two people. It is something I don't understand and when I don't understand something I don't know how to fix it and so the problem just sits there causing a ruckus. On some occasions I do know what might be the cause of it but am never really sure that it is the root cause. I remember when I was at a friend's wedding recently where the pastor was sharing a few words before the solemnisation that people will see the newly wed couple in a different light, that we can never really go back to looking at them the same way we did when they weren't a couple. I think to a certain extent this is true for couples in general, whether the relationship was 2 days old or married with kids. Perhaps this new perspective is causing me this awkwardness though I'm not exactly sure what this perspective is.

Maybe the idea of awkwardness is the cause. I've told many people that I was particularly scarred after a week long trip to Tasmania a couple of years back. I cannot think of a more awkward stretch of time than this. And since then I have been very compulsive about the number of people and who is going when there's an event. Like anyone who has a genuine phobia, even just the thought of it scares them. I think it may be the case with me and awkwardness.

I want to fix this. With a record breaking 19 engagements this year alone, if I continue to have nothing to do with awkwardness, I will run out of people. And that's not good for this ageing man. I will try and start tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

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Had a great conversation about family with some friends. It's amazing what kinds of stories you get from friends talking about their own family. I guess I should have realised it earlier but when hearing things from other families, you know that your strange family tree is not so strange after all.

Also a friend talked about being stuck at a particular age as you grow older. And I wonder, am I still stuck? Or am I maturing?

Muddled Thoughts

2011-12-18T20:00:00.000+11:00

Growing up in environments where I was pretty much by myself has its advantages and disadvantages. That meant that I had to find ways to entertain myself and so get accustomed to boredom, learn how to do things myself, figure how to do those things in the first place and so on. But like some things in life, they are double edge swords. For example, being accustomed to boredom means that it is very hard to take the initiative to go out and do/see/explore new places which means not very cultured. Always sticking to the same few things and neither loving it nor hating it. Melbourne is one of those places where there is always something new to explore, some new place that serves great food and drinks and many more. Unfortunately, being schooled in the art of comfortable and excuse making, I do not take some of these opportunities. Most of the time I rely on friends who are way more interesting to be immersed into some niche subculture. A couple of posts ago on shopping is one such incident.

Another double edged sword is the ability to do things yourself. While this is not a bad thing but the aspect that makes it bad is the lack of discernment on when you have to say "I need help". It is not necessarily an ego thing (perhaps it is in my case. If so tell me) but it is just that you are so used to doing things yourself that you still think that you can do this even if it is going to cause you a great deal of pain in the process. I tend to rationalize situations where I think it is still OK to do things myself and to cause myself a great amount of trouble but other friends think that it is clearly not OK to do it yourself. Added to the mix is that I would prefer that I cause myself trouble than to cause others trouble. That means by default I continue to do it myself until when I can safely say that I need help. Usually by that time it is too late and cause immense trouble for, not only me, but to the person that I have enlisted to help out. And that makes me feel even worse, which reinforces my stance that I shouldn't ask people for help. Vicious cycle, ain't it?

Like many old things of habit are, they are hard to change course the longer the habit has been put into place. So it is no surprise that I am still making the same mistakes I did a decade ago, sometimes even longer. I believe that these flawed habits have shaped me to be the person I am now, all my successes and (outnumbered) failures. I hope that I am changing slowly to correct for my misconceptions and of course I hope that it is not too late for that.

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I sometimes revisit past emotions and feelings as a means of understand who I was back then. They are not always positive ones because one shouldn't reflect on just the good things. Recently was one such trip back to the past after accidentally stumbling across some cards lying around. It was a great time where best friends fight it out through thick and thin, share everything, to have the first instinct of telling the friend the moment something comes up. But alas, that no longer happens and it would be great if I could have that environment again. But it was also a time of great criticism, a division of friends. Heck I got "scolded" by a friend on this because he seriously questioned my approach. And he definitely has the credentials to back it up, as of earlier this year. Can you blame me for hiding after that, realizing I should have known better than to dive into something that I haven't really got my head screwed on tight?

Listening to Explosions In The Sky is not really helping right now.

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Got like the funniest Kris Kringle present ever yesterday. A pack of 6 bottles of glittery nail polish. I shall paint my wall with it.

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Now in the new place, I'm having trouble to try and fill the space in the room. I've been living in various shoebox sizes in the past and so don't really accumulate a lot of things. Now that I'm in the biggest room ever since I step foot in Melbourne, I don't know what to do with all this space. It's actually starting to drive me nuts. Plenty of ideas but need the time to actually sort it out. Not to mention implement it, which is pretty hard for a procrastinator.

I'l try not to think twice.

So Cheok Man, The Wedding

2011-12-11T01:00:00.000+11:00

Came back from ~~one of~~ the best wedding I've attended. Weather forecast said it was going to rain, thunderstorm even, but given what had happened I'd say that God had his way.

About 50 km away in a winery where the wedding was to happen, the sun was out and there were very nice fluffy clouds. Very beautiful chapel in the premises, beautiful area. You could not ask for a better weather for the wedding. Going inside the chapel, the lighting was just crazy. You could randomly shoot inside and your pictures would turn out super (OK not really but more super than usual). The ceremony was wonderful and seeing two of my friends tying the knot and of course to hear the endless Superman references (see last post).

Had some drinks and then lunch. The dining area was great and instead of the typical round tables with individual portions of food, there were long rectangular tables and food to share. Fantastic! I love it! Not to mention the tables were very well decorated. It was all so good. Speeches made by the brother of the groom and the groom himself are just epic, making us laugh, awed, and have tremendous respect for who they are in viewing this marriage. And how sweet of the groom to sing despite losing his voice to his bride a medley of love songs picked from at least 20 different songs. Then a duet from the both of them. All. So. Magical. Soon after the dance floor was open and being mostly Asian, dancing don't mix well with us. Not until we're well boozed up at least. But the groom warmed us up enough to start the ball rolling. Then the groom played DJ and chose some epic retro songs and before you can say "I'm going to have another glass of wine instead", people were dancing to YMCA, Never Gonna Give You Up, Rock DJ and many more. And the groom has got some moves to boot as well.

I tell you, you cannot ask for a more perfect setting for this wedding for a perfect couple. Congratulations Heng Khuen and Karen!

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Gorgeous. Super gorgeous.

There is no way.

Oh (Male) Deer!

2011-12-10T02:30:00.000+11:00

aka. The Best Bucks Night. EVER!

Many things have come and gone lately, all while being pretty busy at work and also the weekends have been pretty full as well. But none, I repeat, none can beat last week's event which I will forever remember. No amount of monkeys with typewriters could ever come up with a script like this ever (Okay, I lied. But it still takes a very long time).

Surfing and horse riding during the day was pretty good but nothing could ever prepare us for what was to come when the sun goes down. I have to say that I now swear by the effectiveness of a wetsuit in very cold temperature waters. I was even thinking of wearing one when winter comes round because as you know, I hate the cold.

The fun began when we went for dinner after horse riding. The groom was then notified that things are starting to get very interesting and so revealed that he will be wearing a Superman costume for the rest of the night, inspired by a photo that was taken together with his fiance. The task for the night was to approach random women on the street, gathering intel and try to land a kiss from them. Seems pretty normal for a buck's night to me, all the while the groom publicly professes that he hated us, defriending us and what not's. But you can tell that he was secretly having a lot of fun too. The aim was to gather 100 points for this to be over. After quite awhile, he needed one more random woman on the street to complete the task.

Crossing the road into Flinders Street station in search of the last woman, this one particular woman stood out like a sore thumb. It was no surprise because that woman was dressed like this...

I kid you not. The very last person he needed happened to be Wonder Woman. I shouted to him "GO!! NAO!!!1!" while pointing furiously towards her. He went and she played along! The rest of us guys were giggling like little schoolgirls and whispering in a very dude manner " THIS IS TOO AWESOME!". Many photos later, and he was done with the task. Because this ended on such an epic character and earning the respect from the rest of us guys, we sang the Superman theme song at every intersection on the way back to the car.

Just when we think the day was over, drama! A noise was heard by Superman and immediately darted off towards a gathering of people. A man was hit by a car that ran a red light and was down and in dire need of assistance.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that Superman was also an emergency department doctor. So darting off towards the scene, his cape fluttered behind him. You can see where this is going. He had a hard time convincing the people there that he was really an emergency department doctor but managed to break through. Handled the victim until the ambulance arrived but the victim was going to make it thanks to the swift action of Superman. Of course the rest of us guys were busy taking photos of the event, again giggling like schoolgirls and saying to each other "What are the chances that all of this were to happen?" Once the victim was carried off in the ambulance and the police were done taking his details, he came back to us and we were just in shock that this happened. So we sang the Superman theme song even louder on the way back to the car.

Secretly we came to the conclusion that the public must know about this eventful bucks night for it is too awesome to keep it to ourselves. So we contacted newspaper agencies around telling them this story with the photos we took. And guess what? Page 9 of the Herald Sun, last Thursday ran the story. My brain is about to explode from all of this. And apparently last I heard was that there might even be a short segment on Channel 7's morning program Sunrise. Mind = blown.

Considering that this was my first bucks, the bar has been set pretty damn high. Heck, even if I were to get married, my buck's wouldn't even be in the same galaxy on the scale of awesomeness as this epic night. Dayum.

And so this brave young man is going to get married later today which I think is going to be one epic wedding as well. One final mind blowing thought to leave you, the person he is marrying runs an online magazine. Like a reporter. Get it?

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It's been awhile since I had a very long talk with a friend on relationships. It has been interesting but it also brought up a lot of things that I've learned in the past. Considering the number of people getting together, getting engaged ( ! ) and married are spiking lately, it is no surprise that I ponder about these things and how they will affect me and my friends who are attached. So far I have to say that I act like an ass to most people, which of course is not good. But some seems to impart a little more thinking and less jackassery on me. One particular instance was how strikingly similiar another friend's situation was to mine 3 years back. I'm sure this has some implications attached to it, I'm just not sure what is the appropriate choice of action I should take.

And of course I ponder about myself too.

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Lately I've been feeling more cluckish than usual. But I'd probably fail in that too. Not that I'll get there anyway.

Philo-shop-y

2011-11-28T00:12:00.001+11:00

Very eventful weekend with so many things to do and leaving me very very tired by the end of the day. A big plus was a couple of friends popping by over the weekend for a visit, having a ball. Despite the seriously rubbish weather on Saturday, it was still great to hangout the whole day indoors. Moved most of my stuff out to the new place and took about an hour to complete everything.

Went to see Eddie Izzard live and he is just genius. I think the thing that I like about him the most is that there is always an overarching line of thought that he wants to present but every now and then goes off in a tangent. Most comedians that I've seen have blocks of content and there isn't really much continuity between the blocks. He just has one huge block he needs to go through. If you have seen any clips of his comedy and notices his posture, expression in words and in action, he is still all that and probably more on stage. The other thing that I like about him is that he does quite a fair bit of word play in his jokes. It's one of those that are borderline smart and lame, not too lame that just make you go "ARGHHHH!" but it's actually very witty. Love it! The first 20 minutes or so was quite a bit irreverant as he professes to be an atheist and gave some evidence for his belief (or lack thereof) so it is a bit hard to laugh at jokes no matter how funny it was. But soon after it became funnier and funnier till the end of the first half we have been sufficiently warmed up. When the second half came in, he totally killed us. Well timed recurring jokes, very clever word play, a little randomness, had us all in stitches. It's so scattered that by the end of the show when we are trying to remember the really funny bits, we struggle to remember them. And of course we don't quite have the same delivery as he does. But it was so good. So very good.

Another thing that we did was a lot of shopping. I, of course, did not buy anything. But watching friends shop, look at things they like, criticise other things and the likes is very interesting. Coming from a person who knows next to nothing about shopping I can only stand back and observe. Perhaps I'm too analytical in trying to discern what makes one thing nice compared to something else even though they seem to be almost similiar. Enough exposure and I will usually be in the same direction with my own choices then I've come to learn that there is a lot of things that I have to unlearn in order to look good. My friends are generally very excited about anything style related (which I again know nothing of) and even got to the point where they got even more interested to know what I would look like had a had surrendered myself over to them and had a pile of cash stuffed inside the pockets of my baggy jeans. I'm sure if I did that they would do the best job and I'm sure I would like it because they are that good with this knowledge. This geek behind the keyboard is very interested and impressed with their kind of knowledge. Perhaps it is the environment that have been immersed in before coming to Australia that gave them this wealth in knowledge that I do not possess.

I've always had clothes that are rather big or have the appearance of big, maybe it is because of the Asian mentality. Buy shirts two sizes bigger so can last longer when you are growing up. But what it fails to teach us (or at least what I fail to learn) was that there is a point where you stop growing and you cannot follow the same mantra as before. You'll get carded by the fashion police. It is further exaggerated by the fact that I'm a geek, a nerd and a dweeb. And so at 27 years old, I finally understood it. Very typical.

This was all to make one look good and perhaps radiate some self confidence. I've never really understood where the line was between aiming to look good and being vain, or between self-confidence and arrogance. So in another typical move, I aim to play it safe, don't bother to try and look nice and lower yourself. Because really, I don't want to give any of that impression to other people. So having this paradigm shift is a scary thought, thinking twice before trying, say a new pair of jeans. Almost crippling.

I sometimes wonder how on Earth do these awesome friends of mine are still friends with me. It amazes me that a person with zero style with too much faux science in my head, with no culture and no class is able to mingle with people that have a refined sense of style for longer than a week. Details, the marketing and advertising ethos, the vocabulary and all that jazz boggles my mind. In the words of Eddie Izzard, "Oh...my brain is getting hot.". Highly interesting, even exciting but something I cannot fully grasp or comprehend. Perhaps I never will. But that's OK. I've been fine up to now and I'm sure I'll be fine despite the T-shirt, baggy jeans, seriously worn out shoes and a brain that is chock full of internet memes especially cats.

That $575 jacket is starting to taunt me.

--------------------------------
"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn" - Gore Vidal

Perhaps it is because I don't know/do any of these.

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Perhaps, I am seriously doing it wrong. Who am I kidding?

Spring Cleaning

2011-11-23T23:36:00.001+11:00

The past couple of days I've been spending time clearing my stuff around the house to be packed neatly and to start living off a suitcase soon. I'm usually very lazy when it comes to regularly cleaning my stuff so it is no surprise that I find very ancient documents. Some of them are pleasantly surprising, bringing back some kind of memories of years gone by. Others though are like skeletons in a closet you forgot ever existed. Finding them reminds you of a time where you'd prefer not to remember anything.

Apparently I still kept my conditional offer letter to Cambridge and whatever thick booklets they have sent to me. That was probably my most proudest moment, that I finally got accepted into the university that I'd wanted to go for years, to be amongst giants in the mathematical society. Although I didn't go eventually (and after much hindsight, kinda regretted that move) it was definitely one of the best things to come out at that time. I think since I've been mixing around with more Singaporeans than my fellow countrymen, I came across a pamphlet for international students that are about to commence a postgraduate study in the United Kingdom to obtain an Academic Technology Approval Scheme (ATAS) certificate prior to entering the country. Reading that document was pretty funny in Singlish. Hehe.

Coming from the same year, I found some other things that greatly contributed to my insecurities and to some extent, my cynicism. After reading a letter from the past, it reminded me of the poor choices that I have made and have paid quite a price for it. There were some positives, as any of these will have, but deep down I somewhat knew it wasn't the best choice. This makes me sound a bit of an ass but I was right. But it doesn't matter any more. Because of many occasions like this, I constantly beat myself up for not doing the right thing from the very start. Actually I just beat myself up.

It's funny for me to think that these two events happened in the same year. One terrifying high and low. For a person who isn't too fond of taking the emotional roller coaster, it's not a surprise that that year was probably the least favourite of them all. What's even more interesting is that even though these two events seem completely independent of each other, I cannot remember one without the other. It's like a mental monument erected as some kind of a milestone for me to remember this year even though I'm not terribly fond of it.

So where does all of this lead me to? Your guess is as good as mine.

------------------------

Three songs on loop

Plus One

2011-11-20T01:29:00.001+11:00

Another year gone.

So many things to be thankful for but as usual I still think I'm just the same 17 year-old boy in high school except with two degrees, many litres of alcohol later and a decaying body. Will things change? Probably not but I'm sure you'd say otherwise. I've learned to be a little more selective in a slightly reclusive way over the years. Perhaps it's my age showing or maybe that's really how I roll. With little, I enjoy much more.

I appreciate those who have bothered to ask me the deep questions in the past, something that I tried avoiding or have little appreciation for. Perhaps it is because of the many occasions of self-reflection (cleaning church contributed to most of those occasions) that made me realize that these questions are subtle checks to make sure that your head is screwed on tight. Keep those questions coming. And you don't have to wait for that day to ask. Just don't expect me to give you an answer straightaway. You just have to ask.

The next one is going to be different. So very different.

Relatively Speaking

2011-11-13T11:17:00.001+11:00

Been hearing a lot about relatives of friends of mine, about the things that they do and the things they say to them, I find quite fascinating. But the thing that fascinates me the most is that most of my friends still have this developed sense of closeness with their relatives, be it cousins, uncles and aunts despite some of their occasional peculiar behaviour. It kinda saddens me a bit because that is something that I used to have with my relatives. As I ponder on the what and the why, I think about how would I look like had I still had that same closeness with my relatives as I did when I was growing up.

I used to love the pilgrimage back to Penang over the school holidays (or even Chinese New Year) because I really look forward to playing with my cousins and talk to my uncles and aunts and some of the elders who are able to speak English. I was (and still am) a horrible Hokkien descendant so whatever little I knew about Hokkien is not enough to sustain anything, not even a cry for help. I see them once, maybe twice a year, but every time it is always a happy time for me to go there and spend the week. Oh and the food. Oh the food.

The pilgrimage to Penang was to see my father's side of the family. My mother's side on the other hand was a bit more complicated. Unlike my dad's side where almost all of his side of the family are in Penang, my mum's side are spread between 3 countries. The closest was JB/Singapore. When I'm not going to Penang over the school holidays, I would travel to JB/Singapore to play with my other cousins. I used to be very close with them because for most of the time we literally had the whole house to ourselves to play (and this was a BIG house). We could do anything like we had a care in the world. Needless to say, I also enjoyed that time where I was there spending the week. The rest of the mum's side I would not see for years, sometimes a decade, but that never bothered me. Not yet.

Slowly but surely, things changed. The pilgrimage felt different during my teenage years, mainly because most of my cousins (most of them are considerably older than me) started bringing in their plus ones or that they decided to start a new family tradition by going on overseas holidays during Chinese New Year. My grandmother losing her memory and not to mention my inability to speak to her aggravates the growing distance. Suddenly I felt lonely at a time where it is supposed to bring family back under one house. My cousins from JB/Singapore then migrated overseas and it would years before I see them again. Not to mention that I started seeing cracks within my own family as well. This realization of course never really came to me until much later and it really saddens me, not only for the situations that led to this distance between myself and my extended family but for me as a person.

My teenage years could be described as rather reclusive. I was only really known for 3 things back then; science, math and chess. It took me a long time before I came out of my shell and even then I questioned myself on whether it was a stupid thing to do. It doesn't surprise me that the time when the distance between myself and my used-to-be close relatives coincided with my rather reclusive nature in high school. I was a lot more social in my childhood days partly because of the nature of play. Perhaps it was the hormonal engine kicking in that started the decline.

Whatever the reasons are for causing the distance, it is clear that that shaped me as a person to a rather large degree. Looking at my other friends and how they are like only adds to my theory. So, I wonder how would I be had I had the same closeness as I did back then. Perhaps more bold, confident. Perhaps more sociable, greater approachability. Maybe no change at all. Trying to rebuild a bridge with this kind of distance now is an extremely hard task, my previous post is a testament to that albeit not doing a very good job, if any.

Right now, I've had friends that shaped me to who I am now, largely. We had some crazy fun times together (and still do). But I think it cannot completely take over what close relationships with the extended family bring. Of course things like personality are significant variables to take into account but generally this is how it is. Which, very badly of me, I am trying to do that very same thing.

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More than a decade since I have watched this movie and nearly two decades of hearing this, but I understand and feel it more now than ever. Perhaps I should go through some of the old romance movies again.

Udang Di Sebalik Batu

2011-11-10T23:48:00.001+11:00

I've recently met up with a relative of mine after numerous attempts of having a meet up. Partly because I have been avoiding it. But I have to say that it was rather odd that my relative sounded pretty hyped up about having a meet up. Previously, this was not the normal behaviour. In fact any mentioning of a meet up is very rare and rarer still is the actual meet up. Experience tells me that this sudden change in behaviour often comes as a result of an agenda. But like most of the time when experience tells me one thing, I'd do the complete opposite just to see if I'm wrong. True enough, experience was right again.

Within less than 5 minutes of sitting down in a restaurant, one-on-one, the agenda got out. Starting with the usual "how are things with you" talk, he announced that he had quit smoking. Great! Then I noticed a slight shift in tone, to a tone where I can almost hear a sales pitch coming from a mile away. The reason for this new found smoke-killer was an "investment" that promises butt loads of cash for seemingly little work. And sure enough pretty much the whole dinner was just talk about the sales pitch. Nothing more, nothing less. Here I was sitting at the restaurant feeling pretty stupid listening to a sales pitch that I have heard a thousand times from "friends" and acquaintances. The numbers may have changed a bit here and there but overall it's the same principle. The same dodgy principle.

The sales pitch itself was actually the thing I was least annoyed at, surprisingly enough. It was the attitude that my relative had taken on from this semi-religious, pseudo-philanthropic pyramidal scheme company. Claiming that most of the successes of the company were Christian, that they train their members to be a better person and all while they pursue money like dogs chasing a thrown stick is just not right. For more than half the time, the sales pitch included the scenario of wouldn't it be great if you can earn a 6 figure sum of money while doing virtually nothing, sugar-coated with Christian jargon and values sounds almost repulsive. I'd actually would feel better if the sales pitch had zero mention of Christians. Considering the drive and enthusiasm from my relative (he was pretty on about this company's beliefs and principles) and all in the name of making huge amounts of money while being a better person, this is almost hypocritical. Sounds too good to be true. Giving the illusion of hope that I can be one of those people in the company that literally earn millions, this sounds pretty toxic to me.

I really want to believe that my relative has changed for the better, I really do. He has had quite a rough life and lately he has been doing good. But with his latest immersion into this company, reminds me that the pursuit of money will grip anyone and will channel one's time and effort away from God. The whole idea that we should be doing as little work as possible while reaping as much benefits as possible, I don't think, is even biblical. Remember that work was given before the fall of man, that work is supposed to be a good thing given by God. It was the frustration of work that came with the fall. Work in itself is not a bad thing, actually it's the contrary. So thanks for the pitch on the prospect of no work but earn money but no thanks. I'd rather keep my programming job, earn whatever little that I earn and be content.

------------------------------
She left on a Monday.

Some good advice there.

------------------------------
A wise man once said that being a bachelor for too long is sometimes a bad thing, makes you set in your ways. *squint eye*

Epiphany

2011-11-06T22:56:00.000+11:00

It has been some crazy week where there has been some rapid fire beta releases to fix bugs that crop up. Some of them were due to my stupidity, others were bugs that were always there only that they had just been found and some just appear because we are moving to different OS versions. But work has been good and as a result made me enjoy other things that I otherwise would have taken it for granted.

For one, getting rest at the end of the day (unless of course there is a looming deadline) is that much sweeter. During uni days, "work" and rest are so interleaved that we barely take the time to enjoy it. Sure this puts constraints on what we can do or cannot do but I think it is better to be in a situation where you fully appreciate something, whether it is the work you do or the rest at the end of the day/week, than to have absolute free reign of your time to dictate what you should be doing with your time. Perhaps it is just me who likes it this way. I used to work in a bookshop and it can get pretty hectic right up to closing time but when I come back home, I feel satisfied. Another reason why I am probably well suited for low to mid level type jobs. Or perhaps it is my age showing.

Another, also related to rest, are the weekends. I have done quite a lot of stuff during the weekends (but mostly pre-planned and then start firing up the spontaneity engine). Feels so much better than just lazing around at home. And yes, I finally get what you working people think about the weekends. The past couple of weekends has just been filled with many things outside the house especially this weekend with the lovely sunny warm weather. Also manage to smash a friend with alcohol.

And of course the issue of work itself. Work has always had a word-of-mouth marketing scheme of promoting itself as a soul-sucking thing that voids you of all things good in the world. But it is not so with me, maybe not yet. Perhaps it is something about being a low/mid level worker who have a "just follow instructions" mentality or have the patience to sit down and plow through the work that helps us in the resistance of the soul-sucking side of work. And when it is done, there is a genuine form of happiness/satisfaction from it and not the negatively slanted "Oh thank God this thing is over!" response.

I don't know, perhaps I might change my tune several months down the track. That I might fall into the category of millions of other people mumbling and grumbling about their work, stressed about the amount of things that they have to do, feeling numb as the months go by. I hope I don't go down that path. But I do hope that I do not complain, continue to give it my all in my work and most importantly, work is a God given thing. Work without God in mind is meaningless.

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Closing time. Moving time. A new time.

Sale-ing

2011-10-25T00:35:00.002+11:00

Just a short blurb to introduce to the foodies stalking this site to a little known site called OZKitchenware. They stock some of the most popular brands when it comes to anything cooking/baking related such as Cuisinart, Global, Scanpan and many others. Check them out! It is mighty tempting not to click the "Add To Cart" ~~button~~ buttons because you'd be hard pressed to find anywhere cheaper. Only Chuck Norris can do that. I suspect you are not. Oh, and free shipping over $100.

So go grab that Cuisinart stick blender that ~~I've~~ you've always wanted! Like now. Go crazy for those Global knives (just don't crazy with them on other people. That's wrong.)! And while you are at it, make gazpacho for me. Summer is coming. Just saying.

kthxbai.

Mission Possible

2011-10-22T19:59:00.000+11:00

I bumped into a friend recently that I haven't seen in quite awhile. Obligatory catch-up conversations started and one thing led to another before we came to the question about my friend thinking about what to do in the future, in particular what to study. This seems very ordinary but it turns out to be far more interesting than I had previously anticipated.

You see, my friend here is deciding between two lines of study that are fundamentally very different from each other and of course this friend of mine is interested in taking the plunge on both of these. The obvious question was which one to choose. Again this sounds very ordinary but the kicker was that my friend wanted to choose which would give her the most skills to eventually serve God in the mission field or something else with a mission-centred area. At first glance, one of the lines of study immediately became the first choice for obvious reasons and that was what my friend thought as well. Then I realized something is not quite right.

Basically, my friend is putting God in a box. That service in the mission field is almost entirely dependent on what sort of skills you have.

We cannot act as though that what we study or the skills that we acquire are the things that will be most beneficial and most likely to be considered when out in the mission field, though there is some merit in that. But it is not the be all and end all for entering a mission field or even serving for that matter. God has used many people in the past who didn't exactly have the necessary abilities but they carried out God's plan regardless. For example, Moses or David or most recently studying in church, Amos. So coming back to my friend, God will use people no matter what sort of skill you have as long as you are willing to occasionally step out of your skill set to serve God. So my advice was to not to worry about which skills you are going to get out of either of the courses but just be ready to serve with whatever you have. Who knows, you may be serving using a completely different skill set than you first started out with and yet God uses that for His purposes.

But wait, there's more.

Now think about the countless Asian Christian parents whose kids are going to university. Urging them to do something that will grant stability like engineering, accounting, medicine etc. that these are the skills that will be highly useful in the mission field. Not the arts, oh no. Because what good is it that you can analyze pre-war Cambodian society or perform textural analysis of 1940's film to the poor, remote and sometimes broken societies which most Christians commonly associate as the mission field? Doing this "kills" in two ways, one that doing what you love means nothing if you can't bring in the bacon and two, indirectly teaching them that God cannot use you if you don't have the right skills for the mission field. And as an added bonus, teaching them that the mission field is in some far away God-forsaken land with no clean running water and electricity. The first is just harsh from a parent to a child, the second is borderline wrong and the bonus is just a misconception.

God can easily use an arts major to do mighty things in the mission field as to the "choice skills" person. Make no mistake about that, He has always been doing so and will continue to do so in the future. The more important question to consider (rather than what skills should I have) is will I serve regardless of what I am trained in? So don't worry about petty things like this, all you have to do is to be prepared to be mobilized.

---------------------------------
This is the only right way to do this song. Still stuck in my head.

Fail Whale

2011-10-16T21:51:00.001+11:00

Some people are made of win. Others are made of fail. I am most definitely made of fail. This weekend was full of fail.

Friday started with a less than thrilling dinner with uncle, aunty and cousins with their plus ones. Maintaining some form of family ties with the relatives who usually look down on our life's and work's choices at the expense to having awesome drinks at a bar that I have failed to go for the 4 attempts. I was hoping to exit early and join what was the remainder of drinks there but was held back by chatter and a dying phone. When I finally did exit and managed one call from the friends, the phone died while taking the train there. Took me about 40 minutes to get there and it turns out that they were done with drinks and wanted to grab some food. At a place very near where I finished having dinner 40 minutes ago. Friday felt so underwhelming that it was quite a downer. But thankfully 4 hours of yakking helped.

Saturday I cooked something for dinner to bring to a friend's place which had sauce. But a rather sudden motion caused me to spill some of the sauce on my jeans. And now my jeans smells of shitake and dried shrimp. Changed and handled dinner with the utmost caution. Then later I went to church to clean and train the new cleaner. Handed over the keys to the new cleaner but realized I left my dead phone in church. And I had to get up by 9:45 the next day. So I was at home with no church keys to go back and get the phone, no alarm clock to wake me up (the wonders of technology, eh?) and even if I did manage to retrieve the phone the next day when the church is open, I cannot contact my friend when I have arrived. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I made a calendar event on iCal to trigger super loud music when I have to wake up and left my computer on. It kinda worked. Kinda because it was actually my sister who indirectly woke me up when she left the house. And then the alarm went. One more thing to add in the Macgyver life skill's toolbox.

Left the house and brought my charger to try and have a brief moment for charging in church if I found it with time to spare. But no such luxury there. Found my phone but no time to charge so I had to leave. Arrived at friend's place and knocked on the door several times but no one answered. Got really desperate because it was late already, I ran to the small shopping centre nearby with my charger, found a power point and quickly defibrillate my phone to send a message. Whoever was watching the security cameras was probably this close to calling security to check me out. I looked super dodgy. Ran back because it was threatening to rain and after my friend came out, all was good. Except for a dead phone for the rest of the day.

So fail man.

-----------------------
Come tomorrow, the first thing I am going to ask is "Open the pod bay doors.". Yay.

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So many times I feel so useless. Someone please shoot me. Sigh.

Wanderlust

2011-10-07T01:37:00.000+11:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend who went on a trip to the other end of the earth. So as these things normally go, you ask how is it. One thing led to another before long we were talking about things that have nothing to do with the trip. In fact, there was very little talk about the actual trip at all. Things like self-discovery, aging, the troubles and inconveniences of life started popping in. I know it sounds pretty depressing but that got me thinking about me.

Friends like the one I talked to and many others have done something that until this day I haven't done at all, traveled alone (or with one other friend) to a fairly far away place. And all of them have done so at a relatively early age. As with people who have done extensive traveling (even just once) will tell you all the wonderful stories and superlative-laced descriptions of places they have been and experiences. Normally I'd just be happy listening in, absorbing all the tales that needs to be told and just be in wonder on what it is like to be in their shoes when they were there. But something turned when my friend implored me to do the same and that I can still do it. I am "still young" apparently.

Coming from a person who is about my sister age, my first response was you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about or what it means to be "still young". Heck, for a split second, I don't know whether to feel insulted by that statement. But of course my secondary higher-level cognition kicked in and realized that my problem is not with me getting older but the lack of throwing myself out there and see what happens. Perhaps it is shaped by the circumstances I've been placed in (and possibly reinforce whatever insecurities about it) that I don't dream about wandering off to exotic places. That I don't want to decide to travel. Sure I've been to some pretty cool places but not one of them was a result of my desire. After further examination, it pretty much boils down to a couple of factors.

One, money. Coming to Australia from Malaysia, money is pretty big deal for me (and of course my family). Traveling requires it, I don't have it. We have a problem. So it is in my first response to keep whatever money I have, whether earned or received from the FaMa (Father-Mother) Scholarship. So of course whatever desires of traveling to far away lands are inhibited and suppressed down to wandering through the interwebs for cats and other weird things. Two, personal priorities. You'd think money would be a priority but actually it isn't, at least for me. Money was never really a big priority. Stability, however, is. Once everything is settled only then will I have the surplus to travel. Needless to say, I've never really felt it, even now. Many of my plans towards stability have been redrawn as time goes by and when that happens something's gotta give. More suppression ensues.

Looking deeper into this complex personality, I don't just do this on the issue of travel. As I have stated countless times, I overthink things. As a result, I plan a lot especially when it is towards some base level of comfort. Only when I've hit that base level will I move on to other things. Because so much of my time has been "devoted" to planning, desires get suppressed and failure to act spontaneously is eminent. I don't want things, routine is a friend. A robot. There are times where I envy friends like I've mentioned, most of them have in one way or another would throw themselves out of the fish bowl every now and then to see what it's like out there. I, on the other hand, have probably spent years telling myself to stay put because you just might not know what will happen next (read: glass half-empty). Because of that, staying in my shell is preventing me from doing a lot of things that some of my friends have suggested/urged me to do. And not just about traveling.

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I sometimes hate sitcoms especially when the main actress is sooo pretty. And of course she gets together with the super charming actor. Like Outsourced. Still funny as heck though. Meh.

Week One

2011-10-03T00:00:00.000+11:00

So 5 days on the job has passed and so far I'm liking it. Although I was thrown into the deep end by letting me work on one of their large projects to make some minor improvements, I've learned so much plus it is good that I'm back into the programming flow. But what I did not expect is that most of us should be moderate users of Photoshop as well. Very strange but I guess it is probably a good thing in the long run.

I am indeed very thankful that I've got it easy compared to most people who are job searching or even those who had jobs but received less than what they bargained for in some respects. Even though that I've never really been in the job search area prior to this but I kinda know how frustrating it can be from other somewhat related experiences. Just today some people merged into the current conversation circle to congratulate me on my new job. They were very excited about it and of course really wanted to know the details (sound familiar?). But what I was more worried for was that one of the other people in the conversation were in the process of job searching and have been doing so for awhile now with little success. Normally I would be very excited talking about my job etc. but not so because with all this talk about my success, it also means slightly more frustration and disappointment for this person. Kinda like rubbing salt on wound.

I think we are all guilty of not acting appropriately towards other people in a decent sized conversation group. While on average our responses may be well mannered but some will be a little bit more affected compared to others. Sometimes it is good to exchange excitement with sympathy. Though it may seem like a bit boring but it's good to maintain some sanity among other people. Granted that we can only do this if we know the people in the conversation group well enough and that tends to be a little subjective. But it is better to start low and crank it up than to start high and crank it down.

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It has been a very very long time since I've had decent seafood in Melbourne and finally I've found a place that I would be more than happy to throw money at them. And not only that, while we were waiting for a table, we were entertained by this early New Orleans jazz trio that is crazy good. This raspy pianist, a very very chilled drummer and one kick-ass clarinetist with probably an average age of my dad. Perfectly cooked crab and mussels and one seriously gigantic fish with flavours that really shouldn't work together but magically they do. I don't think I've ever seen a group wiped 3 plates clean that fast. Heck even I ate rather fast which is rather hard to believe. I want to go there again!

Let Them Talk

2011-09-23T00:39:00.004+10:00

Just bought the highly anticipated album from Hugh Laurie on various blues covers. I'm telling you. It. Does. Not. Disappoint. Crazy crazy album. For a person who has not lived and breathed blues in the South to replicate the soul of genre, he has done a tremendous job at doing just that. His vocals are very distinct (picture House singing the blues) but still oh so soulful. So worth my $20 and more.

As promised, I'll talk about the results of the Johari and Nohari windows I posted up two weeks ago. Not surprisingly, numbers have not changed at all since the last time I mentioned it. You guys (mostly) are stalkers, aren't you? Let's see what the 6 people have said about my positives. The most dominant trait as voted by the people is intelligent. Funny, I'd thought I'd be more silly than anything. So far all of them have managed to pick up the traits that I think describes me so I guess that is a good thing. To the person who thought that I was organised, I'm pretty sure you haven't seen my room on normal days. So. Far. From. It. The rest of the attributes are ones that I'm pretty sure that I have exposed it one way or another. Moving on to the Nohari window where only 4 people said something about my negatives. The other two must have found it hard to limit their choices to 6. The most dominant negative trait is that I am insecure which is not a big surprise there. Anyone who reads this blog long enough can sense it straight away. The rest of them are also fine except one that said I was intolerant. I did not see this coming. I'm trying to think of the things that I am intolerant about but come up with nothing. Interesting. Enlighten me. Perhaps I'm intolerant about not being intolerant?

I will be starting a new area of life that has so far been left untouched. Excited but also not really knowing what it is going to be like, how stressful it can be or how great it is. I hope this will break down a lot of the apparent barriers that I have been experiencing over the past 3 years. And certainly I didn't expect it to come this fast (less than 2 weeks!). I certainly thank God for providing and being gracious to me after all the rubbish that I tend to do. Need to trust Him more.

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Recently, some of my friends decided to cause a riot with me which is starting to worry me a bit. And it all started from a small but apparently significant domino effect set-up. It's amazing how one casual conversation gave the motive and just ONE unrelated tweet to start the domino tiles falling. And now suddenly I have a "marketing team/think tank", a "fan base" and now a QR code for a crowd-source based effort to make me more awesome than I actually am. Fact: Refer to the title of this site.

You know what the funniest thing is? This really started from an ex-housemate of mine and graduated with a photography diploma who has said, and I quote him, "...spends too much time making him [me] look good." when he used me as a subject for some of his assignments. This time, he's got some solid support to give it another shot. Not sure if this will ever succeed.

Friends. You gotta love 'em for being a little...rowdy.

-----------------------

int size = group.getSize();
if (size % 2 == 0 || (size % 2 == 1 && size > 10)) ju.setComfort(true);
else ju.setComfort(false);
return;

I really need to fix this.

Cerai

2011-09-17T16:00:00.001+10:00

I've recently watched a film called Divided which makes a pretty bold statement about the church and the youth. At the core, it asks the question what is the reason that causes up to 80% of youth from churches to walk away from the faith once they leave for college. Their proposed answer was a little surprising, youth service or Sunday school. The premise is that how majority of churches in the United States conduct Sunday school or their youth programs are flawed. There is an awful lot of fun and games programs conducted within Sunday school with very little substance in the end that by the time the kids hit the real world by going to college, there is no solid grounding in the teachings of the Bible. Not only that but parents almost treat Sunday school as a glorified day care centre where they provide a service to educate their children in spiritual matters. When the sermon ends, they come and pick up their children and go home. Hit repeat every week until college. It goes even further to say that how Sunday school that has age-separated classes fundamentally contributes to this problem. In fact, the primary mission of Sunday school when it first started wasn't for the Christians but for those kids on the streets wasting their lives away in crime. So they argue that Sunday school was a means of outreach rather than edifying the Christians and so shouldn't be there in regular Sunday service. The idea of a youth service or even Sunday school for that matter was not a model illustrated in the Bible (ie. not a God ordained model, in their words) and so does not guarantee it works.

Whoa.

I recommend watching the film (it's free anyway after e-mail registration) as there are quite a number of things presented that I think are quite relevant and certainly the take-home lessons of the film. Some of the things may sound like a bit of a stretch, for example, how Sunday school children are getting more and more attached to their teachers than their own parents and because of all the fun activities they do, the children will get whatever spiritual teaching they can get from their teachers, if any at all. I can honestly say, after much thinking, that this is somewhat true from my own experience though not in the same "extreme" behaviour portrayed in the film.

In my old church, the one that I went to for the first 18 years of my life, Sunday school was a big deal for pretty much all the kids. Plenty of fun activities, sing songs etc. Most of us love our teachers because of it. This is not even including the Royal Rangers (think Scouts but with a heavy Christian slant) program my church had which most of the kids did join. So, if you were a regular church kid and joined Sunday school, your whole weekend and sometimes most of the holidays are filled up with fun church activities. By the time puberty kicks in, Sunday school classes for the teens start getting smaller and more awkward, even though there were plenty of kids my age. Activities became less fun, most of us started getting bored but the one saving grace was if you had been in the Royal Rangers program. You start to see more lukewarm Christian behaviour among friends and eventually most of us went to the main service and some eventually disappeared. I was quite fortunate during my teen years that my high school Christian Fellowship helped me a lot and much of my faith was built up here. The point is that while the Sunday school ministry in most churches meant to educate children in the faith but the reality is that with the overemphasis of the fun factor means that we are trading the gospel for something else. Which was what I started to see though not very conscious about it. It became even more apparent just before I finished high school that our church decided to revamp the youth program in order to get more of the youth back into church. Their approach? More fun factor. We had a games room (complete with a pool table, table tennis table etc) all of the sudden, food was catered to us, organizing highly publicized youth events and the lot. It wasn't long before I realized something is still not right.

It seems, based on the film, that one of the major contributors to the kids leaving the faith was the failure of fathers to educate them in spiritual matters. Because they treat Sunday school as a spiritual day care centre, it frees the hands of the fathers to educate, one less thing to worry about. Which again, is not a model ordained by God. I can remember clearly several months before I was to come to Melbourne that my dad said to me to be careful of teachings behind the pulpit for they are not always right. He then went on to explain the fallacies of sermons coming from the senior pastor of the church. Since then I was very careful, listening more intently to the sermons than I had before in my entire life. That one short session with my dad did more to my spiritual life than possibly all the Sunday school lessons combined. Because that was the beginning of handling the word of God properly which is far more important than fun Sunday school activities. It was said in the film that even the best Sunday school educators cannot replace the father which I find to be true.

As the film goes on, the suggested solution is to train fathers to be the primary spiritual educators instead of pouring into youth pastors or develop youth programs that are "fun and engaging". I hope that if the time comes that I were to have my own family that I would be just that. That I will not neglect my responsibilities of being a father and provide the spiritual education and grounding to my children and not sign them away to a day care service.

But I'm not there yet. Not even sure that I'm meant to get there. But it doesn't matter.

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Why is it that I find two different reactions when it was announced that the ISA will be repealed? One is that people see it as a victory of recent events while still not being overly naive and celebrate and the other being completely cynical that nothing will change at all. And the two reactions were also mostly divided into two regions, people staying in Malaysia and those who are not. A step in the right direction does not demand cynicism but caution regardless of the proposed implementation of the step. I also guess it is because few care about a country outside the one they are in even if it is your home country.

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Monday's a big day. Scared.

Carnot Lah

2011-09-15T01:38:00.002+10:00

Occasionally you get one of those days, much like the recent Canberra trip except on a smaller scale.

Yesterday I was supposed to have a drive test to convert to a Victorian drivers license. So I rented a car for the day just to do the test and maybe travel outside the city for once. Everything seems to be peachy until I showed up for my test. It turns out that I brought everything for the test except my passport which was the primary document that one should bring. Felt so stupid. I quickly went back home to get it but because they were full for the day, I had the option of waiting for someone to cancel the drive test or to reschedule. I, of course, chose to wait. About two hours went by and it seemed like I was not going to get lucky and was going to reschedule.

But I did get lucky at the very last minute and manage to get a tester. All the administration stuff was handled and I headed to the car waiting for the tester to come. Now the confusing part: the tester came to my car and asked me to roll down the window and started heading back into the building as if he had forgotten something. Half way there, he turned back and walked towards me and notified me that I cannot do the test because the car's registration had been suspended. How on earth did he suddenly know about this when there was nothing to indicate that someone had just told him en route back to the building? The bigger question mark was why did the car rental company give me a suspended car?

So of course I was questioned and they thought it was pretty strange and I thought I was going to be in serious trouble. I called the car rental company and told them about my situation and they said it was fine on their side. I gave them my contact number to let me know what had happened and what they were going to do about it. Apparently phones on their side were ringing all the way up to the head office. Eventually I spoke to the manager about it and said that there might have been a discrepancy somewhere, just that one of the parties involved may not have updated the records correctly. Or something like that. The tester told me that I was not to drive the car at all because it is now illegal and had to urge the car company to get the car and possibly get me a new car. So stressed.

By that time, I cannot do the test for sure and so I had to reschedule to the next available time which is in 6 weeks time. Man, and I waited 6 weeks to get to this point already. So because there is no point in getting them to bring in a new car, I told the manager of the company to just take the car and I'll just get back myself. Everything was refunded (hopefully) and I've just wasted half the day. Even if I did bring my passport the first time round, I'd still wouldn't have done the test because of the whole registration issue. Wow. The tester who was with me when all of this happened was very helpful and overall great guy even though he had this slightly intimidating presence. Looked a lot like my Java lecturer mixed with Craig from Masterchef.

Meh.

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I never did like the term "stock market" or any similiar metaphor/analogue of potential...erm, pairings. Though it is "nice" way of putting it, I find that it's a lot of bull and think it has no real value. Much like me in one of them "stock markets". Not that I care about it.

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I wish I had read this before I went to try and do my PhD. If I did, I probably would have recognized the signs that this is not what I should be doing. At least not right then. And might have ended up in a completely different future.

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I think I'm even more scared now after an in-passing conversation because I'm pretty sure that I don't have it. And I'm nowhere brave enough to gamble. And will probably be shot down if I did.

Petrificus Totalus.

Poker Face

2011-09-12T03:06:00.000+10:00

Another weekend gone, another two days where I should be doing other things but end up not getting them done. Super lazy and procrastinating a lot in addition to the new Worms game that I have been playing. Did I mention that I also haven't been getting much sleep too?

This was one of the few rare occasions that I had a meal with some of the *much* younger OCFers. A nicely sized group of 6 people all with an age gap of at least 4 years. And I think I am quite happy about it. None of those 20+ people gatherings where all you pretty much get is silliness, rarely anything of substance. Oh and the noise too. Discussions were made about various things that you'd probably will never get in big group settings. Makes you know more about a person and perhaps in an efficient matter too.

In fact, I can't remember when was the last time I had a decently sized conversation where no one was attached or had some "weird" dynamics between a few people (myself including). This might not seem to be like a big deal to most but given the circumstances in the past couple of years and how terribly lost I felt, this small simple meal together was something very refreshing. Also, given a person of my age, you start to "lose" a lot of your friends who you used to have these same types of conversations years ago by virtue of being attached, getting married or raising a family. You can still have fairly decent conversations with them but it is not the same anymore. How and why is it not the same, I lack the vocabulary to describe it. But being able to relive that moment for a short while, has been worth while.

For a person in my position, "losing" friends extend beyond the realm of relationships. Things of stereotypical status value like a job and a decent income, years of work experience, cars, property ownership and many others are also grounds for this phenomenon. I once describe this to a friend that it is like being into an exclusive club where membership starts by ticking the right boxes as described above. As though you were treated like a proper adult and no longer a student which seems to have a level of immaturity stigma attached to it. Once you've made it into this club, a whole range of events and activities are right at your doorstep for you to choose from. Or maybe it's because I'm just boring.

But like most of the time, I have to put up a front that say everything is peachy and I don't care about such things (but actually do, a bit) while deep down there are many things that need fixing. I've also mentioned to some close friends of mine that events in the past 3 years have shaken me pretty badly. Even closer friends tell me that they can see through me and one has gone to the extent of saying that the change of my blog background theme and how I write on my blog were reflective of my changes in response (never really thought of it that way. I thought it was just cool to use this theme). These friends are the ones who keep me sane whether they know it or not. They make me feel that none of these meaningless things that I have been thinking or worrying about matter and it soothes the soul of this aging man. The best part? They are a very small group of people, around 6 of them.

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Even more generic poking! This time by the "kids". Deploy deflector shields and evasive maneuver beta. Engage!

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To the 6 people who have filled in my Johari window, thanks for your input. Most of them I am not surprised by except for one or two. To the two of you have haven't filled in my Nohari window yet, it must have been difficult to narrow down my negatives to 6 choices but please do try. I think I know all of you.

To the rest of you, refer to the previous entry and please complete your analysis of me and let me know. I think it's about high time that you criticize me in 6 words or less online. Links are here again if you need it: Johari and Nohari.

Tables Turned

2011-09-08T01:32:00.001+10:00

After helping out a friend to select 5-6 words to best describe him, both positively and negatively, I thought this might be a good time for some role reversal. Many times in my entries or sometimes talking with others, I've been analyzing them on what makes them who they are in a nutshell. And of course there are times where I will do some extensive self-analysis but rarely do I hear much from other people analyzing me or at least such analyses were few and far in between for me to remember what were the results.

So here is your chance to critique me using a very little subset of descriptive words. Say what you really think of me (be truthful now) to my positives and what you also think of me negatively (seriously. Be truthful and don't hold back). If you think the words given do not reflect me, state it in a comment here. My only request is that when you write a name, please don't use "anonymous". That's just no fun.

So here we go:
Positives (known as the Johari window) here
Negatives (known as the Nohari window) here

I shall analyze the results and present what I think about it in 2 weeks time.

Oversentience? Too Sentient?

2011-09-04T22:50:00.003+10:00

The Carlton Community Cookbook launch a couple of days ago was good, featuring a number of recipes from people around the neighbourhood. Also a good time catching with people that I haven't seen in a long time. Of course there was food and I was fortunate enough to bring mine in as well. I think the most interesting comment about the cake I made came from a friend who said "I don't like green tea but shit...it didn't put up a fight against me". Classically funny stuff.

After the launch we went out for some drinks which then turned into bar crawling. It was all to do with the person who we had drinks with. It was also funny because during the whole bar crawling I didn't have enough cash on me and I was traveling with an expired debit card, so I can't withdraw money either. Fail. Met some interesting people along the way and it is probably the first time in a very long while that I've spoken to more Caucasians than I have fingers in one night. And then came the last stop (at least for some of us) which had a DJ going and virtually everyone is dancing. Friday retro night it seems. And the group I came with all started dancing and I've got no backup. I tried to stall the immense awkwardness by pushing for drinks at the bar but that was not to last. A Jager bomb later and I tried blending into the environment and frankly speaking I'd rather start a fight than do this. Thankfully, like any bar crawls, the stop at that place wasn't very long and soon a few of us went out for supper.

Refueling started a whole conversation on being self-aware in various situations. Naturally, it started I told them that I felt like this (Asian) elephant in the room at the last bar. They reassured me that no one really cares and I'm sure they are right but I'm just too aware of my lack of movement. Then it moved on to other things like saying stupid things to a person they like online, over the phone or even face-to-face. Some have stated that they have sent a message without really thinking about it and later finding themselves wondering why did I do that. I think it is safe to say that I haven't done anything stupid because again I am all too aware of the things that I am going to say and what might look like if I sent that rash message. It seems that I'm the only one who has the problem of not saying anything as compare to them being on the other end of the spectrum. I (over?)think and analyse things and often times the magic 8 ball in my head comes with "Can't decide. Ask again later". Aside from that, many other things came up on the table like MSG and creepy/weird pick-up tactics. All of which I would like to have nothing to do with.

This is the last time I'm ever going to a bar with dancing even if the DJ was awesome (which he mostly was).

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I am starting to dislike "grilling" or at least how we make it out to be now. There is no initial slack given to the persons in question. I don't know, it seems there's a lot of pressure from the get-go from a large number of friends (this is an important note: large numbers) because, you know, news travels really fast these days. And it is not a gradual sort of thing, it's just *pow* smacked with this giant wave of questions generated by pure excitement and I think has gone past the level of comfortable. And all in the name of we-really-want-to-know-the-details fun? It's like suddenly you are being "married" to this big group of friends. Except not really.

I was under the impression that it should be gradual, small groups and at least a couple of weeks into it. They've just taken that big jump and I'm pretty sure most of the time, they are still scared shitless about it or still suffering from the repercussions of it. The least we all can do about it is to give them a little breathing space and let things settle a bit. There is a point in time after which can be treated as public information and how we act about it will change appropriately. Even though status-wise, like a switch is either on or off, in reality I think for the people in question it rarely feels that way apart from an official question and answer. Cut them some slack please.

Perhaps I'm over-romanticizing this in the same way that I over-analyze things. Perhaps I'm a little bit old-fashioned. Perhaps it's just the very introverted me. Perhaps I'm just disappointed. One of the things that got me down the last time was peer pressure and certainly with the way things are now, it is only adding to that. Suddenly out of nowhere external expectation collides with them head on and though they say that it is no big deal but does it really not creep up on you in the long run? I have had the unfortunate incident of being labeled as a "bad" person just because I failed to meet the external expectations dictated by a collective. Don't tell me that doesn't affect you the slightest bit because it does on some level. To this day, I'm still haunted by this concept of the added external pressure that it paralyzes me. The pressure might be virtual in that it isn't actually there but like anyone who has a genuine phobia will tell you, even thinking about it scares them.

At the end of the day, it is really up to them. If they are fine with it, so be it. I'm just saying I don't think how we are approaching situations like these to be helpful or encouraging. You may or may not agree with what I say, it is just an opinion. An opinion that, I think, does not carry much weight. I'm just a lowly worm who eats coffee grounds and leftover food, pops up from the ground to say "O Hai!" and burrow back down, or get pecked by the birds of scrutiny. Feel free to discuss this further.

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I find it funny that people have more confidence in me than I do. Either they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about or I don't. It's funny either way.

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If there were such a thing as a past life, I would most definitely be a China factory worker. I would totally own my job.

Kids Say The Darnest Things...Over and Over Again

2011-09-02T11:50:00.003+10:00

Was at a friend's housewarming party last week and our pastor's family came by as well. One of their daughters apparently is on a roll of riddles and jokes that are probably not really funny (even as far as lame) to us adults. Things like "What is the tallest building in the world? A library, because it has many storeys" and other such jokes were frequently dished out by this pint-sized daughter of theirs. We (the oddballs) cringed and all and even tried telling her to not be like us oddballs who revel in lameness etc. It was quite cute and funny actually.

The thing that caught me after that was the fact that these are the very same jokes that I grew up telling my parents, older ones and friends to. I used to go to bookstores and find the latest joke/riddle books and read them for long periods of time. Some even for hours when I got a little older. I remember thinking these are the funniest things in the world, how can anyone not laugh at such comical brilliance? I would go on and on to my parents and friends, telling them lame joke one after the other and I would laugh myself silly about it while my parents were, erm, less enthusiastic about it. But of course that never really bothered me. I just kept doing my thing.

Like all things, doing your thing will eventually be not your thing. We grow up, tastes change (certainly humour), so not surprisingly these lame jokes were a thing of the past. Which got me thinking, why is it that 5 year olds find this stuff so absolutely funny? Perhaps it is that now armed with a couple of years of solid language skills that they start to make the connection that some words have a double meaning or that some words sound like other words. That probably is a moment of epiphany and for some reason, celebrates this new found discovery with laughter. If that is the case, it is no wonder jokes like these stay on even to the next generation, because kids, regardless of times, love this stuff. While I'm sure parents will get to the point where they will get sick of some of these jokes, I suspect that it is important to humour them or at least acknowledge the jokes. It is at a period of time where kids learn and new connections are formed so it must be encouraged. Humour will follow them through the rest of their lives and it is important for them to learn that laughter pierces through age barriers and sometimes, transcends time. I wouldn't be surprised if kids two generations after me and beyond will use these same jokes.

How we developed humour through sarcasm, exaggeration, slapstick and sometimes crude forms from there becomes a little fuzzy to me. Of course there is some higher level cognition going than how we approach our first experience with humour, word play, that can only come as a result of ongoing maturity. Sarcasm requires context and at the very least recognize tonal changes in speech, exaggeration requires out-of-the-box imagination and the link between that to reality, slapstick requires a little indulgence to our sadistic self (no sane kid is really sadistic) and crude forms requires a certain level of angst coupled with a few other things. These forms of humour don't tend to repeat itself (not word for word exactly) as generations go by, only the principle of the humour remains true. All of which we can only get through taking a bit more salt in our growing minds. And this is where our individual personality takes over. Some hone their humour towards one area, others in different areas. But we will almost always have the ability to do one thing and that is humour through word play, it is the first encounter with non-physically induced laughter and like most firsts, we remember them the most.

Lolz.

-------------------------
So my current short-term plan dream job just popped up. Super long shot.

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I might need to find another pool kaki soon. I'll put up a job description later on Seek.com.au.

Tak Sopan Langsung

2011-08-25T00:32:00.002+10:00

Remember the pain that I had to go through when getting the police check? If you haven't, then please read the entry before this to get the whole context thus far. It turns out that pain isn't done with me yet.

When I accepted the slot given to be by the seriously rude lady on the phone, I didn't realize that on that day there are no flights to Canberra such that I will reach there on time for the appointment. Since I was very apprehensive to call again to change the day to a day where there are flights, I decided to look for alternate means of transportation to the nation's capital. After awhile of looking, I found buses that goes there. Caveat: The only feasible bus leaves at 8 pm and arrives in Canberra at 4 am. And my appointment is at 9 am. Nonetheless I took the bus to go there. Knowing that there is going to be 5 hours of very free time, I pre-planned a route to bring a camera and try and shoot around at night until it is time for me to go for my appointment. Not expecting much since my camera isn't great at night plus I'm going to have to live with the noise. Because Canberra is rubbishly cold at night, there is no way I'm going to be sitting still doing nothing outside.

To maximize my energy intake, I had a very heavy and late lunch before going on the bus and hoping to catch some shut eye on the way there. It was a good thing that I did that because the only stop that was made on the way there was at a truck pit stop just past Albury. Had a sandwich and a chocolate milk and this was going to be the only thing I would have eaten for the next 21 hours. The bus was alright, fairly comfortable and they even screened a movie when we left Melbourne, Something's Gotta Give. But for most of the time on the bus I was just playing Words With Friends (side note: Optus has pretty good coverage for me to be able to do this. 3 and Vodaphone users, take note) and looking out of the window. It was a very clear night and for most of the time you would be able to look out and see thousands of stars and even make out the Milky Way. A bit later on, the moon had just risen and seeing this rather large looking half moon hovering just above the horizon was something.

When I set foot in Canberra began what was to be my rather epic "photo walk" for 5 hours. Armed with an iPod and my camera, I set forth to cover at least a half marathon's distance in that 5 hours. The streets were ghost town empty, large open spaces and a lot of parks. Lots of rabbits and kangaroos about as well near the War Memorial site which was rather strange. There was even one time where I was "attacked" by an angry bird. This bird circled around me squawking and even flew past my head just a couple of feet away. This bird practically followed me around for a good distance until I had crossed the road into a park. I think if I were there a bit longer that bird would start pecking my head.

And then the real pain starts. After 5 hours it was time for me to go for my appointment. My legs were super tired and starting to get sore so I was hoping that this police check thing would be over quickly. Went to the section where I was to send in my application and everything is so archaic. You take a number by taking coloured laminated cards from a tray when you walk in. The interior looks like it hasn't changed since Mahathir was in power. The only thing that I can see that was up-to-date were Tourism Malaysia posters on the twin towers and Cyberjaya. I even thought that the potted plant next to where I sat was older than me. This lady came out and started calling out numbers to get the applications for the police check and all I thought was "Oh no. Please don't tell me it is that lady." I was the fourth person called and when she asked for my documents (rather rudely of course) it turns out that I didn't have one of the documents. The documents that was stated in their site were largely inconsistent so I didn't know that I had to bring in this document which was the Australia Visa documentation. Since most Australia visas are electronic visas and attached to the passport, I thought that this wasn't going to be a problem but of course it had to be a problem. The lady said that without a physical copy of the documentation they cannot process the application. So now I am really stressed that I now need to find a place to print the documentation and God knows what other things that can go wrong.

The nearest place it turns out to be was the Australian National Library and that was a good 2+ km away. On my way to the High Commission I noticed quite a number of taxis around. But when I was in need of a fast transport to the library, no available taxi is in sight. So with my very sore legs, I brisk walked to the library. I've had so many frustrations just to get the documentation printed out in the library such as I need to have a library account with them and had some hoops to jumps through for me to do that, some of the computers there blocked GMail (wth?) and the set of computers that did work couldn't send the documents to the printer for printing. So much time lost and I wasn't even sure what sorts of surprises the High Commission are going to throw at me even when I am done. The librarian there was probably the most helpful person I've met today so I was very very grateful to him. After finally getting the things printed, again I couldn't find available taxis to get back to the High Commission as quickly as possible so I brisk walked back again. My left leg socket was starting to act up at this point which is a pretty bad sign.

Got back to the High Commission, a good 1+ hour since I was "ejected" from there, and I took a number. That number was the next number after mine which means that no one else had come for the police check since I've left and the people who were in front of me were still there. Very inefficient but that is probably good news that they are still going to entertain my application. Barely 5 minutes from arriving and getting my things sorted out, the lady saw that I came back and sounds almost frustrated that I didn't call her the minute I reached there and she sounded like she is making a very big deal out of this. At this point, the people who were in front of me went on to see the lady's boss while I sat on a chair near the lady's desk for her to sort my application stuff. In that time, her phone was ringing quite often and all of them were asking for an appointment to get the police check. How she answered them proved to me that she was that lady. I am staring at the face of evil, an evil so vile it makes your blood boil the second she utters a single word. After each call, she mumbles to herself mostly in frustration while I scan her desk to find a name for this person to remember.

Then I got into a glimpse of the "appointment management system". And true enough, it was this calendar log book filled with the names and contact numbers of those who were to come in for the police check. On each day, there were no more than 12-14 names on it and that was the definition of a full day. As I will soon discover, the way they do things around there, they could have served double the number of people and still have time for all the usual breaks and an afternoon nap. Everyone who placed an appointment for a particular day, there is only one appointment time, 9 am, regardless of whether there is no one or 10 people booked in for that day. I soon realize that you could just rock up to them without an appointment at any time they are open to submit the application and they would still accept it. They didn't check whether the person booked in for that day had arrived or rather, they didn't check that the person being served is booked in. This means that ALL of my transportation changes in the past that I had could have been avoided altogether, saving me a lot of money and hassle. I could just go there, pretending like I should be there and things would be fine. Simply and crudely put, they really didn't give a damn about appointments. Oh my blood boils.

Soon it was my turn to see the tiger lady's boss. She didn't say which room it was in. The first room with the door open I see this guy and I asked if this is where I was to go for the police check application. His first reply was "Do I look like a police officer to you?". Got stunned there for awhile because how do you reply to such questions. He did say that this was the right place and I now have a feeling that the following conversation is going to be more of an interrogation. What then happened was a series of questions that had absolutely nothing to do with what I thought a police check (or interrogation) would be like. It's almost like I was being questioned on my loyalty to the country disguised as "general knowledge" questions. Despite my really poor attempt (read: fail at Malaysian political scene) at answering the questions I was issued the certificate anyway. So confused. One more thing to do was to sign a declaration form which was handled by the tiger lady. The couple of people in front of me said that they were a bit afraid of her, out in the open that she could hear it. I think a bit was a severe understatement. So we all signed the forms and she said "You better make sure you sign and attach everything ah. You don't want to see me again or me to call you." I'm sure Death himself would sound less scary than her. And just like that, everything was done. From the time I came in (after I had all the documents) until the time I got out was no more than say 15 minutes. How on earth does 12-14 people in a day be a full day when each person takes less than 15 minutes each?

Took a cab back to the airport and I was pretty glad that I didn't take a cab when I really needed to. It is seriously expensive that it was as though the meter ticked every time I blinked. A 6.5 km journey with smooth traffic and little traffic lights costed me $21! I was nearly broke because of that. The cab driver was an interesting fellow. He was Bruneian and he has been in Australia for 37 years. Quite a nice fellow and even described that he once went to Penang from Singapore on a taxi back in the old days. This is only something I've seen in a P. Ramlee movie. But he asked a very confrontational question when he realized that I had been in Australia for 7 years which was "Why are you still holding on to your Malaysian citizenship?". I gave some lame excuse just to stop the conversation thread. I know my country has some pretty bad problems but I still don't think that it is grounds for giving it up. On that note the cab trip ended, on a weird stance. At this point I'm too tired to think about it. All I want is to collapse on my bed and sleep the rest of the day away.

Some pictures I took along my half marathon walk.

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Turns out that that was just a random stab in the dark. Secret's still safe. For now.

Compounded Disasters

2011-08-19T04:08:00.002+10:00

Don't just hate it when you make a tiny tiny mistake in the beginning of the day and slowly that mistake causes some crazy domino effect as the day progresses? You know when the next mistake becomes bigger than the next? Yours truly was involved in such a day and all for a stupid piece of paper. Which I still didn't get.

Starts at 5 am and getting ready to head to the bus station to go to the airport. A couple of seconds out of the door and I realized that I forgot my passport. No biggie, just went back in and get it out. I was aiming to reach the station in time for the 6:10 bus. But thanks to my slight lapse of forgetfulness, I missed the 6:10 bus by 10 SECONDS! No matter, the next bus at 6:20 is the latest I can take and still make it to the airport on time but with little breathing space. Took the 6:20 bus and 10 minutes into the trip I realized that I don't recognize the roads anymore. Shrug it off that maybe they had a newer, more reliable route or that it was still dark and I actually am on the right road. At the 20 minute mark when we should have seen the airport at least, there was nothing but dark flat lands with many many roundabouts. At this point I started to get worried. We finally reached the airport at 7:05 but my flight was in 10 minutes. It was only then did the bus driver announced to all of us that he had taken a longer route because there was an accident on the usual route and traffic had been piling up. Wow. He could have told us earlier instead of having my heart racing for more than half the journey. Ran to the counter and asked if I could still go in (I had no luggage to check in so this shouldn't be too bad if they let me). They radioed the people at the gate and said that the gate had just closed and the plane left the gate. So close. So I had to go and change my flight which another $50 went out of my wallet.

Not to matter because the next flight out was in an hour and can technically still make it for my appointment at the Malaysian High Commission to get a police clearance certificate. Waited there until the appointed time when it was mentioned that the flight was delayed. Still alright although the absence of an aircraft at the gate was a bit sus. 20 minutes later, we got the shocking news...the flight was CANCELLED!!! They can reschedule all our flights to one that is in 2.5 hours from then or have it cancelled and get credit. I had mine rescheduled but I need to see if I can move my appointment to a later time that day but I had to wait for about half an hour because the High Commission hasn't opened yet.

Now the High Commission call was another thing altogether. At this point I was very very annoyed about everything that happened in the past 3 hours and I dreaded calling the High Commission to reschedule. A little context here: I called them a week ago to have my appointment to come and see them and I was put through to this lady who clearly would like to receive no calls at all if at all it were possible. And based on her response and what I can hear through the telephone, it seems that the appointment management system is very archaic, a book and a pencil. And she sounds very irritated at the very least. Every appointment time I suggested, she responds with a oh-no-you-didn't-sounding "NOOoooo" (And I can probably imagine her doing this, except a much older lady who doesn't care about anything than to get back home). After 3 times, only then did she suggest a time slot but not before hearing her flipping pages on a book. After taking my contact details, she ends the phone call abruptly with a very Napoleon Dynamite "K bai!" (Now that I think of it, I think she is like the Malaysian female version of Napoleon. That would explain a lot.). And that was the first call. The second call was to change to another day for convenience. She asked me why I wanted to change the appointment time of which I should have retorted it is none of her business. But, being the very passive me, I just said it was at a better time for me. She released a huge sigh and proceeded in the same way as the first phone call, with the oh-no-you-didn't routine.

So I called the High Commission praying very hard that I will get a different person on the other line, possibly someone nicer like the lady who transferred my call to this department. Alas, Murphy tapped on my shoulder and there she was on the other line. I recognized that absence of all things good in the world and lack of enthusiasm in her tone anywhere. So I told her my situation and asked if it were possible to shift the appointment to later during the day because I can still make it with the rescheduled flight. Again, she gave the oh-no-you-didn't "No." and said something that I can't remember exactly but had something to do with it being the month of Ramadhan. Really?? The new time was to be just after noon and your reason for declining my suggestion is it is because it is Ramadhan?? You could have just said that the day is full and I would have been fine with that. At this point she said that there will only be available time slots in a month's time when Ramadhan is over. My blood was about to erupt from my skin until I hear pages flipping again and said that she can put me in next week Tuesday. What the hell was all of that talk about? (If it weren't for the fact that I am utterly incapable of dropping F-bombs, I would have dropped it there) So I took the slot, she took down my details and ended the conversation with the same "K bai!".

This made me so furious I had to take some time to calm down before I lash it on the next person who was to be the airline staff that is going to cancel my flight and issue me credit. And she was sick so I don't think she needs any more rubbish from people and certainly not from me. She was nice and had her work cut out from all the reissuing of boarding passes so I kept apologizing profusely for the trouble caused. She just reissued my boarding pass and changed my flight on the return flight and now she has to cancel all of that and reissue me credit. I felt seriously bad about it. My breakfast at the airport was sponsored by the airlines and headed back to the city on a very very gloomy day. And not even half the day has passed.

Thankfully that was the last of the frustrations for the day. Met up with a friend, accompanied my friend to run some errands which ended really smoothly, had awesome mini cupcakes and a really good pot of chamomile tea, awesome cheap sushi with white miso soup, a stroll around Costco and later a movie. I think my body couldn't keep up with the rubbish I had today that I crashed soon after for 12 hours at least.

Let's just hope that this day will not repeat itself when I go back there the next week to get that police clearance again. I don't think I can take another day of this again.

Roti Planta Dan Satu Setengah Jam

2011-08-16T17:19:00.000+10:00

Friday night. Drinks and late night nom. Good. 40 minutes of sleep. Bad.

Saturday goes right up to the list of craziest days ever. Woke up barely an hour into sleeping and walked 3 km to the IELTS test centre. Did my test, had coffee, spoke rubbish, had lunch, walked 5 km to sit in at a friend's concert. Had 4 pieces in the concert with Carl Vine's Piano Concerto being my favourite. The music was very very vivid, so much so that for all three movements I imagine environments that matches the music. Very wintery feeling. Dinner, crash at a friend's place for TV and some rather strange wine before driving off to Laverton and back. Supper and clean church to finish off the day. Brain dead.

Sunday. Played for first and second service in church. And then started what was to be a 5 hour conversation among some friends from high school. Everything from talking about the good old days, how Malaysian education really is not that bad but gave up trying to convince people, Malaysian politics, my memorized account of what happened to my PhD, arguments for and against going back home and many other random things. So much fun catching up with them and great to hear some of their stories.

Monday. A continuation of yesterday's set of conversations but this time for 8 hours, hopping from one place to another, eating from one place to another. So much fat and sugar consumed but necessary for the ongoing talk *post-justification*.

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I find it interesting how we can learn to pick up non-verbal facial cues from friends we know for a long time and decipher it before a single word was uttered. Even when there is insufficient context present such as a sudden change in topic, one can still pick out what the other is going to say. I find this quite fun to do especially when you have to call their bluff. Reminds me a lot about the psychology experiment we had to do in my first year.

Also the other thing that I like to play with other people is Chicken. I do this a lot with my sister and she likes playing it too (metaphorically of course. We don't literally drive cars into each other). There are some people that I will never play this with because I know I'll lose but for most I'll pose the challenge. Great way to call someone's bluff and to extract information from others too. Most pull out at the last minute but a few brave ones will press on. In conversations, the brave ones are the ones who will generate excellent material for which I would be very grateful that they didn't chicken out. Ironically I'm pretty bad at this game when I use it in poker.

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Having a new perspective is always an eye-opening experience, you get to see things that you sometimes miss even after having spent much time on a subject. Outsiders poking fun at other people are sometimes the best. A friend who studied in Singapore for high school makes the funniest comments and when he throws Malay language into the mix, it cracks the rest of the Malaysians up while stunning the Singaporeans. Makes me feel slightly better that my official result of C5 in Malay for SPM has not gone entirely to waste.

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Had another poke (actually more like a hard elbow to the side). Feels different from the other pokes I've had before. This was actually serious. Huh.

Judging Books By Their Covers

2011-08-04T03:56:00.000+10:00

The past week or so I've been reading this wonderful book by the Nobel prize winning theoretical physicist Richard Feynman whom I have great respect for when it comes to the education of science and math. Well it isn't exactly written by him but rather transcribed by a friend who recorded these stories over a seven year period. It tells the stories of different periods of time in his life up to a few years after he has won the Nobel prize in physics for his contribution to quantum electrodynamics. Each of these stories have a lot of humour in it and as you read on, you'll find that this man is quite extraordinary even outside the realm of his expertise, both academically and in personality.

One of the things that you will pick is that a lot of his peers were always saying that it is in Feynman's character that he can pretty much bluff his way out of anything or pretend to know something. And there is a pretty good mix within the stories of him professing to know and actually does and him professing to know but actually doesn't and yet still manages to get lucky. So it is of little wonder that you begin to suspect that some of the stories that he tells in the book seem a tad made up for it to be true. Unlike the stereotypical view of how most of us view professors of advanced physics, he is highly extroverted, very adventurous and, probably the most unlikely thing, being some kind of a prankster. But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction and quite often times funnier than anything made up (anyone who has heard the tale of my second mugging might be a glimpse into this phenomenon). So I choose to believe that he really is telling the truth without any exaggerations in his tales. He really is a very rich character, a rather street smart boy who grew up during the Depression in Brooklyn coupled with great understanding of how things work as well as being a rather cheeky man.

It's not until the later parts of his life where things really catch my eye. He went through many problems in his life and I was surprised to see how many of these problems that were around in say the late 50s to mid 60s are the same problems I see today, in one form or another. Two of the issues that I know very well both have to do with education. One was how appalling science was being taught when he was visiting Brazil during his sabbatical year and the other was how textbooks were written poorly. The former reminded me a lot about how science and math was taught back home, and I dare say Singapore as well though to a slightly lesser degree. There is a real gap between the technical definitions and jargon used and the real world connection that is lacking in the educating the future scientists and mathematicians. Many lose heart and even more hate these subjects because teachers mainly teach them that it is to pass the test at the end of the year, having zero idea that the seemingly abstract concept has everything to do with that digital content. And that was the situation going on in Brazil when Feynman visited them. The latter is a very bad attempt to fix the former. In the spirit of bridging the gap between real world science and school textbooks, "real world" type problems are inserted in the textbooks but get the focus totally wrong. Worse still, definitions are not accurate, if not wrong, "experimental" data fudged to give the exact answer are examples of dumbing down the science (or sometimes rebranding science) in order to feel like they are closing the gap between theory and reality. Now a decade into the 21st century and I'm still seeing these same problems around, more embarrassingly back home. Of course the principles here don't just surface on education but other areas as well but that would be another story. Another small thing was how he was dealing with legalistic rabbis in training, himself brought up in a Jewish background. Again very interesting to see such behaviour around after millennia of legalistic practice which helps bring to light really just how the Pharisees might have worked in the Bible.

This is one of those books that I know I should have read it ages ago but just never got down to doing it. Whenever I hear someone who had read the book, I immediately get all excited but actually never read the book and so I pulled a Feynman, faking that I've actually read the book. So far I got lucky. But the other interesting thing that I noticed was that of all the friends that I knew had read this book were mostly girls. Even though that these girls, whom as far as I know, had some sort of connection with Feynman's character or even what he used to do, it's still something I wouldn't have expected. But it is also perhaps a testament of his story telling abilities. It's akin to having that uncle of yours sit down after dinner telling you stories of his youth and you just sit there so interested in how he tells his story even if you don't know exactly what some of the words mean. Perhaps it is also why they liked the book. Or maybe they liked his physics. By the way, the girls who read the book were pretty geeky in their own way. Geeks are like hipsters. Both think they are cool and both love things before they become mainstream. I'm all about the geek.

It's a good book for light reading with the occasional skipping of jargon mentioned in the book for those whose brain will shut down at the sound or sight of a science-y word. Most of the time it will not affect the stories. And if you can imagine him telling you the stories in his distinctly Brooklyn accent, that would be most helpful.

Chicken Soup for the Reality Television Viewer's Soul

2011-07-28T03:34:00.002+10:00

Masterchef is coming to a close soon with the finals week around the corner. It's been a rather interesting season not so much of the contestants, their character, their personality that they bring to the competition but more of the people watching the show. As I've said earlier that this season's contestants are quite bland compared to the previous seasons and not too many innovative ideas from them too. But there is no doubt that these guys are probably the most privileged group of them all, presumably because of the enormous budget they have manage to garner over the past two seasons plus some clever networking, to meet their food idols (and certainly mine) and to pick their brains. I'd honestly give a whole lot to experience what these fellows experienced because it is a once in a lifetime opportunity (as cliche as that sounds) because even high ranking chefs do not get such privileges.

Over the course of the show, many people who have watched along side with me have very expressive opinions and emotions, even more so this season. Shall not name names but I think it is fairly easy to say who people hate given a quick glance at what has been said out there. Some of my friends have expressed their distaste towards some contestants very clearly and sounded like they are going to break up their friendship with you should you decide to give the impression that you are on the dark side. And of course there are many reasons why they have such loathesome feelings towards the contestants such as "He/She cannot cook, so why is he/she still here?", "He/She is sooooo annoying!" and in some cases citing expletives that are probably not kosher here.

Going one step further to explain "anomalies", some give speculation as to why that contestant is still in the competition. This of course ranges from the show being rigged to favour some people (for example, the Immunity Challenges) and all the way to it is all about marketing. Rigged because there are many occasions that contestants fail to cook anything above average, to put it nicely and yet they are still barely surviving, somehow managing to overthrow season favourites. Marketing because in the end the winner has to sell a good cookbook and possibly more from other avenues like TV and magazines. Of course, it can be both which seems to be what the majority of some of my friends have taken up.

Call me naive and/or overly simplistic but I choose not to adhere to the above mentioned reasons for some anomalous contestants remain in the competition. At least, to a very large extent. How I pass judgment is based on one principle which happens to be a chef-y one, that you are only as good as your last dish. No other dish in the past, no matter how disasterous they are, simply will not matter. You may have cooked several thousands of bad dishes but if you so happen to make a stellar dish, you get praised. To put it in the negative way, this is mostly true in the culinary world, all it needs to tarnish an image is one bad review from just one setting. This of course should not be the case if one wants to be truely objective in their judgment but alas, it is not.

While I'm certainly no judge in the competition nor am I one of the tasters, you can tell a lot about a dish just based on visual textures and even the technique used in the competition (unless you are of the conspiracy theoretic skeptics that say everything is redone until they conform to the producers secret grand master plan to milk the Masterchef cash cow, then I have nothing more to say). Ultimately taste will be the deciding factor which I will leave it to the judges for their criticism, there is no other way. Based on that one principle above, the overall look and the criticism of the judges, I've correctly guessed the winners and losers most of the time without having these notions of contestant annoyances and predisposition to hate/love one over the other. It is so hard to convince people that the decision is right when the person they hate gets praised for a good dish that I've almost given up trying. Bear in mind that the show was pre-recorded and of course some heavy editing would be applied, so it can make any likeable person into the most hated person on television as rather evident from the very first season. But the sad thing is that people are drawn by the drama and the theatre of reality television when, ironically, does not represent all of reality on the television screen. It is hard to be objective when viewing a reality television series because of the emotional bias that comes into play. This is why I mostly hate reality television shows, the unnecessary play on emotions when it does not reflect reality.

Then why is Masterchef (or even the new Renovators) different? Am I being hypocritical? I still hate the drama and play on our rage that this show produces but I channel all my focus to the one real aspect of the show: food (design in the Renovators case). It is exceedingly hard to lie through the process of food even more so when the emphasis is to produce restaurant quality dishes. Focusing on being objective with respect to an element that is hard to fake is the only means of maintaining some form of sanity when watching shows like these, rather that to be caught up with the theatrics of emotion based on something that is most likely edited out of context. And I suspect I am quite alone in this category (as with most other things).

I'd like to suggest some things to think about that emerges from this analyses of approaches to the highly watched show. Most of us who can at least manage a simple stir fry would at some stage cooked for friends or relatives.

Would we judge a friend who has had their serious fare share of failures before producing one good dish as how we judge a contestant in a similiar position?
Is it helpful to maintain two separate acts of judgment, one for our friends and one for the unknown person who is cooking our meals ie. should we maintain a bias towards our friends to be a little sugar coated (and sometimes ignorant) in our criticisms while being very harsh on a stranger?
Shouldn't we just develop one standard on how we criticize without being biased in a way that is always appropriate for the occasion?

If I were judged as harshly for my kitchen failures as the contestants, I'd have zero friends. If you sugar coat your criticisms or even not acknowledge the flaws I've made (which I probably would have accepted already), I probably wouldn't think highly of you. Most importantly, if you show two standards of judgment, how can you be sure that you will not pass judgment reserved for another group to me and vice versa? How can I be sure?

Not that simple, eh? This criticism beast.

PS. We are all entitled to our own opinions, certainly not restricted to contestants of a reality television competition. What I'm not suggesting is that there is one answer to who makes it to the next round and I am here to assert that statement and that I am the all-righteous, all-seeing being. What I am suggesting is to look beyond the appearances of the editing and find objective reasons for your opinion. Whining on the basis that a person is portrayed as annoying isn't objective.

PSS. The Renovators are by the same people that brought Masterchef. Same dramatic tones, same epic suspenseful background music style. So observations here should be transferable to The Renovators. Careful now people, design is even grayer than food. Not that I know anything about design.

6 Easy Pieces

2011-07-22T02:14:00.003+10:00

Life outside uni has been very slack even though there are quite a number of things for me to do. With next week being the start of the second semester, I really really want to be back in uni. Perhaps I'll try and sneak into a couple of lectures because unlike most people I know, I prefer to be sheltered in the confines of academic life than the complexities of working and making money. Basically, I need someone to tell me what to do and say I'll earn assignment marks for it. Almost like a game. In some strange way.

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Recently been reacquainted with Disney animated movies and while it has been nostalgic it also further reinforces the fact that Disney still gives unreasonable expectations of love. One that has been blindingly obvious in a lot of these movies is the aspect of love at first sight and they are everywhere. But one that took me this long to realize is that there is a ridiculous amount of flirting as well. If you don't exclaim "Damn you Disney!" I don't know what will. Vote of no confidence for yours truly.

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I am starting to get really annoyed with the whole Games for Windows Live thing. Recently bought Bioshock 2 and gameplay plus storyline has been great so far. Played for a few hours until I realized that I cannot save the game because in order for me to save the game I need to have a profile and connected to the internet. This is not an online multiplayer game (largely) so why do I need to be connected? And so because of that I just lost hours of gameplay. The worst part? The Live component needs to be updated but so far the update process has been unsuccessful so far. And it discontinued riiiiigggghhhhttt at the last moment before download is completed.

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A friend and I have been updating each other whenever a friend of ours became engaged. Because the number of engagement announcements on both our Facebook accounts are starting to get pretty unreal. And it has been unreal for the past year or so. I'm at the age where these sorts of things are fairly common but my friend had it pretty early for her age. This means that soon people (other than my rather nosy mother's-side-relatives) will start poking me about when is it my turn. I'm running out of "*points* Isn't this the best <insert item> you've ever seen? Omg." excuses already. Heck I've even got one poke recently (yes, I'm looking at you, E) and so these sorts of poking might start to gather momentum to other people.

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I think I'm a very boring person. Discuss.

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Feel like I need to do more physics on the side. Quantum mechanics books to spare, anyone?

4b

2011-07-19T01:47:00.003+10:00

Second half of the DVDs. Finished watching them for some time now. Top to bottom.

Kick-Ass - Another comic/graphic novel adaptation in the same year as the awesome Scott Pilgrim. Didn't realize that it is actually quite violent and adult-theme-ish than I expected it to be. In fact, the comic series is even worse. Still pretty good with all it's comic book colours and narration but I'd still pick Scott Pilgrim anytime. It's more geek.
Dave Chappelle's Block Party - Documentary on Dave setting up a block party in New York, him meeting the different people involved whether on stage or behind the scenes or even just the people living around the area where the block party is located. Mainly about the artists that performed at the party than anything else so I guess this is more of a music DVD rather than comical antics of Dave. Though I may not fully appreciate rap (especially the rap of today) I can certain appreciate their groove. They have always been the masters of groove.
Dead Space Downfall - EA Games sanctioned two feature length animations to be produced around their critically acclaimed game Dead Space. This is the first one transcribing the events before the beginning of the game in Dead Space. This is supposed to explain a little bit more about what had happened on board the Planet Cracker Ishimura that was the basis of the game. Having played this game, this really falls flat in its purpose. There is nothing really new on offer in the animation so the whole animation feels very redundant. No plasma cutters. No rough investigation why the aliens fall quickly if you dismember them. And certainly nothing new about the Captain. If you've played the game, don't bother. Otherwise, don't bother either.
Spaced - This short series supposedly launched the career of Simon Pegg all about living in a rather dysfunctional apartment building. It took a long time for the series to warm up to me but some funny stuff in it if you persevere. One really cool thing about the DVDs are the added subtitle option called the "Homage-O-Meter" which lists down every film, TV, comic and gaming reference made in the series. That just tickles my inner geek.
Fallen Angels - Wong Kar Wai. Again. This was supposedly the third story in my favourite Kar Wai film Chungking Express but was cut out because it was starting to get a bit too long and later decided to remake it into one film. In the same overall style of Chungking Express, there are a couple of stories that are intermingled loosely with one another. Much more noir (side note: I think really good noir story telling on film is a dying art. Such a shame) which I absolutely love and he ups the cinematography by mainly filming on a ultra-wide lens. But the stories don't quite flow nicely like Chungking or say Days of Being Wild and slightly confuses me a bit. Being the third storyline of Chungking, you'll see familiar places here from Chungking which I guess is nice.
How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying - This is the film version of the 1961 Broadway musical about a man who climbs the corporate ladder as fast as he can with as little effort as possible. Quite entertaining but I get the feeling that there's something missing which I'd probably say the feel of the stage. Without me watching the stage version, I'd probably say it would have been a lot different and probably a lot more enjoyable. Of course there are things for me to like, for example 60's colours and motives and fashion (still love it) and songs. Robert Morse's performance is great as the quirky man seeking corporate success.
Transamerica - This film touches on so many taboo topics on gender and sexuality that one can not stop and think about the issues that surround it. But the film isn't about those issues but the simple coming of age story. Felicity Huffman's performance was really good and you can hardly believe your ears when she speaks in this ridiculously low voice in the film and eyes as how she portray herself as this person in transition from being a man to a woman. It is hard not to see why she was nominated for Best Actress in the Golden Globes (which she won) and the Academy awards.
Oklahoma! - Another great musical on film. Many memorable songs here and has good storyline to boot. It seems though that the theme here is that if you like a girl you'd be persistent in making fun of her/bicker at her and likewise. If I did that, I'd most certainly be dead. Shirley Jones is so pretty but the character I liked the most was the one who played Aunt Eller. For some reason she looked more like an Ethel to me. Anyway, great musical.
Crash - Another really good film on racism told by several smaller stories intertwined together (I seem to have a knack for films like these, don't I?). The subject of racism is not new and probably will continue to affect most of our lives, indirectly or not. This film merely highlight some of the actions we take when we are confronted by a person of another colour or race. If we were really honest with ourselves, we are all guilty of this in one way or another which is what makes this film so confronting.

Half Russian

2011-07-11T04:05:00.001+10:00

So one day I got up and decided to fish out the old and seemingly working rangefinder that I got from a friend who went to St. Petersburg last year. I have never used it since so I decided to rock up to Big W and bought a Kodak Ultramax 400, load the camera and start shooting. What makes it even more interesting is that, unlike all the other cameras I own, this has no light metering whatsoever. Which means I have to make an educated guess on assessing the available light. To add another level of complexity, this rangefinder only has 4 shutter speeds to choose from and the aperture can be adjusted continuously (unlike discrete jumps in most cameras) and as an obvious point, manual focus with no indication of the focus plane. As if it wasn't challenging enough, the day that I decided to shoot just so happened to be overcast which means the time tested Sunny f16 Rule just became the not so used I-Think-It's-This-Kind-Of-Overcast-f6.3 "Rule". All of this thinking, "Is this camera properly light sealed? Is 1/60th setting really firing at 1/30th?" etc. Yeah, I tend to pick the most complicated things to do at the worst times. Also evident when I decide to try something radically different cooking.

What came out of that was surprising to say the least. All but one of the shots were exposed properly though some are a little overexposed. I didn't manage to use all of the film because the winding mechanism got wonky at one stage that I thought I had finished the film already. And so here are the Big W processed, untouched save cropping the half frames and rotating, rubbishly scanned shots.

4a

2011-07-02T02:28:00.001+10:00

Half of what I should be watching. Other half to come soon. From left to right.

Army Daze - Hilarious film on what goes on during the Singapore National Service's Basic Military Training. This was a film that was recommended to me countless times by Singaporeans (mostly guys, not surprisingly) ever since I step foot in Melbourne. The only thing that I was a little unhappy about was the character of Kenny and his predicament. I think it's a pretty important one to address but it felt like it was an afterthought and gone in a flash. Despite the film being over 15 years old, I wonder if the problems highlighted here are still relevant today in Singapore, though I'm pretty sure at least one of them are. Wonder why it took so long for me to watch this.
Brick Lane - One of those novel to silverscreen adaptations. Like all such films I've seen, I've actually never read the novel so I cannot say anything about its faithfulness to the novel. Very good cinematography and very vibrant although it is meant to be a film about the struggle between what you want versus the reality of things. The married couple here seem to resemble a lot like my family at some point in time. Even the husband acts eerily similiar to my dad and how their children act a lot like my sister and I back then. Lots of issues I see in the film, I can see in my family which makes this film quite relevant to me.
The Usual Suspects - I am a total sucker for good sting-type films. All I need is a well crafted story that has only one but pivotal plot twist and I'm a happy man. This ticks all the right boxes for me. My brain exploded when the film ended and had to take a moment to recompose myself and analyze it again to make sure I understood it correctly. That's the mark of me enjoying such movies like Memento, Saw etc. Must watch.
Pan's Labyrinth - When this was first released I was put off by the title and bits of pieces of the trailer which felt like it's another Alice In Wonderland type story. Boy was I wrong. It is still a children's story of sorts but waaaaay darker and quite graphic as well (read: don't watch, children. Until you are older). I guess you can think of it as a mix between Princess Diaries and American McGee's Alice. Great stuff.
Bambi - One of the few Disney animations I haven't watched. Very little dialogue, lots of orchestral pieces and lots of detail. Quite Fantasia-esque in many ways and no doubt very similiar to a lot of the Disney shorts around that time. This has got to be the bottom of the barrel as far as Disney's reputation for giving unreasonable expectations of love. Anthropomorphized wild animals in love. Even wimpy humans like me are jealous. Damn you Disney. Other than that, if you liked old Disney shorts (and I mean pre-50's) or Fantasia, you'd like this as well.
Dancer in the Dark - There are very few films that evoke strong raw emotion from me other than the "Hmmm. Interesting." and this has now entered those ranks. I draw parallels with an animation that gave me roughly the same emotions which was Grave of the Fireflies. Both portrays an overall sad feeling to the story but in both cases I didn't see it as sad but rather filled with utter frustration and a bit of anger. Both films' main characters are overly protective to the point where it is blindingly painful to watch their impending destruction. Both highlights innocence in very difficult and harsh environments. And in both films I cannot analyze the films until much later because I was filled with the above mentioned frustration and anger at the characters. This, I think, is what all films should be like if plot is to be the centre piece. That a work of fiction should evoke emotion from the characters and not just the airy-fairy sugar-coated emotions like romantic love. Because it keeps it real even though it's just fiction.
Traffic - Way too similiar to Babel in its story telling with very minor differences. If you've watched one, there's really nothing new in the other generally apart from the different issues each represents. What is worth noting is the film editing. Traffic makes heavy use of colour temperature and tinting to differentiate between different locations (to be more precise, colour temperature changes as a function of lattitude). Their film effects also make the film have a rather noir-ish feel which fits in with Traffic. Not that Babel should have done these things because they didn't need to. Their respective locations already did that. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'd still say watch it though it is about as slow as Babel so stay awake. By the way, Michael Douglas in aviator Ray Bans = kick-ass awesome.
Needing You - Sometimes we all feel like a brainless TVB-ish rom-com (or is it just me?). This ticked all of the requirements and was okay up till the last half an hour or so. There are like some major holes in the plot just so they can get the guy and the girl together. It's like they ran out of steam (or drunk?) and storyboarded the first thing that came to mind. That just sucks. And this was the highest grossing local film that year contending with John Woo's MI2? Really now. Side note: Sammi Cheng is purdy.

July Camp. Part time. First time.

I'm starting to hate the post-uni mode. With all the residency issues and job search and all my other issues simmering over this pot, I feel like a failure. The only thing that will make me feel good is when I can get a permanent residency or a job. For some reason I doubt the former will come to pass. I should be preparing for the worst where all the hard work of studying the Masters goes to waste and back at square one having "squandered" 2 years and thousands of dollars in money that I don't own. That is starting to look very real to me.

Man Down, I Repeat, Man Down

2011-06-27T15:53:00.002+10:00

So the exams are done and thank goodness it is over now. Very unmotivated to study which comes as a consequence of a very unmotivated semester. So unmotivated in fact that I went out to watch the lunar eclipse the morning that I have an exam, eclipse > exam. Meh. Well, moving on to job searching and the whole TR/PR debacle. Now time to answer the next most important question: Which game sequel should I play first? Starcraft 2, Bioshock 2, Dead Space 2 or Portal 2?

Another person got put down in the battlefield of potential relationships and clearly that was hard. Even though the friend was quite cool enough to joke about it with us, it's still not a cool thing to have your hopes dashed on the rocks. When I was asked for advice, I gave what any 27-year-old who is very clueless about relationships would give, utter rubbish nothings. In fact I think I was rather cynical in a rather joking manner now that I think about it. The position my friend was in looks vaguely similiar to where I was 5+ years ago except for one minor detail.

My friend went all in.

Even now, I still have a problem of risk and will not take action until I'm absolutely sure that it is not going to blow up in my face. Of course, there are many such times where it did blow up despite my rather detailed cost-benefit analyses which further reinforces my habit. This is something that I still struggle to do, to act in a high stakes gamble (this is why I suck at games of chance such as dice games or poker) so for my friend to put his heart on the line is something I salute, because it is something that I very rarely do. The downside to this is that I will kick myself every time I seem to miss the opportunity. But so far, most of the time as the missed opportunity unfolds, my inaction has been justified. I am not the right person or someone else is the better person. And of course that just adds to the reliance of analysis.

I once had a comment from a friend a long time ago, back when I was at my cooking/baking prime, that said "If I was a girl, I'd marry you". While that was mildly creepy at the least, I also thought it was a whole lot of nonsense because if that were the case, I can name many more people who should be on the married list above me and like me, isn't married. Granted that while that friend of mine was merely praising the qualities that "might get the girls", all I hear is the nonsense. Now back to my heartbroken friend, my first instinct was to do what my friend said to me but then I realize what rubbish it was and so I swung to the other end which, on hindsight, isn't a great deal better either. Unfortunately, if given the chance to go back in time and change what I said, I actually don't know what else to say. Mainly because I have absolutely no experience precisely because I'm a total coward. But that's another big story altogether.

There are many such "nice guys" as so aptly framed by the ~~stupid~~ brilliant people at Wong Fu Productions (although not always having that happy ending) like my heartbroken friend of mine. I'll finish with this newspaper blog post on the same subject. Though neither I nor my friend are not exactly in James' position in the post, there are many things that certainly I can identify with and have experienced. Heck even my sister is bugging me that I'm a good catch (blah blah blah) and that she wants nieces and nephews because she says she's too chicken to have her own kids ( ! ). I suspect she's sick of me being around at home =P. We all ask the same question "What is wrong with us if we are the "nice guys" and are a "good catch" but get nothing what was "promised" by the friends?". O noes! We iz duumd! sez teh geekcat.

Ok, enough of this silly nonsense. Back to DVD marathon. And game sequels. And pool. I need more pool.

A New Beginning

2011-06-19T04:45:00.006+10:00

People have talked about the miracle of birth since forever, especially the first time parents. They will tell you that it is absolutely amazing that two people can produce something so beautiful. While those who have never experienced parenthood have some idea of that miracle when their friends or relatives gave birth and see the joy that the parents have and the little bundle of joy that came as a result of the parents, I'm pretty sure that there is a whole other dimension of that joy that we singletons will not get until we actually get there ourselves.

This was quite evident when I visited a friend who just gave birth to their first child today. The hospital was quite a new environment for me, having been there only once prior to the visit in Australia. And not to mention have never been to the maternity ward apart from when my sister was born. And needless to say, I have not held a newborn ever, not that I'm phobic about babies. Seeing my friend, her husband and the newborn is indeed a very special occasion and there is enough happiness and cuteness to overfill the room. I'm pretty sure the parents felt something of a higher level than what we are feeling.

So all of us took turns holding the baby and of course like most things, I opt to go last. Holding a newborn for the first time and staring into its beautiful eyes, you feel happiness unlike any other. That was something to behold and I can tell you, there are not many such events that give you such a feeling. And I can understand how parents can seem to hold their babies for the longest time because honestly, you cannot stop looking at the baby. It is a human being at its purest (so to speak) and at its most innocent. That moment simply needs to be cherished. Of course, I'm not the parent so obviously I can't do that but that's probably enough of a glimpse into the inner workings of the proud parents.

Some of you may know that I have always been a sucker for having daughters. No idea why. But holding my friend's first son, that preference of mine does not seem to matter anymore. You just love whoever he/she is that you are cradling. It's like you are thanking God for bringing this person into the world and regardless of gender, you still feel very proud for this person. Having said that, I still would like to have daughters. Just that if/when the time comes, it is not going to matter or rather, of little significance.

Sorry. Feeling a bit cluckish.

-------------------------------------------
It's been close to a week since the event and I'm still finding out more about the history of it all. Felt kinda weird talking about it though I try to conceal my awkwardness. But the issue that I have to grapple with in light of the new information coming in has been interesting to say the least. It seem to highlight my failures even more, that going for it was an uphill battle from the very beginning even though it didn't feel like it then.

And so a question. If your good friend has said to a couple well on the way to marriage that they were meant to be, with one of them being the person that you used to go out with, even before you went out with the person in question, how would you have deciphered that statement?
a) That's just a nice-thing-to-say kinda statement. No biggie.
b) The statement was well-meant and mutter quietly "Pfft. Whatever."
c) The statement was well-meant and confront the friend "Why didn't you talk to me about it then? Could have saved us a lot of time/trouble."
d) Realize that you are a complete failure
e) Trick question! The real answer is 4 sheep, 5 elephants and 42.

To give you time to think, here's the awesome Neil Patrick Harris and Hugh Jackman at the Tony Awards.

For extra time, NPH in the opening sequence for the Tony Awards.

Hint: It's the most common vowel in English alphabet...

Life's a Hard Teacher, Ain't It?

2011-06-15T03:31:00.001+10:00

Given that I will finish everything in about a week, there's some room for reflection. Which is both good and bad. Good that at least I have a chance to have a look at the big picture and remind myself what's ahead or what has become, bad because in most cases it leaves me in a very uncertain state and often times it bugs me to sleep and then some. And I did say I was going to expound on certain things the last time.

The past couple of months have been rather eventful, not for me unfortunately. Unless you count assignment work eventful. Right now, all I'm seeing is that dozens of people have moved so far ahead of their lives, it seems that I've barely left the starting line. People my age and younger are starting to own their own houses, the countless number of friends getting engaged/married, owning their own cars, jobs and some are well on their way to starting their own families. I'm of course happy for all of above mentioned people but it is hard for a person in my position to not feel even the slightest bit of envy. There is a natural drive within all of us that wants to achieve some of the big things humans can ever do. Call it what you like, the 5Cs as some Singaporeans might be familiar with or the 5 milestones I've talked about before, we all still want to achieve those measures and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to. Even though I'm on the brink of finishing my course and ready to go on to whatever rat race I've been placed it, I can't help but think how much time have I lost and not have the so-called security net of these things.

Let's face it, no one wants to be left behind of the pack because it is a pretty lonely place back there. I've been there for far too long. But perhaps I've been held back for good reason, reasons that are yet to unfold before my eyes. Also let's hope that with the benefit of hindsight that some valuable lessons can be learned before regret starts to creep in.

Speaking of lessons learned, one that I'm only just starting to unpack, came about a couple of days ago. It's not so much of a lesson learned right there and then but it was a slow work in progress that stretched to over 3 years. Some of you might know of the event that started all the way back then and of course how it ended. But what nearly all of you didn't know is that before it all began, I was actually quite determined to not let it happen. There were certain cues which gave me the feeling that this isn't something that I should pursue. But effectively because of a miscommunication (of course I didn't know this until much later), my guard fell and I went for it despite my gut telling me otherwise. So things went very fast and very furious and knowing me, anything that I do fast is bound to crash and burn. And so it did. Too many mistakes made, some so big that for a long time I couldn't forgive myself. Fast forward to present day, after a recent event, sealed what is to be the longest lesson served up to me thus far. Holding up your guard and keep watch are so important but if it does fall, one should act appropriately and not that of a crazed gung-ho self-confident hero. I failed on both accounts. Let's just hope that I don't go the opposite direction and shell up. I feel as though I'm starting to do that already.

On a separate note, I find it slightly funny though that in the midst of all of events that happened in the past 3 years, the one totally unrelated stranger whom I've expressed all of my concerns then turned out to be rather influential in the events leading up to a couple days ago. What are the odds of that? This seemingly small, quirky thing actually ends up being one of the major players that led me to my moment of epiphany about this rather long lesson of mine. There are many more things that I've yet to discover about this so there's more to learn. Better late learning them then never.

What do I know about love? *shrugs* Apparently not enough.

------------------------------------
Something uplifting after that dense but slightly vague post, Kristin Chenoweth sings about life in an apartment. She's so pint-sized and cute.

Not Safe For Cooking

2011-06-01T00:09:00.004+10:00

And so, the last assignment of the uni course has been submitted. Huge relief and burden lifted off my shoulders. Even with the exams coming up in 2 weeks time, I am absolutely not worried about them because the types of questions they ask are quite trivial. And I know what you are thinking. No.

I have to say that this semester was quite a disappointment despite the enormous amount of work that I have to do for it. Firstly, a subject on algorithms was so tame despite having a history for giving really challenging assignments that I figured I shouldn't have done it at all. There were other subjects in the past that demonstrated higher level algorithms than this subject taught. I can't really blamed the lecturer for making this move to make it brain-dead easy because the students in the class were really immature and irresponsible that left the lecturer with no choice but to dumb it down lest he was willing to fail more than 60% of the class. Waste of time #1. Secondly, a subject on secure electronic commerce (you know, the stuff that enables you to shop online without worrying your bank account hacked) is also remarkably tame. I took this subject on the advice of a friend who did the subject previously saying that there is a ton of stuff to learn over another subject I was considering. The assignments again barely put up a challenge and to be honest, I don't think I learned that much from it. Waste of time #2. And finally, a subject on mobile and wireless computing. While I realize that it is highly beneficial in this era where mobile devices are going to overtake desktop computers, there is very little emphasis on relatively up-to-date technology. Have I learned anything? Yes, but I say just minimally relevant. Waste of time #2.5.

But what is done, is done. Now on to the next hard thing, to get a job and some legal paper that says I can work.

In other news, Masterchef season is back and everyone's getting stoked about food once again. Contestants this time aren't as colourful as the previous seasons but the show kinda makes up for it in the things the contestants have to do. Somewhat related to food, I saw an episode where Gordon Ramsay toured South East Asia to learn more about styles and techniques used in these countries. So when he paid a visit to Malaysia, I'm naturally curious about what he thinks about Malaysian food. Because it's Gordon Ramsay, the following videos are probably NSFW. Plus hilarity ensues. And those reading this from Facebook, you really shouldn't be reading stuff here, embedded stuff doesn't show on Notes. Click "View Original Post" at the bottom to come to the blog and stay there.
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Rarely do I hear American or European chefs mention anything about Malaysian food. They can be very knowledgeable about Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese and Indian food but nothing registers on Malaysian food. The only comment I've heard about Malaysian food from a Westerner is Gary Mehigan from Masterchef. He seems to have some idea about what Malaysian food is about but even then I suspect that he doesn't really know the whole picture yet.

While this episode is funny on several levels, there's something I think many people will overlook. Mainly because of his hilarious attempt at pronouncing Malay phrases. His approach to something completely foreign got me thinking. And you know what that means...long analyses to come.

Watching the episode, you can see how Gordon struggles to come to terms with the idea of Malaysian food. Chefs, more specifically Western chefs, are trained to be precise with their measurements to maintain balance of flavours in their food. So when faced with the idea that most cooking in Malaysian households pride themselves to cook as they go, or a term used in the episode "agak-agak" (roughly translated, roughly), people get lost. At this point I finally understood why my dad and my Penang relatives never really have recipes for their awesome nyonya dishes whereas we younger generation are so obsessed by having a recipe. It is of course all to do with the convenience and the apparent fail-safe notion of a recipe because we want results , we want them now and we want them good. And with the big boom in cooking shows and reality cooking competitions, the importance of having a recipe has skyrocketed in value. Today, when you cook a dish that is fantastic the first thing friends do is ask for the recipe.

I'm not saying that recipes are bad but I think the over-dependence of recipes is bad. Recipes are a bit like the user manual that come with a computer, they tell you what to do with your computer but there is so much that you can do with it that is not listed in the manual. And of course, there are techniques that can be highly useful but not emphasized in the manual because of the nature of a manual. Likewise with cooking and recipes, there is so much more to just reading the instructions that you can do with food to create new and interesting dishes. So how should we approach cooking then if the idea is not on recipes?

For Gordon it is a bit of an advantage for him being trained as a chef but let me spell it out for you. Taste. Texture. Technique. Taste is oh so important and one that we all can quickly identify as a big part of liking a dish and of course criticize. The balance of sweet, sour, salty, umami, bitter, spicy, tartness etc is key for a delicious dish. But the lesser know thing to take with is knowledge of flavour pairings, what goes well with what. That I think is an underrated skill to have and as important, if not more, to have than a refined taste especially when you are doing the cooking. That is of course hard to get it right and requires lots of experience since there is a combinatorial explosion of possibilities of pairings but there are some things that can help reduce the possibilities down a bit with some taste fundamentals.

Texture. Crunchy, silky smooth, creamy, melt-in-your-mouth, firm, juicy, hot, cold, "bite". Vocabulary to describe textures when eating something. Again I think it is one of those underrated skills to have. It is one of those things that you subconsciously knew when munching on that kangkong belachan. Without the dried shrimp or the fried shallots added to it, you knew that something was missing. Even if you manage to encapsulate the flavours of the dried shrimp and fried shallots in the dish without actually using the actual items, you'd still think that something is missing. Something crunchy is needed, something of a firmer texture is needed. Well trained chefs have always had the need to think about textures just as important as the taste itself. That doesn't mean that simple cooks like us can't think about it as well.

Technique. The toolbox for realizing the taste and textures of a dish. Everyone using a recipe will definitely encounter a technique to preparing a dish as stated in the step by step manual. But, yet again the lesser known skill under this umbrella is how and why do they work. You can think of technique as the scientist in the room, together with the art critic (taste) and the fashion designer (texture). If you don't understand how a technique works and why, you'd only know how to use it under one or two circumstances. That is if everything works. Knowing how and why it doesn't work is just as useful as how and why it does work. That is a broader and encompassing thing to have rather than following the technique steps on a recipe.

These three things combined well will almost always create a spectacular dish. Of course easier said then done, but at least there is a plan. While there is still merit in being very precise about your measurements (like in molecular gastronomy, if you are not precise, you are screwed), it is not useful to stick to that all the time. Ultimately, that's how Gordon started to understand Malaysian food, going back to the three T's mentioned above. That allowed him the freedom to modify dishes he encountered earlier and to refine it into something a bit better while still keeping true to the intended flavours. He may not be an expert in Malaysian cooking now (one, he is not an aunty) at least he has a broader view than just satay, laksa and rendang.

To the Asians reading this, you might say what is the big deal. How can a foreigner possibly replicate our kind of food? Why the hell is this post so damn long? I'd say it is a big deal because I think we have been approaching food in the wrong direction, at least in cooking. We forget that cooking is one of those science meets art discipline, that it needs both to succeed. We also forget that cooking is never about the recipes but the food. So, the next time you are cooking to a recipe, relax a little. Cook with your eyes and your taste. You'll learn flavour pairings very fast whether you succeed or not. Unless your recipe demanded the use of liquid nitrogen or 63.7 degree eggs.

The second question, don't you think that is being ignorant? You might say that Western style cooking is easy, simple (this is what my mother would say) which is why we can cook theirs, but ours...oh no, we've got a lot of spices, complex flavours, ridiculous techniques etc. Plus lots of our food are very cultural or historical, they can never get our food. First, for every dish you claim to be complex I can give you a traditional "Western" dish that is equally complex that has been around for just as long and equally cultural and historical in its origins. Argument invalidated. Using the three T's above, you can reconstruct just about any dish on planet Earth so just about anyone can replicate our so-called complex dishes. It may take awhile for them to get the cultural aspect of food but that is just a minor setback and nothing too high for them. The same can be said for us in the other direction.

The third question, yeah sorry about that.

Grapefruit

2011-05-17T04:13:00.017+10:00

It's been awhile now. All because of the final push to finish this semester.

In the news since the last time, our group project so far is kicking ass so we pretty much got a big chance at kicking ass again for the final score. Got my IELTS results, same overall score as the last time but my speaking and reading went down a bit. A friend came back to Melbourne. Thinking of the prospect of work and residency. And my position in life relative to everyone else. That last one will be expounded more when I have the time.

It's certainly been awhile since I've listened to music that was really addictive, last one being a crazy South African drummer on Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You. Now I've found the next obsession. I give you, Pomplamoose. This super quirky musically talented duo certainly have a very interesting way of making songs and certainly some covers as well. Love her voice and plus she's got pretty decent bass chops too and that makes her cute and hot. One thing that starts to kinda get your attention more is her huge dilated blueish-green eyes. That. Don't. Seem. To. Blink. Ever. It's a pity that they don't tour much which is understandable.

A cover of Earth, Wind and Fire's September, one of the funkiest song ever. And they made it even more addictive. Please excuse the cereal eating and the dancing grandma on high heels ( ! )

An original of theirs called If You Think You Need Some Lovin'. She's so cute here.

Lady Gaga's Telephone.

Another original Another Day.

And just for fun, the Angry Birds theme song. I think this should so totally be in an actual Angry Birds game

No less than 10 times since yesterday. Each.

Virtual Virtue

2011-04-30T04:53:00.003+10:00

So my common practice of solving one tricky problem over sleeping has kept me up at this ungodly hour. This is what I love and get annoyed at about myself. It's a satisfaction-rest trade-off. Why can't I have both?

A friend just popped by out of nowhere for two days just to say hi and grab some stuff. I guess I shouldn't complain because I kinda did the same to her and a few other friends as well not too long ago. Great catching up even if it is just a couple of hours in a year.

I've been called a patient man many times before and people always say they wished they had more patience or patience like mine immediately after bestowing that honour upon me. I understand that patience is something that is hard to cultivate in a information driven world where, just like our information, we want it fast and now and this practice of patience is something I also struggle with. But it seems to me that people don't seem to be taking up any effort to build on patience. It seems to me like the same people complain about the same things that I don't normally complain before quickly uttering those words to say that I am a patient man. That seems rather fine and dandy to a slight extent but when you are talking about Christians that complain on the seemingly minor things just because we will not tolerate waiting (and sometimes thinking) awhile, it kinda becomes an issue. It's like we say that we have some patience but isn't apparent in our actions.

One of the fruits of the Spirit is patience, among the other 8 fruits and meant to increase in measure as we proceed with our Christian lives. We are not meant to be lacking in any of those or just obtain a pass but to abound in it. Showing patience may not seem like much but I'd like to argue that it ranks well as being a great lifestyle testimony as a Christian. In fact all 9 fruits of the Spirit are meant to show great testimony as Christians and how we should live as opposed to the other stuff in Galatians 5. Back to the topic, so what do you do when in the presence of a person who lacks patience? Gently correct them of course. And I think this is something that we don't seem to do enough of as Christians. We teach others about understanding the Bible, teach how to love like how Christ loves etc. which are all immensely good things to do but I think we should also teach people on how to be patient because seriously, this is underrated stuff. When Jonah talked to God after God spared Nineveh from total destruction, one of his qualities was that he was slow to anger and I think that implies that God is a patient God, evident enough through the Old Testament. As a side note, I find it slightly ironic that Jonah quotes this about God being slow to anger while he was being angry at God for sparing the Ninevites. Anyway, if we profess to serve a patient God, shouldn't we be patient ourselves?

One small thing to note here is that patience does not equal slackness. God is patient but he is never slack in carrying out his plans. So we can't swing to the other extreme by exercising mind-over-matter-like stances and just say "Nope I'll be "patient" and not do anything about it". There is a limit to patience after which action must be taken. And no complaining when you do take it. God carried out his judgment after being patient towards all the sins committed by his people and who continually disobeyed him even after giving numerous warnings from the prophets.

Now I never claim I am a patient man myself so I'm not being hypocritical about this. I do struggle with other areas in patience while have a rather thick skin on certain minor annoyances. There are some things I can help and there are some things that I'll need help. As Christians, we are meant to be separate from the world and as the world's pace gets ever faster and faster, one way that we can do to be set apart is to be patient.

Brain asplode.

Shotless Lifestyle

2011-04-28T02:45:00.004+10:00

Back from Belgrave and it has been great hearing from 2 Corinthians and Proverbs from two very British preachers. Although it would have been great if I had more will power to stay up during the sermons but it is a bit of a hard task considering that your sleep cycle has been shot to pieces thanks to the past 2 weeks or so. Not to say I didn't try fixing that. I have to say the way Jonathan Lamb speaks is very much like Chris Wright, who happens to be the speaker last year. Probably not too surprised considering that both of them are at Langham Partnership International.

The very long but much needed conversation between three oddballs and a girl is probably something I will remember for awhile and obviously something to think about. Talking until sunrise about hard issues and how to deal with them is tiring and stressful to say the least, but if there is anything that we learned in Belgrave this year is the application of godly wisdom and to uphold Christian integrity in ministry are absolutely crucial for us Christians and I think those two lessons came at a very apt time in the grand scheme of things. These two things are quite fundamentally different qualities a Christian possess compared to the rest of the secular world and one where they are slowly fading away as Christian values are being pushed to a corner, cited as being irrelevant or discriminatory. Sadly, even among Christians this degradation is starting to take its toll among God's people and that we have somehow got sidetracked from living true godly and testimonial lives. Much like the Israelites in the Old Testament where they were to remember their God but they got lost among the pagans and the exact thing they were meant to do, they simply forgot. We might not be at that level of forgetfulness towards God but who's to say that we might get there if we do not practice godliness or godly wisdom. We must not lose heart in our Christian ministry, whether it is a ministry to non-Christians or a ministry for the edification of the Church. Because God is with us.

On a lighter note, been hard at work trying to finish as much of the bulk of assignments due in a couple of weeks time and I have to say I've never been this productive in the past two days. Maybe a little too productive. I'm sure Murphy is around a corner somewhere ready to pounce. I don't trust him.

Oh, and I forgot to take pictures in Belgrave. Kthxbai.

This Is SPARTA!!!

2011-04-22T05:32:00.003+10:00

What a crazy couple of weeks this has been. Loads of work to do and not to mention the compulsory severe lack of sleep just to name a few. The Easter holiday is really no real holiday for me as another two sets of assignments are due 2 weeks after we come back from the holidays. I am even thinking about bring some form of work to Belgrave this time even though I am very most likely to not do any work at all. On the other hand, at least that means I'm going to try and rest well in Belgrave plus 4 days of soaking up God's word.

I can almost smell the finish line.

That Is Something!...And A Half!

2011-04-12T23:56:00.002+10:00

Ah Moss. You're still as hilarious as ever.

ID

2011-04-04T03:01:00.005+10:00

It has been a crazy week and it's bound to get crazier. Sleeping 3 hours a day over a week with one of the days sleeping at 10 in the morning. So over the weekend I've been trying to load up on sleep because I'm pretty sure I'll be doing this again not very far from now. Plz halp!

Anyway, no long-ish post on some obscure topic today but I do want to say a couple of things.

One, I've gotten some real face-to-face feedback from one of my friends on one of my blog posts. It is one of those things that keep you going even when in this digital age where anonymity is rampant. No doubt people hiding behind the LED backlights of computers while silently but also sometimes effectively critique every other person's online and sometimes real life actions, myself including and not sparing. But I digress. I feel happy that at least some of my writings/over-thinkings have struck accord with a couple of people and funnily enough it's the people who I hardly talk to most of the time that express some similiarity with what I am thinking. There's something about the identification with another that levels everything. It lifts a person up but also it can humble a man and in a manner that's generally appropriate. Of course there are some tragic exceptions but we will not venture into that. Anyway, that feedback meant that I should keep writing even when it seems that everyone else decides to silently stalk behind their computers, raise an eyebrow going "Hmm." and then browse back to Youbook or Facetube. And that I should drink a lot more before writing. Yeah! Bring in the alcohol!!

Two, read an entry from a friend describing a past relationship which answered a lot of questions I didn't dare/bother to ask in person. In a number of ways, it was kind off the same thing I went through except he dealt with it with a greater level of maturity and clear-headedness than I did. Relationships are very hard, no question about it. Which is probably why I'm slightly phobic in getting into another one given that I still do not act accordingly when the time comes let alone in a relationship which I think is vital, among other things. And of course I'm totally allergic to risk which ultimately plays a big part in a relationship (at least in the early stages). What if it doesn't work out? I'll end up hurting two people instead of just one had I not go into a relationship. It's a pessimistic cost-benefit analysis that has pretty much dictated how I thought, felt and acted in all these years since puberty. And don't get me started on the possibility of being rejected. There are many many people I've gotten to know who has obviously dealt with the relationship issue a lot better than me, my friend included. For now I will cheer these people on from the bleachers because they've clearly done the right thing and should be encouraged to keep doing it, they've just hit a minor speed bump, that's all. Me? I crashed at the first ant hill.

PS: To address the infinitesimally remote possibility that someone is going to comment on the second item, a note of caution. I will not entertain petty in-passing statements like "I'm sure you'll get there too", "Be patient" and the likes. Saying such things mean that you do not understand anything I've said at all or me or the status of a single person in that order of severity. There will be a dip in credibility in someone's books. I won't say who. Choose your words carefully.

Ah damn, it became lengthy again.

The Barbershop Theory

2011-03-20T04:22:00.004+11:00

Every now and then, I think one should revisit some of the major decisions you have made in the past and rant about it in light of new information presented to you in the present. Sure there's no use crying over spilled milk but sometimes there are things/principles that can be learned from our mistakes or failure to decide appropriately when it is time for it. A couple of days ago, that was such a time.

The rankings for US universities for graduate study was just released so out of curiosity I decided to check to see who's on top. So I wandered into the usual categories of math, physics and computer science and all was still within normal ranges. Then when it came to it's sub categories of math, more specifically applied math, I was kinda surprised to see that New York University was on top and on par with MIT. That was particularly interesting because I knew New York was pretty good for applied math but never really though that it would still maintain its position at the top with MIT. When I was applying to the States for PhD programs, I applied to New York University as an afterthought even though I knew then that it was on par with MIT back then. I kinda didn't believe it and thought it was just an anomaly/outlier in the rankings. And of all the unis I applied there, only NYU came back to me with an offer but to do Masters. I rejected it for two reasons, it was not the course that I wanted and that it's located in one of the most expensive places around. Little did I know that that was normal for an international student but never mind. Clicking a few more links and I find myself in what would have become the faculty that I would be spending most of my time in NYU, the Courant Institute of Mathematical Sciences. Looking at the subjects taught in the Masters level and the few more subjects needed in the PhD level, that's when I really needed to scream. The subjects were waaaay more interesting and they even cover some of my research interests in greater detail than the rather boring one that I was doing here in Melbourne. Sure it would have taken a lot longer to get a PhD there than in Melbourne but I'd do it anyway.

Armed with this knowledge completes the rub-salt-on-wound scenario. Of all the unis I applied to outside of Melbourne (and bear in mind that back then I had no intention to stay in Melbourne for further studies), the ones that got back to me with offers were the universities that I applied as an afterthought (yes, Cambridge too). Both unis are at the top of their respective games and both had research topics that far interests me than any where else. And yet I rejected both of them for the same two reasons highlighted before not knowing that for both of them it is completely normal and there are many ways around it. Significant financing can some how be found one way or the other and with good results in Masters, I can be fast tracked to the PhD course. Woe is me who never knew of such things. Oh the pain.

But wait, I'm not crying over spilled milk. What have I gained now that I've remained in Melbourne, doing something completely different (to an extent)? Meeting, observing and supporting awesome people I've met in the past 2 years. Being involved in a great deal of things that I can never imagine myself doing with them makes the apparent sacrifice not so bad after all. Hence a great deal of good came out of this "ordeal".

So what have I found under this big rock of the past? Don't underestimate the things done as an afterthought. And neither should you underestimate the events following the mistakes. They might come as a surprise to you, and a pleasant one I might add. Also, it is even more apparent now, like great war strategy principles, knowing is half the battle. Information is vital to decision making. Do whatever you can to obtain information early before deciding. That was probably the biggest mistake I made then.

I like to think of the timeline of major decision making as a bit like getting your hair cut. When the time comes to have your hair cut, you sometimes get a good cut and sometimes you get a bad one. And sometimes you think you like the cut but seconds later after stepping out of the shop, you hate it again and vice versa. But then as weeks go by, your hair grows back until it's time for another hair cut and the process repeats. The next time you have your hair cut, all worries, rants and lamentations on your previous hair cut are nowhere to be seen, only the prospect of the new hair cut. The result of our decisions may result in good or bad outcomes or times where I've made the wrong choice but hey look what I found or I think I made the right choice and it's giving me pain now. Regardless, time will pass by until we are faced with another major decision to make, even the good ones or the blessing-in-disguise ones will just pass by like it didn't matter (well, it kinda does but that's for another time). Life goes on and to see how the next decision plays out and not the previous ones made.

So cheesy/corny/full-of-nonsense right?

KHAAAAAANNN!!!!

2011-03-12T02:05:00.002+11:00

I have been interested and a big advocate for proper science and math education for a long time and I have to say that this man has probably done more about the advancement of how we think about education than anyone else in the world. And all he did was just do an online version of educational videos. Then everything exploded. From a fairly low tech teaching tool of just a pen, tablet and screen capturing tool to a full blown website chock full of features to help teachers devote more time and attention to the students who are really in need. This really is the future of education where the world is just one big classroom. Full of Youtube videos. And the best thing is that, his videos are not restricted to science and math. But I have to say it works exceptionally well for science and math.

His teaching methodology and principles however are not something new or at least for me. While the use of education videos are probably as old as television itself and his principle of humanizing the classroom has been around for awhile now, it's the marriage of the two that makes his work so profound. On hindsight, I got a glimpse of that when I was in A-Levels in the form of my two Further Mathematics teachers. While they still gave lectures, spending most of their time giving a roughly one-size-fits-all lecture and marking papers, their teaching methodology was very similiar to what Salman had done (except without the videos). They intuitively knew who were the ones that needed help and spent the remaining spare time helping them than those (myself including) who were just a tad bit slow in understanding, say differential equations and proof by induction. Because they knew the other people who got it fast can help the slower ones. The math exercises were by the bucket full but it was necessary for us to keep on the bicycle, so Salman uses the metaphor, until we understood. Of course back then it was rather infeasible to do what Salman and his academy did but essentially my teachers did it.

It was ultimately because of them that I had this immense love of mathematics, something rather rare among Asians beyond getting through an exam in high school or first year uni math and of course the reason why I pursued my undergraduate degree (and potentially a PhD) in mathematics. Had I not have the wonderful tutoring of the two teachers, I might have wound up in a completely different area, something more mainstream, something more Asian. And I'd probably be a bit less appreciative. A by-product of their teaching was the revelation of bringing that same style of teaching to educate others that science and math isn't that hard to get and that is OK to love science and math. I've always been a firm believer that most people would love science and math if taught properly or had a good teacher. As evident from his academy, awesome tools that help teachers and students get the most out of understanding these difficult subjects is also a big plus point. But the technology by itself cannot replace the human aspect of the teacher in the classroom, as in we cannot learn effectively from just the internet or, in the near future, robots. For some unknown higher level cognitive/psychological reason, we learn the best when there's human presence around as found out by some human development psychologists researching on language in babies. The goal of humanizing technology (crudely speaking, making ourselves cyborgs) where we learn and interactive with technology on a daily basis but still maintain our relational human identity seems to be the general trend for today and tomorrow's people.

By the way, it is because of this man that I learned what really went wrong during the financial crash of 2008 from his videos. And since then I've been rather interested in the economics of a crash and brought me to the beginnings of behavioral economics. So I have experienced first hand what this guy is capable of, teaching wise.

Basis 2.0

2011-03-08T01:49:00.002+11:00

Double post!

One my first memories of loving awesome bass lines had a lot to do with Disney cartoons. I had a VHS tape that was basically a mix tape of famous pop songs integrated into various snippets of Disney cartoon shorts when I was like 7 I think. As a big fan of old Disney shorts, I played that tape to oblivion. One of the songs that I absolutely love from that tape was the 1967 hit duet from Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell called Ain't No Mountain High Enough. And of course much later I found out that the bassist behind that song was none other than, as one announcer put it, the greatest bass player in the world, James Jameson. It's hard not to bust a move listening to this song. Simply brilliant.

Basis

2011-03-08T00:49:00.003+11:00

There has been a lot of bass influences throughout the years that I've attempted at bass, anywhere from bass legends like James Jameson, Victor Wooten, Marcus Miller etc. but if there's one person that has pushed me to actually take up the bass, it's this guy. David Labruyere (or DeLa to some people). Few people know him in comparison to who he played for, John Mayer. Back when No Such Thing was the hit song from the then emerging John Mayer, the first thing that caught my attention to the song was the opening bass lines just opened up a whole new level of possibilities for bass playing. Before I used to think that great bass playing was mostly restricted to jazz, funk and motown, great stuff but something that it is a bit out there, not achievable to this musically handicapped man. But when great bass lines came to acoustic pop via DeLa, that was when the jaw hit the floor and great bass seemed accessible. How on earth can a two man team, a guitar and a bass, be adequate? Or how is it that funky bass lines exist outside the realms of jazz, funk and motown? Listen to the bass lines of the videos and try not to listen to the singing or the guitar, crank up the subwoofer, whatever and you might discover something that usually goes unnoticed by others. John Mayer's music, to me, will always be about the bass (as evident by DeLa and Pino Paladino) first then John Mayer himself. Just like how I got into his music all the way back in 2001.

For the record, I took up bass in late 2002.

First of the Last

2011-03-05T18:19:00.002+11:00

So week 1 of the final semester has just gone by. As always, the first week stuff is pretty boring with all the administration stuff and the general introduction of the courses. But one thing is pretty clear from all of the first impressions of the subject, I am going to die this semester. Probably not as bad as my honours year but I'd probably rate it pretty close to it. Not only do I have a lot of stuff to do this semester, I also have to start thinking about applying for jobs and obviously trying to get some sort of a work visa or temporary residency. Then if not, then I have to reevaluate my options again. Lots of work to do.

I am pretty excited for one subject on Game Mechanics and Game Play Programming. It is pretty much one big project to do which is obviously to construct a game and to fine tune it for proper game play. Super interested about it but I shudder at the work that is to be done even though we are all in teams of 4-5. That's another thing that I didn't quite like about this semester is group work. I've never been a fan of group work partially because of all the horror stories of group work from other people. That said, I've been pretty sheltered from these horror situations since the first and only time before this semester I've only been in one group project work and that group was pretty good. It seems that this group may turn out to be a good group after all but the true test is when we are hard pressed to get our game out for submission. There's another subject that I have to do group work but I don't know much about it so will see how. Still not looking forward to it.

There's one subject that I honestly don't believe I have to sit through. The subject itself is pretty fundamental and potentially be very interesting. But so far the people I've met for the whole subject is just one facepalm after another. For starters, the lecturer stresses the importance on being able to do some math in this course but during a short test that he has devised for the students to gauge whether they have the necessary skills in programming and math, nearly all the math questions that he set gave the wrong answers or had the wrong concepts. And the errors were errors in addition and other simple things that probably should have been checked first. Second, some of the students attending the course are so noisy, complain on a whim, terribly immature, and sorry to say this but stupid on some occasions. There are some bright students in the course no doubt but there so many of the former that you just want to stab yourself. Third, the tutor I got was someone I knew since the first year even though he was never my tutor. He's a very nice guy but as a tutor he's quite lacking. And it's a bit hard to decipher his thick Scottish accent. Granted that this is just the first week so things might settle in to things a bit better later on. But it is really terribly difficult to sit through the 4 hours of lecture, tutorial and labs with the above mentioned. Had I taken this subject earlier in the degree, I'd probably be a bit more forgiving. Meh.

It's back to OCF once again and it's been great to see some of the people back again. The new comers this time around are quite little in comparison to other years so that is one thing that I worry a bit but I'm sure God will provide. I've been shifted to a fundamentally different group this time since I'm not Bible study leading this year and I have to say I feel not at ease with this group. There have been times where I felt like an alien in OCF especially these past few years but this group makes me feel like an alien to that alien in OCF. There are so many things that I cannot relate to them and not to mention very hard to talk to. Whether God is telling me to get my butt out there and just do it and lay aside whatever bones I have with them or not, it is certain that I've been thrown to the deep end of things. Oh help.

On a lighter note, buying stuff is tempting me to greater levels now. Things to buy: a new bass, medium format film camera, laptop (when I get to work) and many more. If I had $6000 to waste on something rather useless but cool (who hasn't bought something based on those?) there's this. A pendant of a full functioning turbine crafted from military specification G5 aerospace grade titanium. Iz sic.

Addendum

2011-02-22T23:47:00.003+11:00

So apparently DVD marathon #3 didn't quite end with those 15 movies that I borrowed the last time. Impromptu thing. I'm sure you understand.

Firefly - This is a series that just show that a good concept and good characters will not survive without general popularity. It's a big mish-mash of stuff put together to give an interesting but short TV series. Post apocalyptic, western theme science fiction with expletives in Chinese. Probably a bit too strange for the average American audience and probably a bit slow initially. Which is a pity that it got pretty interesting a lot later on but too bad the show was canceled. I think it's not bad but I'm pretty sure that this series is not for everyone, even hardcore science fiction fans. Anyway, it's only about 14-15 episodes long.
Serenity - The feature length movie continuing from where Firefly left off and this is clearly a big change in terms of how they style the show to appeal to the mass audience. Instead of heavy western motives that you see in the series, it has been significantly cut back and gave it a slightly cleaner futuristic look. The great thing is that they managed to get the entire main cast of Firefly back into the movie to get back as much of the chemistry from the series to the movie. Non-watchers of the series shouldn't find it too difficult to jump into the movie but it's obviously better if you did. It's still a pretty good science fiction movie. And yes, the expletives in Chinese is still a little weird to me.
My Blueberry Nights - Continuing my run of watching Wong Kar Wai's movies. Very noir story telling style, something that I really love, coupled with slow 15-ish frames per second sequences reminiscent of 2046. Colours are saturated, blues and jazz and almost constant night scenes add to the noir feeling (although some might argue about the colour being noir. Ironic you say.) The special features of the DVD had a Q&A session with the director and it's just interesting to see how he thinks and how he translates his "script" to film. Great stuff. The movie too.

There are just some days that you just don't understand anything anymore. Things that you think you've got it figured out suddenly had a wrench thrown in by some random monkey. Friends you've mixed around for quite awhile suddenly feel like strangers. Or even things that you don't understand at all just coming back to annoying poke its finger at you. And so on. Have had a few of those recently and it's a fairly frustrating thing to live through. Some of it is entirely your own fault, others are just a by-product of chance and bad timing. On hindsight of course.

One that recently surfaced was the issue of this image that I seem to carry around. For many instances, I've had dozens of people essentially express a very high opinion of my abilities of which I don't think I deserve, that I am capable of great things, things far greater than what I think is the proper ball park figure. This ranges from a wide range of my dabblings such as cooking, photography, my academic disposition etc. There are some that I can let it slide for example cooking. It's just feasible that my ball park figure can be a bit higher than what I think simply because the variables in the game are easier to predict or learn as I do tend to think in cooking (some may argue against this). Photography, not so much although some friends of mine tend to think otherwise. But the one thing that I am quite stubborn about is my recent move to the area of computer science.

Despite my grades what my grades may tell you, I really am playing second fiddle to everyone else who is in this business. Possibly third. And here I am getting comments that I am capable of doing something great, like writing a killer app or something to that effect or to be able to get into that exclusive workshop affiliated with a certain fruit that keeps the doctor away. One, this area is almost certainly short term in its mission. There is no heart or passion that is poured into it, just pure drive to get the job done. That by my definition is not the sufficient condition to be great. Two, it's an area where hands on work is valued more than what you've got on a piece of paper. And I'm a person nearing 30 and I've only barely scratched the surface in this area compared to the thousands who've tinkered with computers before they've even hit puberty. Add the two together and you can see why my ball park figure isn't going above sea level.

According to a good friend of mine, it is all in the image I portray. How good I talk, how good I present myself will give them some sort of a judgment about my abilities and what nots, which I agree whole-heartedly. If this is the case that I am presenting a self-image which gives them the illusion of reputation that precedes me, to give them a relatively high expectation of my skill sets, then I am guilty of a crime. A crime of false advertising. Worse is that I may not be fully aware of it at all. I may seem like I know my stuff but judging from past experience, that is far from the case. Which means all of this talk about why people view me highly, on why can't they see what I'm really made of, is essentially my fault. That, my few fellow readers, is a very dangerous thing to know and do. Subconsciously know and do. I could get into a lot of trouble just strictly on the basis of high expectation that I somehow set myself up and indeed I have a couple of times.

So, problem identified. Now what? If I've learned a few things from the behavioural economics books that I've been reading, is that foreknowledge about something before actually seeing it in person (or in action) reshapes our thinking, our expectations. So, using that piece of information, if I really want to eliminate this expectation and make people see things first before laying down the fancy jargon or passionate discussions on the subject matter...

...I should just shut up and just let them see it for themselves first.

I'd probably emphasize on the shutting up. It's the less talking, more doing stance that should be taken here. So I realized that there's a lot of empty chatter on technicalities on the matter and very little of actually showing it off hand that I've done. Hopefully, it will be the other way around at the end of the day.

---------------------
It's amazing what a couple of hours plus a movie can do to your thought processes.

Trois

2011-02-19T15:25:00.004+11:00

More DVDs to pass the time since being internet-less for about 2 weeks now. And I'm still internet-less.

From top to bottom, left to right in chronological order:

Enchanted - Yes, I didn't watch it when it first came out. When every major lovey-dovey princess themed animated Disney movie is essentially compressed into this, it actually becomes so ludacris that it's actually funny. Not bad though the ending was kinda rushed. And that Idina Menzel didn't sing in the movie. Not happy.
Enron - A documentary on how one of the biggest trading companies fell to its knees in 24 days after spending 15 years increasing their supposed assets from $10 billion to $65 billion due to very creative accounting. Even with this big event happening way before the financial crash of 2008 and bear in mind this happened in 2001, people still don't learn that greed kills everyone, including the person seeking it.
Pulp Fiction - Having finally watched this movie, I now understand why this is such a cult classic movie. The lines and scenes are hilarious and something that should be remembered. There's a lot of big names here that I didn't expect. A few notable characters were Samuel L. Jackson and the small part that the director Quentin Tarantino played. Must watch although I have to warn that profanity is abundant and some rather questionable scenes.
Departed - In short, I didn't like it. Took very long to build the momentum and the ending, like everyone said when it first came out, was "Huh??". Should have watched Infernal Affairs instead. Or maybe not.
Ponyo - Didn't watch it when it came out in cinemas but it's still a nice story to watch. The animation this time felt a bit different than say Howl's Moving Castle especially the background. The background looks so textural, like it was coloured with colour pencils. Super like. I didn't watch the English dubbed version but there are so many high profile actors who lend their voices such as Liam Neeson, Cate Blanchette, Tina Fey and many more.
New York, New York - This is where the famous song of the same title came from. Very long movie with the first 2+ hours being essentially watching a train wreck between two people who essentially brought the song into existence. Robert deNiro played well as a jerk and it's interesting to see a more normal looking Liza Minnelli, on-screen character wise.
La Vita e Dolce (Life is Beautiful) - It's hard to infuse humour or light-heartedness into a movie that is about the Holocaust because of the great tragedy that surrounds the event. This movie however manages to do just that, not trying to sugar coat it but using humour to survive in such perilous times. The main actor Roberto Benigni looks a lot like a friend of mine from some angles and his character has the energy and humour of some of the older musical-movies. Great to watch.
The Wizard of Oz - Finally, after so long, I watched it. First thing to note is how immense was the production of this movie back in its time. Financially it was such a big gamble with lots of money being poured in for the costumes and props etc. Sure you can see the string cables hanging in frame etc but that's not really the point (and not have the technology to do so then). It is really something to see the Judy Garland sing the iconic song Somewhere Over The Rainbow in all of its sepia look. Such a classic that it's one of those movies every American knows so well. The special features of the DVD are also worth a watch.
Funny Face - Oh. My. Goodness. I love this! Super love this! If you think Audrey Hepburn is gorgeous in Breakfast at Tiffany's, you should so totally see her here. Fashion plays a big part in this musical and it really shows off her elegance. Awesome stuff! The music was great and loved every single one of them including the song of the same title. Swoon.
An American In Paris - Same guy from Singing In The Rain, Gene Kelly, portrays a struggling painter in Paris having to find love and success in his work. Not bad though the final dance scene was quite draggy. It doesn't quite have the same on-screen chemistry with the rest of the actors as in Singing In The Rain which is a pity. One thing I do really like was their version of S'Wonderful S'Marvelous. A bit better than the version done in Funny Face. After seeing Singing In The Rain and this one, you can really tell the style of Gene Kelly's dance choreography.
Mukhsin - Despite me being a huge fan of Yasmin Ahmad, I've not actually seen any of her films. Sad I know. Great story of a progressing friendship that has the potential to become something more but alas it was not meant to be. Along with other subtle problems that face the family, neighbours and even with each other. On the slow side, you should watch it. Also, this reminds me a lot of my childhood years although I didn't live in a relative kampung setting. Such as the game of galah panjang played by the children, a game that I used to play in primary school a lot.
Days of Being Wild - Three seemingly separate stories intertwined into one film. An adopted son having problems in both his love life and with his adopted mother, his determination to find his biological mother and a cop turned sailor thinking about life and love. Another slow movie but it is always great to see Wong Kar Wai's story telling abilities.
Paris, Je T'aime - 16 short stories film around the iconic city of Paris featuring quite a few famous people. Some are like "Huh??" and others are great. Worth a watch I think.
The Scent of Green Papaya - The slowest of all the DVDs I watched with long scenes of continuous camera panning and tracking. There's also very little dialogue but it is enough to give you information on what is going on. It shows a lot of serenity and calmness of a servant girl in the midst of her master's family troubles as well as a nation wide problem in late '50s Vietnam. Hard to recommend especially those who find it hard to sit still and plow through a very slow movie but if you can, it's probably worth a watch.
Four Lions - It is very easy to overthink this movie and be ever ready to rain condemnation on this movie as it touches on very sensitive topics like Islamic terrorism and the likes. At its basic level, it's basically Dumb and Dumber except the characters are Muslim. The stupidity of the characters as they plan their jihad attacks in London is hilarious, in the British humour sense which makes it so easy to criticise this as being intolerant to Islam. It is comedy at its heart but it's one of those where you have to take it with a pinch of salt. Watch at your own risk, this is a pretty divisive comedic film. You'll either love it or hate it.

Three days plus a bit. Record time.

One thing that I seemed to have noticed is that there are common themes in the DVDs that I have been watching. The guys are seriously persistent in chasing the girls, some in situations where I would never EVER do. The success of these guys on screen is a bit of a hit and miss, some got the girl and they lived happily ever after (presumably) or some end up in train wrecks. Of course not all of the DVDs have this theme but more than what I'd expect.

Which leads me to this question: How persistent should a guy be? A question of great importance for self-aware guys such as myself.

An Essay and a Thought

2011-02-03T11:02:00.004+11:00

Ok, I was going to write this earlier but then recovering from 8 glasses of wine with 0 glasses of water took a bit out of me. Not smart.

For those who haven't noticed yet, it's Chinese New Year. Gong Xi Fa Chai! And whatever version you normally say according to your dialect.

Chinese New Year is one of those things that, I find, have lost a lot of meaning as time passes by. I admit that there are somethings that are purely my fault in contributing to this but not critical. It's not that I hate Chinese New Year (although at some point in time I kinda did, apart from all the ang pau [red packets for those not in the know] that I will receive) or just being cynical about the whole atmosphere. I just feel very sad.

You must be thinking "What the hell? There's awesome stuff-your-face-abundance of food, ang pau, the general fun and laughter of the entire extended family, ridiculous CNY songs and TV programs to make fun of. How can you not look forward to it?" and you are right. Or at least it's partially right.

Being a person who has not celebrated Chinese New Year for about 7 years...Well, that's not really true. 7 years of not celebrating it like how I remembered. The first couple of years in those times were at a point where my nuclear family went through a minefield. Some lucky escapes but the damage has been done. This of course generated additional consequences to my extended family and thus how we (as a nuclear family) proceeded with the usual Chinese New Year traditions. Let's just say it's not pretty but now we're good, I think. The remaining years were my fault and this is where I was chasing the dream but as some of you know has hit a massive speed bump. At best that dream may be achieved again in 10 years time. So that is 7 years worth of lost family time. To which I didn't try or unable to try to regain.

But that is not the only reason why I've kinda lost the meaning although I would say it plays a major part in shaping my Chinese New Year traditions, whatever is left of it. The saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" couldn't have summed it up better. The usual Chinese New Year traditions involves making a 3.5 hour trip to Penang, staying at my grandmother's house together with the rest of the extended family, steamboat reunion dinner, going around from place to place in Penang to visit all these uncle and aunties whom some of them I've not known if it weren't for these traditions and of course stuffing your face with food everywhere in between. At its peak, my grandmother's house will have no less than 15 people living under one roof. The great thing about my dad's side of the family is that everyone of his relatives are still living in Penang with the exception of one of his sisters and us. So visiting people is a lot easier plus they are really great people. If that is not enough to scream "Oh what joy!" I don't know what will. My achilles heel was that I am stranger to my own mother tongue/dialect. This means that I have difficulty talking to a lot of them, especially my grandmother. And this was a big wet blanket to my Chinese New Year spirit and have lost a little of the magic so to speak. But this was when I was a child. Towards the couple of years before my grandmother passed away, it came back and I think it was because I was being treated as an adult, an individual and of course the feeling that I should reconnect with my roots. Unfortunately, my grandmother was very old and had dementia and couldn't recognize a lot of us longer than a few minutes. But that never stopped me from trying.

It was when my grandmother passed away did things take a turn, for the worse unfortunately. Grandmother died 2 months after arriving in Australia and quite immediately after did my family hit the minefield. So basically, that was the trigger. I couldn't go back for her funeral, I was disgustingly angry at my family particularly at one person and later would realize that that would be the end of my usual Chinese New Year traditions, so far. Until this day, I've not seen my dad's side of the family since my departure to Australia. This shifted the celebrations over to my mother's side of the family who are like everywhere but most of them are in Melbourne. I don't quite feel Chinese New Year every time I celebrate with them because unlike my dad's side, they still persist in using the label of "kids" on us even though we are very well into our 20s. So there are always 2 tables, one for the "adults" and one for the "kids". Why I don't like this is because the age difference between the oldest and the youngest in the "kids" table is larger than the age difference of the adults table and some of us are approaching the dreaded three-oh *cough* Heck there are people younger than me on the adults table but the exception is that they are married. In fact everyone in that table are married. This does a lot to my subsequent thought processes but I shall leave it at there. Second, over-the-table conversations are almost always about business. There is very little talk about everything else. It seems that it is assumed that everyone is interested in business and whatever words of wisdom as far as money goes one will always listen because that's what makes the world go round. Hence, all this empty chatter about business leaving me to talk to my best friend, my iPhone. Thirdly, food. Since learning to cook (and some fairly arduous recipes), I understand the feeling of making things from scratch as well as the feeling of others who share in home cooked food. So you can imagine my love for food when at my dad's side of the family when every thing on the table is cooked at home. The best soy sauce pork, preserved vegetable soup and a whole lot of other things can be found in that house. Jump over to my mum's side and what I get is...restaurants. Every single time we all eat is at restaurants. Even when they are back in Malaysia, they have a stronger preference for restaurant food than hawker food (sacrilegious I tell you). This year is a bit different, we ate at home. But half the food were brought back from somewhere. Their choices in food are a bit of a hit and miss but it was good this time but no way does it compare with entirely home cooked food. Bear in mind that you have to think this from their business point of view which is about convenience, maximizing pleasure while exerting the least amount of effort. As a side note, my dad is a pretty awesome cook and used to cook simple but kick-ass dishes at home but is no longer the case since we've left the nest, so to speak. Now every time we come back, we've always gone out for food and never eat at home. Sad? Yes.

So, hearing of all this excellent speak from friends (especially the Singaporeans. Why them is another story) via the usual social sites on how great their Chinese New Year have been with family, the food etc. one can only reminisce about the good old days where it used to be like that. So one of my short term goals now is to go back to Penang for Chinese New Year plus a bit more, perhaps just by myself. And again I might not have much time left just like when my grandmother was around.

So go ahead and enjoy your Chinese New Year. For it may not last the way you used to remember it, God forbid. And I look forward to when I finally can enjoy it the way I used to enjoy it, be it with my usual extended family or the family of another that does this. I may be a stranger to my own mother tongue and traditions but that doesn't stop me from enjoying it.

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Now if you are born in my generation or the generations before me, it is very likely that your parents come from fairly large families. 4-7 siblings is quite common but there are sides of the family that contain 10+ siblings. This makes Chinese New Year fairly big on any account once you add all your uncles and aunties and your cousins, it makes one (very) big happy family. And who can say that it's not fun? Think of all the ang pau that you'll get! Family dinners get huge and loud and crazy which I guess adds to the festivities.

Come to my generation and ahead of me, family sizes have shrunk dramatically. 2-3 siblings are the norm, but probably more 2. Fast forward a couple of generations where my parents generation have passed on and we find that the extended families have shrunk as well. We don't have a lot of cousins, uncles or aunties by virtue of the nuclear family sizes of today and we have a lot of distant cousins which if my own observations are true, are not much in contact. So Chinese New Years will be fairly small in comparison of the generations before that.

We take pride in the fact that we have this huge family "database" to make the festivities grand but how much of that will change we that "database" have shrunk considerably? Will these families be more close because extended families are smaller and thus easier to communicate/catch-up with? Or will it morph into something totally unexpected? What used to be just a strictly family affair, can it include social families into the celebrations to make up for the lack in extended family size? One where we invite our neighbours and their families, our friends and their families to join in? If we really do take pride in have big, loud and crazy gatherings for Chinese New Year, then this picture is probably the best prediction of where things are going to be a couple of generations down the road (which is actually quite a long time to wait given our current life expectancy unless Jesus comes again or some major global disaster hits). That's interesting because then the world just got smaller, breaking down the apparent barrier between strictly family and the rest of the community. Not only we spend less time with family relative to our generation because of the size but we spend more time with someone else's family. This mish-mash of family and friends at the dinner table will ultimately result in reducing our degrees of separation down even more.

MMSMM

2011-01-28T00:46:00.003+11:00

Cherry picking, coffee drinking, photo shooting, walking, shopping, EATING!, chit-chatting, sleeping, playing, wakeboarding.

Yup.

Majulah Singapura

2011-01-19T03:38:00.004+11:00

Been back home for awhile now and how is it like? Quite a mad rush actually. I'm only back home for 17 days and seriously time really flies. Came back with a friend and been a busy time running errands and frantically trying to meet up with some friends here before heading off to a friend's wedding. Another whole day has been spent hanging out before the dinner and having a really good time over food (so what else is new).

Then came the weekend that we were all looking forward to, the trip to Penang. Or so we thought it would be. Pretty late on, the trip was canceled due to quite a number of people not being able to obtain the proper permissions to go there. But pretty quickly, it was decided that we would all go down to Singapore and just try to have a blast there. 5 days, several skin tones darker and 524,946 laughs later we all went through a lot of things. First and most important of all was the amount of food that we all had. This is the primary reason why I didn't want to travel down to Singapore with my family to visit my relatives. They always go to the same places (mainly Crystal Jade in Taka) and my parents will always complain that Singaporean food is quite bad. After having my eyes opened to the proper good stuff (and I'm sure there are a lot more places where I've yet to explore), I figure I should just go down myself. Anyway, everyday I'm like super stuffed from all the food that we've been having. We could have had even more epic food binges but some of us are quite fail in our timing.

Second were the activities that we did. Despite the really crappy weather lately, Sunday gave us the most awesome day ever. Ever. Sun was just nice, the sky was littered with white fluffy clouds and cool gentle breezes made the day super nice for a walk down the beach with ice-cream. At night, after a super heavy dinner, a walk around Marina Bay Sands added to the already awesome day. Monday was wakeboarding day. Although I've never wakeboarded in my life, it was fun learning despite the fact that I was one of two people who still couldn't get it right among our group. The instructor/boat driver gave us good tips for us plus he has the most awesome playlist blasting in the boat with his insane speakers. And of course there were the other little things like playing Wii, chit chatting into the wee hours of the morning, really funny situations that occur every day to talk about and laugh, trash talking and poking fun at people and many more.

One thing that has come out of one of our many chit chats was a line that a friend has said to me in the midst of ranting that I've never really considered it to be a good thing. It has been said that I, among all the other people, am the most diplomatic person, always keeping quiet and "buat tak tau" (act like you don't know, translated) whenever conflicts happen in order not to stir shit. I see as a sign of a lack of pro-activeness on my part to make a decision on the conflict in question especially between friends, since many times I've been placed in a situation where I had to choose one set of friends over the other. And in all times I have remained silent because I really do not know what to say or act. But as the conversation progressed, I guess there is a little more thinking to be done as there are good credits in being diplomatic (read: buat tak tau) and really shouldn't be that hard on myself for thinking it is a bad thing.

Recently, I've been struggling a lot on how my lack of pro-activeness has affected various aspects in my life. The inability to take initiative has caused a lot of problems for me although most of which aren't visible on the surface. That talk was not only shed some new light into the deep dark complexities of my thought processes and my motivations for action but in some ways, has also sparked interest in actually taking charge and be pro-active for a start. No, I'm not going to start another charity or ask some random hot girl out. Not quite yet. But at least it has got me thinking of doing normal everyday things that I wouldn't be bothered taking any initiative for it. Those were some great talks.

Like the last trip down to Singapore a year ago, it never seems like there is always enough time in Singapore. The 5 days just blitz through like it was just only a day. And it sucks that I didn't get enough time to meet the countless people who I've known and gotten close to in Singapore. I really wanted to visit the family that I stayed with last year just to see how are they doing and also to see their super adorable daughter of theirs. Add that to the throngs of OCFers, both former and current, and the school mates that are there, it seems like I will need 5 years to finally catch with everyone. But I guess better now then later since it seems that quite a number of people are going through some sort of transition in their own lives, be it involved in new relationships or moving in between jobs or even moving in between life choices, where I'm sure that they would probably need their own time and concentration for them to figure out what is their next step in life, myself including.

Time to get back in the grind but at least I've had my fun and hopefully friendship will on go up from here on.

Still Moving On

2011-01-05T01:02:00.005+11:00

Movie marathon #2. Starting from the top left, moving down and then right:

Flushed Away - Super star studded cast coupled with Wallace and Gromit feel. The singing slugs are just like the raving rabbits in Rayman. Is a bit meh.
Delicatessen - Pretty light for a "thriller" with some interesting quirky scenes.
The Hours - Super emotionally intense movie but super good acting from Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore and Nicole Kidman.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Needed something light to watch after The Hours. Robert Downey Jr. should just stick with quirky characters like in here and Michelle Monaghan is purdy. Quite funny but not that funny.
Chocolat - Very nice movie to feel existential.
となりのトトロ (My Neighbour Totoro) - Very pleasant story, imaginative and interesting perspectives with respect to photography. And I want a giant Totoro stuffed toy.
Japanese Story - Another emotionally intense but a third of the intensity of The Hours, mainly because in The Hours had 3 women instead of one. Pretty good.
The Seventh Seal - Pretty slow black and white movie but nice cinematography. A lot of interesting questions about struggling with God.
The Fox and the Child - Breathtaking scenery and fantastic nature filming. Which doesn't come as a surprise since it is the same director as the movie/documentary March of the Penguins
La Balon Rouge (The Red Balloon) - I love this short film! Super nice children's story.
The Machinist - I don't like this. Super slow for a thriller, always threatening to shock/twist but never get there, it feels like there is no closure and worst of all is that it tries to be something like Fight Club but it's more like Fail Club. Quite frustrated. Although I must say that the lengths that Christian Bale goes through for this movie is quite epic. Quite sick actually.
時をかける少女 (The Girl Who Leapt Through Time) - I'm a bit confused about this one. The backgrounds for this is super nice, very reminiscent of Makoto Shinkai but the animation looks a bit dodgy and the soundtrack is pretty good but the voice acting is sometimes quite fake. Story was interesting conceptually but feels a bit loose at the end. Bring back Makoto Shinkai please.
Cabaret - Liza is a super quirky character and have some nice numbers to it too. Seems a bit like Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's
Shanghai Dreams - A very slow movie that is not for the faint of heart. Or the impatient. And there's background reading to do.
天空の城ラピュタ (Laputa - Castle in the Sky) - Got cheated that this version was English dubbed but then realized that there were some pretty famous people who lend their voices for this animation. Typical Miyazaki storyline. Not necessarily a bad thing.
Memento - Awesome film editing! Messes with your brain a bit but not too much. Like Chris Nolan's films, not to be watched when you are tired. Demands all of your mental energy.
My Fair Lady - Super good musical. Another one of those musicals where I question myself after watching saying why on Earth did I not know or watch this earlier. Super deprived childhood man.

5 days. Brain fried.

A heck load of moving stuff lately that I think my muscles have like doubled in size.

The new year has already started if you haven't already noticed. Barely into the first week and I feel like it is going to be a shaky year even though I've been hanging out with awesome friends since Christmas. Not sure why. Not liking it.

Two? Oh, Ten.

2010-12-28T14:46:00.007+11:00

What a year it has been! So much has happened in this year alone that it's just mind blowing. The people I've met, the things I did, the memories. All that jazz. At the beginning of the year, I was hopeful for what this year is going to be after what I regard the previous two years to be rather turbulent (of course, it did have its upsides as well) but I think it was safe to say that I did not expect a year like this to come out as a result. Not in a million years.

Just a mere short list of things that I think are worth mentioning and keeping:

Shot a few pre-wedding shoots + one on the actual day
Did a minor thing for the first Singapore Film Festival
Roadtrips
Massive cook offs and heavy food experimentation
Witnessed the process and launching of an EP album, a macaron business, a few epic orchestral performances and of course the Singapore Film Festival, all done by friends of mine
Many many many crazy late nights, most involve some sort of alcohol and/or greasy food in the mix
Meeting the many cool and crazy people along the way with enormous talent

I truly believe that I do not deserve to be in any part of these things mentioned above and more. For starters, I don't think that a person of my capabilities should be able to even stand next to them. The people that I've met or at least got to know more of have so much drive, passion, enthusiasm and of course pure raw talent that I didn't think that a person of such limited skills, experience, knowledge and the lack of the qualities mentioned in these friends such as myself would even last 5 minutes with this group. They have honed themselves to be the best in what they do with their God given talents that sometimes it's amazing to see them work their magic. I, on the other hand, dabble in a lot of things but never gotten down to such detail and level of focus. I change direction wherever the wind blows. Everything is mish-mashed into a single incoherent entity that should just be burned. Yet, they do not measure friendship by their capabilities but treat me as equal. They have included me and it's in those times that I have given the opportunity to do things that I'd never dreamed off a year ago. And out of these times, there were moments of brilliance (not always on purpose) that come out of my little dabblings. And that is really something to behold.

Another aspect is that I think I am incredibly boring, relatively speaking. I don't do many things outside my normal routine. I don't go out much outside the city, because of transport problems. I don't go out and try new places to eat much, because I'm worried about my finances since I'm still here in Melbourne under "borrowed" money and even when I'm back home in Malaysia I don't know many places. I don't know a lot about music and other forms of entertainment. I don't buy a lot of clothes and stuff, because of finances again but mostly because everything here is just too damn big for me. Also, because I'm a science/math geek. That alone is enough reason for being incredibly boring. The wonderful people that I hang out with are very much in the opposite side of the spectrum. Music, design, art, social networking, writing and all. How on earth did I go from a bunch of geeky math classmates a couple of years back to a 180-degree turn to a bigger bunch of art-related/savvy friends is something that confounds me. I try not to talk too much about geek stuff but at least they'll listen if I do...for the first 5 minutes...if I'm lucky =P

Also, I don't think I'm a very funny person. I say a lot of lame stuff although I have to say I have toned down a bit compared to the yesteryears (I know at least one person would not be happy about this). Only few people will actually entertain these kind of things. While the bunch of friends, on the other hand, come up with so much improvised humour that is just amazing. Exaggeration, hyperboles, lightning fast and often extended associations, all contribute to the crazy funny things my friends can come up with. I think I'm like a parrot on a pirate captain's shoulder that just repeats some of the rather brainless humourous things they say. Very little originality and slow to respond. But I guess humour is the great leveler, as long as we laugh with each other (and occasionally at each other), many barriers are broken down and we realize that we are all the same.

In many of the situations I've been in over this year (if not all), I've played a mainly supportive role. Not many times in my life where I take the lead and charge head on and that is certainly true for this year. I guess you can say it is quite possibly the greatest ability I have. I've developed this affinity to always linger behind the scenes, always doing the things that most people who complain or refrain from doing plain, menial, repetitive tasks. I let other people enjoy outside while I handle the rest of things inside, wash, clean, prepare, cook, move stuff. I say, "Better for them to enjoy/relax than me". Because I think things will go horribly wrong if I take the lead. Seriously. I do enjoy being behind the scenes. I guess it's for me to keep me humble, to make sure that I do not go wanting myself to be in the limelight, to let it go to my head in the slightest way possible. That's not to say that I'm never tempted but I'll bring myself right back down to earth and not push and shove to do it my way.

It is the time where friends contemplate on what are their 2011 resolutions. Most resolutions can generally be placed in a few categories such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, obtain certain skills, better time management etc. I don't normally do resolutions (another reason why I'm pretty boring) because I've never really had the drive or the urge to accomplish something within the year (more reasons...). But for 2011, I'm going to make it an exception. I am going to set my resolutions and to try and stick to it like every other person who does their resolutions. I only have one resolution and that is 1920 x 1200. Ok seriously, I've decided to set only one for 2011. But I won't mention this resolution for this is also an experiment but you can find out about it on 31st December 2011, assuming I actually kept it. But I guess you can say it is something that I've been meaning to do for a long time and I think it is high time for me to do it now.

So, what's my prediction for next year? I don't know though I think it might possibly be another volatile year, even though that there is so much good that came out of this year. You know, to try and make me feel better about the 2 years before that. Next semester is going to be my final semester and is going to be another world of pain as I take on 4 programming heavy subjects with the possibility of tutoring on the side. And then there is the uncertain event of job hunting. What if I can't get a job here or cannot remain? Does that mean that my 2 years of doing a masters in something that I am pretty sure that I'm not going to be in in the long run goes to waste? All these different questions coming to mind. Then there is the issue of OCF. Should I pull back completely or should I still go except drop all the heavy involvement? So many questions and uncertainties, just like back in 2008. Obviously, I would like the outcome for 2011 to not look like 2008. Please. May God continue to guide me through yet another crossroad next year.

I thank God for bringing me through this year. It has been a tremendous blessing just being alive and kicking, even more so that he has given me all these experiences for this year. I'm still amazed at how many wonderful people I've gotten to know and to the friends that I've already made, to know them even more. Which reminds me, I'm also thankful to God for this tiny group of friends known as "a906" who I've spent majority of the year hanging out and doing stuff with them. Food and drink brings us together and is usually a catalyst for something more than just to satisfy our basic needs (yes, some feel that the consumption of coffee and alcohol is a basic need =P). Thank God for my sister for providing the occasional dose of insanity and randomness and meaningless "bickering". Thank God for my family for still supporting me even though I should be way past the financial support expiry date. Thank God for the rest of my friends spread out far and wide throughout the globe for still keeping in contact and offering encouragement every now and then.

Ok 2011, let's go!

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown

2010-12-25T02:16:00.002+11:00

In our modern day and age, we don't see anything like the Charlie Brown Christmas anymore. Even if we do realize that the commercialism of Christmas is totally missing the point of Christmas but many substitute that with messages of family, love and forgiveness without Christ as the centre piece of these messages, which we are really trying to love and forgive with our own strength. And that, my friends, is still missing the point of Christmas.

Granted that this could have been further expounded or crammed in more material on the meaning of Christmas but it is still light years ahead of where we are now where the biggest message this year was Oprah's Ultimate Favourite Things Christmas giveaway.

Movie-ng On

2010-12-17T14:21:00.006+11:00

From bottom to top in order of viewing:

Breakfast at Tiffany's - How can you not like Audrey Hepburn in this classic? Super quirky girl. I want to get a vintage poster of her.
Persepolis - Excellent storytelling with a historical/political slant
2046 - Lovely visuals
Babel - One international event weakly links 4 other stories. Must watch.
Chungking Express - Love this! Faye Wong is very likeable. Except when she goes into stalker mode. Only slightly creepy. But still likeable.
A Clockwork Orange - Interesting issues presented, if you can see past the violence and heavy sexual references. Might turn off a lot of people from the first 20 minutes or so.
881 - Ah lian-ness. Very very extravagant costumes.
Singing in the Rain - Oh. My. Goodness. This is the best! Too many things to say about this. Just too awesome.
Donnie Darko - I so did not understand this at all. It's like Butterfly Effect except waaaaay too subtle in what's going on. So not obvious.
In The Mood For Love - I actually did not know that this was a "prequel" to 2046. Which explains a lot. Love the old film grain feel and Maggie Cheung is ever so elegant.
La Chinoise - Waaaay too much political theory and so not understand most of what they are talking about. Interesting cinematography though and there was one conversation that resembled a lot of the confrontation seen in Lei Yuan Bin's White Days, the clash of two ideologies, which I like.
おくりびと (Departures) - Wonderful soundtrack and pieces written by none other than Joe Hisaishi. Paying respects to the dead has never looked so meaningful, even if you are just the encoffiner. Somewhat predictable but still good to watch. Plus eye candy that is Ryoko Hirosue.
Beneath Clouds - The Australian outback looks really good here. Pretty slow movie and takes a little getting used to the heavy-ishly thick Australian accent.

4 days. Taking a break.

News!
Want to stop eating so much? Eat food in your head and put down that cake and walk away.

Our online social community is driven by trash talking, venting and ranting. No wonder we have no self control when we go offline.

Speaking of social circles, are we going to church to only meet God's people and no more or are we going the to meet both God and his people?

Takes huge smarts to come up with a crossword puzzle, but it's something spectacular if you can create a crossword puzzle and incorporate a magic trick into it.

Wedding shot entire on the iPhone 4. With video too.

Who says blood test results and what nots not be visual. We're all moving in the data visualization scene anyway.

Cool visual representation on how we are connected on Facebook with respect to the whole world.

Oh ho. We have the first rail gun in operation. Cool and yet scary.

We have artisan coffee and chocolate. But butter?

Comedy really is the best medicine. The baby probably would have been delivered faster because of Chris Rock.

The Low Orbit Ion Cannon (LOIC) has such a cool name. And scary too. Just 800 computers needed to bring down Mastercard and 1000 for Visa using this.

Television. Stopping terrorist activity since Wikileaks says so.

とも

2010-12-05T17:26:00.006+11:00

Such a simple concept and one that everyone has generally, whether you think so or not. We have them as soon as we talk and will continue to have them until the day we die. Some may have them in the thousands, some may have a handful and the differences make up a whole spectrum of the human behaviour. We enjoyed and bonded over our similarities but we have fought, joked, debated over our discrepancies. Some string seemingly limitless words together and others say but a few choice words. Every good and evil person have their own.

But as anyone who has observed life long enough would realize, simple concepts do not necessarily imply simple dynamics. Even more so when our level of interconnectedness among ourselves have reached levels never before achieved. Just as how complex our brains are, so too are the complexities of our interactions. So many factors can cause different outcomes and can be as trivial as one makes it to be or something far too convoluted to break down to its individual components.

Which makes me wonder, with all the potential pitfalls out there, how difficult is it to actually be one?

Say for example, we are at the default position. Then, somewhere somehow, we wanted to be more than the default with another person. First the initial stages will be at the very least be slightly awkward (which in itself is something which is difficult to navigate as a person in the default position) and if it is not successful, then it is even more awkward and even more landmines to avoid. Secondly, there are moments of uncertainty which can lead to two possible scenarios, that both move forward or they part ways. The former will continue on until it hits the next moment of uncertainty and will continue to do so until the inevitable parting of ways for both. Now for parting, how does one approach it? Some just separate altogether and a rare few who do manage to do so in the best possible way, back to default position.

What about the opposite? That we want to be less than the default? Another big can of worms is opened and more things to watch out for so that we do not get our belongings torched or the other way round. And where do you draw the line between enduring and "I've had enough of this"? The more important question, or at least for me, is what exactly is this position of less than the default? It's not enemies, that's for sure and it's certainly not an acquaintance. Does it matter?

I've been asking these questions because I've had people ranting/emo-ing about both these situations before in their own lives. Which strikes me as odd because if this is how a normal person should have experienced, then I can safely say I have not had normal experiences. Well, only ranted/emo-ed over the former. But are both equally important? Have I unknowingly stumbled across the Holy Grail of resolving any conflict mentioned above or am I just very accommodating that I just cruise between the default and an acquaintance? Is that a good thing?

Friends are difficult creatures. But they make life very colourful.

------------------------
Am I too nice? Too naive? Too passive? Too cowardly? Too safe? Too scared?

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Sorry. Brain asplode post. O Hai! Ders finks to reed! Kthxbai!

Kicking it with Your Girlfriend. Awesome shots of couples with their pants, socks and shoes.

Really now. A Porsche santoku chef's knife. That thing looks nasty.

Music piracy is so old school. Television show piracy is the new thing.

Think your house/apartment is small? Try this one for size.

It all about (calorie) counting, really.

Milo 3-in-1 to the rescue to diffuse those tense moments.

Beer made from melted ice from the Antarctica. People are just waaaay too bored with regular beer.

Such a wonderful story about how one wrong e-mail can bring you closer to complete strangers.

Thai Pad

2010-11-22T00:57:00.003+11:00

A great many things have happened since finishing my exams. Mostly good, at least externally.

Got myself into a summer project
There may be a possibility that I may start work immediately after I finish next semester
Had a crazy cookout for a bunch of friends

Yet, I keep feeling like there's a void that I'm constantly trying to fill. And it's fairly depressing. Perhaps I should just do work. Or watch penguins.

Many things to read here:
Blond cheerleaders? Dumb you say? Think again.

Maybe this is the reason why I have pretty good scores...

All part of the capitalization of China. And they seem to be outdoing everyone.

Hilarious entries here and here on why you should/shouldn't date a writer. And written by writers themselves.

Long overdue but the sad story of local film legend, P. Ramlee.

I would love to be super geeky in physics. So many interesting breakthroughs lately like anti-hydrogen,the invisibility cloak and spacetime cloak. Time to search for a good book in Quantum Mechanics.

Here's a flowchart on how your mortgages are owned.

So we should be fat because we might potentially be saving someone's life? I'm confused.

KPMG on the happiest companies in the States list? I think my accountant/auditing friends might want to contest that.

Perhaps we should do away with the whole daylight savings thing.

Really now? Suing a 4 year old. That is...low.

Respect. He haz it.

In the deluge of social media sites and services, we need to think on how we as Christians use these sites and/or services. Interesting read.

Perhaps this is something that will come in handy as Christians on atheism. But do so with grace for there is a very thin line between healthy conversation about God amongst believers and unbelievers and name-calling, Bible-bashing or anti-Bible bashing arguments.

Livinia Nixon. She purdy. And pretty smart too.

$100 says that...

2010-11-15T01:24:00.003+11:00

Starstrucked

2010-11-08T23:02:00.005+11:00

The one and only Marcus Miller, one of two people who inspire me to take up bass. This guy is a legend in the bass playing world and watching him perform and sharing his often hilarious stories with us was an experience only very few things can compare with. One thing to note, he has got biceps the size of boulders and with that little eye squint of his (see pic above), reminds me of Popeye. Only thing missing was a pipe and an anchor tattoo on his bicep (he might already have one).

Self Recognition

2010-10-30T20:57:00.006+11:00

I'm going to try something here but I doubt that I will get many responses.

Have you ever watched a movie where in the midst of trying to track the general storyline of the movie, reading the characters as they play out their interpretation of the script that you had a light bulb moment and think to yourself "That looks a lot like me"? Whether the character (or rather some characteristic of the character) is a reflection of you somewhere in the past or in the present, you felt like that was what you went through or how you felt. And I don't know about you, but no matter how bad the plot was or how poorly developed the characters were, you come out watching that movie saying/thinking it wasn't that bad. Because you saw a part of yourself being portrayed by another person who may just see it as another script. You suddenly don't feel alone anymore.

Sometimes movies make you think about questions on morality, philosophy, ethics and other such deep issues (unless you're not into that kind of thing, which I would say get up and use your brain a bit more). But sometimes, movies make you think about yourselves. In that light bulb moment, it is saying to you "This is who you are/were" and sometimes in times where we don't know what to do with ourselves in our current situation or circumstance, the movie in question is telling you to think about what you should be doing. And here is where answers diverge depending on the movie. If it is one of those happy ending ones, you might suddenly forget all of the above because you come to the conclusion that nothing is this perfect or swing to become cynical and shoot down everything in sight. Which is why I love open endings (not the ones that hint at a sequel). Most of the time you're not being deluded with all the airy-fairyness of happy endings which gives me more attention to tackle the questions are being asked to me silently. What should I do? That is me right there, in that character, and he/she is giving me a possible answer or glance at an answer. Is that what I should be doing? Why and why not?

So, my question to you "stalkers" here, name one movie and the character that you saw a part of yourself that had the most impact on you. It doesn't necessarily have to be something that says about you now, it can be a distant past you. Whatever. But it should strike accord with you when you watch it. But it would be great if it is about the present you. Tell me by commenting here or the cobweb filled chatbox on the right of this blog. If you are shy, DM/PM (depending on what you use) me in whatever way you know how. Last I checked, it's still a federal offense for someone else to open your snail mail directed to me. If you are extra bold, tell me why you picked that movie and specifically that character.

Crapzorz

2010-10-28T00:33:00.003+11:00

Who on Earth reads my long boring rubbish here?

Anyway, the most boring exam just ended even though it's the first paper. Which means I can relax a little bit more than usual.

Had a wonderful weekend, it was awesome from front to back. Friday after playing for OCF I went for dinner at a friends' place and just have nothing but good times there. And a whole lot of Take Two and Grabble. Then Saturday, a bunch of us went out shooting because there was this Shoot The City thing where we have a list of 20 items and we are supposed to present those items in photographs however we choose to interpret them. Didn't go off to a great start because it was raining and a number of other things. But more importantly we all got sidetracked a lot and mostly took photos of stuffed toys (long story) and before we knew it we decided to not submit at all. Went for badminton for an hour and then suddenly we all decided to cook dinner at a friend's place. Even more impromptu was that we decided to make lemon tart for dessert. So a quick grab of a change of clothes from home, grocery shopping and off we go to cook. Made pizza with tons of toppings and a lemon tart. The plan was that there was enough time for it to set before we went for a gig. But it didn't. In fact after we came back from the gig, not only did the lemon tart didn't set, the base was burned. Which was a pity because that was probably one of the best tart base I've made in awhile. Fortunately, there was barely enough tart base and other ingredients to quickly whip up another batch. 40 minutes later, tart came out all nice and stuff and just for kicks, we decided to brulee the top. o. m. g. Best idea in awhile. While I knew that the base was a bit dodgy (didn't bake it long enough), the filling was pretty good. The best part? I did it all from the top of my head, measurements and all. Someone said it was like taking a test. Nearly true except I was using someone's oven which is a bit hard to predict. Sunday had dinner at another friend's place and we stayed for quite a bit and the bunch of us actually went on to finish a litre of tequila. And we're still fine. I think.

Really really great time.

Time to do a news dump.
Student hides Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up in his assignment. Win.

Psychology majors are least happy with their majors. Ironic isn't it?

You can't argue with data. Panasonic > Canon > Nikon =P

Dog is a man's best friend. And when a best friend is going to die, you lament. Powerful stuff.

Science can answer questions about morality? Are you absolutely sure?

Cooking and baking are kitchen science. Like all science, there's a process, a reason for why they behave the way they do. Something that should be taught it more cookbooks rather than recipes.

God works even in the toughest of human conditions and circumstance. North Korea is no exception.

Which geek are you?

Bees can solve the traveling salesman problem? This is HUGE!! If we can break it down to an efficient algorithm, pretty much there's no such thing as a "hard" modeling problem. Which also means that computer security might go down the drain soon. I think it's a pretty good time to go into physics.

Be grateful for that sister of yours. She's one of the major factors that you are not depressed.

Think you are great at light painting? Try light painting an entire city...

Really good ideas rarely happen. Hmmm.

I'd like to have 1/2,000,000,000,000,000th of a slice of pie please.

Apparently you can buy your way into the US. Is it just me or does this sound a bit off?

The Christian beliefs are not to be assumed but to be thoroughly convicted in to the point where we see everything through these beliefs. Very interesting. For those of us who come from a Christian family, this is what we sound like. We assume the Christian belief (in our case, via our parents) which actually on hindsight for me is a pretty dangerous thing to have. But there's the other side of adhering so strongly to the beliefs that we have been so convinced of that we act in a very un-Christian manner. Hitting that balance is something we all struggle with.

This is very interesting and VERY tricky. From a former Christian missionary, how does one preach the gospel when they want actual physical evidence or physical witness that Jesus was a real person, nothing more, nothing less? This tribe from the Amazon live in the present, they do not talk about things several generations ago nor several generations in the future. And they are genuinely happy about their way of life. So, given that they already find it hard to accept anything without physical evidence or witness, how do you tell them that they have sinned (ala Adam and Eve), that Jesus came over 2000 years ago to save sinners and finally that we can look forward in the future where we will be with God and all the pain and suffering will be gone. All of these events are largely out of their scope of their physical verifiable belief system. To make things even harder, as a by-product of their belief system, they do not have a creation story. Of course, this is something that only God can deal with but it is one heck of a challenge to bring the gospel to these people. You can't help but feel the frustration of the missionary in trying to bring the gospel to these group of people who want no part in it because they literally cannot see or hear Jesus himself. Brings another dimension to the term spiritual blindness. Watch both the videos. Very interesting stuff.

How can you not want a hedgehog after seeing this picture? By the way, the photographer is awesome stuff.

No seriously, who reads my crap?

Technically Artistic or Artistically Technical?

2010-10-20T02:16:00.002+11:00

I've always loved the sciences as far as I can remember. I remember when my parents got me my first encyclopedia that utilized Disney characters to describe just a small subset of the general knowledge there was available for a 4 year-old, I was overly estatic. I would read the encyclopedia over and over again until I could memorize scientific facts and regurgitate on the spot. I didn't really care so much for the colourful and familiar Disney characters though that did play some part in stoking my interest, which is pretty odd for a 4 year-old to behave I guess. Years gone by and my parents decided to up the ante a bit by getting me another set of encyclopedia, this time utilizing the characters from the Peanuts comic strip. Again, I didn't really care so much for the colourful Peanuts characters but I reread the encyclopedia from front to back and spitting out even more scientific facts about the world we live in (and in the solar system).

At some point my parents might have felt annoyed because I was bugging them with a lot of "Did you know that...?" facts from these two sets of encyclopedias. And somewhere down the line, they probably began to worry about me not having any artistic ability whatsoever, or at the very least an appreciation of it. I was too fixated on science. So they slowed down my craving for more and more information and started me on the path of cultivating some sort of artistic expression in me. For most Malaysians/Singaporeans, this means one thing. Piano lessons. I didn't really make it that far in my piano lessons (less than 5 months if I remember correctly), I kinda enjoyed it but was pretty lazy in practicing although according to my piano teacher, I seem to get away with it. On a side note, I've heard many many stories about how fierce piano teachers are to their students in their posture, style etc. but I have like the nicest piano teacher ever. Perhaps I could have gone further had I not take her for granted.

There were many other attempts in installing the arts in my brain, most of which failed. There was this very VERY futile attempt in sending me to an art class. I hated it for two reasons, I had to miss my Saturday morning cartoons and I felt so lost in the class because everyone was painting well while I barely had a pencil line on my paper. I barely made any friends in that class and after lamenting how I really didn't want to go my mom finally let me off. My sister on the other hand, thrived in that area. She easily whoop everyone's asses in the art class. Digressing again, there was another bad attempt at learning languages. Again for most Malaysian/Singaporean Chinese, it's of course Mandarin. For me, there's also my mother tongue, Hokkien. I actually enjoyed learning them until I lost interest because the teachers either became very useless or that they themselves lost interest.

So there we have it. 18 years of my life not knowing music, art and languages. I didn't mind it then although it's a pain when your friends start switching to Chinese and not knowing a single thing. But other than that, I didn't care.

Then in a remarkable turn of events, I started getting into those. Only this time the mode of learning was drastically different. I started learning music, another language and more recently some sense of artistic expression.

At 18, I picked up the bass because I loved jazz and I knew that it was fundamental to jazz music. So the opportunity presented itself and I took it up. My bass teacher was pretty good but the difference between him and all the other teachers was that he taught me the technicality of bass playing. I soaked it up like a sponge, just that my motor skills couldn't keep up with the technical information coming in my brain. I didn't realize it then but he pretty much taught me everything I knew now in 2 months because the technical explanations stuck with me and it made soooo much sense.

At 19, I picked up Japanese because a friend asked me and I just said yes. It was probably due to my interest in anime that I said yes. So I went for classes. Compared to Mandarin, Japanese made a lot of sense to me and it is remarkably technical. There are very few exceptions to grammar rules (unlike English) and there's almost a formula for constructing sentences once you break things down. Again, I soaked up everything and before I knew it, I'm just one step to being averagely fluent in Japanese. If you read Japanese outside the context of anime/manga, the language is utterly beautiful and expressive. You can describe a lot in a haiku written in English because of the nature of the English language, but a haiku written in Japanese is more profound and using less words.

At 24, my ex-housemate "brainwashed" me to take up photography. My dad has always had the latest camera gear and frequently shoot. He tried to explain the fundamentals of photography but failed. Once the rise of DSLRs started, I shunned it completely. Once I had been brainwashed, I started shooting. It took awhile before I started developing my own constructs on what I think photography should be like. Then I started shooting on film, more likely because of the "brainwashing" by my ex-housemate =P And all of the sudden, my own artistic expression starts to surface and I'm liking every minute of it. I got into photography because there were a lot of aspects that boil down to technique and technical aspects of the fundamentals. With that, photography made sense to me. The funny thing is that after knowing all of these things, I cringe at my dad's photo-taking skills. So. Painful. To. Look. At.

I always thought I am a pure, hardcore science person. Which in some sense is still true. I like the reasoning that comes with science. Science has always been about applying specific sets of technical details to the world around us but it's this same love of technicalities that made me learn the arts as well. This might be strange for some people but this makes a lot of sense. The downside is that, after only picking these things up so late in life (relatively), I have to fight harder in order to do something that is second nature to a lot of the friends that I have now, be it photography, music or language. Also (and this is the one that will hurt me the most) I will have to admit that there are some things I will never be able to comprehend or replicate no matter how hard I try. Because technicalities can only bring you so far. Unless you are, so to speak, wired to process art, no amount of algorithmic techniques can fully reproduce pure brain-fueled inspired artistic power. And that sucks.

It is also interesting to note, that the biggest expansion in my knowledge and understanding of the arts come from the downfall since my attempt at a Phd. I lost the opportunity to be at the pinnacle of technical achievement, to be at the forefront of science but gained an understanding of the arts that I never knew when I was a kid growing up with my encyclopedias. Worth the trade? Perhaps. Is God teaching me something here? Too soon to tell. Is it a coincidence that the timing of such lessons in art matches my halt in my forte of science? I think not.

Excommunication

2010-10-10T16:33:00.003+11:00

The final push. Omg-it's-week12-I'm-gonna-die week starts now.

I've had a rather interesting week of talks with friends. I'll highlight two such talks in particular. First, a friend that I've met recently reminds me a lot about my ex. Mannerisms, thought processes, everyday type behaviours, all very much alike. It was kinda scary to hear and see all of this happening right before my eyes. But I try not to reveal anything and see how this casual talk will turn out. We had a great conversation but I think it kinda solidify my silent opinion that it was probably not meant to be with a person like that. This may come off as somewhat harsh or a really-stupid-thing-guys-say-about-their-exs opinion to some/all people, but I think in the long run I wouldn't come off as completely happy with a person like that. There are people who would be much better suited for which is the case for my ex. I'm happy for the both of them, and knowing the guy as well, he easily trumps me and that's a good thing. I guess you can say it was a win-win situation.

The second was a rather strange line from a conversation that started off from a comment about my scrawny look, that I've never evolved much out of the usual few looks I have. It then went off into a question that said, I'm surrounded by many beautiful people that it's a wonder that I don't have a girlfriend (This person doesn't know that I did at that time). The strangeness continues on with my friend commenting on an extrapolated observation that (beautiful) girls tend to gravitate towards me. I thought I was in the twilight zone because clearly this does not happen or any evidence to show any significance of these claims. Which lead me to believe that I think too many people regard me too highly based on a few seemingly "great" achievements and/or behaviours. No one knows the rubbish that goes on nor do people know about ordinary/mundane I am. Which sometimes all I hear is just lies and I know they are lies as they are too good to be true. It all feels very very fake. And I hate it. While I'm sure these things are said with the best of interest, I think care has to be exercised to not exhort another (no matter how down they are) to heights with no strong foundation. Otherwise the fall will hurt more than when left alone.

Time to off load news, and see you all on the other side.
How can one not feel sad for your own country? Call me naive or blindly patriotic, but it is very sad.

Need EQ instead of IQ when in a group of friends. I'm low on both of those in my group.

Hate your life? Don't be so quick to write that off as being angsty or emo.

Scientists can be religious. People have a hard time about it.

Are we meant to download TV episodes so liberally for the sake of keeping up with the latest sitcoms and dramas and not consider whether is it right or not?

Nobel prize in physics comes from creating a material with the help of sticky tape.

Rocket-propelled flotation device. The word Awesome is slightly inadequate to describe it.

I'm probably living proof that this is true.

Things to bring when breaking up with someone: tissues and a defibrillator

When they say the pay for a security officer is peanuts, I think they literally mean that.

Does this mean that marriages in the US are likely to be based on finances?

So many of us Christians are responding to this in the wrong way.

No way I'm painting my camera pink magenta just to keep it from being stolen.

Save Candles

2010-10-03T04:22:00.002+11:00

I feel very empty today.

The Look of Love

2010-09-28T23:46:00.010+10:00

If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing.
If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy.
- Some quote on Tumblr

Particularly the second part of the last line...

Taste of Own Medicine

2010-09-26T04:26:00.002+10:00

Where is the line that divides between humility and false humility? Until recently, I've no clue as to where you'd draw such a line or if such a line ever existed. For example, I've a friend whom I've always blasted, whether verbally or mentally for being excessively "humble". This friend has always done well in anything and everything this person has done, as far as I know. This person has had little confidence in being able to perform despite the common knowledge/evidence that everyone holds about this person. Now being the rather naive person that I was back then (still am now, in my opinion) I offered wagers in order to bring some kind of "solace" knowing very well, with 99% certainty, that I will lose that wager. Which indeed I did. Which makes me very annoyed about the whole thing. I mean, we all like to stay away from arrogance but I would think that I would equally stay away from being excessively humble. The reason for this excessive humility was grace, that it was graciously bestowed upon my friend. In my head, grace does not equal excessive humility or belittlement. And that made me even more annoyed.

Now, I've been getting the feeling that I'm now in my friend's shoes (several years later). I have no confidence in some of the things that I do, in which some people have praised. Every time I set out to do something, I will lament about how bad things are going to get and that it will be a total disaster and all that rubbish. And when my friends finally see the fruits of the labour, they questioned why on earth was I so hard on myself. And I'm pretty sure that at some point they got a tad bit annoyed at my behaviour. The only difference between now and back then with my friend is that no one has offered wagers to me. Perhaps I'm not worth the loss. But that's not important. The other difference, and this is the difference that I think matters most, is the reason for my excessive belittlement. It is not grace. It's something else, I don't know what but it is something other than grace. Obviously, I've yet to comprehend the full weight of the meaning of grace which is rather sad actually. Grace that I've taken for granted in so many ways and yet I'm still standing here, still doing the things that I have absolutely no confidence in but for some reason, occasionally, deliver something of substance.

So, had I understood grace and told my friends that that was the reason for the excessive humility, would everything be better? It probably would, unlike how I reacted many years ago. Whatever the projected outcome be had I understood, the point being is that someone played the "so is your face!" card and I'm learning heavily from counter.

I know it's rather strange posting this at 5 in the morning with another 3 hours before I head off to church, but it's something that has been bugging me for awhile now. I like night time. It's the time where you have the chance to wrestle with yourself, with God, in the hopes that you learn something before you learn it under very different and possibly hostile circumstances.

There are only a few such people where I've had this sort of conversation in my head. Guess I'll never know if the feeling was mutual. Brilliant stuff I must say.

Motivational Talk

2010-09-23T02:32:00.003+10:00

Today was a rather mad rush of just trying to get everything organized. Had to ship off ton load of film from my place and fill in the paperwork for those films. Rather hectic considering that I made the call to make a booking for the films to be picked up 2 hours before they close. But it was all good. All I have to say is that DHL is very awesome. More awesome than UPS and FedEx. Period.

So I went to the new member induction for the Golden Key International Honour Society after that mad rush. Rather uninteresting one hour of sitting through speeches from various people in the university and other Golden Key committee members. One thing I noticed though about the speeches given is that there is a huge encouragement to take pride in our achievements, academic or otherwise. But mostly academic. Somehow, after that set of speeches, I finally understand how it is very easy to lose sight of God in the academic circles. It is where achievement is celebrated very highly and is even encouraged to build your own legacy around your achievements. All throughout the talks, the idea on how we should strive for academic excellence as well as strong leadership and community involvement. While those are good things on anyone's books, the ultimate aim, it seems, is that we can look back and say " Look! Look at what I have achieved". Surely we are missing the point here. But this is exactly how easy it is to forget about God in uni, especially if you are working in uni. We strive in the research in order to be known to all mankind on what great research we have done, what great leadership we have shown in a body and what great community service we have performed. So much so that that is the only thing we long for. Surely we are missing the point here. Now there's nothing wrong in all the above qualities I mentioned, but there is a line where it is going too far. No matter how subtly you put it, or how you justify it, that is not the end point in our careers. I find it funny that the universities from the western world have creeds or mottos that reflect God or have God in the picture but sadly is very lost in our secular universities of today. Surely we are missing the point here.

After the induction, I went to a friend's house for dinner and play with some lanterns. Although I think it is safe to say that we don't quite feel it like when we did as kids, but there's still some element of playfulness even in our adult state. We don't cry as easily (although that is debatable) or run around as much as kids but we certainly had our fun. As an aside, a friend who went for the dinner told me that he saw the pre-wedding photos I did recently and he say that he liked it. Liked it so much that, according to him, inspire him to do more photography. Whoa. I don't think I've ever get that comment. Ever. While you may think that may not be a big deal but this guy has a full frame camera plus one or two very high grade lenses to boot. It goes to show that people with equipment may not necessarily have all the answers when it comes to photography, and I don't claim I have either without equipment. To the "true" photographers reading this blog, you probably already knew the previous statement already and still say what's the big deal. Yeah, there's no big deal. Just surprised for this lowly amateur photographer to hear such things. By the way, I'm not dissing in any way or form. Just so you don't get the wrong idea.

Two assignments on Friday and a major class test on Monday. Rawr.