In Between

Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 5:00 PM | Posted by Juwen
It has been a good week relaxing, vegatating, doing nothing, staying at home over the public holidays after the completion of the intense 7 week project and it is also good to know that the approval process was pretty swift. Now the project is going to be launched on Monday. It is the first project that I have sat in from start to finish so I guess that is a big achievement. Now to a new project.

Another achievement was that I finished Mass Effect 3 in the process. Shorter than I expected it to be with some pretty intense action. It actually gets a little depressing as the story goes along, not particularly good for the current state I'm in. And then we get to the much discussed about ending(s). While many have complained about the endings, I actually didn't think it was that bad though a little more development would have been nice. I think this is one of those classic examples where unimaginable hype does some pretty bad things to one's expectation. Still worth the play.

---------------------------------------
Got this from several friends' tumblr, tweets etc. Where can I sign up?

---------------------------------------
It's getting quieter here. Less people around. Just the "Hi" and "Goodbye"s now.


---------------------------------------
The question that frequents my head, which also happens to be the same question that plagued me during the last crisis, was "Everyone seems to be moving on. Why am I not?" The feeling that you are on a plateau and not going anywhere is a pretty crummy feeling to be in. There was much struggling then until some new wonderful friends came along. I am kinda holding on the hope that the same thing will happen again.

---------------------------------------
I don't do enough of any of these things.



-----------------------------------------
I really miss doing copious amounts of math and algorithmic programming after talking to someone who is about to graduate in electrical engineering. Uni days were far simpler and a little more satisfying.


-----------------------------------------
"May the bridges I burn light the way"


A quote that's oddly comforting, slightly hopeful.

| 0 comments |

Laws of Emotion

Friday, April 20, 2012 at 2:30 AM | Posted by Juwen
The more I've thought about it, the more the analogy kinda makes sense. Emotions can sometimes be analogous to laws that govern the movement of massive (as in, having mass) objects. Except emotions do not have mass and neither it's an object. Shut up. 

 Given my recent events, it has become clear that emotions have such a thing as inertia or momentum. It will keep going in one direction unless something else comes into the picture. This is the first law. Love or hate someone and you will continue doing so unless someone steps in.

 The change in your actions is directly proportional to the emotions you have and it is in the direction of the person in question. This is the second law. What you will do (or willing to do) for a person increases as your emotions towards the person increases.

 And of course, the one that does not need to be rephrased, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This is the third law. There will be reciprocation of your actions based on your emotions but the consequences are not necessarily the same. Yeah I admit this one is a bit fuzzy.

 So no analogy is completely air-tight in its argument. But I'd like to think that my hypothesis is true. Not exactly scientifically measurable but I guess you have to take it by faith.

 -------------------------------------------
I was talking to a friend and he said that the ability to read non-verbal language is both a blessing and a curse. I haven't given it much thought about that statement but it is starting to be one of those that is becoming increasingly true as I ponder on that.

 -------------------------------------------
7 weeks of intense work and I finally have a little bit of time to rest. And then back to tight deadlines again. And more reflecting.

 -------------------------------------------
I'd imagine it was going to be hard.

 Yes, it was. Yes, it is.

 Hermit mode, on.

| 0 comments |

Deconstructing

Monday, April 16, 2012 at 2:00 AM | Posted by Juwen
The past two weeks was filled with thinking and emotional wrestling (a lot more than usual) given the current state that I was in. I got side tracked a bit during Easter when I went up to Belgrave for a couple of days. There was a lot of great insights from the book of Esther and John (plus Hebrews) and its current relevance in our world. There were even some instances where some of those insights were directly related and applicable to me in my current situation. Still need a lot of thinking and reflection on it for me to unpack what it means. The seminars this time round were really good since they are drawing on the key phrase from Esther "for such a time as this" for this year. I also watched ABC's Q&A program where they had a debate between Richard Dawkins and the archbishop George Pell as a follow up from Belgrave. George did a decent job at shaking Richard's arguments off but he stepped on a couple of pretty deadly landmines. Could have been better.

 But when I do get back at my own issues, it's been tough trying to think about it. To the one person who talked to me about it, thank you for listening to all my rubbish talk. I still feel like shit but I thank you for making me feel slightly better even if it was only for a short period of time. More importantly, I appreciate your boldness, something that I think I find lacking in my current circles. I wish more people are like that, myself not sparing.

 This is turning out to be harder than I initially project it to be. I am trying to muster every ounce of restrain to not act like an ass. And I don't think I am handling this particularly well. This might take awhile.

 -----------------------------------------------
This is just genius. My brain can barely process how wonderfully crazy this is. Perfect reminder.

| 0 comments |

Hiatus

Sunday, April 1, 2012 at 11:30 PM | Posted by Juwen
This blog has always been about expressing my thoughts and sometimes my emotions, no matter how vague they are, whether deliberate or not. And sometimes it is fun to detail all of these things to a barely existing audience because I thrive in anonymity. There's also a reason on why I feel this way but I shall not divulge my core reason.


However, there are times where both my thoughts and emotions are in crisis. It may not be apparent in my previous blog posts, either here or in my previous blog environment but it happens. 


This is one such time.


Unlike the other crises that came before, this one had hit me pretty hard. This leaves me many questions about what should I do about myself, what should I do to my friends, is it time to uproot and start with a clean slate somewhere else and many more subquestions after that. And so I am left with no choice but begin a purging process that I normally do but on a much more severe level. It is to ensure I have some sort of sanity left and not self-destruct or stare in front of the mirror talking down to myself (I still do this).


The side effect of this process is that I will not be myself for at least 2-3 months. Maybe longer. Some of you, I suspect, from your language and non-verbal cues, that you may have picked up on this already. Forgive me when I'm in this phase. I might come off as crude, cynical, perhaps highly inappropriate, ignoring people, being awkward, withdrawn ie. dead but just bear with me. I ask of you as a friend to not give up on me for I have not much and to those who know me well enough, know that I don't ask for much, if any.


I may even stop blogging for awhile. I was thinking of doing the same to the rest of my social media sites but I think it is too difficult. 


I'll see you when I see you.


-------------------------------------------------
Coffee Bean: It's been 7.5 months since you've brought it up. This is the part where you say I told you so. Go ahead. I probably deserve to hear that anyway.


Fun fact: It is also more than 2.5 years since this sort of thing happened the last time.


-------------------------------------------------
"...and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night"


Truman Burbank

| 0 comments |

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)